THE BEST PART OF ME
Chapter 23 – Too Soon
"Harvey?"
After a week spent living between the office and Mount Sinai hospital, Harvey had fallen in love with the large armchair in the corner of Donna's bedroom. He'd finish work. He'd visit. He'd fall asleep. Donna forced herself not to mind. She was bored to distraction and looked forward to seeing him. Hell, she looked forward to anyone visiting her – even Louis – but she also knew how hard Harvey was working and how exhausted he was.
"Harvey!"
"Wha …. What … What is it?"
Donna watched as he slowly came round before she broke the news. "I've been having pains for the last hour, can you get someone?"
Harvey shot to his feet and collided with the bed, letting out a yelp, as he made his way to the door. He stuck his head in the hallway and shouted for the first person he could see. Thankfully it was Sara, the very friendly nurse who Donna liked, but who Harvey thought was over-sensitive. In fact, he thought she was the female version of Louis, different only because of her straight teeth, glasses and fair hair. Like Louis, Sara was plump, awkward and talked way too much.
Sara followed Harvey back into the room and came to Donna's bedside. It was 7.30pm and it had been eight days since she had been admitted to hospital.
"Are you having pains, Donna?" asked Sara as she started plugging in equipment and pulling scanners towards the bed.
Donna nodded. "Yes and I think they're regular. Are you going to stop them again?"
Sara shook her head and smiled widely, her plump cheeks ballooning under her glasses. "Not this time."
"But it's still too soon," said Harvey as he perched on the other side of Donna's bed, a frown creasing his brow.
"I'll call Dr Abdul to check, but you're 34 weeks tomorrow and it has been over a week since your waters broke now. We'd be thinking about inducing you in a day or two anyway as you run the risk of infection and complications after losing all of your amniotic fluid. So if this is it, then going into labour naturally is for the best."
Donna started to panic. She'd had a week to prepare herself, but the realisation that her baby was going to be born six weeks early was still terrifying for her. She looked at Harvey and he gave her hand a squeeze before swallowing hard. She could tell he was trying to stay strong, but she could also see he was just as scared as she was.
As Sara strapped Donna to a monitor another contraction hit. It didn't feel too uncomfortable. If she had to describe the feeling, she would liken it to an intense period cramp. It started low down in her pelvis, but spread sharply around her abdomen in a wave before rippling back to calm.
"This isn't so bad. I'm going to be able to do this!" said Donna optimistically. This is what she needed to do – look on the bright side and be brave. For herself, and for Harvey.
"How far apart have they been so far? Have you managed to time them?"
"Between six and seven minutes."
"Okay, then let's just see how things pan out. You'll need to change into something else."
"Do I have to wear one of those awful gowns?"
"You can wear anything you like. Anything you're comfortable in, but no pyjama pants. I'm just going to go call Dr Abdul and let him know what's happening."
Sara left the room and Donna laughed as Harvey stood up, took off his tie and started rolling his sleeves up. "What?" he said as he caught her giggling at him.
"Getting ready for battle?" she asked.
"Yep. And wishing I wasn't wearing a suit."
"Rachel packed you some clothes. They're in my bag."
"She didn't? Seriously? That woman is amazing. Remind me to give her a raise!"
Harvey retrieved the larger of the two bags that were placed in the corner of the bedroom and rummaged around until he found his polo shirt and jogging bottoms and then got dressed. "Now, I'm ready for battle!" he declared when he was finished.
Donna winced as another contraction took hold. This one felt a little bit stronger than the last but it soon passed and it was still more than bearable.
"Jeez, you're doing great," said Harvey as he watched her control her breathing through the pain.
"I know," she said in surprise when the contraction ended. "This is a breeze. Why do women make such a fuss? My mom said it felt like she was being torn in two when she was giving birth to me, but I'm totally doing this, aren't I? Oh my god, it's official. I am totally awesome at everything."
Harvey didn't have a clue about birthing babies. He'd blanked out everything Marcus had told him about the births of his niece and nephew. All he knew about labour was what he'd seen on TV and that could be summed up as a) it hurt a lot and b) it made women scream at their partners. Based upon the sum of this entire knowledge, he had no option but to conclude that Donna was indeed awesome.
