THE BEST PART OF ME

CHAPTER SIX – Run Down

Donna had felt ready to tell Harvey.

Six days ago.

Since then it had been one thing after another. Full days of work for both of them, including no less than three huge emergencies, then Jessica had sent Harvey and Rachel up to Boston to win back a huge client they'd lost to Travis Tanner's firm.

Donna was frustrated and angry now. She was almost nine weeks pregnant and she was sick. Her morning sickness – no strike that – her all day sickness was rendering her less than useless. The past three days had been better with Harvey gone because she'd been able to hide away in her cubicle, doing as little as possible. Gretchen had checked on her a few times, bringing her no fewer than five packets of ginger cookies to keep in her desk drawer, swearing they'd do the trick. Donna thanked her, but knew nothing helped her nausea and she was starting to worry about the fact she wasn't keeping anything down. She'd never felt so tired and she'd never felt so weak. Cravings? Well she hadn't had any of those which was a good thing because if she did, she'd barf whatever she craved straight back up again anyway.

It was 2.30pm in the afternoon and Harvey had just called through to let her know he and Rachel were on their way back from Boston. He'd signed the deal, gutted Tanner and was wondering if she would like to come around for that dinner he'd promised to cook for her at his condo. She saw this as her chance to tell him the baby news and she took it, although the dinner element was obviously worrying given her vomiting habit.

She went into Harvey's office to straighten his desk and make sure he had the files he needed for when he got back later that day. Her stomach oozed and her head was light as she stood. She was used to the sensation, even though it was unpleasant, and she knew to leg it to the bathroom the second the oozy feeling started to rise into her oesophagus, signalling the evacuation of her stomach contents.

She turned around on her heels and lost her balance slightly, gripping onto Harvey's desk chair to steady herself. The dizziness was new. She didn't think this was as much to do with the baby as it was to do with her not being able to hold anything down. She couldn't even manage salad. At home she was living on dry cereal and toast because everything else either made her sick before she'd even put it in her mouth, or it would churn around in her stomach until her body ultimately rejected it. It was like having a stomach bug that never went away.

Donna flopped down at Harvey's desk, her head resting on her arms as she waited for the dizziness to pass. She felt so sick that she was starting to panic, which was stupid, but the room was spinning around her and she felt like she was on a fairground ride which she couldn't get off. She felt tearful as she thought of all the chances she'd had to tell Harvey about the baby. Almost four weeks of fear, procrastination and being physical apart from him had left her precisely where she was when she'd first found out she was pregnant. What a waste of time! Rachel had been right from the start. He was going to be mad she'd taken so long to tell him.

She closed her eyes for a moment, but she was disturbed by shuffling. She squinted one eye open. Louis. What the hell was he doing? He had his back to her and he was tiptoeing backwards into the office. Her brain groaned. He was up to something underhand and she couldn't be bothered with his antics right now. She silently sat up as Louis squeezed the office door closed and, almost in a pirouette, spun around and …

… And then he virtually shit himself.

"Donna!" he exclaimed in alarm.

"Louis!" she mirrored, trying not to laugh. She felt like crap, but teasing Louis could always be relied on to perk her up, even for a moment.

He stood in front of her frozen, his mouth open, his fingers gesturing wildly. He said nothing. He clamped his mouth shut before the words came out and he clammed up.

"What are you doing in here, Louis?" There was a chirpiness to her voice which signalled she was in teasing mode.

"I … uhm … nothing." He'd been caught red-handed. He felt such an idiot.

"Louis. I'm Donna." She didn't have to remind him she knew everything.

His eyes darted around the room as he tried to think of something to say. "I was just looking for Harvey."

"No you weren't." Her eyes sparkled as she enjoyed his discomfort.

He screwed his face up, his mouth disappearing into a pinhole. "Goddamn it Donna, I need something, okay. Why are you in here? I just wanted to check something."

"Spill."

"No."

"I'll tell Harvey."

"I don't care." He pursed his lips shut until his cheeks bulged like a plump apple.

"I'll also tell Harvey about June 3rd 1997."

"Goddamn it Donna, look, I just wanted his files on Carston Jung, okay. I've a chance to win them back …" He looked to his feet and waited for the reprimand like a spoilt child.

"You were going to steal one of Harvey's clients?"

His hands were gesticulating wildly, as if he thought that would get him out of the hot water he was currently boiling in. "No, no … no Donna, see they've already gone. Weeks ago. I was just trying to get them back."

