Gabriel pressed his forehead against the cold iron of the panic room door. Why did Sam have to call him now? Why now? Gabriel couldn't help him with this. As much as he hated to admit it, Dean and Bobby had made the right call. Sam prayed and prayed to him for help, but he couldn't go to him. The demon blood needed to work itself out of his system. But he wouldn't leave him alone with all this either. It was dangerous, it was reckless, it was too close to being within the angels' radar, but Gabriel couldn't let Sam do this by himself. But he couldn't help him. The amount of grace it would take to clean Sam's system would practically be a beacon for Heaven to drag him back. The last thing the Winchesters needed was yet another archangel against them. He couldn't get caught. He couldn't risk that. Sure, he was thinking of himself, but he knew what Heaven was capable of. The last thing he wanted, the worst thing Gabriel could ever imagine, was to be the one who handed Sam Winchester his sad fate on a silver platter. He would not be a weapon for Heaven to use. And so, Gabriel stood outside the panic room, leaning against the door and listening to the best human who ever existed shout himself hoarse and beg to be released.
Eventually, Dean came and opened the viewing slot in the door. Gabriel stepped away from the door, though he didn't have to. It wasn't like Dean would be able to see or feel him either way.
Sam peered through the bars at Dean and said, "Okay, let me out. This is not funny."
"Damn straight," Dean said.
"Dean, come on. This is crazy."
"No," Dean said, "Not until you dry out."
Sam sighed and said, "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied to you. Just...open the door."
"You don't have to apologize," Dean said evenly, "It's not your fault. It's not your fault that you lied to me over and over again. I get it now, you couldn't help it."
"I'm not some junkie," Sam snapped.
Gabriel looked at the tired circles around Sam's eyes. He could feel the amount of darkness pumping through the kid's veins. He really wished he could agree with Sam.
"Really?" Dean seethed, "I guess I've just imagined how strung out you've been lately."
Sam walked away from the door with a disbelieving laugh, "You're actually trying to twist this into some kind of ridiculous drug intervention?"
"If it smells like a duck."
"Dean, I'm not drinking the demon blood for kicks, I'm getting strong enough to kill Lilith," Sam said.
Gabriel shook his head. He was getting strong enough to kill Lilith. And that right there was the problem.
"Strong?" Dean said.
"Yeah," Sam replied.
"This is about as far away from strong as you can get. Try weak. Try desperate, pathetic."
Well, that was a bit harsh. Gabriel tried his best to stay out of Sam's head, but he knew that those words had to hurt.
"Killing Lilith is what matters," Sam said, "Or are you so busy being self-righteous you forgot about her?"
"Oh, Lilith's gonna die. Bobby and I will kill her. But not with you," Dean said.
Sam said, alarmed, "You're not serious."
"Congrats, Sammy," Dean said, "You just bought yourself a bench-warmer seat to the apocalypse."
Dean closed the viewing slot and headed up the stairs.
"Dean, look-come back here!" Sam shouted. He slammed his fist against the door angrily. "Dean!" he yelled, "Let me outta here. Dean, let me outta here! Let me out! Dean!"
Sam didn't see the hunch in Dean's shoulders. He didn't see how much of a front his brother was putting up. He didn't see the pain that saying those things had caused for Dean. But Gabriel did. And damned if he hadn't seen that before. It was the same weighted walk, the same strong facade that Michael had used with Lucifer when reasoning with him had become impossible. The end of everything seemed to be coming much too quickly.
It made Gabriel all the more reluctant to interfere. There were so many ways for the world to end due to this moment. If Gabriel let Sam out, he'd kill Lilith and there'd be no stopping him. If he cleansed Sam of the demon blood, Heaven would sense it, and there would be no hiding from the will of his brothers. And Sam would still kill Lilith with Heaven's help. He could do nothing but watch if the world had half a chance of dodging this bullet for at least a while longer.
Sam dropped out of sight as he sat on the cot. Gabriel was never more glad for the Winchesters' lack of knowledge of angels when he was easily able to enter the panic room without any booby traps or death befalling him. He remained invisible and watched Sam.
