Darker – Chapter 18
Universal Pictures owns all rights of Fifty Shades of Grey and Pitch Perfect…I only own the idea of this twisted mash-up of an alternate universe love story.
Warning! Chapters may include graphic sexual situations (BDSM) which may not be suitable for everyone. Reviews and comments are always welcome. Thank you for reading.
Last time on Darker…
The successful billionaire who exuded confidence and power had thrown himself at my feet. As realization struck, the intense love and passion we shared was tearing us apart. The lies and secrets between us finally surfaced but were too extreme for either of us to accept. With our souls in turmoil, we were in pain and seemed to be damaged beyond repair. What I never wanted or thought would happen in a million years was taking place before my very eyes.
Jesse Swanson had become my submissive...
And now…
Somewhere between Los Angeles and New York
At a cruising altitude of nearly 40,000 feet I was seated comfortably in first class. With a bottle of water stored safely in its drink holder I was nursing one hell of a hangover and tried not to think about the events of the last forty-eight hours. For the flight I was prescribed Ambien to help regulate my sleep but I had too much to do before arriving in New York where I would be meeting Stacie for our connecting flight to Denmark. Pulling out my MacBook I began to compose a series of emails to my parents, closest friends and finally, Jesse. These would be the most difficult letters to write because I was basically saying goodbye to everyone who made an impact in my life. After giving it much thought I'd made the decision to stay in Copenhagen permanently and start over. Without telling anyone about this, my agenda was to simply disappear from the girls after our performance at Worlds, blend in with the festival crowd, find a safe place to stay and then send out the letters via email. It wasn't the prettiest of goodbyes, but it was something I picked up from my father who left my mother and I years ago.
"Ma'am...we're beginning our descent." The airline attendant brought me out of my fog. "All electronic devices need to be turned off and seats returned to their upright position."
"Oh...okay." I was surprised because five hours of flight time seemed to go by in an instant. "Can I please have a few minutes to finish?"
"Sure." The friendly blonde smiled as she took my trash and glanced at her watch. "Five more minutes." She held up her hand to reinforce her statement before moving on to another row.
I smiled back. "Thank you." then returned my attention to the high definition display before me.
Finishing up another draft, I saved the document, turned off my Macbook then stowed my carryon bag in the overhead compartment bin above me. Securing my seat belt I brought my chair upright and prepared to land.
Within fifteen minutes we were safely on the tarmac of John F Kennedy International Airport and taxing to our gate. With a layover of only an hour, it was just enough time to freshen up and get myself over to international departures and meet up with Stacie who I hadn't seen since her visit to L.A.. According to our itineraries we would be arriving at the same time so it was just a matter of finding her in the vast airport.
As our plane came to a stop, a few minutes later it was like a cattle call as we were led off the plane and then dispersed into the terminal like cockroaches under a bright light. With my laptop in tow the rest of my checked in luggage would be meeting me at our final destination. After a quick pit stop to the nearest restroom I took care of personal business, then tended to my haggard looking appearance. I was more pale than usual with dark circles under my eyes and a bruise that just wouldn't go away. It's no wonder I looked the way I did since I practically had no sleep the night before, and whatever sleep I did get was interrupted by nightmares. Quickly reapplying eyeliner and concealer I did my best to cover up my puffy eyes and hide the bruise that seemed to be morphing into different colors of the spectrum. Satisfied with my overall appearance I gathered my stuff and headed to the departure gate. Weaving through other passengers it didn't take long before I heard my name being called.
"Beca!" The voice was familiar and could only come from Stacie, who was traveling without her daughter. Bracing myself for enough questions to rival the Spanish Inquisition, I stopped in my tracks and turned around to find her running up to me. I laughed inwardly because the girl had no shame. Wearing a skimpy shirt that was too small to contain her assets, she was gaining the attention of both men and women as she bounced her way over to me. "Wait up!"
"Hey." I responded flatly as she wrapped her arms around my tiny frame and squished me against her well endowed bosom. "Stacie, let me go." Struggling to get oxygen I was literally suffocating. "Dude! I can't breathe…"
"Oh! Sorry about that. I sometimes forget just how tiny you are." Rolling my eyes at her comment, I didn't want to rain on her parade and let her hug me some more, but this time there was jumping involved. "Can you believe it's finally here?"
"Yeah...finally here." I repeated listlessly, pulling myself away. "Um...Chloe took another flight with Tom, so she'll be meeting us at the hotel. I figured after we're checked into our rooms we could gather the troops and register for World's."