"What do you want to wear?"
"There's a black and white striped jersey nightshirt in the bag."
Harvey found it and helped Donna get into it. She had another contraction soon after. "They're getting closer, aren't they?" he said
"Yes. They must be five minutes apart now. Shit." The realisation hit again.
Harvey felt it too. This was happening, and it was happening right now. "I'm going to be a dad by tomorrow morning," he said with an enormous grin plastered across his face.
"You certainly are."
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For doing this. For … uhm … giving this to me."
Donna's heart melted at what was probably the sweetest thing Harvey Specter had ever said. She thought back to all those months ago when she had told him about the baby and how shocked he had been. Then she recalled everything they'd both went through afterwards. But now, that smile he gave her – the one which lit up his eyes – was back and she knew everything was going to be fine. She didn't know how she knew given she was in the process of giving birth to her baby six weeks early, but she just knew. And she was never wrong.
All of a sudden, Dr Abdul arrived. He looked cheerful and he brought an aura of positivity into the room with him. He checked the readings on the machine that Sara had hooked Donna up to. "Good, regular contractions and strong heartbeat," he declared in his rich Arabic accent. "I need to check how far you're dilated."
Donna nodded and positioned herself for the exam. Not exactly the most enjoyable thing in the world, but she knew it was necessary. As the doctor was checking her cervix, anther contraction hit, this time it was very strong and it took Donna's breath away. "Just breathe through it, you're doing great," came Dr Abdul's voice from between her legs.
Harvey could tell things were picking up pace from the expression on Donna's face. She had been coping well from the beginning, but now the pains were intensifying and he knew she was getting more and more alarmed by them. He estimated that, according to his extensive 'women in labour' knowledge, she'd be screaming at him within an hour.
Dr Abdul stood up and removed his gloves. "You're four and a half centimetres dilated," he said proudly.
"Is that all?" asked Donna.
"What does that mean?" asked Harvey at the same time.
"It means we're almost half-way there and this is good progress," said the doctor to them both. "I'm going to leave you to it now, but someone will check back every fifteen minutes or so. Why don't you move around? It tends to get things moving even faster. Here, I'll take you off the monitor for now, but I'll have to pop you back on if things slow down."
"I'm not sure I want to move around."
"It's up to you," said Dr Abdul. "Whatever makes you the most comfortable."
X X X
An hour passed and Donna's contractions were now two minutes apart. Each time the pain hit she curled up in a ball on the bed and rocked her body through it. She had no idea why she'd adopted that position, but it seemed to be working.
Harvey was growing impatient, not for the end result, but because he could see how much pain Donna was in. She was no weakling, but she was struggling now and she was getting very tired. He hoped they were almost there, but her last exam ten minutes ago had showed she was still only seven centimetres dilated – and she needed to get to ten before she was allowed to start pushing. Dr Abdul said she was still making good, fast progress and everything was going to plan.
When the next contraction came, Donna screeched and started to cry. "I can't do this anymore," she panted desperately as Harvey rubbed her back.
"You can. You're doing amazing. It won't be long now."
"No, you don't understand. It hurts. It really fucking hurts. You know what I was saying before? Remember? Two hours ago when I said it was nothing and I didn't know why people made such a fuss about it?"
"Uhm … yes."
"Well I was full of shit. That wasn't even proper labour. This is proper labour. I can't believe I thought I had a handle on it. I don't. I can't do it and I'm serious. I can't do it."
"You can do it and well … it's happening anyway."
"Why? Why did you have to do this to me?"
Harvey had forgotten about the 'woman blames man for getting her in this state' scenario. That always happened on TV too. He couldn't help but chuckle. Donna noticed and shot him a glare that would curdle milk.
"Doing this to you wasn't exactly intentional, remember?" said Harvey. Another glare. Shit and hell!
"Well you're not doing it again. Don't even think about doing this to me again. It … argh!"
Another contraction. This time Donna clung onto Harvey's arm and growled into a pillow.
"Maybe you should take something for the pain. Why don't I get Sara?"
