THE BEST PART OF ME

CHAPTER 15 – The Fight

Donna lay on the examination bed in the obstetrician's office with Harvey at her side. He had taken off his suit jacket and made himself comfortable for her scan by rolling up his sleeves. He was really excited to be going to see his baby again and he was grinning widely, making Donna giggle.

He brought his head close to hers and whispered. "What's the matter?"

"Just you."

"What am I doing?"

"You just look … different."

"Different good or different bad."

She crossed her legs as she lay on the bed, a sheet covering her lower body and her hair fluffed around her shoulders. A smile creased the skin at both sides of her mouth and her cheeks dimpled. "Good. Very good."

He took her hand in his and smiled. Their eyes locked together and she felt waves of emotion ripple down her body. "Harvey. I am sorry about …"

"Shhh, don't. There's no need. We'll talk later, okay."

She sucked on her bottom lip and nodded her head. She was just happy he was talking to her – properly – at last.

The door swung open and Donna's obstetrician, Dr. Walker, entered the room. Donna had decided not to take Harvey's offer of paying for the 'best' obstetrician in the city (as he called him), because she had warmed to the silver haired, softly spoken Dr. Walker whose kind manners and enthusiasm about her pregnancy made her feel at ease.

Dr. Walker extended her hand to Harvey. "You must be the baby's father."

"Yes, Harvey Specter," he said as he stood, shook the doctor's hand, then took his seat next to Donna again.

"Good to see you again, Donna. How have you been since I last saw you?"

"Fine. I'm able to eat again, which is great and I've felt some movements already."

"That's wonderful." Dr. Walker had a lovely British accent which reminded Harvey of Dr. Agard. What was it with British doctors in New York City? She was an older lady, maybe even in her early sixties, with sharp blue eyes and silver bobbed hair.

"Okay, today is what we call an anomaly scan which we use to check for any problems in baby's development. Now, when we get baby up on the screen again there is a good chance I'll be able to determine the gender. Do you want to know what it is?"

"Yes!" said Donna. "No!" said Harvey.

Dr. Walker grinned.

Harvey looked surprised. "You were going to find out?"

"You don't want to? Why not?"

"Well it would be like opening all your Christmas presents before the big day."

Donna arched her eyebrows and cocked her head at him. "Are you telling me you didn't do that as a kid?"

"Well, no … I mean I did. All kids did that, didn't they?"

Donna laughed at how sweet he was for wanting a surprise, although she thought it was a bit out of character for the man who liked to control every minute detail of his life.

"Why do you want to find out?" he asked.

Donna leaned in and whispered. "So I can go shopping!"

"Why don't you buy everything you want in blue as well as pink, then we'll just donate half of it."

"It's not just that Harvey. I … uhm …" She looked at Dr. Walker who was waiting patiently to begin her examination, slightly uneasy at talking in front of her. The doctor noticed her hesitation and moved to the back of the room, faffing with some files and looking through Donna's notes. "Well, it's just that I've been feeling a bit disconnected. Right from the beginning really. I thought if I knew who the baby was, then I might feel more … well, attached to it."

Harvey took it all in. He hadn't thought she'd been feeling this way. He realised how little they'd talked between themselves about the baby and how ill-prepared both of them were to welcome their child into the world.

"If you want to find out, then I want to find out too," he said, squeezing her hand tightly.

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. It is a boy though."

"A boy?" She raised her eyebrows at his assertion. "You think?"

"I know."

"You know nothing, Harvey Specter."

"Oh and I suppose you know what the baby is seeing as you know everything?"

"Well, now that you come to mention it, maybe I do."

"And …"

She scrunched up her nose, trying to prevent the grin that was tugging at the corners of her mouth. "As it happens, I've been thinking it was a boy too."

Harvey laughed, his eyes beaming. "Ha! I don't believe it. You just didn't want me to take the credit for guessing correctly."

"That's not it …" She moved around on the bed, getting comfortable as she saw Dr. Walker returning to the seat next to her. She was grinning now. She'd been caught. "Okay, okay. You got me."