He wanted to talk to Sam, to give him some small comfort, but if he showed himself, Sam would want Gabriel to get him out of there. Dean was right to lock Sam up as much as it hurt Gabriel to admit it. He stayed invisible.
Which is why it was so startling when Sam looked right at him. He blinked his eyes a bunch, and Gabriel didn't need to be inside Sam's head to know how the room was probably spinning, but Sam Winchester looked right the fuck at him.
Sam got up off the cot and walked towards where Gabriel stood. He had a determination in his eyes that had the archangel backing up against the wall. He was actually invisible, right? Sam walked past Gabriel following the curve of the wall to the door where he tried to wrench the door open. Not that it worked. Gabriel still gave the moose some points for trying.
Sam turned away from the door, frustrated, when he stopped dead in his tracks. His mouth came open like he was gasping, but nothing came out. Gabriel stepped closer, worried. Sam's eyes darted around momentarily before staring at the hanging light fixture with clear fear and adrenaline on his face. What the hell?
"Guys!" Sam shouted, slowly turning around, "Something's comi-" He stared at a spot just in front of the door like Lucifer himself was standing there. Gabriel desperately wanted to know what the hell was going on, but he couldn't bring himself to become visible. It was too big of a risk.
Sam's breathing became rapid and scared, his mouth searching for words that his brain couldn't seem to find. He slowly backed up away from the door, eyes wide. Abruptly, he fell back on the cot in the center of the room and started struggling against air. Like there were restraints Gabriel couldn't see. Gabriel started to relax. Of course the kid was hallucinating. He'd had so much demon blood in his system, not having hallucinations would've been more concerning. Gabriel sat down in the corner, glad that there wasn't anything to be more worried about.
"Don't, don't, don't," Sam muttered in a scared plea. He squeezed his eyes shut in a manner that quickly grabbed Gabriel's attention.
And that's when the screaming started.
Sam shrieked in pain, and Gabriel was on his feet and next to Sam in a second. There wasn't anything physically wrong with him. He was fine. But the expression on the man's face said that he clearly wasn't.
Sam kept screaming until he gasped, "Stop! Alastair! Please!"
Oh, fuck.
Gabriel turned himself visible with a snap of his fingers and put his hands on Sam's face. "Sam!" he shouted, "Snap out of it, kiddo."
For a moment, Sam's screams stopped, and Gabriel really hoped it was over. The way Sam's eyes darted towards where Alastair definitely wasn't made his hopes count for jack, but Gabriel couldn't clean Sam of the blood. It would be too much grace. Heaven would have a freaking beacon for him.
Then, Sam started screaming again.
"Sam," Gabriel pleaded, "C'mon. Look at me. It's not real. You're safe."
"Please," Sam gasped, "Please, please." The rest of his words were cut off with another shriek.
Gabriel climbed on top of Sam on the cot and took hold of the man's shirt. "Sam! Look at me, please! You're okay. Nothing's happening!" he said.
Sam writhed beneath the archangel and let out another gut wrenching wail. Gabriel couldn't take it anymore. If he couldn't cleanse Sam's body of the demon blood, he would at least know what the fuck was going on in that kid's head.
With the tiniest spark of grace, Gabriel tapped into Sam's head to see what he was dealing with.
Alastair stood next to the cot brandishing a scalpel. A wicked grin spread across his face as he dug the blade into Sam's side, ripping viciously. The fact that Sam wasn't screaming more was astounding.
Gabriel snapped his fingers, and Alastair disappeared. "It's okay, Sammy," he said, "I've got you."
Sam gasped and looked to the side as he came out of it. He ran his hands across his stomach, realizing that he was in one piece, but he never looked at Gabriel. Well, that was a hell of a thank you.
Sam sat up and looked around. Gabriel watched Sam cautiously. Something was up.
A small voice said, "The answer's yes. You're hallucinating."
Sam and Gabriel both looked at the source of the voice. Sam's face betrayed his shock, but Gabriel was kind of confused. Who was this kid? Why did he freak out Sam so much?