"Trying to get them back. For you?"

He stood statue-like and twiddled his thumb. "Yes," he said sheepishly.

Donna was poised to give him hell, but lifting her head upright without vomiting all over Harvey's desk was enough for her to concentrate on at the moment. She just didn't have the energy to give Louis the tongue-lashing he deserved. "Just get out of here, Louis."

Louis didn't move. "What? That's it?"

She slumped on the desk, resting her head on her arm briefly before reclining backwards in the chair. Her head felt like it was floating away.

"Donna are you okay? You don't look well." Louis looked worried, but his eyes conveyed something else … distrust. Was she pulling one of her acting stunts to make him feel guilty?

Her face flushed and she knew she wouldn't be able to hang on for much longer. Her vision was blurring as she squinted at Louis who was standing nervously in front of her.

"Donna, I … I think I should get someone."

"No, I'm fine Louis." Her mouth began to water – a sensation she knew well, unfortunately. "Just pass me a trashcan."

"A trashcan?"

"Yes a trashcan, quickly!"

Louis scoured the room, then spotted Harvey's trashcan in the corner of the room. He picked it up and stuck it in front of Donna. And not a moment too soon. As soon as it was in her hands she swung around in the chair, hunched over and threw up into it.

Louis flinched. "Jesus, Donna, what's wrong with you? Or more to the point, is it catching?" He covered his mouth with his hand instinctively recoiling from the germs he expected he'd already breathed in.

She hugged the trashcan, dry-retching a couple of times, before putting it down and reclining back again. She usually felt better after being sick, but the room was still spinning around. Tears formed in her eyes as her heart raced in panic.

"Donna, I think I should call you a cab and send you home. How long have you been this sick? You must have a virus."

She couldn't focus. Her hearing had blurred to match her vision. Louis's voice sounded detached from his body as it echoed around the room. "I … I need help, Louis," she said as her porcelain skin paled even whiter, her face now ghostlike. "Please." She winced as she slumped sideways.

Louis knew this was much worse than a bug and he forgot his phobia of germs, rushing to her side. "Donna, I'm calling 911." He placed his arms around her, trying to steady her as she swayed in the chair.

And then she was gone.

She couldn't hold on any longer and the blackness engulfed her.

X X X

Donna's eyes fluttered open to find a stranger looking down at her.

"Miss Paulsen, Donna, my name is Gerry, I'm a paramedic, and this is my colleague Jenna. You fainted, then you've been drifting in and out of consciousness. Can you tell me how you're feeling now?"

Donna couldn't get her bearings. She flinched from the stranger's touch, wondering where she was. She was in shock and she still felt sick. "I … I've felt better," she stammered finally. She was lying on Harvey's sofa. She looked to the side and Louis was sitting in the armchair, bent over clasping his hands together. His face was carved deep with worry as he rested his chin on his knuckles. Jenna, the other paramedic, was kneeling on the floor with an open bag of medical equipment.

"Because you were unconscious for more than two minutes, I think its best we have a doctor take a look at you. How long have you been feeling poorly?"

She didn't want to answer. She motioned with her eyes in Louis's direction, hoping that Gerry would notice and realise she didn't want to talk in front of him.

"Was it sudden?"

Donna shook her head.

"Longer than a day."

Donna nodded her head.

"Can you tell me how long?"

Jesus did she have to spell it out? "Not with an audience I can't," she groaned.

He got it. He looked in Louis's direction and then back at Donna. He took her pulse, then continued his questions in the direction he needed to go. "Could we have some privacy for a moment please?"

Louis shot to his feet. "Of course, I'll be waiting outside," he said immediately. He didn't want to get in the way of the paramedics.

As soon as Louis left the room, Gerry turned back to Donna. "Are you pregnant?"

"Yes, almost nine weeks."

Jenna, the other paramedic, brought a blood pressure monitor forward and passed it to Gerry. He wrapped the cuff around Donna's arm and pumped the apparatus to take a reading. Donna winced as the pressure built up around her forearm. "Your blood pressure is very low, have you been eating properly?"

"No, I can't keep anything down. I'm sick all the time. It's been like this for nearly two weeks and I can't remember the last time I ate a proper meal … I … I feel really ill. And it never gets better." Tears started to fall down her face as she revealed everything to the paramedic. She could talk to a stranger so easily, but she couldn't talk to her friends and that made her sad.

"Morning sickness can be a killer sometimes! How many hours do you work here?"

