EPISODE SEVENTEEN: ROBOTNIK GETS PUT IN A VERY COMPROMISING SITUATION!
Listening Music: Spongebob SquarePants Battle For Bikini Bottom: Poseidome
watch?v=3KDinwCfvcg
(Make sure to set it to loop, I couldn't find an extended link)
Robotnik charged into the dark cave, Robotnik Buster up and poised! He was ready for anything that was about to come his way-
And he tripped, smashing his face into the floor.
"URGH!" He peeled himself off the floor in annoyance. "WHY DID I FORGET TO BRING A FLASHLIGHT!"
Robotnik traveled further into the cave, having activated the previously unknown flashlight on his Bubble Helmet. He still tripped every five minutes, but it was better than nothing.
(No that does not mean a drug trip that would be hilarious but no)
He was wandering around aimlessly into a tunnel when the GROUND COLLAPSED BENEATH HIS FEET!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Robotnik as he fell extremely fast despite being underwater.
His fall was broken by his fat butt landing on something extremely squishy!
RING RING RING RING
"Hello? Ivo? You there?" Wily's voice emanated through the helmet! He must have installed a transmitter for this exact purpose!
"INDEED, ALBERT!" Robotnik started getting up, but was having a fair amount of trouble!
"Oh, good! Listen, Drago got back with Splash Woman, she's safe and sound! Listen, I'm sending him back with some new upgrades, but where are you right now?"
"I WENT INTO A CAVE UNDERNEATH URSULA'S VESSEL, BUT I FELL THROUGH THE FLOOR!" Robotnik got up and began to move forward, but he was having a little bit of trouble moving on all the soft ground. "AND NOW I'M IN THIS BIZARRRRRE CAVE WITH THE GROUND ALL SQUELCHY-"
"...What? Uh-oh. Ivo, you're going to want to get out of there NOW."
"WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON-"
"GODDAMNIT IVO THERE'S A HENTAI MONSTER DOWN THERE!" Wily's voice exploded through the transmitter, and that was all Robotnik needed to hear. He bolted towards… well anywhere, he couldn't really see where he was going.
Listening Music: Contra 3: The Alien Wars: Red Falcon's Lair
watch?v=vGc7dGwEJE0
"Ursula's younger protege from Japan lives there! She's not as much of a jerk, but if anything she's TOO much of a sweetheart, if you know what I mean!" Wily chuckled to himself. "If you get stuck down there, you'll won't get out for over a year!"
"THAT SOUNDS EXTREMELY ANNOYING!" Robotnik yanked his boot out of some squishy mass. "THERE ISN'T EVEN ANY WIFI SERVICE DOWN HERE! I'LL MISS ALL THE NEW 'LIVE FROM HOTLAND' VIDEOS!"
Wily sighed loudly. "Ivo, I think you're missing the point- wait, you watch those? Why do you watch that idiot robot, those shows are just stupid pandering to his ego-"
"THEY'RE HILARRRIOUS, THAT'S WHY! I CAN'T HELP BUT LAUGH UPROARIOUSLY AT THE OVERACTING OF THE- AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
Robotnik was immediately cut off by a long slimy thing wrapping around his leg! He blasted at it immediately, and it retreated!
The flashlight on his helmet had fully powered up by this point, and had revealed the full extent of the scene before him.
Namely, a crapload of giant sea amenome-anemone-amenene-OH SCREW IT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING!
Robotnik immediately began running like hell, blasting his way through several of the tentacley squishy things on the way!
"Ivo, there's an exit on the ceiling! Get up there! I don't think that she's there at the moment, but you have to leave before her pets smother you!"
"NO NEEED TO TELL ME TWICE!" Robotnik darted around one of the anenomes, vaulted over another, and continued running towards the hole in the ceiling!
Robotnik looked around, and saw several large rocks in conveniently ascending order!
"ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO!" He rushed towards them, wildly blasting away various wayward tentacles!
He leaped towards a rock, bounded off it, rushed towards another, almost had the exit-
But the ceiling had closed up on him, the hole cutting off!
"WHAT IS THIS?!" Robotnik yelled.
"Well, there's some good news. If she isn't there right now, your body is safe for the moment." Wily responded.
An extremely loud noise sounded, and the entire room lit up in a bright electric neon green, and and an epicly loud rave song started playing!
"WILY, WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?!" Robotnik yelled in an angry tone.
"Well, the bad news is that her pet tentacle monster is in here, and you'll just be receive massive electric shocks and epileptic seizures instead!" Wily groaned.
A massive bizarre tentacled creature erupted out of the middle of the floor, roaring deafeningly! A bunch of jellyfish were attached to the creature's body, and they were flashing in a sickening array of different colors! Robotnik felt sick just looking at it!
Topping it off were several fleshy protrusions resembling satellite dishes, which crackled and sparked with electricity!
Several bizarre fleshy growths on the wall began flashing in many odd colors, bathing the room in an insane light!
"NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO OUT-RAVE A SEA MONSTER!" Robotnik cracked his knuckles. "LET'S DANCE, BIG BOY!"
The Epileptic Anemone
NEON BARINADE
Author's Note: Barinade is a boss from Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I added it in because otherwise this section would be too boring, and I didn't want that.
Listening Music: Zelda Ocarina Of Time Boss Theme Remix by This Channel is Not Active
watch?v=JoC3Vd5_NQ0
Neon Barinade instantly began the fight by launching various jellies at Robotnik, who fired nonstop at them to repel them! But it didn't work, and they split into a bunch of smaller jellies that were still sparking!
Robotnik quickly began to run around the room, trying to outrun them, but Robotnik was running underwater, and as we all know people can't run very fast underwater!
"ALBERT, YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR THIS?!" Robotnik yelled, as he leaped to the side to dodge a stray jellyfish!