"That's right," the kid said, "It's me. Or I mean, it's you."
And what the hell was that supposed to mean?
Sam said, "I'm losing my mind."
"Definitely," the kid said.
"Sam, who is this?" Gabriel asked, starting to have the sinking feeling that he already knew the answer. But Sam didn't reply. He probably couldn't even see Gabriel anyway, stupid demon blood.
"What do you want?" Sam asked the kid.
"An explanation," the kid said with a familiar indignation, "How could you do this to me? I thought we were gonna be normal."
"I tried. I did," Sam said, "It didn't pan out that way. Sorry, kid."
"Sorry, kid?" young Sam said angrily, "That's what you have to say? It's all we ever wanted! We were so close! You-you got away from Dad, you quit hunting, you were gonna become a lawyer and get married. Why'd you blow it?"
Gabriel looked at Sam. There were memories in Sam's head that he'd always wanted to see that Sam never allowed him access to. There were things that he'd say that would cause Sam to flinch and bar Gabriel from his mind. There were things that Gabriel knew he couldn't ever know about Sam Winchester. But Sammy wanted to be a lawyer? He'd gone to college? He was going to get fucking married? Sam had told Gabriel all about his dad and how he had quit hunting only to get dragged back in by Dean. He'd told Gabriel a hell of a lot, but those things? They were all under this big label of DO NOT ASK. Damn his curiosity, but Gabriel let this bizarre form of self harm continue if only to gain more insight into Sam.
Sam quickly snapped at his younger self. "Look," he said, "They killed Jessica."
"Yeah," little Sam snapped back, "And if you hadn't run off with Dean, if you'd been there to protect her, she'd still be alive."
Gabriel stared at Sam, expecting a quick retort for such a low blow.
But all Sam managed was a strangled, "I know."
Gabriel had never heard the name Jessica from Sam before, but after that, he knew he never would. And he promised to himself that he would never mention her to Sam as long as he lived.
"Think Jess would want you to turn into this? She loved you," little Sam pressed, "You think she would be happy you using her as an excuse?"
"I'm sorry, I am," Sam said, nothing but anger and sadness in his voice, "But life doesn't turn out the way you thought it would when you were fourteen years old. We were never going to be normal. We were never gonna get away. Grow up."
Gabriel was just about to end this seriously fucked up self-abuse when little Sam said, "Maybe you're right."
The kid vanished from one side of the room to the other. "Maybe there's...no escape," he said, "After all...how can you run from what's inside you?"
Young Sam's eyes flashed yellow, yellow like Azazel's eyes had been.
Gabriel growled and swiped a hand through the child, making him disappear. Sam looked around and for the first time since this whole thing started, looked at Gabriel and actually saw him.
"Trickster...?" Sam said confused, staring around.
"I'm here, kiddo," Gabriel said.
Sam looked at him with wide eyes, "Am I-"
"Hallucinating?" Gabriel asked, "No. Well, you have been hallucinating some doozies, let me tell ya, but I am physically here right now and definitely am not a hallucination."
Sam stood up and hugged Gabriel tightly, nearly lifting the archangel off the ground.
"I'm so glad you're here," Sam said.
Gabriel would've been lying if those words didn't give him the warm fuzzies. But it didn't last long.
"Let's get out of here," Sam said.
"Uh, kiddo-"
"And I gotta get a hold of Ruby. My head kills."
"Samsquatch, I don't-"
"God, I'm so glad you're still on my side."
"Sam," Gabriel said firmly, grabbing Sam's attention, "I can't get you out of here."
"What?" Sam asked, "You're the Trickster. Of course you can."
"Okay, you may have a point there, but I'm not going to enable your great escape. You need to stay here," Gabriel said.
"What?" Sam asked in disbelief.
Gabriel sighed and asked, "Has it occurred to you that Dean might be right?"
Sam broke away from Gabriel and crossed the panic room. "Not you, too," he said.