"So you've decided to find out then?" asked Dr. Walker.

"Yes, we have," said Harvey decisively.

"Well, fingers crossed baby doesn't have his … or her … legs crossed then." Dr. Walker pushed a few buttons on her console and had a last check around her area to make sure she had everything she needed. "Okay, Donna, can you raise your gown for me. I'll just remind you that the gel is going to feel a bit cold."

Donna did as the doctor asked and Harvey stared at her belly. He couldn't believe how quickly her bump had developed and he found her new shape beautiful. He hadn't expected to feel that way, but he did. Knowing his child was growing inside her made him feel the proudest he'd ever felt in his entire life. And it made him feel even more in love with her.

Donna caught his gaze and smiled as she saw him staring at her bump. She felt relaxed and she felt for the first time that they were going to be able to work things through.

X X X

Dr. Walker showed them their baby on the screen again and they were both overjoyed to learn that 'Junior' was measuring correctly, had progressed as expected and there was no sign of any anomalies. It was a different experience to the last scan they had during that terrible night in the ER. This time they were able to watch their baby move around and ask lots of questions without the worry that something might be seriously wrong.

"Can you see, here?" asked Dr. Walker as she motioned the scanner towards the centre of Donna's belly, just below her belly button. The baby's face came into view, a hazy white scull shape with two black patches they both could see where it's eyes.

"He looks like he should be on a pirate's flag."

"Harvey!" No he doesn't! He's beautiful."

All three of them laughed.

"Baby is sucking his thumb, look. Oh and … can you feel that?" The doctor paused the scanner as Donna concentrated on feeling something. But she didn't know what she was supposed to be feeling.

"I can't feel anything," she whispered.

The doctor chuckled. "Look at the screen. What do you think's happening?"

They both watched the image of their baby on the monitor that was raised above the bed. They could see their baby sucking its thumb, but then they saw a sudden, jerky movement, followed by the baby's legs jumping upwards. They both gasped.

"What's it doing?" asked Harvey.

Dr. Walker grinned. "Watch again."

Thirty seconds later it happened again.

"Hey, I think I felt that!" Donna's eyes grew wide, wondering what on earth was happening. "Just little fluttery movements low down."

"That'll be your baby's feet," said Dr. Walker. "Do you know what's happening yet?"

They watched some more. The same thing happened again moments later.

"Is it … hiccupping?" asked Donna.

"It sure is," said Dr. Walker.

Harvey started to chuckle. "Wow, he can hiccup already? He's going to be a good drinker when he's older. It's a good thing I already purchased a very rare bottle of Macallan to keep for his twenty-first birthday."

"You bought … what?" asked Donna, raising her eyebrows in despair.

Harvey rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, it's for me really. We'll share a drink on his twenty-first. Just like my dad with me."

The doctor smiled as she took a few more measurements. "Okay, I have a good view of baby's reproductive organs." She froze the screen a few times, taking a picture just to be sure, before letting the screen return to the image of their hiccupping baby.

A few moments passed while Dr. Walker checked and double checked the series of marks on the scan image. "What were your bets about the gender, then?"

Donna gripped Harvey's hand with excitement. "It's a boy, isn't it? Just like we said?"

"Donna knows everything. She is never wrong."

The doctor chuckled. "Well as you're looking at your baby girl on that screen right now, I'd say there's a first time for everything."

"A … girl …" stammered Donna in surprise.

Harvey gasped. "No way! What am I going to do with my bottle of Macallan?"

"Harvey, don't be so sexist. A girl can drink. I know I did. Often. And long before my twenty-first."

Harvey didn't respond. He was in shock. What on earth was he going to do with a little girl? In his mind, he had pictured baseball games and lots of cars. He knew children were individual people, not genders, and a girl could like baseball … and cars …? but what if …? Oh, what did it matter? He'd just have to learn everything there was to learn about little girls.

"How sure are you about the sex?" asked Donna.