"No … no …" Donna flopped onto her back as the pain subsided knowing she'd only have a couple of minutes before the next contraction. That feeling of impending torment was the worst part of all. Praying for relief but knowing, when it came, that it would only last a minute was, she thought, enough to send a Buddhist monk crazy.
"You don't have to suffer like this. You can get a shot of something."
"They said it would make the baby drowsy. I don't want her to be sleepy. Not when she's so early … I … OH MY GOD! Argh!"
Harvey felt redundant. He had spent seven months fighting for Donna. Fighting for his baby. Fighting for Mike and for work. But this? He didn't have a clue how to make things easier. He'd never seen anyone in so much pain in his entire life and he didn't know what to do. He was afraid of not saying the right things, but even more afraid of saying the wrong thing.
"You're doing brilliant Donna. Just breathe through it."
"I am fucking breathing, you idiot!"
"You can hit me if you want."
"What?"
"Isn't that what women do in labour. Hit their partners?"
Relief came again and Donna lay back on the stack of pillows. "I'll do worse than hit you if you don't stop saying such stupid shit."
Harvey gulped. He'd briefly considered telling her that he'd trade places in an instant if he could, but realised that would probably tip her over the edge right now.
"Can I get you anything? A drink? Cold towel?"
"No. Just shut up. Just don't say anything."
"Okay, I can do that."
Donna gripped onto the side of the bed when the next contraction came. She was red hot and her hair, pulled up into a ponytail, was damp and sticky. For some reason she had discovered that screaming was the only thing that helped now. It was an urge she'd never felt before – an almost primal urge to scream and grunt through the convulsions which were torturing her body. She didn't care one tiny little bit what she sounded like and she didn't care what she looked like. She just wanted the pain to end.
"Harvey, can you get someone!" she said frantically as the last contraction started to subside.
"Do you want meds?" Harvey hoped she did. He understood why she was trying to give birth without any help, but even if it made the baby drowsy, that would soon pass and he thought the relief the medication would give her would be worth it.
"No, just tell them I'm pushing and I can't stop."
"They said not to push."
"I know! I can't stop!" screamed Donna loud enough for Harvey to know he'd better get somebody in the room quickly. He ran to the door and found a nurse he didn't know. She said she'd get Sara, then he ran back to the room, but took a deep breath to steady his own nerves before he went back in. He could feel his blood pressure soaring and his stomach was in knots. He was excited, but he was also terrified out of his mind.
"Where are they?" asked Donna desperately as Harvey came to her side again.
"On their way. Try not to push until they get here."
Donna looked at him in that 'just shut up' way again. "How would you suggest I do that? Do you want to try?"
He raised his eyebrows comically. "Donna, you know I would if I could."
She glared at him again, but luckily for Harvey he got a reprieve as the door opened and Sara entered the room, closely followed by Dr Abdul.
"How far apart?" demanded Sara.
"Less than a minute," said Harvey just as another contraction took hold of Donna.
"Looks like action stations," said Dr Abdul as his patient screeched into her pillow again. He waited for the pain to subside before doing a quick exam. "You're over nine and a half centimetres, but as I can see your baby's head, I'd say that's as close as we're going to get."
Harvey's heart skipped a beat and his eyes grew wide in astonishment. "You … you can see her head?" he said with a gasp.
Dr Abdul grinned. "Sure can. Won't be long now. You're fine to push on your next contraction, Donna."
The next contraction came in seconds and Donna growled down into her chest as she pushed with everything she had. The pain was so strong that it helped the pushing. Donna knew that the harder she pushed, the sooner the excruciating pain would end and she's have her baby in her arms.
Sara stood at Donna's right side issuing commands as contraction after contraction bombarded her body. Harvey held her hand but felt useless. Sara was saying all the right things. Donna was doing everything she was told. He felt like a spare part.
The pain was so intense that Donna was beginning to panic. She now knew what her mother meant when she said she felt like she was getting torn in two. She was still pushing and she was managing to last for almost the entire length of the contraction, but she could feel the baby stretching her opening so wide that it felt like she was on fire. The more she pushed, the more her skin burned and she felt like she was tearing.
