Chapter 9 - Sploosh
- YOU LITTLE BITCH! GET OFF HIM!
- come one, I was just having fun.
- YOU WERE DRAINING HIM!
- he is fine, he didn't object or any...
- HE CAN'T EVEN TALK!
- Come on, Sarah, I was just having fun
- YOU ALMOST KILLED HIM.
- What I mean is...
And this is how the never ending battle begins, with Ahri doing something stupid and Miss Fortune yelling, at first Sarah seemed more friendly towards Ahri, but now I think she hates her more than me, I know Ahri needs life essence from living beings, that's why she keeps assaulting the crew, no one has died so far but Sarah, it's at the edge, I'm afraid she will throw Ahri at the sea, the men were surprisingly weak against the fox, they seemed unable to say no to her and that made Sarah extremely angry.
None of this matters to me, since we set sail I've been imprisoned in Miss Fortune's cabin, thanks to Ashe I avoided staying at the hold of the boat, instead I can stay here, reading every log book Miss Fortune has and learn about Valoran, most of them are deals, contracts, maritime routes and several "WANTED" posters, this gave me a better understanding about Sarah, a life filled with rough and rude men made her wary about things such as myself, it will take some time, but I believe we can get along, I just have to try harder.
- SHUT UP! - I heard Sarah yell at the distance - Y'KNOW? I ONLY NEED TO DELIVER THE SQUID! I CAN THROW YOU AT THE SHARKS ANYTIME, SLUT!
- Don't be like that - Ahri said rather flirty - just give me a chance, you, me, Octodad, I think we can have some fun - I heard the crew whistle.
- THIS AIN'T A IONIAN COMIC! I'M SO DONE WITH YOU AND YOUR BULLSHIT! EVERY DAY YOU ALMOST KILL ONE OF MY MEN AND YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST LAUGH AND FORGET EVERYTHING?! BUT THE WORST THING IS THAT FRIGGING SQUID! I HAVE TO KEEP HIM INSIDE MY CABIN SINCE YOU, BITCH, TRY TO EAT HIM EVERY NIGHT AND I CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE, YES, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH HENTAI TO KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING! SO TELL ME, WHY WOULD I LOWER MYSELF FUCKING A SLUT AND A SQUID?!
- Damn dog, that's in props - Ahri said laughing
I heard Sarah roaring and chasing Ahri over the deck, yes, this was my every day now, a shut-in hearing two women fight over something-something hentai, could have been worse, but as a matter of fact, I like my current situation, I finally will uncover the secrets of the stork, I just hope nothing bad happens.
- Captain - I heard a crew member say - calm down, everything is going to be fine, let's...let's sing a song, you love when the whole crew sings, right?
- okay - I heard Sarah say - Okay, sing something and just...just keep that whore out of my way.
- okay, alright guys, just like we practiced - I heard the crew running around the deck - One, two, three...
"Who can take a sunrise
Sprinkle it with dew
Cover it in chocolate
And a miracle of two
The candym..."
- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SONG? - Sarah yelled.
- It's something Demacian sailors taught us - the crew member explained - they said this allowed them to lube their manhood and achieve a deeper friendship.
- We need to talk about "phrasing"...anyways, never get close to them again...and sing something else.
- Understood, alright men, again, one, two, three...
"Are you ready kids?
Aye, Aye, captain
I can't hear you!
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN
OHHHH...
WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?
SPON..."
- HOLY SHITSNACKS! DO YOU WANT TO GET SHOT IN THE FACE, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU GET SHOT IN THE FACE?
- w...we are sorry captain, one last chance, just one more time
-Alright... I'll give you one more time...
"ONE MORE TIME, WE ARE GONNA CELEBRATE
OH YEAH, ALL RIGH, DON'T STOP THE DANCING
ONE MORE TIME...PLEASE NO, CAPTAIN, DON'T SPANK ME, PLEASAARWHRHR.
I chuckled, the pirates were a happy bunch of fools, always doing random things, but they were funny, so I guess doing random things was good, I mean, every now and then, so I decided to join them, they aren't scared of me, it feels that they are more interested in my relationship with Sarah and Ahri, I'm not sure why, but it seems they want me to befriend them, after they say that someone yells "phrasing".
- Ah, mister squid, fancy seeing you outside the cabin - a crew member said to me.
- I curious about the racket here.
- hehe, just be careful, "curiosity killed the cat" as they say.
- I'm not a cat.
- yeah, you are just an evil looking entity with lots of love to give - the crew member smirked.
-I still ignore this "love" thing.
- Don't worry you will get it with time, anyways, stay away from the captain, she is incredibly pissed, be caref...
- WHAT IS THAT SQUID DOING HERE? - I heard Sarah yell - GET YOUR ASS BACK TO MY CABIN.
- I don't have an a...
- I DON'T CARE! GET OUT OF MY S...
- CAPTAIN - a crew member yelled - WE HAVE AN UNKNOW SHIP FOLLOWING US.
- WHAT?
A few miles behind our ship a galleon was stalking us, Sarah stared at it a few seconds then bit her lip, she seemed to know that ship.
- it's okay guys, they aren't enemies, it will be a bit annoying but we will be fine.
- what do you mean "annoying"? - Ahri asked.
- they are just a bunch of idiots doing idiot things because they are idiots...and Ahri put some goddamn pants on.
- hey, maybe I can trade my "services" for our freedom - she said grinning.
- Maybe you can shut your dick holster.
- Well...
- Don't answer me - Sarah sighed - Anyways if they ask, we don't want cocaine, and also, Squid, shut up, I know the captain and he might actually eat you.
