Chapter One

On Kurt's first day at McKinley High School, Principal Figgins told everyone that the four years they were all going to spend at that school were going to be the best of their lives.

This was clearly a lie, for not ten minutes afterwards came Kurt being pushed into a locker by a jock.

"I thought High School would be different," Sadness mumbled just as a shining blue memory rolled into Headquarters.

Fear slapped a hand to his face. "I knew it, I just knew that we would get shoved into something! I tried to tell you all, but no one listened!"

Disgust made a noise at the back of her throat. "Eww, is it just me or did that jock smell like he hadn't showered in two weeks?"

"Can we ignore the no violence rule, just this once?" Anger tried, moving closer to the panel - it had been updated throughout the years and was now large enough for all of them to stand behind. "We could teach that punk not to mess with us, no problem-"

Joy quickly intervened by throwing herself in between Anger and the panel. "No, no...we can deal with this. He probably didn't mean to shove us, right? I mean, it's a busy corridor, and there's not much room...it was probably an accident..." She tapped a button on the panel and gave a small smile to her companions. "We've got to keep positive - for Kurt."

The rest of the weeks unfolded in a much too similar fashion however; it was clear that the locker pushes were no accidents, and they were soon accompanied by taunts and vile words slung towards Kurt by jocks, cheerleaders and even the losers alike. It was not easy for Joy to try and keep control, though she tried her best because she knew that Kurt couldn't do this without them. Occasionally she would allow Sadness to take over, but only when she was sure that Kurt was somewhere private where no one would see him such as a bathroom or at home.

In the end, though, it was pointless.

The blue memory orbs were becoming more and more frequent as the days went on; over the years the joyful yellow ones had gradually decreased, and every days Headquarters would fill with mostly sad blue memories with the occasional red, green or purple ones. Occasionally Joy would leave the panel so as to pick one of them up and replay it in her hands; she had always liked doing this, especially with the yellow orbs she had helped to create.

She stopped when it got too painful to watch any longer.

Halfway through the year, the emotions came to the realization that things were slightly different than they should be; for one thing, they suspected that at Kurt's age it was not normal to be staring at cute boys instead of the cheerleaders in their short skirts.

"Well," Joy tried to explain, not quite sure what to say. "The boys are a lot cuter."

Disgust shook her head. "No, not all of them. Though that Finn Hudson isn't too bad on the eyes, I will admit."

"This is just great," Anger seethed, banging his fist on the panel in frustration. "First it was the high-pitched voice, and now it's this! Those other kids will kick the crap out of us if they realize that we're gay!"

Fear looked terrified at the prospect. "But...but it's not like we want to be gay - they can't hurt us over something we can't help!"

Sadness gave a long sigh. "Dad won't love us anymore. Goodbye life as we know it...Hello loneliness and isolation."

"Guys, being gay is not a bad thing!" Joy stated confidently. "Look, I get that it's inconvenient considering how unpopular we are, but the signs have always been there. What we need to do is make sure that we're sure about this whole being gay thing, and in the mean time keep it on the down low." She turned to Disgust. "This is where you come in; if Kurt starts gazing at a boy for too long, try and gross him out of it."

"And how am I supposed to do that?" Disgust asked disdainfully.

Joy gave a shrug. "I don't know...remind him that those boys are probably carrying germs? It's your job, not mine." She turned to Fear and Sadness. "You two need to try and keep as positive as possible; panicking won't help us or Kurt."

"I'll try," Sadness mumbled.

"But so many things could happen to us if everyone finds out that we're gay!" Fear burst out. "We could be beaten up, o-or thrown out of the house...but if we keep it a secret than we'll have to lie for the rest of our lives!"

Anger grabbed Fear by the sides and shook him on the spot. "Stop freaking out and shut up!" He growled lowly; a flame flickered on his head for a brief moment, a sign that he was close to losing control. "We feel bad enough as it is without you telling us everything that could go wrong!"