"Good idea, but for the next eight hours I've got you all to myself." Her excitement was so infectious I couldn't help but to grin back. "Hope is staying with her grandma so this mama is going to have some fun. Speaking of fun, I can't wait to hear all about you and your billionaire stud. How's Jesse?"
"Good." I responded without hesitation not wanting to give anything away. "He's good."
"That's it? That's all you have to say?"
Ignoring her question I looked up at the departure board and saw that our flight was on time and about to begin pre-boarding. "Umm...we better get to our gate if we're going to make this flight."
"Okay...but I still want to hear all about you guys."
Fucking swell…
The arrogant ass insisted on flying British Airways, and like my domestic flight to JFK he had upgraded our seats to first class. It was his gift to us since he couldn't accompany us on the trip. With several business acquisitions taking place for JS Enterprises, including the purchase of 'Residual Heat', Jesse couldn't get away.
As Stacie and I were seated in our plush leather reclining seats, one of the airline stewards showed us where our blankets and pillows were located, then took our drink and food orders. With service like this I may never go back to economy seating again, no matter what the cost.
Securing our seat belts, I looked out the window and silently bid farewell to American soil for the last time. With my secret well hidden, I would soon be leaving everything behind to become a permanent resident of Northern Europe.
We hadn't even climbed to cruising altitude when the questions started. Putting on my best poker face I sighed and took Ambien to avoid the interrogation, but the drug wouldn't work quick enough. Reclining my seat as far as it would go, I sucked it up as the interrogation began.
"Okay Beca, spill it!"
"Spill what?"
"You're not fooling anyone. I've known you for years and can tell when something's up. You've got eight hours to do some explaining about that shiner you're trying to cover up. The last I heard you guys were in love and shacking up. What the hell happened?"
Oh fuck!
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"No you're not." She was insistent and wouldn't let me off the hook. "Did he do that to you?"
"Who?"
"Don't be coy, Beca. I'm talking about Jesse. Did he hit you?"
With the effects of the sleep aid kicking in, I was becoming drowsy. "No." I slurred and couldn't hold back my yawn. "You know how clumsy I can be."
"Bullshit!" She cursed louder than I'd preferred and was shushed by a passing airline attendant.
"Jeez! Keep it down." I yawned again as my eyes watered. "I'm going to sleep now and I suggest you do the same."
"I will, after you explain yourself."
"G'nite Stacie."
"Beca! Stay awake!"
"No!" I yawned again. "G'nite!" My voice trailed off as I covered my eyes with the airline's complimentary mask.
"Shit!" Her exploitive was the last thing I heard before succumbing to sleep.
It didn't take long before I entered REM sleep as unwanted images began to flood my mind.
The night before…
With Jesse still on his knees and offering himself to me I was mortified at the thought that we had switched roles. Sure...during sexy times there was experimentation with me taking the lead, but the thought of me actually dominating anyone was horrendous. Looking into Jesse's eyes I saw a much younger version of himself and considered how he must have been as a teenager with raging hormones when meeting the sultry and corruptive, Mrs. Robinson. By the time he was sixteen she was already beating the shit out of him and fucking him into submission.
What a life...
And now he expected the same from me.
Without another thought I dropped to my knees so we were on the same level. Never losing sight of his gaze I held his head between my palms and looked into his soul. This was the only way I could get through to Jesse and bring him back. We had to be equals in every sense of the way.
"Please don't do this." I urged and pressed my lips to his. "I don't want this."
When he didn't reciprocate my affection I pulled back and saw his eyes swelling up with moisture.
Oh no! He's crying...
I felt even more panic as tears streamed down his face. What have I done to him? Unable to hold back my emotions I began to sob.
"I won't leave you." I choked out. "I promise."
Other than more tears escaping and running down his cheeks, there was no other response.
"Jesse please." My plea was filled with desperation but I wouldn't give up. I had to reach him somehow and bring him back. "Say something!"
"What would you like me to say?" He finally broke his silence, but was still miles away.
"You're back." I breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought I broke you."
"No, not broken...just bent." He responded calmly with a smirk.
Chuckling softly I wiped the wetness off his cheeks with the pads of my thumbs. "Why are you doing this?"
"Because I can't lose you again." His admission proved the depth of his love as more tears fell. "I'd rather serve you in this manner than not have you in my life at all."
"But I'm not like her. I could never do that to anyone, especially you." Nodding in understanding Jesse wiped his eyes dry and hung on to my last word. "Tell me what happened back at the condo and why you reacted the way you did. I thought we were on the same page about your exes."
