THE BEST PART OF ME

Chapter 22 – Bedrest

Harvey sat on a hard plastic chair in the hospital waiting room. He had been given a coffee by a nurse, but he was unable to drink it because his stomach was churning with nerves. It was all he could do to stop his panic attacks returning as the tension in his chest laboured his breathing and his legs shook as he tried as hard as he could to stop the terrifying thoughts from invading his brain.

This couldn't happen to them. Not now. Not after everything.

He hated hospitals. He thought back to the number of times he'd been inside one over the past six months. There was that first night when he didn't know Donna was pregnant and he charmed his way into her room to be close to her, worried sick that she might be seriously ill. She had told him he was going to be a father the next morning. It hadn't sunk in. Shit, it still hadn't sunk in and here he was wondering if their baby was about to be born early, or if something really bad had happened. He wished he'd read more of those damn baby books. He wish he knew what all this meant.

No matter how hard he tried, he was failing … failing to stop the negative thoughts. What if their daughter didn't make it? He couldn't imagine a more unthinkable nightmare for both of them and he didn't know if they were strong enough to come out the other side. If the worst happened could he cope with his own loss? Could he put his grieving to one side to help Donna cope? His stomach sank as he realised he would likely fail at that. She'd need a better man than him to get her through something like this. He rested the back of his head against the wall and closed his eyes, willing himself to stop thinking bad thoughts. He told himself over and over again that there was no need to worry … yet. No news was good news after all, wasn't it?

The wait seemed to go on forever. Outside, in the hallway, he could see nurses and doctors ambling from room to room, mothers-to-be arriving for appointments or – in one case – in the full throes of labour. Yet, in the room next to where he was sitting there was no sign of movement. He wanted to be in there with her, but he had been told they needed to do an examination to see what was happening with the baby first. Donna had been reluctant to enter the room without him and she was terrified. He realised he'd never forget the look on her face. He had never seen her so scared.

And then the door opened.

Harvey jolted forward, his eyes frantically scrutinizing the face of the swathy-skinned, middle-aged doctor who emerged from the room.

"Mr Paulsen is it?" asked the doctor, extending his hand to Harvey.

Harvey rose to his feet immediately, taking the doctor's hand, "Harvey Specter," he said quickly, his eyes still searching the man's expression for news, his heart beating so fast it felt like it was slamming against his ribcage.

"I'm Doctor Abdul and I've been looking after your … erm … girlfriend is it?"

Harvey nodded and swallowed so hard he thought he might choke.

"We have examined Miss Paulsen thoroughly and she has lost most of her amniotic fluid. She is showing early signs of labour, but we're hoping to delay that with medication."

Harvey's brain couldn't process the words he was hearing. He didn't understand. "Is the baby going to be okay?" he asked, his voice shaking with fear. That was all he needed to know.

Dr Abdul smiled reassuringly, realising that he would have to re-clarify his patient's condition. "Let me explain," he said gently to the anxious dad-to-be. "When babies are ready to be born the membranes around the amniotic sac rupture and the sterile waters protecting them are shed. When this happens, labour usually follows shortly afterwards. Now, in your baby's case this has happened prematurely which means there is a danger your girlfriend will go into labour and your baby will be born before term."

Harvey nodded as he listened intently to the doctor's explanation. "Uhm … can you do anything?"

"Yes, we are giving Miss Paulsen medication to hopefully prevent her going into premature labour, but I must tell you that there is still a very high chance that she will deliver early. We are hoping to get her past the 34 week mark which will just be another nine days from now and we're optimistic we can achieve this. Don't worry, Mr Specter, we have a lot of healthy babies born much sooner than this and we're doing everything we can to give your baby the best chance. We are administering intravenous steroids to strengthen your baby's lungs in case she does come early and we're also treating with antibiotics to prevent infection."

Harvey was starting to feel better about the situation, but he was still very worried. Not least because he didn't feel prepared yet. He hadn't even tidied out the damned spare room! "Can I see her?" he asked.

"Yes, of course you can. We're going to have to keep her in and watch over her until the baby is born. We have to keep her on strict bedrest."

"You mean she isn't coming home?"

"I'm afraid not. But don't worry. When she does come home, your baby will be coming with her."