"I've told you from day one the demon was bad news. Doesn't it mean something if everyone who loves you thinks this is the right thing to do?" Gabriel asked.
Sam said, "Yeah, it means everyone I love doesn't listen to a damn thing I say. Why did you even come if you were just gonna leave me here?"
Gabriel took a step towards Sam. "I came as soon as you called," he said, "And no one said a damn thing about me leaving."
"You've been here this whole time?" Sam asked, "How much did you see?"
"Enough to see Alastair and Mini Moose."
"And you didn't even do anything?" Sam asked, incredulous.
"Didn't do anything? Sam, I stopped both of those hallucinations. I would never-"
"Then, why won't you help me?"
"I am helping you. The demon blood is dangerous and-"
"I know what I'm doing," Sam snapped.
"No, Sam, you don't," Gabriel said. Sam turned away from Gabriel and said, "Just leave."
"I'm not gonna leave you."
"Stay the hell away from me, Trickster. I am sick and tired of everyone treating me like a fucking child. First, Dean and Bobby, now you. I'm done. Leave me alone," Sam snapped.
Gabriel turned himself invisible without a second thought.
Sam blinked at Gabriel's sudden departure. For a moment, Gabriel thought he saw a flicker of sadness across Sam's face, but honestly, he might've been projecting. As Gabriel took his spot on the floor by the wall again, he tried to remind himself that it was the demon blood talking. That Sam would see reason. But Father, if Gabriel didn't know what Lilith's death would bring about, he'd be inclined to side with Sam. Sam really was doing what he thought was right. Unfortunately, it wasn't the road to Heaven that was paved with good intentions.
Sam paced for a moment unsteadily that made Gabriel concerned that he was going to have to catch him to stop him from cracking his head on the concrete. Luckily, Sam took a seat, sitting crossed legged on the cold, cement floor. He hung his head, and Gabriel fought the urge to hug him. Sweat beaded across Sam's forehead. The demon blood was not being nice to him at all. The poor guy looked up at the ceiling so tiredly that it was painfully clear how bad the fever was getting.
Gabriel could clean him up with a snap of his fingers. He wanted nothing more than to do just that. But he couldn't. So, he sat against the wall, hugging his invisible arms around himself. All he could do was watch.
Sam's head hung back down. He was feeling hot. Gabriel knew it wasn't hot in the room, but in Sam's head, the heat was stifling. Sam looked around, parched, and Gabriel hated himself for letting Sam do this to himself. It hadn't been Gabriel's intention. He just wanted to stay out of it. And he couldn't tell him about Lilith, so the cards just had to fall where they would.
But watching Sam like this. It was torture. It was worse than the Mystery Spot. And honestly, he didn't know how long he'd be able to go without cleaning Sam of the blood and running as long and as hard as he could.
Sam saw a pitcher of water behind him. The amount of energy it took the guy to turn around was painful to watch. Sam collapsed against the cot in feverish pain. Gabriel tried everything he could to harden his heart, but this was just the worst. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to forget where they were and what he'd allowed to happen.
That's when they heard it. Or rather, Sam heard it, and Gabriel heard it through his connection to Sam's brain. Another hallucination to be sure, but the voice was still startling.
"Poor baby," Mary Winchester said softly.
Sam looked up from the cot in shock, recognizing the voice. He looked around and shakily stood. "M-mom," he said.
"Sam," Mary replied. Gabriel was taken aback by how stunning she looked and also deeply unnerved that the version of Mary in Sam's mind still had the bloodstain across her nightgown from the night she died.
"You look just awful," Mary said, her smile fading as she addressed Sam.
Gabriel stood up, watching Mary warily. He wasn't going to allow the hallucination to do any damage to Sam, but maybe some tough mom love was what Sam needed to hear.
Sam gave a small, bitter laugh. "Let's hear it," he said, "Go ahead."
"What do you mean?" Mary asked.
Sam said, "You're disappointed. You never thought I'd turn out this way. I'm a piss poor excuse for a son. Your heart is broken. Am I close?"
