I glanced down as my side burned, my vision blurred. A brief moment. The shirt I wore was already dark and damp with sweat but just above my hip the fabric was darkening. My mind told me it was blood. My mind was also screaming at me to run. My body hardly listened. I looked up in confusion gaze searching for him. His dark eyes are loosing their light. There is blood marring his beautiful face. I reach for him and find a jolt as pain rips through my body. I'm falling before I can reach him. Is that my blood on his face?

Just a dream. Its just a dream.

I sprung up from my bed. My heart was hammering in my chest, thoughts whirling. At first I almost didn't recognize the room. It was a stranger's room. The body I was in was too small, a stranger as well.

A knock at the door.

"Masa?" Yoshino called out softly.

I realized slowly that I was pulled in tight. My chakra was slipping and panic rose up in my throat. I took a strong hold to keep it in place.

"W-what?" I swallowed down the tremble in my voice.

I was okay. I really was. After all it had only been a dream. Mom was outside my door, which was odd she usually knocked before stepping in. Perhaps there had been a reason for it… but it was odd.

In the silence of the room I could hear her relieved sigh outside.

"Come help me with breakfast," She said as she stepped away.

I'm okay. I reminded myself as I slid out of the bed.

I went to the bathroom first, ignoring the small child in the mirror. My hands were still shaking. I washed hands and face with cool water and went out to face the day. Which I hoped to float through. I had thought I had worked past this feeling of being an outsider. At the very least I had more days when I felt like I belonged.

Mom had me doing a few more complicated tasks, stuff that she usually had Shikako do and on rare occasion Shikamaru. I didn't mind, the only hindrance was the short reach I had or my hands being too small. She was teaching me to cook the very same things her own mother had likely taught her.

"Okay, I'll do the rest," She said motioning me out when it came time to cook with the hot oil. "Go wake your father up and do some training."

I marched upstairs yet instead of waking up the man I crawled up into the bed with him. Which really was more than enough to wake up a ninja, especially a jounin commander. Still he pretended to be asleep still, even when he pulled me into his arms. I didn't dare close my eyes, the images were still floating in the back of my mind. Closing my eyes would just bring them back to life.

So I looked over Shikaku's face, the two scars that had always been there for as long as I could remember. I poked the lower scar, his upper cheek right under his eye. Part of my mind wondered what had caused them. A jutsu or an actual weapon? They weren't clean cuts, or at least they hadn't healed cleanly.

A dark eye opened to look at me, I felt my face heat up and pulled my hand back.

"Dad…" My voice came out a whisper, his other eye popped open and he waited for me to continue, "What happened to me when I was four?"

The man hadn't been able to cover up his flinch fast enough. I suddenly felt short of breath as I realized that something traumatic had happened. It was one theory why I thought I recalled a previous life.

I shook my head suddenly deciding it was better not to know. Then I realized I hadn't voiced it out and my dad was still trying to struggle through his brain. Which only made me feel worse, that it was that bad.

"Never mind, I don't want to know." I hated my voice for breaking with emotion. Quickly I buried my face in his chest. Shikaku pulled me closer, hand soothing over my back.

"I'm sorry," The man whispered, "I don't think I can talk about it…"

"Its probably better I don't remember…"

Dad tensed slightly and I felt so guilty for letting the words slip out. I should've just come up with something instead of speaking what was on my mind. My body was trembling again and I was glad for his comforting presence.

Muscles started to relax, the tension in my shoulders easing. I let my eyes fall shut as staring at his rumpled shirt didn't give me much to look at. I must've drifted off to his even breathing and the hand playing with my hair.

Having caring parents were really nice.

And yet…

"You two should be training," Yoshino admonished as she stripped the blanket away.

Dad huffed out a half laugh, then his hand gently shook my shoulder as I tried to curl closer into him. It wasn't like it was cold but the blanket had been so comfortable. I let out a groan in protest, I was so tired and I was actually getting some rest. A dream of the deer living so peaceful in the forest.