After a brief moment of silence Jesse began to tell me what triggered his strange behavior.
"When I arrived at the condo, Luke told me that you sacrificed yourself to save him. It made me jealous and then I saw her gun digging into you and thought you were going to die. I couldn't live with more blood on my hands. What was I supposed to do? I just wanted you out of harm's way but you wouldn't listen. You wouldn't leave. Fuck! I was so angry with you."
"I know you were but you can't treat me like that. I'm not some bimbo you found on the street; I'm not your submissive anymore."
"No you're not and I thank God everyday that it was you and not Ms. Beale who face planted into my office and interviewed me that afternoon."
"Me too."
"Do you really mean that?" Nodding slowly he let out a wary smile as he brought us both to our feet.
"Yes, but you didn't give me the chance to explain anything before you flipped out went all submissive on me."
"Explain what?" He asked, rolling his eyes. "Tell me now."
"That too much had happened in such a short amount of time, and that I'm doubting myself. I just needed time to sort things out." Pausing to take a deep breath I was overjoyed that fifty shades of fucked up had returned, but I wasn't done unloading on him. "You know, it's not easy being your girlfriend. Shit! Your baggage comes with its own baggage and then some." He chuckled at my words but continued to hear me out. "When I'm not being verbally threatened or physically attacked by someone of your past, it was seeing you with Kayla that did me in, and then you kicked me out. It was the straw that broke the camel's back, it was just too overwhelming for me. If you haven't noticed by now my engine isn't exactly firing on all cylinders and I've got one hell of a headache." Stopping to rub my forehead I continued. "I've told you over and over again that I'm not going anywhere, but you refuse to believe me. I just need time to figure things out."
His expression changed and was replaced with a scowl. "What do you need to figure out?"
"My future."
"Does that still include me?"
After a short hesitation I responded.
"Of course it does." My soft response had him sighing with relief even though I wasn't so sure myself. "I just need time to think about all that's happened. I need to get Worlds behind me and then I can concentrate on us."
"I'm coming with you."
"What?" I squeaked. "No! You can't. You're business acquisitions…"
"Fuck the acquisitions!" He barked. "You're more important."
"Please Jesse, I need space and time away to focus." I paused with a sigh. "Time away from all that's happened recently. I need to heal."
"Do you still love me?"
Christ all mighty the guy was needy!
Giving it some thought, I smiled and kissed him tenderly. "Yes." I merely stated. "Even though you lied about not being a sadist to own my innocence, I still do. Honestly I don't know if that would've made a difference that night. Had I known who you really were I may have waited, but I'd already fallen for you and made the decision to lose my virginity. Why do you think I was there that night?"
"I had an inclination but didn't want to assume anything."
"Since when has that ever stopped you?"
Smiling warily Jesse pulled me into his embrace. "Go to Europe and win Worlds. When you get back we'll continue this. Just promise that you won't give up on me."
I nodded but knew I wasn't being honest with either of us. The truth is that I'd had enough of the bullshit and needed a fresh start. I'd said those things to bring him back and postponed the inevitable breakup that would happen when I was safely on the other side of the world and out of his reach.
That night we didn't make up in the traditional sense. There was no mind blowing sex like the last time we fought. After the hectic events of the day neither of us had the energy to pleasure the other plus, with my pounding head and remnants of intoxication, I felt less than stellar so sex was the last thing I wanted. With Jesse spooning me from behind I couldn't sleep and contemplated a future without my first love.
A few hours later I called for a taxi to take me to the airport.
Studying how peaceful Jesse's looked while he slept I left a note for him on my side of the bed, then took in the beautiful surroundings of the penthouse one last time and disappeared into the elevator. With my bags over stuffed with my clothes and belongings I was ready to embark on my new adventure. After I was settled into my new place I would send for my mixing equipment and then sever all ties with Jesse Swanson.
With the help from a bellman my bags were taken to valet to a waiting cab. Clambering into the back seat I waited patiently while my luggage was loaded in back. As the trunk was shut, the baseball capped driver with glasses, made his way to the front seat and buckled himself in.
"Where to?" My chauffeur asked, without turning around.
"LAX please." I instructed, as I looked outside the window hoping to make a clean getaway.
"What airline?"
"Um...Virgin America."
The driver nodded then pulled safely away from valet. With the locks engaged we were finally on our way to the airport, but when the meter wasn't started, I became suspicious of his intent.