"Stop fighting!" Joy exclaimed, separating them with her hands. "Look, nothing is for sure yet, and fighting will just make everything worse!" She turned back to the screen and took a deep breath. "All we can do is wait and see."

Each trait of Kurt's personality was stemmed from the creation of core memories - extremely important orbs that had a special place in Headquarters so that they could be kept safe from fading away. Each orb powered a different island that made Kurt who he was, from what he considered important to skills and hobbies.

Firstly there was Family Island; this was powered by the joyful memory of Kurt playing tea parties with his parents on a summer afternoon - quite an amusing sight to look back on for the emotions, considering the fact that Kurt's dad had looked ridiculous eating pretend cupcakes with a tiny tea cup. This island had originally featured a statue of Kurt with his parents, and included details such as the old swing-set in the back garden, teddies from games and the infamous tea party set that Kurt always loved to play with. The island had suffered a severe blow after Kurt's Mom died, they realized; the statue had crumbled away, and it had taken nearly a whole year for one to appear in its place - this time a slightly smaller statue of Kurt with father, though they were further apart than in the original statue.

Joy's personal favourite was Broadway Island; originally Musicals Island, it had stemmed from Kurt and his mother watching musicals together on the television such as The Sound of Music. Over the years, as Kurt's awareness of the world outside of Ohio grew so did the island; now it was dominated by the image of Kurt's name in shining lights, of the fantasy of being recognized and loved by fans all over the world. As Kurt's favourite musical was Wicked, there were always songs from the soundtrack that played throughout the day as well as a giant poster in the background.

For Disgust, Fashion Island had been a severe improvement to their lives; she was so thrilled when Kurt became interested in fashion and the island formed that she spent most of her time gazing out at it longingly. From the distance there were sewing machines, catwalks, models wearing outfits that Kurt came up with in his mind...it was heaven! The memory of Kurt's amazement upon realizing he could make his own outfits powered it, and as his sense of fashion developed more green orbs began to come in - mostly at the sight of other teenage boys' hideous outfits.

Other islands had fallen throughout the years though; Friendship Island was gone now, as all of Kurt's friends from childhood had either deserted him or moved away. Part of this was their own fault: when Sadness took over (which was becoming increasingly often) Kurt became isolated and more withdrawn.

Although they were all rather disappointed that Kurt only had three islands left, Joy managed to come up with an optimistic approach to cheer them all up.

"We're only just starting out in life!" She told them with a grin. "As we get older, more islands will form - I just know it!"

Sophmore year was no better than Freshman year, much to Joy's dismay.

"Out of the way, fag!"

All of the emotions looked on in horror as one of the football jocks, Dave Karofsky, shoved Kurt into a locker for the hundredth time in over a year. Though it was not new, it was still unpleasant, and they didn't enjoy the experience.

Anger was the first to recover, and he was already starting to flare up. "Push us?! You know what, I'm sick and tired of this!" And he jabbed his finger roughly at the panel.

"Sorry," Kurt bit out testily as Karofsky greeted Noah Puckerman - also known as "Puck" - across the hall. "Hope I didn't make you late for remedial math!"

Disgust gave Anger a nudge. "Nice one."

Puck and Karofsky both spun around to glare at Kurt, the hint of a threat in their eyes. "What was that?" Puck questioned icily.

Fear let out a small moan and hurriedly pushed at some of the buttons on the panel. "No, we can't get hit again!"

"Nothing," Kurt murmured quietly. "I just said I was sorry."

Karofsky eyed Kurt up for a moment before slamming his fist down and knocking the folder and books in his hands away. Puck laughed and kicked it so that it skidded on the floor; grinning, the two jocks pounded fists and began to make their way down the corridor.

The emotions looked around at each other in slight trepidation.

"It could be worse," Joy tried uselessly. "Right?"

"Another day, another cataclysmic humiliation," Sadness whined, and she took a step up to the panel. "Can I drive?"

