I own nothing, fair use, nobody sue me please. SEGA, if you actually read this, then stop shoving stupid gimmicks into every damn Sonic game. It isn't working.

Remember to enter the music links I've provided into youtube because this stupid website doesn't let you post URLs apparently.

Can't really think of anything else to say, so enjoy the insanity!

Episode 7: Robotnik Learns the Dangers of Buying Questionable Products off the Internet!

Robotnik busted down the door with Dedede's oddly-shaped sigil on it, only to see him absent.

The only thing in the room was his empty throne, and Escargoon, standing there quaking in his shell.

"WHERE IS KING DEDEDE?!" Robotnik boomed.

Escargoon straightened up, and glared at Robotnik angrily. "Somewhere."

Robotnik got really angry. "WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME, YOU MERE BLOB OF A LIFE FORM?!"

Escargoon smirked. "You have no idea what you're doing, do you? All this senseless beating… have you ever considered the effect you're having?" Robotnik raised his eyebrow.
"What are you trying to do? Make the world a better place? There are better ways to do it than beating down every rival power-"
"OH, STOP IT WITH YOUR PHILOSOPHICAL BANTER!" Robotnik cut Escargoon off, leaving him speechless for a few moments. "IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIGHT ME, GET OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN DESTROY KING DEDEDE!"

Escargoon nodded. "Fine. I'll destroy you, and protect His Majesty!" He quickly pulled out the bottle of odd liquid, and drank it in one gulp.

Within a minute, he was pulsing and growing in size at a magnificent speed!
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF MOBIUS IS THAT?!" Robotnik yelled.
"HAHAHA!" The voice coming out of the thing that was formerly Escargoon boomed throughout the room. It looked like a massive snail creature with several tentacles on its head, and six different tendrily arms. Large beady white eyes glared down at Robotnik menacingly. "DEATH TO THOSE WHO OPPOSE THE REGIME OF KING DEDEDEEEEEE!"

Listening Music: Kirby's Return To Dream Land: Boss Battle

watch?v=NZWrD-IHO6Y

Superpowered Snail Sentry

Escarzilla

"YOW!" Robotnik leaped to the side to dodge Escarzilla's opening punch, which cracked the floor from the sheer force! He frantically leaped around to dodge the creature's assault, but it was amazingly quick for its size, and Robotnik only dodged the attacks by a few inches!

"WHO'S THE WORM NOW, FAT MAN?!" Escarzilla roared. He reared back before spitting a large slimy glob at Robotnik! It landed on him completely, trapping him in place!
"WHAT IS THIS?!" Robotnik struggled against the sticky substance that had imprisoned him, but could not move! Escarzilla lifted up a large rock, and tossed it towards Robotnik!
Thinking quickly, Robotnik fired his raygun, exploding the slimy blob from the inside! He rolled out of the way just before the massive rock impacted with the spot where he used to be!

"HMMM… SNAILS ARE NEVER VERY FAST, SO… EUREKA!" Robotnik ran away from Escarzilla, then turned around once he was at a safe distance, then took aim.

Unfortunately for him, Escarzilla was rocketing towards him at a tremendous speed, growling gutturally!
"WHAT?! HOW CAN YOU BE THAT FAST?!" Robotnik whined. "IT GOES AGAINST SCIENCE!" Escarzilla scoffed condescendingly.

"STUPID FAT MAN!" Escarzilla punched Robotnik square in the chest, slamming him into a wall, cracking it. "SCIENCE IS FOR LOSERS!"

Robotnik staggered to his feet. He wouldn't last long against this monstrosity in a straight fight, he was far too powerful. What could he do…

Robotnik grinned evilly. He had an idea.

Escarzilla tried to punch him again, but he dodged, but instead of running away, he ran up the monstrosity's arm, towards his head!
Escarzilla threw his arm back to shake Robotnik off, but Robotnik quickly jumped for Escargoon's head and grabbed onto his eyestalks!

"GET OFF!" Escarzilla writhed around, but Robotnik held on tight! He aimed his raygun directly towards Escargoon's eye, and fired!
A loud, guttural screech came from the monster, and before Robotnik could get away, Escarzilla had grabbed him and was moving him towards his mouth!

Robotnik tried to fire his raygun into Escarzilla's mouth, but he smacked the gun out of Robotnik's hand, sending it flying down the stone corridor, with a soft cracking of glass being heard!
"HAHAHAHA! WITHOUT YOUR LITTLE TOY GUN, YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST ME!" Escargoon opened his mouth wide, his stanky breath causing Robotnik's mustache to wilt momentarily! Robotnik did not look scared, however.