"I got a good view and I haven't been wrong in over a decade, so I'd say 99%."

Donna beamed, her eyes filling with tears. "Good. Oh my god, am I going to do some shopping!"

The doctor finished up what she was doing and entered all the information into Donna's file, then she passed Donna some paper towels to clean up the gel and told them they were finished and everything was perfect. She printed out some photographs of the baby sucking her thumb and popped them into the same cards with the teddy bear on the front that they'd been given before.

X X X

A few minutes later Ray was driving them back to the office.

Harvey still wasn't saying much.

Donna leaned in close to him on the back seat of the Lexus. "What are you thinking Harvey?"

"I'm just wondering what our little girl is going to be like," he replied, his eyes glistening with excitement.

Donna smiled warmly at him. "You aren't disappointed it's not a boy, are you?"

"No way, absolutely not. I mean it was a shock to begin with because I don't know much about girls. I've never been one after all. I only thought a boy would have been easier because I can remember what it was like to be a boy. I have a niece – Daisy – she's nearly ten now. I should have spent a lot more time with her."

They both laughed as the car rolled through the city. Donna glanced out of the window. Rain had started to fall heavily and the streets were suddenly filled with hundreds of umbrellas as people went about their business in the downpour.

"I can't believe I was wrong about the baby being a boy," said Donna. "When does that happen?"

"Oh, I can think of quite a few times that's happened."

Donna gasped in mock shock. "What? I'll have you know that has never happened and even if you think it has happened, it probably hasn't happened."

"Whatever you say."

Donna glared at him. "Anyway, you can consider yourself outnumbered. From now on, we're two-to-one. Oh my god this is awesome! You're never going to get your way about anything ever again."

Harvey looked horrified. "Shit. I hadn't thought of that. Is that what it was like when you were growing up?"

Donna scowled, but then twisted her face, trying to pretend she hadn't.

Harvey laughed. "I caught that."

"Okay, okay … you got me. I was a daddy's girl."

Harvey eyes creased with laughter as he watched her trying to squirm her way out of that revelation. "Yeah, I think our baby is going to be a daddy's girl too."

Their eyes locked again as he talked about their daughter. Donna felt the need to apologise to him again. This moment they were in was so unbelievably special that she forgot all of her prior worries about Harvey failing them. She felt guilty and she wished she could turn back time.

"What are you thinking?" Now it was Harvey's turn to ask her that question.

"I'm thinking I'm sorry. Again."

"I'm sorry too. I've been behaving like a jerk. I just couldn't … you know … get myself out of that pit of self-pity."

"That was all down to me, Harvey. I should never have done what I did."

Harvey swallowed hard. "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter. I was wrong. I wish I could go back and change …" her voice broke as she sniffed back tears.

"Hey, it really doesn't matter. I don't want you to keep thinking about this. I understand … hell, I always understood. I don't blame you for worrying about what would happen if we tried and failed. I mean, I know that worry. It's been with me for the past twelve years."

Donna nodded as she took in what he was saying. "Okay, so you're not pissed at me anymore?"

"No, of course I'm not. How can I be pissed after this afternoon? I'm … Jesus Christ, Donna …" He broke into laughter as he spoke, ruffling his hair slightly with his hand. "… I'm happy. I'm really, really happy. I can't wait to be a dad. I really can't. This is going to be great."

Donna's heart leapt into her mouth. She was ecstatic that he was so … ecstatic. But there was still another issue to resolve. "And what about us?"

Harvey looked away and inhaled deeply. His eyes changed and his head whirred with the words Jessica, Scottie and Dr. Agard had said to him over the past week. Then he turned back to her. He looked into her eyes and brushed her hair away from her face, allowing his fingers to twirl the shiny strands of copper. "I'm not letting you go. I'm not going to push you into anything, so I'll wait until you're ready, but I love you and I love our daughter. I'm going to fight for both of you and I'm not going to stop fighting until I show you the man I'm capable of being. The man you need me to be."

His words took her breath away. "I think you've already won that fight."