"On the next push I think we'll have your baby's head," called Dr Abdul. Harvey left Donna's side for a peek and what he saw almost sent him crashing through the floor. As Donna pushed again, he watched as his daughter's head slowly emerged. She was pink and flecked with white and a little streak of blood, but she was beautiful. Tears filled Harvey's eyes and he felt the world around him and everyone and everything he'd ever known fade away. He realised that nothing and nobody else mattered. He now had a real family and his life had true meaning.
"She's perfect," he sobbed as he gripped Donna's hand and waited. "She's absolutely beautiful and she's perfect."
"On the next contraction you're going to have your baby so give it everything you've got," ordered Dr Abdul.
Donna felt her body shudder and wondered if she was going into shock. She felt cold and she couldn't stop her legs from shaking. The burning pain was still there, but as she felt another contraction build tightly around her abdomen she screamed and pushed with every last ounce of strength she had.
And then, suddenly, her baby was in her arms.
Dr Abdul had brought her forward and placed her straight onto Donna's chest. The second Donna felt her and placed her hands upon her wet, wriggly and tiny little body, she cried. She looked at Harvey, but he was already gone. He sobbed freely into the sleeve of his polo shirt as he hugged Donna's arm and gazed in awe at his baby.
Donna looked down at her daughter and saw that her eyes were open and she was alert and she was breathing and she was perfect. She held her tightly, and snuggled her into her cheek as tears fell from her eyes onto her baby's wrinkly purple head. She was wet, warm and streaked with blood and gunk, but Donna didn't mind one bit. She inhaled her daughter's unfamiliar scent and hoped she would remember the sweet smell forever. In fact, she wished she could bottle it.
"Would you like to cut the cord?" asked Dr Abdul.
"Damn right I would," said Harvey with a beaming smile still fixed to his face. He took a pair of scissors handed to him by Dr Abdul and he took hold of the rubbery grey chord that was attached to his daughter on one end and to Donna on the other.
After the cord was cut, Dr Abdul gave Donna an injection in her leg to make sure the placenta was delivered quickly and in one piece, while Sara took the baby to be weighed.
"You were amazing," whispered Harvey as he kissed Donna gently on her forehead.
"I didn't feel amazing," replied Donna.
"Well you were. You were … just … completely amazing. Even when you were shouting at me."
Donna giggled. "Yeah, sorry about that."
"It's fine. Besides that's what all women are supposed to do, aren't they?"
"What?"
"You know, blame their partners for getting them in that state."
"Oh. Oh, I did blame you, didn't I?"
"Yeah, just a bit," said Harvey as he laughed.
Donna laughed too, but then she averted her gaze to the corner of the room where Sara and Dr Abdul were working away. Sara was rubbing down the baby's body while Dr Abdul was checking her over. There was something in the doctor's expression which Donna found unsettling. She knew something was wrong. "Harvey, is she okay?" she said suddenly and with so much anxiousness in her tone that Harvey, who had thought everything was fine up to now, started to worry.
Donna didn't wait for Harvey to react. "What's wrong with her?" she called over to the doctor, her voice filled with dread.
Dr Abdul spun around and placed the baby in a plastic bed before wheeling it towards the door. "I'm going to take her down to NICU. She's fine, but she's struggling to breathe on her own. She needs a little bit of help, but try not to worry. It's only because she's early."
And then they were gone.
And Donna broke down.
Harvey felt a rush of panic flood his body, but he willed himself to stay strong and he held Donna in his arms, trying his best to reassure her. Sara came over to check on Donna, insisting there was nothing to worry about and that it was very common for premature babies to need some ventilation in the early days.
"What did she weigh?" asked Donna as she wiped away her tears.
"Four pounds and seven ounces," said Sara.
"Oh, that's tiny, isn't it?"
"Yes, but we've had a lot smaller. It's a good weight for not quite 34 weeks."
Donna rubbed her eyes as she took in what Sara was telling her. "So she's going to be fine?"
"I'm sure she'll be fine."
Harvey gave Donna another tight hug as Sara got on with taking care of her. "Now, let's get you put right. How are you feeling?"
"It still feels like someone's set fire to my ass."
"Oh," said Sara with a soft chuckle at Donna's turn of phrase. "I'll have a look and see what's happening."
Harvey winced. "That's doesn't sound much fun," he whispered to Donna.