"Well, those jellyfish aren't going to yield to energy attacks, since they don't have a nervous system! So… your only option is to attack them physically!"
"WHAT, LIKE PUNCH THEM?!"
"You got any better ideas, Ivo?"
Robotnik conceded that he did not, and proceeded to wind up and deliver a massive haymaker to one of the jellyfish, which knocked it back into the main body of Barinade, damaging it!
"OH, I'M SUCH A DUMBOT! I FORGOT TO TAKE OFF MY RUBBER GLOVE!" Robotnik clenched the fist that didn't have the Robotnik Buster v1.5 on it. "WELL, I CAN CERTAINLY COPE WITH THIS!"
Barinade began to throw various jellyfish at Robotnik in increasingly elaborate patterns, but he continued to punch and kick them all out of the way while making Bruce Lee Noises!
"HYAA! HOOOOORRYYAAAAA!" Robotnik whirled his fist around, and uppercut the biggest disco jelly of all directly onto Barinade's core!
It roared in pain, and began to whirl its tentacles around wildly in an erratic fashion to try to grab Robotnik!
"OH, NO! MY PURITY IS ONLY TO BE LOST TO SOMEONE OF MY SPECIES!" Robotnik leaped out of the way of one tentacle, ducked under another, and grabbed another one when it came towards him! He flexed his muscles while pulling on it, and YANKED IT OFF!
Neon Barinade roared as the stump spewed glowing green blood everywhere!
Robotnik whirled around his new tentacle whip like a badass lion tamer, and beckoned towards his adversary!
Barinade attempted to whip him with its remaining tentacles, but Robotnik lashed at it with the makeshift whip, causing it to recoil in pain!
"HYAH! DOWN BOY!" Robotnik yelled.
He lashed at it again and again, and Barinade's movements got more and more erratic! As the battle went on, the room stopped being a neon green and transformed into a sickly red hue!
Robotnik attempted another lash at Barinade's body, but it grabbed the whip and began flailing wildly! Robotnik was not to be duped so easily, however, for he had let go of the whip before Barinade could slam him into the wall, and leapt towards the creature with blinding speed!"
"IT'S TIME TO PROMOTE MYSELF TO SEA MONSTER BASHER, FIRST CLASS!"
Robotnik punched the core of Barinade with tremendous force!
Barinade began to go berserk, and started firing lightning all over the arena before yanking itself out of the ground and wildly rampaging towards Robotnik!
He dodged out of the way, and on Barinade's return trip he jumped on top of it, unloading several massive energy blasts into the top of Barinade's body!
Barinade roared again, and the satellite dishes on its head began glowing with a sickly green aura while making a pulsing sound!
Robotnik began to charge up the Robotnik Buster v1.5 and braced himself for the massive beam that was incoming!
Barinade fired a massive beam of electricity at Robotnik, and he responded in kind!
The collision of the two beams generated a massive amount of noise, with a huge amount of light and sparks everywhere!
Robotnik began to grimace! His beam was strong, but it wasn't that strong! He didn't think he could hold off the lightning onslaught for much longer!
He thought to himself!
"URGH! HOW DO I GET ITS ATTENTION AWAY FROM ME… WAIT, IT CAN'T SEE! IF I MAKE A NOISE SOMEWHERE ELSE, IT'LL AIM THE OTHER WAY!"
Robotnik kicked a nearby rock at his feet, and it hit the far wall with an audible THWAPP!
The THWAPP! Was apparently loud enough to fool Barinade, as it turned away from Robotnik for half a second, long enough for him to jump on top of Barinade again!
Feeling him on top of it, Barinade aimed the satellite dishes for him, and by the time it had already started firing, Robotnik had jumped away!
BARINADE FIRED A MASSIVE BOLT OF LIGHTNING INTO ITSELF, AND SOON IT WAS PULSING AND SPARKING WITH ENERGY! IT ROARED AND FLAILED FOR A BIT BEFORE VIOLENTLY EXPLODING IN A MASSIVE EXPLOSION! ANENOME GUTS SPLATTERED THE ENTIRE CAVE, AND THE CAVE WENT DARK AGAIN!
Listening Music: Zelda Ocarina of Time: Boss Fanfare
watch?v=gYOH41PjZKo
Robotnik pumped his fist! "YES! I DID IT!"
"Don't do your victory dance just yet, Ivo, you'd better leave before she comes back!"
Robotnik headed towards the now open crack in the ceiling, only to be grabbed by yet another tentacle!
"OH COME ON!"
Except this time, the tentacle was pulling him into another cave that was past the hole in the ground, and more quickly ensared him completely!
"Ivo, what's going on in there-" Wily was suddenly cut off by an arm snapping off the antenna of the communication device.
"There. Now no one can interrupt us!" As Robotnik struggled in the arms' suckery grip, their owner came into view! It was a…
…young woman with tentacles in place of legs?
"Now, where were we?" She said as she pulled Robotnik closer, his struggling having no effect on her iron grip!
WILL ROBOTNIK BE SUPREMELY VIOLATED?!
WILL SPLASH WOMAN FEEL JEALOUS THAT THERE'S A MORE ATTRACTIVE UNDERSEA CHARACTER THAN HER?!
AND WILL URSULA EVER GET TO APPEAR IN PERSON YET?!
SPOILER ALERT FOR THE LAST ONE: YES INDEEDY-DOODY!
FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF ROBOTNIK'S GRAND DOMINATION, "ROBOTNIK NARROWLY GETS SMOTHERED IN LOVE AND TENTACLES!"
Author's Note: If there are any marine biologists reading this and complaining about the incorrect terminology regarding tentacles and arms, I'm well aware of the difference. I just choose not to care.