"Not at all," Mary said, "You're doing the right thing, Sam. What you're doing is brave. You're not being crazy, you're being practical. Sam, I'm so proud of you."
Gabriel wasn't sure how he felt about this, because it was definitely not what Sam needed to hear. On the other hand, Gabriel hadn't seen Sam look this relieved in quite a while, so he let the hallucination play out if only to see Sam feeling a little better.
"But-but, Dean-" Sam stammered.
"Your brother doesn't understand," Mary said.
Sam gave his mother a confused look.
"I was raised a hunter from a long line," Mary said, "We understand that there are gonna be hard choices. We do what we have to to get the job done. Yes, our family is cursed. But you, you have the power to turn it into a gift. You can use it against them."
Gabriel really didn't like any of this. She must've been created by the part of Sam that felt he was doing the right thing. He really didn't need any encouragement on that front, but he seemed much less upset. As long as Sam stayed locked up, Gabriel didn't see any harm in letting him continue spending time with his mother.
"For revenge?" Sam asked.
"No, for justice," his mom replied. She said softly, "I know how scared you are."
Sam said, "What's...in me. Mom, it's-"
"Evil," she said, "And you know it."
"What if it's stronger than me? I mean, what if Dean's right?" Sam asked.
Gabriel was honestly glad that that question even had a chance in Sam's head. Good to know he had some doubts.
"Dean can never know how strong you are," Mary said, stroking Sam's hair back, "Because Dean is weak."
Well, that wasn't something Gabriel ever saw coming. Where was she going with this?
She said, "Look at what he's done to you. Locking you in here? He's terrified. He's in over his head. You have to go on without him."
Sam gave her a very uncertain look.
"You have what it takes," Mary said, insistant, "You have to kill Lilith."
"Even if it kills me," Sam said. It wasn't a question. It wasn't Sam asking for his mother's approval. He said it like it was a simple fact. Gabriel did not like that at all.
Mary said in a near whisper, "Make my death mean something. I'm counting on you, Sam. Don't let anyone or anything get in your way. Not even Dean."
And that was enough of that.
Mary hugged Sam and kissed his cheek, which made Gabriel falter for a moment. It was startling how touch starved the kid was. Still, no more toxic hallucination talk.
Mary released Sam, Gabriel snapped his fingers, and Mary was gone, leaving Sam seemingly alone in the panic room. Sam blinked his eyes, realizing his mother had been a figment of his imagination. Still, Gabriel worried that her words might've sunk in a little too well.
Gabriel sat next to Sam on the cot, not allowing himself to be seen and wondered how long this would all take.
He felt it. He felt it like a jolt of electricity. Castiel. Castiel was upstairs in the junkyard.
Gabriel needed to leave. He needed to hide. Angels were dangerous. Heaven was dangerous. But he couldn't leave Sam. Not like this. Not with these insane hallucinations and raging fever. But he definitely couldn't stay. Not with an angel so nearby. He could feel Castiel talking to Dean, but he could also feel Castiel reaching out with his grace, sensing, scanning. Castiel turned towards the house. Shit.
Gabriel dropped his invisibility, making Sam jump. All he wanted to do was stop using any and all grace so his little brother wouldn't find him, not scare the poor kid going through demon withdrawal.
"Shh," Gabriel said softly, "I come in peace. I'm just trying to keep under Castiel's radar."
"Cas is here?" Sam asked, "Wait, why are you back?"
"I never left," Gabriel said absently. He felt Castiel turn back towards Dean. Gabriel let out a sigh of relief.
Sam shifted away from Gabriel, stiffly.
"What, do I smell?" Gabriel asked, "C'mon, Sam. You're breaking my heart here. I'm just trying to help you."
Sam didn't say anything, he just got up and sat by the back wall.
"Sam, please. Just look at me. We're okay, right? Still friends?" Gabriel tried.
"Last I checked, friends didn't let friends stay locked in a prison cell," Sam snapped.
Gabriel sighed and said, "When it's for their own good they do."
Gabriel felt Castiel leave and instantly felt much more relaxed. He asked, "Do you want me to stay or go, kiddo?"