If anything, he looked very pleased with himself!
"OH REALLY, NOW?" Robotnik activated his magnet glove, and he could hear a loud crash from the throne room! Escarzilla looked over…

And screamed in surprise and pain as King Dedede's shiny metal throne lodged itself directly in his throat!
Escarzilla dropped Robotnik in surprise, and tried to pull the offending object out of his esophagus, to no avail!

Robotnik frantically scanned the walls for anything he could use against Escarzilla, and saw a statue of Dedede with a large stone hammer!
"THIS WILL DO NICELY!" Robotnik pried the hammer out of the statue's grip, and rushed back toward Escarzilla, now properly armed!

Escarzilla had finally gotten the giant throne out of his throat, and looked around angrily for his adversary!

"COME ON OUT, FAT MAN!" Escarzilla roared in rage. Before he could turn around, Robotnik had slammed his giant stone hammer into Escarzilla's skull!

Robotnik flipped back in front of Escarzilla, hefting his hammer, grinning smugly.

"NOT SO WEAK, AM I?" Robotnik gloated. Escarzilla growled.

"WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!" Escarzilla slammed his many arms into the ground, trying to get at Robotnik, but he dodged them expertly! One of Escarzilla's arms got stuck in the ground, and Robotnik took the opportunity to give it a good whack with the stone hammer!

"OOUUUUGGGGHGHHH!" Escarzilla screeched loudly before going back on the offensive, trying to crush him, but Robotnik repeated his strategy, and before long all of Escarzilla's arms were out of commission!
Escarzilla spat a massive slime blob at Robotnik, but he smacked it out of the way with his big stone hammer! This continued for a little bit, until the walls were covered with Escarzilla's snail slime!
"ENOUGH! I'M FINISHING THIS, NOW!" Escarzilla began gathering a massive slime blob in front of his face, growing larger by the second! Robotnik readied himself for a massive attack, poised, hammer at the ready!

Escarzilla spat the huge blob at Robotnik, but instead of running away, Robotnik smacked it right back at him with his massive hammer, and it landed directly onto Escarzilla's face, blinding him!
"WHAT IS THIS?!" The creature writhed around, trying to get the sticky substance off its face, but to no avail at all.

"YOOHOO!" Robotnik had fled to the other end of the hall, and was waving Escarzilla over! "COME AND GET ME, YOU OVERGROWN SLIMEBALL!"

Escarzilla roared, and rushed towards Robotnik blindly, not having any idea where he was going! He quickly rammed into a nearby wall with the force of a runaway train, causing it to crack and crumble on him!

"AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHGHHHHH!" Escarzilla groaned in pain as the falling stone chunks pummeled him over and over again, each bigger than the last!
"NOW!" Robotnik leapt toward Escarzilla, holding the massive stone hammer in his hand!
He spun in midair and slammed it into Escarzilla's noggin so hard it crumbled to dust in an instant!

Escarzilla crumpled to the floor in a heap, defeated.

"THE BIGGER THEY ARE, THE HARDER THEY FALL, AHAHAHAHAHA!"

Robotnik dashed back towards the throne room, ready for the confrontation with Dedede!

Listening Music: Kirby Triple Deluxe: Taranza, Master of Puppetry

watch?v=Uyw295-z07Q

Escargoon woke up, rubbing his head, with no memory of what he had just turned into, or what had taken place.
"Ooooh, my head!" He winced as he rubbed it. "That's gonna smart later-"
"DEDEDE!" He jolted upright as he remembered what he had been doing, and bolted towards Dedede's Throne room!
"YOUR MAJESTY, WAIT FOR MEEEEEE!"

Listening Music: Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog- Robotnik's Theme

watch?v=aO_z2nO3ByM

ROBOTNIK SEZ!

"HEY KIDS, THERE'S NOTHING MORE COOL THAN STEALING- I MEAN BUYING, YES BUYING SHINY TVS AND OTHER COOL PRODUCTS OFF THE MAGICAL PLACE KNOWN AS THE INTERNET! BUT IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL, YOU COULD END UP GETTING RIPPED OFF, ARRESTED, OR TURNING INTO A GIANT MUTANT SNAIL MONSTER LIKE OUR POOR ENEMY ESCARGOON HERE! SO REMEMBER KIDS, NEVER BUY RIPPED-OFF SHODDY PRODUCTS FROM SHADY VENDORS ON THE INTERNET, BUY THEM FROM ROBOTNIK ENTERPRISES, A SHADY VENDOR WITH A FACE YOU CAN TRUST!"

(Grins evilly at the camera)

Will Robotnik triumph over King Dedede and take his first step towards world domination?
Will Dedede have any reaction to both his trusted subordinates being defeated?
Will there be any more stupid ROBOTNIK SEZ segments?

Find out on the next exciting episode of 'Robotnik's Grand Domination', "Robotnik's Grand Overweight Dictator Free-For-All!"