"If you want to get paid, shouldn't you start that thing?"
"Don't worry about that Beca, I'll get my payment out of you and finish what we started."
Holy shit! It was Keegan. NO!
This couldn't be real because the bastard was arrested and placed in police custody, plus Detective Brady gave me his word that he would never make bail. Did this really happen or was I dreaming? Reality or not the sedative I took was keeping me asleep so I had no choice but to let things play out.
Without any warning he made a quick right turn into a narrow alley and came to an abrupt stop. Jiggling the door handle I was locked inside because the fucker had set the child locks. Without wasting any time he made his way to the back seat and pinned me beneath him. Just like before I fought him with everything I had but he was just too strong. It didn't take long before I felt cool air on my exposed skin as my clothing was ripped off and thighs spread as he forced his pencil dick inside. As he violently thrust into my core, I shut my eyes and prayed for the torment to be over. He'd finally gotten what he wanted and I no longer cared what happened to me and eventually gave up. I just wanted to survive the dreadful rape and would deal with the aftermath later. With one hand cutting off my oxygen supply, the other hand painfully squeezed my breast while his filthy mouth gnawed on the other until the unthinkable happened. Yelling against my flesh he stilled himself and orgasmed. Shooting his nasty load into my depths I became numb and wanted to die.
Back to the present...
"Beca! Wake up." I was being shaken awake by Stacie who was hovering over me like a mother hen. "Hey...it's okay."
"What?" I groggily asked, yawning. "Are we there yet?"
"No." She said solemnly. "Not for another six hours."
"What?" I brought my recliner back to its upright position. "Why the hell did you wake me?"
"You were talking in your sleep, actually it sounded more like a nightmare." She was on the verge of tears when she tentatively asked. "Who's Keegan?"
Closing my eyes I shook my head and mouthed damn it! No matter how much I tried to repress the memories I just couldn't get away from them. Even though it was only a dream, that shit seemed real and scared the living daylights out of me.
"He was my boss." I finally answered softly.
"Did he do this to you?" She asked as my eyes welled up. "Hey, you know what happened to me at that fraternity and how Hope was conceived. If anyone would underst-"
"-I don't want anyone else to know!" My abruptness caught her off guard as I dabbed the corner of my eye, careful to not ruin my mascara. "Forty-eight hours ago I was attacked at work, and now that son of a bitch is in police custody."
"What the fuck, Beca! Why didn't you say something?" She whisper shouted, looking around to make sure nobody else was listening. "Where you raped?"
"More or less." My cryptic response had her tilting her head with confusion. "That all depends on how you define it."
"Care to explain that?"
"I was knocked out when things were happening, but the examination confirmed no penile penetration, so at least I don't have to worry about STD's." Chuckling to myself an image of pathetic Keegan grabbing his limp dick came to mind. "I fought back with everything I had, but he still…" I couldn't finish my sentence. "Damn it!"
"Hey, just because he didn't fuck you with his dick, doesn't mean you weren't raped." Acknowledging her with a nod my head was now throbbing. Rubbing my temples I closed my eyes and took deep breaths to keep my nausea under control. "Headache?" She observed and took out a couple of Tylenol from her bag. Offering them to me I smiled at her thoughtfulness.
"Thanks." Accepting the pain pills I took a swig from my water bottle and washed them down. "Guess I should probably tell someone on this trip that I've got a minor concussion in case I pass out again."
Stacie grimaced at my predicament and let out a sigh. "Does Chloe know about this?"
I shook my head. "She's been in paradise with Tom since graduation, I swear those two are joined at the hip." Taking another sip of water I put the bottle back into its holder. "I didn't want to ruin her time so I'll probably just tell her this weekend."
Stacie nodded in agreement.
"So, she and this guy are pretty serious."
"You can say that."
"What about you?" Stacie asked, raising her eyebrows with curiosity. "You haven't said anything about Jesse."
"We're fine." I responded quickly with a huff of frustration. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but I really don't want to talk anymore."
"Okay...I'll respect your privacy." Stacie conceded with a look of understanding. "Get some rest and I'll wake you when they start serving dinner."