Sam didn't respond or even look at him. Well, there was an answer right there.
Gabriel snapped his fingers and resumed watching Sam invisibly. Which seemed like a good idea for all of six seconds.
Sam looked down at his hands, scared. What the hell? Gabriel stepped closer to see what was going on. Before he could get a glimpse, Sam shot to his feet and ran to the mirror, breathing heavily.
Traces of black veins erupted across Sam's face, and damn if it didn't look painful.
Gabriel snapped his fingers to stop the hallucination but nothing happened.
"Guys!" Sam shouted, "Help!"
Gabriel turned visible and snapped his fingers again. Nothing. It was definitely a hallucination, but it wasn't reacting to Gabriel's grace.
Sam cried out in pain and balled up on the floor.
"Sam!" Gabriel shouted, rushing over to him.
Sam was barely able to crack an eye open to look at him.
Gabriel said, "It's okay, Sam. I'm gonna figure this out. You're gonna be okay."
Sam screamed again as his limbs went rigid, black veins running through him. He started convulsing, eyes rolling back in his head.
"No, no, no," Gabriel said, trying to hold Sam's shoulders still, "Come on, Sam. Fight this. Look at me, Sam. Come on. Come back to me."
Sam fell completely limp under Gabriel's hands.
"Sam?" Gabriel tried.
Gabriel scooped the unconscious Sam into his arms and brushed the hair out of his face.
"Come on, Sam. Don't do this. You're the most stubborn person I know. You're gonna let a hallucination take you out?" Gabriel said, trying not to let his voice shake.
He almost called out for Dean and Bobby, but what the hell could they do that an archangel couldn't?
Gabriel could clean him. He could get all of this shit out of Sam's veins with a single thought. The level of grace just to end this particular acid trip would be enough to get him hauled back through the pearly gates. Cleansing Sam entirely would be like handing himself over to Heaven. Seeing Sam like this, Gabriel had never been more willing to go home and be the weapon they had always wanted him to be. If it meant saving Sam...
Gabriel heard Dean and Bobby come down the basement stairs. He turned himself invisible with a snap of his fingers as he felt tears prick at his eyes. Sam had to be okay. He never would be okay. He was Lucifer's vessel. But damn it, Gabriel really needed him to be okay.
Gabriel released Sam, and Sam started writhing again. He supposed more of that was better than unconscious non-responsiveness, but it still hurt Gabriel in the worst way.
Dean opened the peep hatch in the door and looked at Sam on the ground in front of the cot. "What if he's faking?" he asked.
"You really think he would?" Bobby asked.
Dean said, "I think he'd do anything."
Just then, Sam flew from the ground and slammed against the wall. And no safe amount of grace could stop it. Gabriel sank to the ground and hoped his tears were as invisible as the rest of him. He was an archangel for crying out loud! How could he be so useless?
Sam slammed around the panic room several more times and all Gabriel could do was watch. How could he have let this happen?
"That ain't fakin'," Bobby said. The men rushed in and grabbed Sam off the wall.
Sam kept fighting until he started convulsing on the ground again.
Bobby moved fast, taking off his belt and shoving it into Sam's mouth to keep him from biting off his tongue.
"We're gonna have to tie him down for his own safety," Bobby said.
Gabriel barely registered the words. He just watched as the only human he ever cared about had a supernatural seizure in front of him.
"Dean?" Bobby said. Dean didn't seem to be taking this scene much better than Gabriel, but Gabriel hardly noticed.
"Dean, you with me?" Bobby said sharply.
Sam fought against the belt as his eyes rolled back in his head. Gabriel felt like he was coming apart at the seams. He could stop this. He had the power. But using it would have such a high cost. And then Sam would be in an even worse predicament.
"Dean!" Bobby shouted, "Before he has another fit!"
"Yeah," Dean said, "Just get it over with."
They picked up Sam and wrestled him onto the cot. Gabriel could hardly bare to watch. He bit down against his fist so he wouldn't sob and give away his presence to the others.