I needed to take a moment to draw today… that might help out.

"Masa," Shikaku called out in a voice light with amusement, "Lets go eat."

I could feel mom's presence, if I didn't move then she was going to get involved again.

"Shikamaru and Shikako should be home today." I popped right up at his words, a little took quickly because my head slammed into his chin. I held back the urge to cry out and instead curled into myself clutching my head.

Yoshino laughed, more or less because Shikaku was reeling as well. She muttered something about hardheaded lazy bones but was still prone to laughter as she made her way out of the bedroom.

I kicked my feet out, they bounced on the bed, up until the pain started to retreat. Gentle I felt the knot that had formed, it was still so tender. I sent a teary eyed look toward my father. Maybe it was more of a pout than accusatory glare.

I slipped out of the bed though as Shikaku slowly dragged his feet toward the bathroom. I groaned again as muscles protested at me, I had pushed myself a little too hard in training yesterday. I had felt more than motivated when Hanabi had landed me on my ass several times during sparring. It was hardly anything to be ashamed of but it was just more proof that I needed to be better. Faster and stronger.

"Mom," My voice came out a whine, "Can we bake cookies today?"

"Maybe if you don't dawdle around after school."

I grunted, and made no promise. Since really if I wanted to get some drawing in after school was my best shot. It was the time I could disappear for a few hours without anyone looking for me.

I left the house after doing the dishes and feeding the deer. I had to repeat to myself that I only had to wait out the day. Maybe the twins would be home before I was even done with school. There wasn't a whole lot I could exactly recall about the beginning of the series other than Orochimaru and the Akatsuki being big giant dicks.

I probably was over thinking it all. They had passed and they'd be home. Yet I couldn't move past the seed of worry pitted in my stomach. The tension in my shoulders returned and the stress only caused me to recall my nightmare. I probably shouldn't have eaten so much breakfast…

The worst bit was that they wouldn't be any safer at home I couldn't do anything about what was to come. If we made to to adulthood four years was going to seem like nothing but as children… it was a big gap of growth.

I stopped in my tracks. I was about halfway to the academy, and people were starting to make themselves busy in the streets and occasional markets. For the most part though the area was more residential.

Sealing.

The thought pinged like a giant lightbulb.

There was a reason Shikako had started looking into it. Was it more than interest? Was she searching for an answer there?

My heart fluttered.

Could there be a way to get us back to the world I came from?

I was pretty sure she was from the same world, there were things she said and did but… there were moments where I wasn't so sure. I was just too much of a coward to confront her. She probably knew about me… I don't know. There were moments when she gave me these looks, but she didn't say anything either.

Still I could help her. She would be busy with missions, and now with the exams.

Instead of heading to the academy I veered toward Konoha library. It had far more than the Nara Clan library. I started putting together a list. Obvious anything I could manage on sealing. Most of which would be medical textbooks, but maybe there was something in the mix that Kako had missed.

I managed to pull some philosophy books, a lot of which were written by monks. I don't really know why I thought it would help, but there was a lot of speculation in sealing. Whatever might link to sealing, I added it to the pile.

My stack of books on the table I hogged earned me plenty of curious gazes. No one bothered me though, to which I was very glad for.

This could help her. I could help her with this.

I ignored all irrelevant thoughts and tried to pile together all previous things I had tried to learn about the topic. I admit I had been paying far less attention than I had thought. Part of me had just wanted to impress people. Now however it was different. I could help.

This would be how I would help.

I pressed palms against my eyes. All this reading and I felt like I had gotten no where. Not any closer to understand this confusing onslaught of information. The medical was the worst bit as there were more books on medical sealing than anything else. I had gotten a little more understanding on the different types, that some seals had to deal with the elements. Some to do with yin and yang. And then… there was some bits about spirit and souls and something to do with chakra opening the gate.

No wait. That didn't sound right. I think I was mixing things together.

My head felt ready to explode with information.