That last remark frightened Harvey more than he would ever dare admit. In fact, it hit him like a truck. His and Donna's lives would never be the same again. He walked into the room and saw her lying upright in a hospital bed, hooked up to a wire feeding the medication into her body. She looked frightened, but she pulled herself together when she saw him and she managed a smile.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," Harvey mirrored. He walked over to her bedside and perched on the end of the bed. He took her hand in his and held them tight before leaning forward and kissing her tenderly on the cheek.

Donna sniffed away a tear, twitching her nose in an attempt to compose herself but Harvey could tell she was distressed.

"So, I've been chatting to the doctor. He says there's nothing to worry about. Everything is going to be fine."

Donna nodded warmly at him, but she couldn't hide the anxiety she was feeling, her eyes squinting nervously as she did her absolute best to put on a front and 'Donna' the situation. "They're saying there's a strong chance I'll go into labour within 48 hours, Harvey. If I do that's too soon … I'm scared … I …"

"Hey, don't worry. Millions of babies are born early and much sooner than 33 weeks. We're going to be fine. All three of us."

"What about the trial?"

"Screw the trial!"

"But, I've been subpoenaed I have to be there. Won't I get in trouble?"

Harvey chuckled. "No, you won't get in trouble. Of course you won't. If they need you they'll just have to postpone 'till you're ready. You have the best excuse in the book."

"I don't want to have my baby with this hanging over us."

"It's nothing. Forget about it. Donna, we have far more important things to think about than that blasted trial."

"I have to stay here. I'm not coming home. I'll probably go mad."

Harvey sighed and understood this was going to be tough for her. He'd go mad himself if he were put on bedrest for weeks. "Yeah, well I'll miss you but I'm trying to look on the bright side." She raised an eyebrow and half-frowned as he smirked. "At least I'll get a break from your snoring."

"Not funny Harvey," she said trying to be stern but the upturned corners of her mouth betrayed her.

Harvey brushed the hair from her face and looked at her as if she were the most precious thing on earth, and to him she was. "Everything is going to be fine. I promised I'd keep you safe, remember?"

She nodded as she recalled the first time he had made her that promise. That night over a year ago just after he'd fixed the hideously stupid mess she'd gotten herself into by "Donna-ing" her way into Liberty Rail and (technically) stealing official documents. 'I told you I'd never let anything happen to you, and I won't ever. So you don't ever have to feel scared like that again.' She appreciated the sentiment, but she knew that fixing this was out of Harvey's control.

"What can I get for you?"

"I'll need a bag packed. Do you think you can do that?

"Rachel could?"

"Even better," laughed Donna. "Oh shit. I didn't even get around to putting a baby bag together."

"What's a baby bag?"

"Things the baby will need. Those sleep-suit things with feet in and diapers and wipes and cotton buds … I printed a check list off that stupid pink website."

Harvey twisted his mouth in defeat. "Do you think Rachel could do that too?"

"I don't think so. I don't think she knows about baby stuff."

"Louis?"

Donna laughed and cocked an eyebrow in surprise. "You're gonna ask Louis for help?"

"Needs must. He's read all of those books for you, hasn't he…?"

Donna frowned. "He has, but I'm not sure if he'd get it right. Esther could help him, maybe. But then. You and Esther …"

"That'll be fine. She's cool. Don't worry," said Harvey although he had no idea if Esther was fine or not. It was an awkward one-night-stand he'd had with Louis's sister and he'd been regretting the can of worms that had opened ever since. "Okay, I'm going to go pack your bag and ask Louis to sort the baby stuff."

"I didn't even get my shower."

"There's a shower over there …" said Harvey pointing to the en-suite bathroom attached to the hospital room.

"No, I mean my baby shower."

"Ah," said Harvey sympathetically. "Sorry about that. Was Rachel organising that for you?"

Donna lowered her voice to a mischievous whisper. "I think Louis was."

"Wait! What?"

Donna laughed. "Hey, it has nothing to do with me. Rachel said he was really keen to do it."

"Does Louis actually sleep with women?"

Donna raised her eyebrows in mock-shock. "I don't want to think about it."

"Me neither."

They both laughed until something made them both stop. They shared a look between them that said so much, yet said nothing. Hope? Love? An appreciation of the past and a resignation that what will be 'will be'.

Harvey stood up ready to leave and go pack Donna a bag for her stay. He gave her another kiss, this time on the lips, his touch was soft yet strong as he looked into her eyes and said again. "Everything is going to be fine."