- EAT ME? - I asked frightened.
The ship got closer until it was even with us, in the deck I saw some ugly looking pirates with their swords ready, at the front, there was a pirate with a flaming sword and an orange, he looked at Sarah with mischieve.
- well, well, it's the infamous Miss Fortune - he said gruffly.
- Gangplank, listen closely, don't step into my ship unless you want holes - Sarah said aiming her guns at him.
- er...phrasing - Ahri whispered.
- I-I mean, not my holes but you get the idea - Sarah exclaimed embarrassed.
- Don't worry, Fortune, I don't want your holes, I want that squid, he looks rather delicious - Gangplank said licking his lips.
- Please, don't eat me - I said hiding behind Sarah.
- HOLY SHITSNACKS! HE CAN TALK?! WE ARE EATING CEBICHE TONIGHT BOYS! - Gangplank roared.
- As much as I like the idea you can't eat him, I need to deliver him to Ionia - Sarah said pushing me away.
- Come on Sarah, I'll give you a mermaid, I was planning on turning her into sushi...but I want that squid better.
- Wait - Sarah said rubbing her temple - you're telling me you actually caught a mermaid...and the only thing you can think about is eating her? Are you drunk or what?
- well, yeah, I'm totally shitfaced.
- But you are always drunk.
- Well, yeah, I've been drunk since I can remember, I'm afraid if I stop drinking all at once the cumulative hangover would, literally, kill me, but that's different story for another time, for now, let me show you the mermaid, maybe you will change your mind once you see her, BRING HER BOYS!
The pirates went into the ship, after a few minutes they brought a big metal cage, inside it, there was a strange creature, her skin was green with scales all over her, her eyes were of a crimson red, instead of legs she had a fish tail, this beautiful creature was a mermaid.
- Wait...that's no mermaid, she is a Marai, and not any Marai, she is MY FRIEND NAMI!
- SARAH, PLEASE, SAVE ME - Nami yelled crying.
- So we ain't eating her? - Gangplank asked.
-FUCK N...
I jumped out of my hiding spot, rushed towards the Marai, knocking down everything in front of me, I heard the pirates yell, but I was unstoppable, with my limbs I broke the cage and looked at the Marai closely, Nami looked back, filled with fear, Yes...Yes.
- SQUID! - I heard Sarah groan behind me - WHAT THE...
- AMAZING! - I yelled picking up the Marai, touching every corner of her body - MAGNIFICENT! THRUTFULLY! NEITHER A HUMAN OR A FISH!, WHAT ARE YOU? - I started touching her chest - DO YOU POSSESS A NORMAL HEARTBEAT? OR IS IT SOMEHOW DIFFERENT? TELL ME! I MUST KNOW!.
- p...please - I heard the Marai plead, moaning - no, please...stop.
- WHOOO HOOO! - The crew members shouted - HERE COMES THE HENTAI!
- HERE COMES NOTHING! VEL'KOZ LEAVE HER ALONE! - Sarah yelled at me.
- I...I... - I looked at the Marai, she seemed uncomfortable - I...I'm sorry, I got excited...Vi told me to never do this again...I'm sorry Nami.
- SO YOU NAILED THE ENFORCER?! DAMN DOG! YOU ARE HARDCORE!
- You just went into the...DANGER ZONE!
- that's hentai man, pure hentai!
- IF ANY OF YOU, MORGLERS, SAYS HENTAI ONE MORE TIME I'M FEEDING YOU TO THE SHARKS! - Sarah yelled.
- It's okay, Sarah - Nami said patting her shoulder - It was sudden but it felt...somehow good, but anyways, don't do it again, there is another fic where this happens and we don't want to get in trouble.
- Another fic? What does that even mean?
- Uhm... I mean... You must do this with the one you love.
- the one...you love? - I asked completely confused.
- Forget it, Nami, Squid doesn't know shit, he is traveling to Ionia in order to "learn", but it's useless.
- HEY! HEY! HEY! - Gangplank yelled suddenly - YOU'RE FORGETTING ABOUT ME! I AIN'T HANDING THAT MERMAID FOR FREE! YOU EITHER GIVE ME THE SQUID OR YOUR LIVES! - He said aiming his gun at Sarah.
- alright, Squid, please, destroy his ship - Sarah said to me.
- But...Vi told me killing is bad.
- just the ship, I mean, you wanted to destroy mine.
-If you say so...
- STOP THE IGNORING ME YOU SEA...!
I turned around and started channeling my energy, Sarah yelled something I couldn't hear, after one second I unleashed my disintegration laser on the ship...uhm, Wood, silk, metal, gunpowder, italic liquids, some rotten food, several rats...hm..."fluids"...I rather erase that from my memory, after I return to the present, Gangplank and his crew are looking at what was left with their jaws open.
- So... - Sarah said smiling - There seems to be a plank over there, I think you can use it.
- You can't be serious...
- well, you can always swim...
With a sigh, Gangplank ordered his man to board the...board.
- you will pay for this - Gangplank said from the board.
- I never pay, planky, and please take a bath, you smell like a whore house.
- something, something, your fingers.
- WHAT?!
We watched them disappear into the distance, meanwhile, the crew was having a party, singing thinks like "praise the lord squid", "unleashes the Kraken" or "kuroinu".
- Sarah? - Nami asked shyly - Can you take me to Ionia? ya know, the Harrowing and all, I don't really want to be by myself.
- Of course - Sarah answered patting Nami's head - everything for my old friend, but I have to ask you something, can I?
-Sure, go ahead.
- Do you like fish sticks?
- Hmm - Nami thought about it - they are alright.
-That makes you a gay fish!