Joy let out a small sigh. "Sure. It's probably best that we let him feel sad for a while - it'll make it better for when he feels happy." She looked down at the floor in an almost ashamed way. "It's been so long since Kurt was happy."

Kurt trembled slightly as he bent to pick up his books; before he could, however, some passing students kicked them further away and giggled. Anger made to move for the control panel, but Disgust stopped him and shook her head.

Suddenly there was a low buzz and all of the lights in Headquarters cut out; in near darkness, the emotions could only look around at each other in confusion - and then they saw it.

"The control panel's turned off!" Fear stated, voice suddenly high-pitched.

Sadness pushed at a button but to no avail - nothing happened. Her fellow emotions gathered around and began to fiddle with different buttons or levers in the hopes of doing something to regain control.

"What's happening?" Sadness cried.

"I don't know," Joy answered uselessly. "It's not reacting to anything that we do!"

Anger slammed a fist down. "It has to react to something! Maybe if we smash it?"

Disgust looked up at the screen and her eyes widened. "Guys, what's Kurt doing?!"

They all followed her gaze and realized at the same moment; in their panic they hadn't realized that Kurt had continued down the corridor and was now standing outside of the guidance counsellor's office. They were in front of a table with piles of leaflets left out for students to look at - and Kurt had picked one up.

ENDING IT ALL: Pros and Cons

"No, Kurt!" Joy yelled desperately, pushing on some buttons fruitlessly. "We are NOT going to do that!"

"What about Dad?!" Sadness thought aloud, close to crying. "He will be so s-s-s-sad!"

"But Headquarters is down," Fear reminded her worriedly. "We can't stop him!"

Sadness let out a small gasp as she realized what was going on. "This is why Headquarters is shut down!" She told them, her voice suddenly quick and urgent. "He's...he's not feeling anything! And that's why he's considering...that!"

The thought was growing darker and darker in Kurt's mind, they could all see; it was as if a cloud was forming in Headquarters and blocking out the lights of reason. Fear tugged at Joy's dress while shaking slightly on the spot. "We have to do something, Joy!"

"Can I help you?"

The lights in Headquarters came back on immediately, and the panel lit up. Fear let out a yelp and as he did so he hit his elbow on one of the levers causing the panel to turn purple. Kurt jumped in surprise and when he turned the emotions saw that one of the teachers had approached them and was looking at Kurt with large brown doe eyes.

"Oh," Kurt said breathlessly, trying to hide what he'd been doing. "No. No, I'm sorry I just made a wrong turn."

"Yes!" Joy exclaimed. "She snapped Kurt out of it!"

Sadness quickly returned to the controls of the panel; to their relief, it turned a blue colour when she touched it - it was working again! "We can't let that happen again," She stated quietly.

"What's your name?" The teacher asked.

"Kurt Hummel."

"Kurt." She held her hand out somewhat cautiously. "I'm Miss Pillsbury, the guidance counsellor."

Fear hid behind his hands. "She saw us looking at the pamphlet! She's going to know!"

Anger gave him a punch on the arm and grumbled, "No, not if we keep our mouths shut! Sadness, make sure she doesn't see the pamphlet."

The blue emotion gave a nod and pressed something; Kurt's hand slid the pamphlet across the table and out of view.

"Are you new to the school?"

Disgust made a noise of annoyance. "Really?! We're sixteen!" Anger nodded and hit a button a bit harder than necessary.

"I'm a sophomore," Kurt corrected, tone slightly annoyed.

Mrs Pillsbury gave a smile and pulled out a bottle of hand-sanitizing spray. "That's awkward. Well, if you ever need anything my door is always open." She proceeded to spray her hands, counting five times under her breath before rubbing them together.

"Definitely something wrong with her," Disgust decided. "We're clean, but that's just over the top."

"...Because feelings don't take vacations, do they? They work in twenty-four hour shifts..."

Anger gave a snort. "Lady, if you only knew!"

"She's rambling too much," Disgust told them, and they all nodded in agreement. "We need to get to class." With that, she pushed a lever.