X X X

Harvey had taken less than five steps down the hallway leading from Donna's room when he saw him and it was as if somebody had flicked on a switch. His blood pressure started to rise, his heart beat furiously in his chest and something in his brain propelled him forward, grabbing hold of the man's lapels and throwing him into the wall with such force that several people in the hospital gasped in shock.

"You fucking bastard … you did this! This is all on you!"

The smaller, older man swallowed hard, his face red and sweating with alarm as Harvey eyes bore into his. "Harvey … I … let me speak," said Daniel Hardman.

A couple of hospital orderlies appeared next to them, telling Harvey that they would have to call security. It took everything Harvey had to let go of his ex-boss, raising his hands in the air to signify he wasn't going to hurt him or make a scene. "This had better be good or so help me god I'll finish you."

"I came to tell you it's all over."

"What's over? What the hell are you talking about?"

"The trial. Donna being implicated. I didn't know it would come to this and I'm washing my hands of it."

"You what?" Harvey squinted at Hardman, fighting the urge to grab hold of him again. He had always suspected he was behind this case. Had he been right all along?

"I've told Anita Gibbs what I know and I've resigned from the case. The trial has been postponed until new charges can be formulated and another investigation has taken place. Donna isn't implicated anymore and she won't be called to testify."

"Well it's a bit late for all of this now and I honestly don't give a shit about the bullshit trial. Don't tell me this is you having a Jiminy Cricket moment. Have you finally found your conscience after all these years?"

"I didn't know."

"You didn't know what?"

"I didn't know Donna was pregnant until after the trial proceedings had begun. You didn't tell me when you visited me in my office. I didn't know until I saw her and if I had known, I would never have gone ahead."

Harvey's face flamed red and beads of sweat boiled at his hairline. "Was this Forstman?"

"Yes it was."

"How did he get you to do this?"

"That doesn't matter. All …"

"The hell it doesn't matter. You'd better start talking right the hell now, and you can start from the beginning!"

Hardman sighed and composed himself, his eyes were sorrowful, but it would be a cold day in hell before Harvey let him off the hook for what he had done. "Forstman rang me from Danbury Prison the day Donna visited Mike Ross, I believe. The only thing he told me was that you two were together and the best way of making you pay for what you had done to both of us was to try to drive a wedge between you. As I said, he didn't tell me she was pregnant. I wouldn't have gone ahead if I had known that."

"Yeah, yeah I get you. You're a bastard but not a total fucking bastard, right?"

Hardman took the hit. He was too guilt-stricken to fight back in the way he was accustomed. "Forstman knew Dawson from years back. They used to work together but then they fell out. Then, eight years ago their paths crossed and they started seeing each other in a business capacity. Forstman learned from Dawson that he was dating a woman who worked with you, and we know that woman was Donna. He did get the Eagle Star buyout information via Donna, but she wasn't aware of it. Dawson used to read her phone messages and her e-mails. He even photographed documents she brought home from the office. Dawson made a fortune from the buyout, gave Forstman his cut, and then Forstman waited …"

"He waited to use this to hurt me."

"Yes."

"And you helped him by hurting her. Again. What the hell did Donna ever do to you?"

It was rare for Daniel Hardman to show any sign of remorse over his shady dealings, but this time he genuinely looked like he was sorry for what he had done. Harvey realised that this wasn't the world he wanted to occupy anymore. He could go at Hardman. He could knock him out verbally, or with his fists, but what would that solve aside from it feeling damned good? Gibbs had warned that he should rethink the way he did business and as he stood looking at this pathetic man who he had antagonised and bettered and slammed down for the last eight years, he realised enough was finally enough.

"How is she?" asked Hardman, his voice tinged with sincere regret.

Harvey paused for a moment before responding. He wasn't sure if Donna's condition was something he wanted to share with this loathsome man. "She almost went into labour, but they think they've managed to stop it. For now."

"So she'll be fine. And the baby?"

God why was he talking to Hardman of all people about this? He hadn't even spoken to their families or anybody at the firm yet. He was irritated by Hardman's intrusion into his personal life. "They're hoping she'll get to 34 weeks, but the baby will likely be born early."

"I'm sorry, Harvey, truly I am."

"Yeah, yeah. Well if you're sorry you can show me by making sure I don't ever have to look at your hideous face for the rest of my goddamn life."

Harvey stalked down the hallway and through the hospital doors without turning around.

Hardman had been lucky.