"Twelve to fifteen per day."

"What?" exclaimed Jenna, a young blonde-haired paramedic in her twenties with kind eyes. "You work those hours every day?"

Donna nodded. It was the way it had always been.

Gerry felt her hands. "Your skin is clammy and your lips look dry. I think you're dehydrated."

"But I've been drinking lots of water," she protested.

"And that's been keeping you going, but it if you're throwing up all the time you're throwing up the water too. We need to get some IV fluids into you or you're going to get very poorly."

Donna nodded and sighed heavily. She didn't want to go to hospital. Not right now. Not the way things were.

"Right we need to get you out of here, do you think you can walk if we help you?"

"I don't know, I'll try."

"Do you have someone to come with you?"

"No!" she snapped.

Gerry shared a knowing look with Jenna. "Nobody knows you're pregnant here, do they?"

Donna shrugged. "Why does that matter?"

"Because if they did, and there's people here who care about you, then you wouldn't be in this state." He helped her sit up and she struggled noticeably. "Look, we really need to call somebody to come with you. Father of the baby, perhaps?"

Donna swallowed hard. "He's not around right now." That at least was technically the truth.

"Do you want us to call him?"

"No," she said, her eyes seething. "What is this?"

"It would just be better if you had somebody to come along with you. You shouldn't be on your own."

"Why, is something wrong? Is something wrong with the baby?" Her voice conveyed how fearful she had been that being sick all the time couldn't be good for her growing child.

"No, nothing like that," said Gerry. "It's you we're worried about. Look, what about that guy who called us in. We won't tell him a thing about your condition. Just let him come in the ambulance and sit with you, eh?"

'Oh shit,' she thought. 'Why did Louis have to be the only one around this afternoon?' She nodded to Gerry. "Okay, if it's okay with him, he can come.

Jenna was almost finished packing up her bag as Gerry helped Donna to her feet. She tried to stand by herself, but she stumbled. "I think we'll have to leave the shoes." He gestured to Donna's four inch high heels. She stepped out of them and Jenna picked them up.

Donna leaned on Gerry who was luckily a tall, well-built man. He opened the door and Louis stood to attention, his face still filled with concern.

"We're taking her to get checked over at hospital. Do you want to come with her?"

"Yes, yes, of course I will."

"Okay, you grab her things, I'm going to carry her because I don't think she can walk out of here, plus it will be quicker."

Louis nodded, took Donna's shoes off Jenna and picked up her handbag from under her desk. He followed the two paramedics down the hallway as quickly as he could, passing onlookers who stared, wondering what on earth was going on. "Get back to work!" hollered Louis, angry at the sideshow that had gathered.

As they got to the elevators Jessica crossed the reception in front of them, shocked at the scene in front of her. "Donna? Louis? What's going on?"

"Donna collapsed," he said to Jessica. "She was out of it for twenty minutes. I'm going to the hospital with her."

Jessica nodded in silence, her eyes wide with astonishment. Donna hadn't been herself for weeks, was this why? Worry was etched on her face as they entered the elevators, the doors closing soon after. She'd known Donna for over ten years. She'd never known her to be sick.

X X X

Donna must have dozed off when she was in the ambulance because when she opened her eyes, she was lying in a hospital bed with a worried-looking Louis sitting to her right hand side. She didn't feel sick anymore which was a good sign. She felt something heavy in her hand and she raised it to see a tube and cannula poking out from under a bandage. The tube was attached to a drip, which she realised was filling her body with fluid.

"The doctor said you should be in here for a day or two." Louis's elbows sat on her bedside and his face rested on his hands. He shifted slightly. He wanted to say something but he was stopping himself.

Donna rolled her eyes, looked at him, then looked back at the hospital ceiling. "Spit it out Louis," she said wearily. May as well get this over with.

"So," said Louis starting to speak. "So … I …"

She squinted at him again and sighed. "Louis, whatever it is, just say it."

"Okay. I'm trying. You just had me really worried back there, that's all."

Donna saw his face crumple and her demeanour softened. "Louis, I'm sorry. I know."

Then he shifted abruptly. "I'm not stupid, Donna!"

"I know you aren't stupid, Louis."

"I know you're not sick. I mean, I know you're not properly sick."

Donna's heart sank as she turned her head to look at him. "You do?"

Louis's face crumpled again. "Yeah, I guessed."

"You have?"

"Donna, just … goddamn it … don't make me say it."