"It was nice meeting you," Kurt said abruptly, walking past the guidance counsellor quickly.

Fear wiped at his brown in relief. "That was a close one!"

Sadness looked at her fellow emotions in slight confusion. "Guys?...Maybe we should tell someone. I mean, maybe Kurt's having a problem that we can't solve by ourselves..."

"Are you nuts?!" Anger snapped, making her take a step backwards in surprise. "If they find out about Kurt being this unhappy, they'll put him on pills and it'll mess with us! We'd all get influenced by it!"

"Not to mention the counsellors involved," Disgust agreed, wrinkling her nose. "In every movie or book that we know of, counsellors don't actually care about our well-being - or Kurt's - and it would be a huge waste of time."

Joy tried to give Sadness a reassuring smile. "Maybe if everything else fails then we can talk about it - but come on! We know Kurt better than anyone! Of course we can help him out!"

Kurt was humming as he sewed his latest creation together with his sewing machine; the basement had become his bedroom over the recent years, and it was the perfect place for him to be alone without worry of anyone seeing him - especially his dad. He dreaded to think of what his Dad would do if he ever found out about all of the tiaras and heels he kept hidden away.

There was a knock from behind him, and so he turned off his machine before turning around; Burt was coming downstairs - and he looked as if he were forcing himself to smile at his son.

"Oh no," Fear whispered to the others. "We're in trouble. Do you think he found the hope chest? Will he make us get rid of it?"

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Anger growled threateningly, cracking his knuckles.

Joy waved an arm at them to stop talking. "Shh! We need to see what happens!"

"Hey. What's up?"

Joy looked at the others for confirmation, and when they all nodded she began her work on the panel.

"Nothing," Kurt said lightly. "Is it time for me to start dinner?"

Burt hesitated. "Uhh...In a minute," He looked down at his feet briefly and back up at Kurt, clearly unsure as to how to approach the conversation. "I...er...I got called into school by your guidance counsellor today..."

Fear let out a yelp. "She did know!"

"I'm sorry!" Sadness blubbered. "I tried to hide the pamphlet, I really did!"

"Guys, keep it cool," Joy tried to tell them, to no avail. "Maybe if we play it the right way we can convince him that we have no idea what he's talking about."

For a moment it looked as though Burt was tearing up. "...She told me some upsetting stuff."

Disgust nudged Joy. "Pretend that we're happy - it'll make him stop questioning us."

Joy paused before tapping out the instructions, hoping for the best.

"I'm fine, Dad," Kurt tried to dismiss. "She's just over-reacting-"

"Look, Kurt," Burt interrupted seriously. "I don't want to talk about this anymore than you do, okay? You do your thing and I do mine. But you're all alone down here most of the time. You don't have any friends-"

Joy turned to look at Sadness; the blue emotion gave a morose nod and took over silently, both of them knowing that there was no point in pretending any longer.

"You don't understand," Kurt muttered, standing up and moving over to his dressing table where he picked up some chap stick. "School is very complicated for me..."

"I was a teenager," Burt reminded him, taking a step forwards. "I get the pressure; making friends. That's why I joined the football team."

Disgust's mouth fell open as she pushed her way to the front of the controls. "He is not suggesting what I think he is! Football is so gross and sweaty - like, ew! No way are we doing that!"

Kurt turned to face his father quickly, a disbelieving frown etched on his face. "You want me to join the football team-?!"

"I'm not asking here, Kurt!" His father snapped, and Kurt turned away. "This is an order! By this end of this week, I want you on a team or I'm taking away the sewing machine!"

Sadness' mouth gaped open. "No...not the machine..."

"It's only thing making him feel happy nowadays!" Joy agreed worriedly.

Anger's head began to smoulder - a clear warning sign. "Take away the sewing machine?! HE CAN'T TAKE AWAY THE SEWING MACHINE!"

"I got this," Disgust informed them, and with a slight tap she had Kurt turning away from his father with a withering look. "There; now he'll think we're considering doing it - no more arguing."