"It's not," said Donna, her brow creased into a frown.
"You have some tearing and bruising and it looks very sore down there, you poor thing," said Sara after she'd examined Donna. She put on some gloves and started searching through a box of medical implements. "Are you okay with a couple of stitches?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Not really, but don't worry, I'll numb the area. You won't feel anything."
X X X
Harvey stayed with Donna as she was stitched, then he helped her into the bath. As they sat in the bathroom together, Donna looked down at her body and ran her hands over her stomach. The solid bump that had been there for the past months was gone, replaced by a squishy bulge that she hoped would shrink back very soon.
"I can't believe I just did that," said Donna suddenly.
"I can't believe I just watched that," mirrored Harvey.
"What was it like … for you?"
"I don't know if I can describe what I was feeling. It was just awesome. I mean, it was hard. I hated seeing you go through that much pain and I felt totally useless because I couldn't help. That's not a good feeling for me. Uselessness. I need to be able to fix things and I need to protect you, but I couldn't do anything. It was … well, it was frustrating for me. Really frustrating! But then …" He crouched down on his knees next to the bath and placed his arm around her. "It was also the most incredible thing I've ever seen. I've always thought you were an amazing woman, Donna Paulsen, but now? I will never … never … forget how completely freaking amazing you were just now. What you did there trumps anything I'll ever do in my entire life."
Donna smiled proudly at Harvey's words. She didn't feel amazing at the time. She recalled crying and screaming and feeling like she couldn't do it, but now she realised that she had done it. She'd given birth to a baby, and she'd done it naturally with no help from anything or anybody.
"I did make a bit of noise though, didn't I?"
"Too right you did. My ears are still ringing!"
Donna batted his arm playfully and they both laughed, but then they both stopped at the same time. It was as if their emotions were in sync. They both recognised that their baby girl wasn't with them.
"She'll be okay," said Harvey, sensing Donna's thoughts.
"Yeah, I know she will. I just miss her already. I want to hold her … and …"
"I know, I know … I want to hold her too. We will soon. Then we'll bring her home and we'll hold her all day and all night and we'll never stop holding her. I promise."
Donna nodded as she sniffed back her tears. "What do you think we should name her?"
"Anything you like. You had a list didn't you?"
"Yeah, but you didn't like most of them, remember?"
"It doesn't matter. You did all the work, so you should be the one to choose."
Donna smiled before revealing her choice. "Well, I've been thinking this over for the past week and I think I've settled on … are you ready? …"
Harvey grinned, but was a little bit worried that she'd opted for Millicent. It may have been her grandmother's name, but it sounded like an eczema cream.
"Okay, I decided to go with Avery."
Harvey felt himself beam. "That was my first choice," he said.
"I know."
"I thought you hated it."
"It grew on me."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am, but I've one other stipulation. I'm also giving her two middle names and I thought, seeing as she's going to be a fighter that we should name her after the two strongest women we know."
"You mean … not Millicent?"
Donna laughed as she remembered how well the suggestion of using her grandmother's name had gone down with Harvey. He had even stumped up his grandmother's name – Bertha – in protest. No, I was thinking more strong-fierce as opposed to strong-battle-axe," said Donna. "How do you think 'Avery Lourdes Elizabeth' sounds?"
"You mean Jessica and Rachel's middle names?"
Donna grinned. "Wow, you knew their middle names?"
"You give me no credit," said Harvey, twisting his mouth into a pout. "And, I think Lourdes and Elizabeth will definitely be names that will give our daughter something to live up to."
"With our DNA? I think she'll nail it."
X X X
Hi there – finally we have a baby! Sorry for the delays as I'm writing this and Thirteen Years at the same time. I enjoyed writing this chapter as I have 3 babies of my own (all under 8) and I kinda merged all three of my own birth experiences together as inspiration for baby Avery's birth.
I don't think this story will be ending soon. It's proving very popular so I might keep it going a little bit longer than I originally planned. I have a few more ideas, but no more court cases! Sorry about that, lol. I bored myself in the middle a bit. I need to plan my stories a lot better!
Now if everyone following my story left me a review too … that would be SUPER DUPER! And I'd definitely write lots more, Ha!