"I've no idea what you're talking about Louis, so I'm afraid you're going to have to."

"You're pregnant," he practically screamed as he shot to his feet. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

Donna held her eyes shut. It was better that way. "Yep."

Louis clamped his hand over his mouth. He guessed, but he was still surprised to hear her confirm it. "I knew it! How long have you known?"

"About a month."

"A month? Jesus Christ, Donna, why didn't you say anything? That's why you've been acting weird isn't it?"

She opened her eyes and looked at him. "I've been sick Louis, that's why I've been acting … that's why I haven't been myself."

"Is it that guy you've been seeing? Where the hell is he while all of this is happening?"

Donna really didn't want to get into this with Louis. She COULDN'T get into it with Louis, not with Harvey not knowing. She'd have to lie. "We broke up weeks ago. He doesn't know."

Louis sat back down next to her and took hold of her hand gently. Donna knew he cared about her, so she allowed herself to appreciate his touch. He was a good friend and she knew he'd do anything for her. "You're not alone, Donna," he said warmly. "Don't ever think you have to go through this by yourself. You should have said something to me, or to anyone of us. We're a family, remember?"

"I know, Louis, but this is a bad time for me … to be … isn't it?"

Louis dismissed her with a roll of his eyes, "shhh, don't say that. This is great news. You're going to have a baby, Donna … a baby! That's fantastic! You're going to be a wonderful mom and … and I'll help you. I've always wanted children, but I'm not fooling myself that that's going to happen in my life. If you need somebody to step in for that jerk, whatever his name was, then I'll do it. Whatever you need, I promise I'll be there for you, every step of the way. You're not alone, Donna."

Donna couldn't help crying at Louis's kindness and she believed every word he said. "Thank you Louis," she said.

Louis squeezed her hand tighter as his own tears started to fall. "Who else knows?" he asked.

"Just Rachel and … Gretchen."

"Gretchen? That secretive battle-axe! How the hell does she know?"

"We use the same bathroom," said Donna.

"Oh," said Louis. He opened his mouth again but nothing came out. "I know before Harvey, then?"

"Yes, but Louis it isn't a competition. Don't make anything out of this."

"I won't, I won't, I promise," he protested, but he couldn't disguise the glint of mischief in his eye. Knowing something this important before Harvey was good mileage.

"Louis, I know what you're thinking." Donna watched her friend try to disguise a devilish smile. "Please promise me you won't say anything. I need to tell everybody about this by myself. Do you understand?"

Louis nodded. "Of course, Donna," he said half-heartedly.

"Louis!" she snapped. "I'm deadly serious here. If you say anything to anyone about this before I'm ready I will never forgive you. Never."

Louis looked hurt, but he realised that this was serious and very personal. He had to behave himself – for once. "Donna, I promise I won't say anything, okay!"

"Good," she said.

"What do you want me to tell Jessica?"

"Just say I have a virus and I'm run down."

"Do you think she'll buy that?"

"Hell, I don't know Louis!" she snapped, but then instantly regretted it. This wasn't Louis's fault. He was trying to help her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I just need to rest, Louis and …"

"Do you need me to go?"

"If you wouldn't mind. Thank you so much for being here, but I need to sleep and get all of this stuff inside me." She pointed to the drip feeding into her arm.

"I'll come back and see you tomorrow," he said as he leant over and kissed her forehead. "Have a good night."

"Thank you for everything, Louis, you're a true friend."

He smiled at her and left the room.

X X X

It was dark in the room when she opened her eyes again, with only the soft glow of the lights in the hospital corridor shining in through a small window above the door.

She felt better. She'd had a good few hours' sleep and she didn't feel nauseous anymore.

She turned over, trying to get comfortable and trying not to pull out the cannula and drip attached to her right arm.

As she turned on her side she gasped in surprise. She couldn't focus at first as it was so dark, the figure just shapes.

Slowly her eyes became accustomed to the lighting and she smiled when she saw the sleeping form of Harvey Specter sitting in an armchair in the corner of the room.

She watched him sleeping and wondered how on earth he'd managed to talk his way into her room. Who had he tricked? Who had he bribed? 'Oh god, who had he threatened to sue?'

But then she started to worry.

Had Louis told him? Did he know? No, Louis promised he wouldn't say anything and the hospital wouldn't give out private information.

She moved around in the bed realising that ultimately it didn't matter. She would have to tell him tomorrow, and from that moment on things would never be the same again for any of them.