Fear shook his head. "No..well, yes, it will, but if we don't join a club by Friday then the machine will be gone - you heard Dad!"

Joy put her hands on her hips determinedly - and they suddenly realized that she was glowing slightly. "Then we'll join a club - there's gotta be one that we'll enjoy somewhere in that rotten school! We've just got to find it!"

"Okay, that Rachel girl was super annoying," Disgust began after lunch the following day as Kurt made his way to his next class. "But she did tell us about that Glee Club thing. What do you guys think?"

"Glee Club sounds fun!" Joy exclaimed, a faint glow surrounding her - it was getting stronger and stronger. "Singing and dancing - we're so good at that!"

"But what if we choke our audition?" Fear questioned. "That Rachel was so confident, and we're not! We'll never be as good as her!"

Joy shook her head. "Sure we will, if we practice! Come on, this will be great for us!"

"Rachel said that she'd help us explore our range," Sadness piped up quietly. "That will help us, right?"

"Right!" Joy agreed enthusiastically. "In fact, I think we may have made a friend already - and that's before joining a club!"

"That Rachel is not our friend!" Anger snarled when she walked out of the auditorium on them. "We were way better than her, I'm telling you!"

Joy, who had been in control of Kurt during the rendition of Popular from Wicked, could only look on in surprise. "But...but...we were so good! Why wouldn't she want to audition with us?"

"Because she's selfish, Joy, that's why," Disgust explained, rather exasperated. "Luckily I'm here; I can keep us from being poisoned socially by people like her - that's part of my job, remember?"

"We'll fail our audition!" Fear panicked, waving his arms in the air erratically. "We'll fail, and Dad will take away our sewing machine and that will be it! Even home will be unbearable!"

Sadness sighed as they began to converse amongst themselves about the brunette soprano and laid a hand on the control panel. "I guess I'm in charge again."

Mercedes Jones - that was what it took, they realized, when Joy made Kurt lurch forwards to speak to her.

"I recognize her," She told the other emotions breathlessly. "She's such a good singer! She made one of the windows in her church crack - she's the perfect friend!"

Anger flopped onto the couch tiredly. "This I gotta see."

As it turned out, Mercedes was a far bigger help than Rachel was; she not only encouraged Kurt to match his attitude with his outfits but also offered him the perfect audition song for the upcoming auditions at the end of the day.

Cellophane, Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there.

And when he hit those high notes - well, Joy seemed to swell with sheer pride.

"That was awesome!" She yelled when the audition ended and they exited the auditorium. "Guys, do you feel as good as I do?! Because we were amazing, and that whole thing was amazing too!"

Anger gave a small grumble. "I'd be more pleased if that teacher had actually looked at us instead of at his notepad - what a douche!"

"That was...not bad," Sadness said slowly, and she was even giving a tiny smile.

Disgust smoothed down her hair, looking satisfied. "You were right, Joy; that Mercedes girl needs to be our friend, she's great - even if she does dress hideously."

"Do you think we'll get into the club?" Fear asked curiously - even he sounded a little excited, though this may have also been fuelled by the fear of not getting in.

Joy put her hands on her hips and stood up tall. "Of course we will. You wait and see, guys, life is going to be so much better now that we're in Glee Club - I just know it! First thing's first," She tapped some of the buttons and beamed brightly. "We've got to tell Dad!"

Joy's control of Kurt had him practically skipping the entire way to the car garage where Burt Hummel worked, and there was a smile on his face that hadn't been there in years.

"Hey, Dad!" He called, making his way over to where his father was working on a car. "I did it!"

Burt looked u, slightly confused. "What?"

Kurt took a deep breath. "I joined a team!"

"Hey! ALRIGHT!" Burt cheered, clapping his hands together. "There we go, Kurt! Which one?"

Joy's enthusiasm was making Kurt buzz as he responded, "Glee Club!"

"What's Glee Club?"