"Hold him down while I get the restraints," Bobby said gruffly.
Dean hopped on top of Sam on the cot and pushed Sam's arms above his head, so he could hold Sam's arms and the belt at the same time. He trapped Sam's long legs with his own and looked down at his shaking brother.
Gabriel stepped closer, wanting so desperately to be able to help Sam, he didn't know what to do.
Dean said a quiet, "Damn it, Sammy," before a tear fell from his face onto Sam's heaving chest.
When Bobby came back with cuffs and chains, Sam had lost consciousness again.
Everything in Gabriel told him to run. It told him to run and never look back. Sam was doomed. He'd known that from the very beginning. He couldn't stop the end of the world. He couldn't stop Michael or Lucifer from doing what they were going to do. It all had to happen, and it was all happening right now. He was way too close to all of it. He wanted to run with everything he had.
But Gabriel stayed. He stayed after Dean walked upstairs, exhaustion and concern etched across his face. He stayed after Bobby followed, muttering prayers under his breath for his boy to pull through. He stayed until Sam woke up and felt the restraints holding his arms and legs to the cot.
Even then, Gabriel stayed. But only for a short while.
Sam hallucinated his brother. Gabriel knew it was a hallucination, because he could feel Dean talking to Bobby upstairs, but the hallucination seemed safe for the time being. If anything got too bad, Gabriel would be there to end it.
Dean told Sam about having to restrain him because of the demon blood. He talked to him about this crusade to kill Lilith. Honestly, Gabriel wasn't entirely surprised that the voice of reason in Sam's brain was Dean. He just hoped what this Dean said to Sam would work where real Dean's words hadn't.
Gabriel would've stayed there forever if he could, but he felt it. Castiel. Castiel was there under the basement stairs.
It was too close, far too close. Gabriel rested a hand on Sam's shoulder but had no idea if he felt it.
And he flew. He flew as fast and as far as he could manage with how heavy his heart felt for leaving Sam. It didn't take long to feel Sam's sadness and anger. Betrayal and grief and self-loathing bounced around in Gabriel's skull as he felt the things the hallucination of Dean was saying. But he couldn't do anything to stop it. And he couldn't return. Not with Castiel there.
So, he flew to a beach and wished that the waves would come further up the sand and drag him out into the endless blue.
Gabriel felt every word, every slicing sentence. He felt Sam say, "Don't you say that to me." He felt it all and could do nothing but drown in it.
And he stayed like that until he felt the snap. The snap of the handcuffs resonated in Gabriel's ears. It had been hours. How could Castiel do this?
Gabriel stood up and paced. Sam was out. Sam had been let out of the panic room. This was ten kinds of not good. Sam was going to leave. He was going to go after Lilith. But Gabriel couldn't go after him. If the angels had authorized his escape, the angels had to be watching him. Gabriel's brothers had to be watching him. If he hadn't put so much effort into protecting himself from Heaven, Gabriel would've flown to Castiel and wrung his little brother's little neck.
Gabriel knew Bobby had a gun on Sam, but what was he supposed to do? He was too dangerous to everyone to get involved. But he had to do something. He just hoped that Sam would be too weak to kill Lilith so that they'd have some more time.
Gabriel felt it when Sam met with Ruby in a hotel. And for the first time since the Mystery Spot, he stopped watching Sam. He couldn't watch this. He couldn't be in Sam's head for this. He could put up with a lot but watching him with that bitch was far past his limits. He retreated from Sam and stared out across the ocean, trying to ignore the vast emptiness and loneliness in his head.
The emptiness was really starting to be aggravating when angel radio picked up the slack. "Dean Winchester has been secured," they said. Gabriel sat up abruptly in the sand. The angels had Dean Winchester. Shit. Where was Sam? Gabriel reached out to find Sam. He was one big mass of pain and sadness. How hard could it be to find-Sam was standing over a demon wearing a nurse, torturing the demonic soul within the woman. What. The. Fuck. He'd turned his back for just a few hours. What the hell had happened?