Acknowledging my friend with a nod I powered up my iPad mini and accessed the playlist Jesse created for me. Noticing some new tracks had been added, I cued up a song called 'Dark Side'. Putting on my noise cancelling headphones I hit play and closed my eyes.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Oh oh oh, there's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?
ooooo
Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am
ooooo
Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?
ooooo
Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am
ooooo
Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?
ooooo
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Will you love me? ohh
ooooo
Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?
ooooo
Don't run away
Don't run away
ooooo
Don't run away
Promise you'll stay
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The song couldn't have said it better as I fought back my emotions. Jesse's message was delivered and clearly received through the intense lyrics but it was no longer enough; not anymore. After everything we'd been through I would always love Jesse and knew a life without him would be unbearable at first, but with time we would both recover and move on. Turning away from Stacie I quietly cried myself to sleep and hoped the unwanted images from earlier would stay far away.
A couple of hours later I was nudged awake for dinner service. Having not eaten since lunchtime yesterday I was starving and tore into my surf and turf meal which, surprisingly was delicious. After polishing off the last of my filet mignon I washed down my meal with a glass of red wine I recognized from the airline's limited list that Jesse, the wine connoisseur had educated me on.
After our trays were cleared Stacie finally passed out so I used the remaining time on our flight to finish the letters. Deciding to send one to Mrs. Robinson, as one of Jesse's only friends I wanted to make sure she was there for him once he realized I wasn't coming back.
"Ma'am...we'll be starting our descent soon." The airline attendant smiled as she gave me advance warning which, I appreciated. "All electronic devices will need to be shut down in about thirty minutes."
Acknowledging her with a nod I went back to my letters.
The remaining few hours had literally flew by (pun intended) as we crossed over the international date line. After thirteen plus hours of travel it was already the next morning, and with the sun just beginning to peek through the clouds, the view was breathtaking.
But things started to go downhill for me...fast. With my stomach in knots I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and sprinted for the nearest on board lavatory that luckily was unoccupied. I didn't even have the chance to lock the door behind me when I buried my head into the metallic toilet and emptied the contents of my stomach. I'm not sure how much time had elapsed as I continued to dry heave and purge my guts when I heard knocking at the door.
"Hey! It's me. You okay in there?" Stacie had woken up from her nap and was checking on me. "We're landing soon so they need you to get back to your seat."
Without acknowledging her I flushed the toilet and rinsed the acidic taste from my mouth with sink water then used paper towels to dry my hands and face. Looking at my reflection in the mirror I was ghostly white and looked like death warmed over me. With the door opening Stacie took one look at my pitiful expression and shook her head in sympathy then brought us back to our seats. In my weakened state I didn't even have the strength to fasten myself in.
"Jesus, Beca. You barely survived the flight here, how the hell are you going to get through our performance?" She asked softly with concern while helping to secure my seatbelt, then fastening her own. "What are you going to tell the girls?"
Shaking my head I didn't know how to respond but then noticed my MacBook was gone. Shit! I cursed to myself and wondered if Stacie read the emails. Did she know what I was planning?
"Where's my laptop?"
"One of the stewards shut it down and stowed it overhead."
"So...you didn't see...?"
"See what?" She asked with a less than thrilled demeanor. By the way she retorted she had to know what I was up to.
"Nothing. Just forget about it."
"Are you going to be alright?" She asked, placing her hand over mine. It was a sweet gesture that warmed my heart. Stacie was a good friend who truly cared and wasn't afraid to show her affection. She'd come a long way to become a therapist who had battled her own demons with her blemished past. She gave credit to being associated with the Barden Bellas and poured all of her dance expertise into choreography for our many performances, and to this day she claims it was a cappella that brought her back from her dark place. Perhaps if I allowed it, the same could happen to me. "Beca, are you going to be okay?" She asked again, bringing me out of my reverie.
"I'll have to be." I finally responded and closed my eyes as we started our final descent.
Twenty minutes later we landed safely in Copenhagen and would soon be reunited with our friends. To the Bellas, participating in Worlds was the ultimate in competition and would also be our last performance as a group. To me, this meant so much more. I was in fact ending my relationship with Jesse and running away just like the song I listened to on the way over here. To the people that made an impact in my life they will probably see me as a coward for leaving my problems behind instead of facing them head on. But I no longer cared what anyone thought. This was the beginning of a new life for me with a fresh start, and that's all that mattered.
A/N: 'Dark Side' lyrics by Busbee and Alexander Geringas; performed by Kelly Clarkson. I don't normally copy and paste song lyrics but this perfectly summed up their story up to this point. A quick acknowledgment to CajunQueen714 for introducing me to this song.
Does Stacie know about Beca's secret? Will this be the end of Beca and Jesse? Please R&R and let me know your thoughts and what you think will happen. Next time the Bellas will be together.