"Typical Dad," Joy laughed to the others, who were watching from a short distance away - it seemed only right for her to be in charge at the moment, considering how exciting this new development in their lives was. "Doesn't even know what a Glee club is!"

"It's amazing!" Kurt gushed. "We sing, and we dance, and it's full of inducing community-based activities!"

Fear sent Joy a thumbs up. "Nice; he'll like that."

Burt, however, hesitated. "Look...uhh...Kurt...it's not like I've got a problem with it...I'm all for singing and dancing..."

"Oh no," Sadness whispered, bottom lip wobbling.

Anger's eyes narrowed. "Go on, old man - say something, I dare you!"

"...But the point of this was for you to feel what it's like to bond over a shared goal."

"THAT'S IT!" Anger yelled, starting to head towards the console. "YOU wanted us to join a club and that's EXACTLY what we did! Not good enough?! I'll show you not good enough-"

Disgust rolled her eyes and dragged him back by the arm. "Don't be stupid, Anger; throwing a tantrum in the middle of Dad's shop won't help us!"

Joy sent a reassuring look to the other four emotions. "Don't worry, I know what to say."

"Glee Club is kind of like that," Kurt insisted. "At the end of the term we perform in this big competition in front of an audience."

Burt raised an eyebrow sceptically. "Against other schools? You know, so it really is like a sports team?"

"Yeah, yeah!" Kurt agreed enthusiastically. "Except with choreography and Beyoncé."

"Who's Beyoncé?" Burt asked cluelessly. "Is she one of the girls on the team?"

Disgust rolled her eyes. "I can't believe we are related to him sometimes, I really can't!"

"No," Kurt said in disbelief. "She's like the biggest pop star in the world." His father let out an 'oh' noise. "I mean, we could use a strong male lead but...but I really think it's gonna be something special."

The emotions all looked around at each other - in that moment, they were all rather pleased. It appeared that, finally, Kurt was in a place where he was meant to be; somewhere he could be happy and open about his talents.

Burt gave a small nod. "Okay. Good. This is good." He stood up and walked past Kurt to get to a clipboard with the day's work on it. "I still think it would do you some good to be a part of a real sports team, but...you know, you seem happy."

Kurt's smile returned. "Honestly Dad, I don't think I've ever been this genuinely excited to go to school. Thanks for pushing me to do this."

"I am so proud of us," Joy announced, gesturing for the other four to join her at the panel. "We've gotten Kurt through some of the toughest things in his life - and now we know that we can do anything, so long as we work together on this." She wrapped her arms around everyone in a group hug and squeezed tight. "I love you guys!"

"Don't touch me," Anger grumbled, although he wasn't pulling away.

Burt turned and sent his son a proud smile. "Thanks for showing up for yourself."

"Aww..." Joy gushed. "I love Dad; don't you guys?"

Anger folded his stubbornly. "Hmmph. He has his moments, I guess."

"Hey, Burt!" A voice from across the garage called.

"Yeah?!" He yelled back.

"You got a minute?"

As Burt put his clipboard down, Sadness tapped Joy on the shoulder gently. "Should we tell him now? While we're having a moment?"

Joy slowly stopped smiling; she just knew what Sadness was referring to. "I..I don't know."

Burt turned to Kurt and saw that his smile had disappeared. "What?"

The thought was in Kurt's mind, they could all see; it appeared on the transcript detailing his thoughts on the far right of the control panel.

I'm gay, Dad. Please don't stop loving me, but I'm gay.

"No," Fear said immediately. "He won't like it - what if he does stop loving us?"

Joy gave a small sigh. "Right. We'll tell Dad another day - now would just overwhelm him."

"We good?" Burt checked. "I gotta go deal with this."

Kurt hesitated for just a moment - long enough for Fear to initiate a simple and breathless response. "Yeah. Yeah, we're good."

The relationship between Kurt and his dad was fragile enough as it was; none of them wanted to risk fracturing it, especially not knowing how Burt would react. No, it was best left for a while more.

Reviews greatly appreciated, as always!