It was confusing and I didn't know how to filter through the important stuff with things that someone had just put in to sound smart. To which I would later find out in a book was a point to some other topic they added. And so was it actually important?

I groaned and didn't move.

"So this is where you're hiding," Iruka's voice was soft as we were inside a library. He pulled up a chair to sit beside me.

I dropped my hands to my lap and looked at him. "I'm not hiding."

"You're skipping." I almost groaned again as I thought of all the times Shikamaru got in trouble for skipping out on class. Maybe it hadn't been the brightest idea, I had no doubt that mom and dad would hear about this.

"This is more important," I decided and started to shuffle through my notes. The pages were covered, crammed handing writing to had questions and things I picked up later. I flipped it all to a blank page, it was rather nice looking at a fresh new start.

"Why is this more important than school?" He made a gesture that took in the whole table. I think he was trying to understand me, maybe because I didn't have a record for skipping. I suppose Iruka was awesome like that, never expecting the worse just because previous students had skipped to cause trouble.

Maybe I wouldn't get punished if I could make him understand.

Yet really I hardly wanted to think through this. I didn't want to deal with anyone right now. My head was throbbing and I needed to know this.

This is how I could help.

"Its important…I need to get stronger." My jaw tensed as pain shot through my head. Despite myself I started rubbing my temples. It didn't really help yet it gave me short break before I forced myself into more researching.

Ugh. I really needed to escape for a drawing session.

Iruka let out a sigh. "You are strong, and you shouldn't force yourself. You're the top of the class."

I looked at the man. I wasn't sure what to feel but his dark eyes were filled with concern. I recognized the look, remembered his worry and shock when I had burst out into relieved tears. This was him checking up on me as much as trying to get me back to class. Which the school day was almost over.

"I need to be better," Then despite the warning sounds going off in my my brain I added, "This is how I can help."

Iruka worked through a few words before finally settling, "But if you don't take it easy then everyone will only worry about you. Shikamaru and Shikako will worry. Your mom, your dad, all of your family."

I pressed my hands back against my eyes.

Adults were a really big pain in the ass.

Especially these adults, they were training children the kill. Why did it matter if I pushed myself harder than the rest? It might be the thing that ensured my life when I did end up going out into the field.

Iruka's hand went to my shoulder and I almost pulled away.

"They'll need my help and I need to be ready," I tried my voice surprisingly calm. "This is how I'll help, its important."

The man let out another sigh, "Let's go. Let's go take a break alright?"

He didn't give me much of a choice and practically dragged me outside. I felt cold dread that quickly shifted to surprise when he took me out toward a small park. It was empty and he let me go.

"Let's start with stretches."

"What?" I asked dumbly gaping at him.

His eyebrow quirked, "You've been sitting all day, you need to exercise."

I caught the devilish glint in his gaze, the kind of the look when he decided to test us in our skills. So he was going to punish me but he was also enabling my need to get better. Well I expect a lot worse to come later, but for now… it wasn't often that Iruka gave anyone one on one time. When he did then he tried his best to make sure everyone had a little of his time as well.

The way my head hurt… all I wanted to do was lay down. No, drawing would be better because then I wouldn't be thinking.

My body was slow to move yet after warm up stretches things got a little better. The knot in my back had eased away. But it would become nothing compared to the bruises Iruka gave me as his training quickly became mom spartan level.

I should've known that after the hour of taijutsu training he would make me clean up the table and then drag me back for the last hour of class. I suppose I was lucky I wasn't getting an earful in front of everyone.

Which I suppose only made them all more curious as to why it didn't seem like I was being punished. A few even stuck around after class to try and see if Iruka was just waiting after to scold me. I tried to ignore the disappointment some showed when I left the classroom like any other day.

AN: oh hey there reviews are showing up now lol thanks everyone~~ also hope you like this. I think the longest part of it was putting pieces together that i had written for a few different chapters.

and i promise the next chapter will be a lot lighter and maybe funny? i don't know it had been really fun to write at the time... again thanks so much for reading!