Winner by ONE VOTE! (literally I had to wait for someone else to vote after the first two days because it was TIED)
Dave: Talk to Jake

Note: I am HORRIBLE at channeling my inner Jake... I think my inner Karkat just got so annoyed by him that he killed him off so my Jake kinda sucks... I'm sorry!

Dave smirks when he sees Jake peek out of the door to his house. He'd been sitting on the roof of the building across the street for hours. Waiting and watching the giant green house with a way too big yard filled with frog statues and far too many dogs running in and out of the house only being held in by the 12 foot tall fencing around it. Jake lived with his grandmother... and she was a bit of a crazy dog lady.

Jake looks from left to right, slowly moving out of the doorway, looking both ways again. He looked like a man on the run as he looked frantically around him with each step. Dave grins and with extreme Strider speed flash-steps behind him and pokes him in the sides. "sweet sassafras!" Jake screeches out turning and pointing a golden gun between Dave's unflinching eyes.

Dave raises a brow as he watches the gun shake. Looking past it into terrified green eyes. "If I didn't know any better I'd swear you were trying to avoid us Jake."

Jake lowers his gun slowly, biting his bottom lip. He fumbles to put it up looking around again. "Are you the only one here?"

"I'm so sorry I'm not a good enough visitor for you. Here let me just call my brothers and we'll have a sweet as hell tea party all up in your rich kid yard." Dave reaches in his pocket for his phone and starts scrolling through his contacts.

"NO!" Jake grabs Dave's arm. "Please. Don't call them. I... I just... I can't face them right now. I just... What's WRONG with me? Why does this keep happening?"

Dave pulls his arm away and puts his phone back in his pocket. "You're not going to cry are you? Letting out waterworks all over the street. Drowning me in your sappy girl tears? Hello! My name is Jake English and I turn people in to monsters. Let me just change into a frilly girl dress first an I'll get right on that. Dude, seriously. We were BORN this way. Shit happens. You made it happen sooner, but it would have happened irregardless. Cry me a river."

Jake looks skeptical. Slowly lowering his hand back to his side. "Then why aren't you... like them?"

Dave shrugs and walks over to a large tree flopping down in a swing hanging off of it. "Maybe I'm too cool? They say the cooler you are the harder it is to come in to your powers. Cuz that's what it is you know, power, you have power too Jake. And I need you to use it on me."

Jake watches as Dave sways on his childhood swing. Kicking his feet in the air like a child. "You just said it wasn't me."

Dave sighs dramatically. "Look Jake. We Strider boys... We don't just say we're gods for show. We ARE gods. But sometimes a person needs a trigger. Y'kno like how you gotta pull the trigger on your gun to shoot. You just so happen to have that trigger inside you. And I need you to pull it to bring out my powers faster." Jake blushes a deep red and coughs. Dave raises his brow again as he watches him turn bright red and choke on his words.

Jake slowly recovers and runs his hand through his hair. Tousling it even more than it already is. "Um... mate? Do you... know what I was doing when your brothers... spouted horns?"

Dave stares at Jake in confusion. "Obviously not. I'm no psychic. I can't just pop into your head and swim around with your thoughts until I find the ones I need. If I knew how to bring my powers out I would have done it as soon as I realized. But I don't know Jake."

Jake takes a deep breath and chews on his bottom lip again. He turns to look awkwardly up at the sky, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was... um... copulating..."

Dave's eyes widen. His feet stop kicking and he stares at the bright red boy. "Excuse me? You were... what?"

Jake sighs loudly. "I was having sex Dave. There I am mid coitus and your brother just starts SCREAMING. He grabbed his head and this weird thick substance comes flooding out of his skull splattering all over me... and it... It's BLOOD. That is NOT something I ever wanted to happen again. And it DID happen again!"

Dave's eye twitches. "You were having SEX? THAT'S the trigger? THAT'S what you did to bring out thei- Wait... YOU FUCKED BRO!?"

Jake hides his face in hands flopping down to the ground with a dramatic grunt. "I was 13! He was my first crush and we saw this stupid porno and decided we wanted to try it too."

Dave gags. "That just makes it even MORE disgusting! Oh my god you fucked BOTH my brothers. I can't... Oh my god I just asked you to... oh my gog I can't even... That's DISGUSTING I take it back! I'll find another way. I don't want your help!"

"I'll never be performing such intimacies ever again." Jake mutters from around his hands curling further in upon himself.

Dave stares down at him. "Okay... Seriously dude. You just have good tastes is all. Not many people get to take the Strider pie. But you did. TWICE! Just because you got some magic shit inside you that brings out our powers doesn't mean you should give up. Once that shit is out that's it. You ain't got nottin' to worry about. Don't go holing yourself up like some hermit. Only coming out of your prissy rich kid house for some cheezy boring adventure that wouldn't be NEARLY as good without one of us Striders tagging along. The best adventures are with us. So stick around."

Jake shakes his head still buried in his hands. Dave stands up and walks over patting him on the head. "Hey, you know what Dirk's power is?" Jake shakes his head again peeking up from his hand. Dave continues. "It's love dude. You fucked him so hard all he can do is love. You really gonna throw away a god who's power revolves completely around you?"

Jake doesn't say anything but moves his head out of his hands, slowly running them down his face. Dave shrugs and starts walking away. "Just giving you something to think about... I think I'll go see what John's up to. Bro's out at work, got a job protecting some comic artist who's here for a convention or something. That means poor Dirk is home all alone. Hope he doesn't get too lonely. He can be such a drag when he gets lonely."

With a satisfied smirk Dave hops the giant fence outside of Jake's house. Sending a quick wave behind him he walks off disappearing around a corner.

Next chapters?
Dave: Go see John.
Vriska: Realize your mistake.