Raven had never been a big fan of having other people in her business.
It was one thing when it had been Finn, he was sort of a given. But there had been no one in addition to him, and now, no one after him. His loss had not left her feeling inclined to change anything.
Sure, she had friends. In high school she'd even been somewhat popular, a bit of a party girl in her younger years. She'd never had any reservations about dancing in the middle of a crowded living room or diving into a dark pool in just her underwear. Finn was always there to look after her anyways, she'd had a backup. But those days were over. The friends had stuck around but the good times were long gone.
On occasion she still saw them. Bellamy was classic for stopping at the grocery store and forcing her into an elongated conversation or inviting her out with the gang whenever he had the chance. Clarke had paid special attention right after Finn's death, trying to coax Raven over to her house or out to the movies. It had been nice, though now that Clarke was in the midst of her pre-reqs for med school, Raven saw her less. Octavia was good for dragging her out to a dozen different stores. She always tried to convince Raven to pamper herself, never to any avail.
Jasper was still good for cutting her hair at least. Thank god for Jasper.
Without a cell phone she didn't often hear too much from her friends, but she tried to appreciate the times when they tracked her down.
Of course, pushing all of your friends away can backfire on you. Once such instance may be when you're sitting in an ER waiting room, one where your life had already been drastically changed for the worst twice before. There were no fuzzy warm feelings in this place. She felt alone. And even though she could pick up the payphone and any one of her friends would be at her side in a heartbeat, she couldn't bring her fingers to dial the numbers.
It might not be so bad if the triage nurse did shoot her a pitying look each time she came out to call another patient. Or if the people over in the registration desk didn't all know her. Then there was Lincoln, the head hospital security guard and Octavia's long-time boyfriend. He'd been kind enough to leave her alone when she asked and not call Octavia, per her request.
Raven crosses her arms across her chest and sinks lower into her seat, letting her bad leg stretch out in front of her. She fixes her eyes on the television which rambled on about whatever shitty event had taken place in the world tonight. A war here, a murder there; was any of it even worth reporting at this point? She drums her finger against her brace, all too aware of the lack of sensation in her knee.
Her anger and irritation grew with each minute longer that she sat there. She should have just gone to work. She'd have been in the same damn building doing the same damn thing after all. Location hardly affected the process of waiting.
Another person comes and sits next to her and she huffs in irritation. The whole waiting room was available and this person chose to sit directly next to her? "Hey," they say and her head swivels to meet their eyes.
Recognition does not immediately come to her, but after a few seconds she remembers this guy in all of his obnoxious glory. "Dude," is all she says in response, rolling her eyes.
"I swear I'm not following you."
"Let me guess," she starts, fixing her gaze back on the television. "You had some urgent carrying duties to attend to in the ER waiting area." He chuckles in response. Perhaps he was amused that she's referencing his ridiculous comments from last week or maybe just the type amused by a healthy dose of snark.
"Nah, just bored, not much engineering to do at two in the morning."
Hm, she considers, an engineer. She turns to eye him up and down, trying to size him up. Wasn't that much of a surprise now that she thought about it. "So they pay you to irritate people instead?"
"Just you," he says with a smile that just a little too charming for her to take seriously. "You're in the wrong place tonight."
"Good catch," she answers dryly. Too close, she decides and crosses her good knee over the bad one, trying to minimize the space she's taking up to maximize their distance.
"Anything I can help you with?" he sounds so sincere it just gets on her nerves. Who does he think he is to be nice when he barely even knows her. Who was she to let him? "I can totally break us into the cafeteria."
She scoffs at him. "As if." It's not the difficulty of it that makes her doubt, she's done it herself in the past, something about him left her with the strong desire to argue everything he said. "Surely they're missing you in your oh so special engineering job?" Her voice drips in sarcasm. She does nothing to correct it.
"Wow," he says with a shake of his head. "So belittling of such an important job. If I didn't know any better, I'd pin you as a mechanic."
Raven swallows, takes a breath in through her nose and then shrugs a shoulder, pulling her stare away from his. "That'd be because I am."
He cocks his head in response, drawing her eyes back to him. "Well then what the hell are you working here for?"
"Not many people are looking to hire seventeen year old mechanics."
"Sev-seventeen?" he responds with slight shock to his tone. She hears him mutter, 'Jesus,' under his breath and shake his head. "I thought this place didn't hire anyone until they'd graduated high school."
"Got my GED a year and a half ago." It wasn't information that she was being forced to share, yet she offered it anyway.
He blows out a breath roughly and falls back against his seat, dropping out her peripheral view. "A bit ambitious are you?"
She has a whole retort ready to fall from her lips about how he's a bit nosy when the double doors open and a nurse calls out "Family for Reyes?"
Raven pushes herself up from her seat and takes the first step hesitantly, always a little concerned her brace will give out beneath her. "Right here," she says, walking with a little more confidence but just as much as a limp.
"We can take you back to see your mother now if you'd like," the nurse offers, smiling kindly. "Dr. Griffin would like to speak with you as well."
Raven nods, following after the already disappearing nurse. She turns back just as she reaches the doors, meeting the boy's eyes before she goes. He offers her a wide smile and a thumbs up. Despite the fact that she doesn't even know his name she's grateful for the encouragement. She smiles back just barely before turning and walking away.
"Does Clarke know you're here?" are the first words out of Dr. Griffin's mouth. She's all tired lines and anxious stares. Everything about her screams mother. Raven finds herself jealous of Clarke not for the first time. There was definitely a period of time where Raven was jealous of her every day; the whole Finn thing was a rough time for all of them.
"Abby…" Raven sighs, falling into one of the padded seats in the family waiting room. Her dramatic flopping had been impeded ever since the loss of use in her one knee. It took a lot more effort to carelessly fall than it used to.
"You shouldn't be alone when this stuff is going on, Raven."
She waves her off; ignoring the way Abby sits next to her and rests a hand on her forearm. Raven pulls it away after a minute, trying to play it off as she rubs the back of her neck. "Clarke does not know I'm here, and you aren't about to tell her."
Abby sighs, running a tired hand through her hair. "I wish you wouldn't insist on dealing with this alone."
"I wish you wouldn't insist I share it with someone," Raven shrugs in response. She rests her elbows on her knees and stares at the floor, ignoring the way the tears collect in her eyes. Maybe they were there because Finn wasn't here to be her someone anymore and maybe they're there because her mom's in the hospital, and maybe it's her own stubborn resolve wearing away. "Just tell me if she's going to be okay or not."
A hand falls on Raven's back which she immediately shakes off. She didn't want her friend's mother talking to her right now. She wanted the doctor. "Your mom is going to be just fine," Abby says quietly and sits for another minute before smoothing Raven's hair down and walking out of the room, shutting the door behind her.
The words repeat over and over in her mind as the tears start to fall and a sob is torn from her throat in a garbled cry. "Just fine" was a relative term.
She cries until she doesn't care anymore. Then she stands and walks back to the waiting room, sitting herself in the same empty seat and properly feeling the emptiness beside her for the first time in over a year. The TV still rambles on about the destruction of countries and families and people. Raven resents the dead, but not as much as she currently resents the living.