Gabriel stopped watching Sam. It didn't change anything. It was too dangerous to go to Sam. Damned if he did something, damned if he didn't, the apocalypse was happening. Well, he wasn't going to get involved. Hell, no. Lucifer was coming back, and there was no way on God's green earth that he was going to get anywhere near him. Not even for Sam fucking Winchester.
Sam's heart shattered. Gabriel wasn't watching him, he wasn't listening, nothing. But he felt it. Sam's heart broke into a thousand pieces. That had Gabriel's attention.
But he was decided. He was not getting involved. Uh uh. Nope. Sam did this to himself. This was the angels' problem now. Gabriel was a Trickster, not an archangel. This didn't concern him.
But he watched as Sam drank an innocent woman dry outside of the convent where Lilith was waiting.
A surge of energy dragged Gabriel's attention away to the prophet's house. Chuck stood there with Castiel and Dean. "I'll hold them off," Castiel shouted to Dean over the roar of Raphael's true form, "I'll hold them all off." Dean and Castiel were trying to stop the angels? They were trying to stop the apocalypse? Those stupid, sorry, ignorant-
Castiel's essence was obliterated by Raphael's power.
Sam flung Lilith back with a wave of his hand.
Dean approached the catherdral door.
Ruby flung the door shut with a smirk.
Sam extended his hand towards Lilith, making her writhe against the altar.
Gabriel screamed from his spot on the beach. He couldn't fight this. It was God's plan unfolding. He couldn't-
Sam paused. Dean shouted. Ruby screamed at Sam.
Sam's eyes turned completely black.
Lilith hit the ground dead.
Gabriel jumped to his feet. He was going to go somewhere far away and get very drunk and have sex with as many people as he could possibly find and he was going to never think about Sam Winchester again for the rest of his stupid existence. He never wanted anything to do with this, and damn it if he didn't try everything in his power to keep it that way.
He was just about to fly to Singapore when he felt it. His grace thrummed from it. The cage was open. Ruby was dead. Dean was next to Sam. Sam was standing at the edge of Lucifer's cage. Sam and Dean grabbed each other's jackets as Gabriel's long lost brother burst forth into the world.
"I'm sorry," Sam said.
Dean said, "Sammy, let's go."
"He's coming," Sam said, staring at Lucifer's grace.
Gabriel flew to the cathedral at the highest speed that he'd ever achieved. He landed in the hallway as Sam and Dean ran for the door. The door slammed shut in front of them as pieces of Lucifer's grace bled through the wood in the door. Gabriel tried to blast the doors open but Lucifer was holding them shut tight. He was always the stronger brother. Damn it.
The power of Lucifer's grace reverberated through the church. What probably sounded like high-level screeching to the Winchesters sounded only like words to Gabriel. He froze.
"Brother," Lucifer whispered as his power washed over the other archangel.
Gabriel took a breath and snapped his fingers, sending Sam and Dean onto a plane passing overhead. He flew quickly, joining the brothers on the flight and leaving his own brother to finish exploding from his box.
Since the cat was out of the bag in nearly every way that counted, Gabriel snapped his fingers again from the back row and cleaned as much of the demon blood as he could from Sam's system. Just because he wasn't getting involved didn't mean he was going to make it easy for his brothers. He wasn't stopping his brothers from getting their vessels, he was just making it a little more challenging. He wasn't directly breaking Heaven's rules. Just bending them a little.
Gabriel hoped that Heaven was too preoccupied with Lucifer's arrival to notice his own little power display. He still fled the plane and flew to a small, deserted island off the coast of New Zealand.
When he landed, Gabriel didn't quite know how he felt. Lucifer was back, and that was a massive tangle of emotions in and of itself. He'd saved Sam and Dean against his better judgment. He had somehow managed to get Sam and Dean in two seats on a passing plane, and honestly, he didn't think his aim had been that good, so he was a little proud. At the same time, all he wanted to do was hide until the end came.
And it was coming. No matter if Gabriel still kept an eye on Sam or not, the end of everything was just around the corner.