Note: This is my last "set-up" chapter. Things get rolling next go round ;)

Chapter 4

"What a fucking horrible day," said Regina, already on her fourth glass of cider. A developer had spent two hours trying to manipulate her into approving a new housing project in town, and it took everything in her not to lash out and smack the condescension out of his voice when he told her that her rejection would end up biting her in the ass. How dare he question her authority, Regina thought. Only one person could get away with that, and this asshole had been no Emma Swan. How dare he give Regina reason to think about her.

She needed a distraction.

Regina pulled out her cell phone, hoping Graham would again come clad in his leather jacket and carrying his badge. She hoped he wouldn't be wearing cologne this time. It made her imagination work harder, and it made the shower the following morning much longer. Scrubbing away reality was time consuming.

No answer. "What the fuck does he think he's doing at 10 p.m.?" she asked angrily to no one in particular. She clenched her jaw and threw on her coat. If she stayed alone in doors tonight, something was bound to get broken. Again.

She took a few flowers from their vase on the table and headed to the one place in Storybrooke where she felt a little more alive than those around her.

…

If Emma was going to stay in Maine, she was going to have to invest in a more suitable jacket. The night was cold as she and Graham walked the beat together, both knowing that, eventually, this walk was going to take on a less professional and more personal character.

"Okay, Graham, you know what? Just stop for a minute. This is pretty ridiculous. We've got to talk about what happened." Emma prompted, hands going to her pockets signaling her unease.

Graham sighed and turned to face her. "Well you certainly know how to pick a spot for conversation," he said, glancing around the cemetery.

"Well at least here, the only ears listening are six feet underground," she said with a smirk.

"Good point," he replied, sitting down on the steps to the nearest memorial. Emma followed suit and they both took a deep breath.

"Graham, I think you're a great person, and if my head were screwed on right, I'd want last night to be anything but a fluke, but…," she started.

"If you want to keep things professional, that's fine Emma. We were both drunk. Honestly, I think things could get quite messy if we tried to start something here," he said, wincing upon imagining Regina's reaction.

"Totally. I'd rather keep you as a friend and not start seeing someone I work with. That never ends well," Emma confessed, feeling a huge wave of relief. The scotch and Mary Margaret's suggestions had gotten the best of her last night, she knew it when she awoke on her couch this morning. More than anything, she was concerned that she may hurt Graham when it all came out. Now, she didn't have to worry about hurt feelings.

She had her own feelings to worry about, and they were beyond manageable now. She was teetering on the precipice of sanity, and the memories of Regina all wound together to form a tightrope beneath her. The longer she went without seeing her, the thinner that rope became. It was only a matter of time, now, before she fell someplace deeper than she'd ever been.

Graham snapped Emma out of her desolate thoughts.

"I do want you to know, though, that I know how lonely Storybrooke can be. I'm always here if you want to talk, okay?" he said with a sincerity that Emma wasn't used to. She leaned in and hugged Graham, whom she realized had become a real friend over the past few weeks. They were kindred spirits - both roaming around for a fulfillment that eluded them constantly. She rested her chin on the Sheriff's shoulder and closed her eyes. The leather under her hands wasn't quite the texture her fingers craved, and his shoulder wasn't the delicate one she usually fell into when she slept, but it would do.

"What the hell is this?" said a voice some feet away.

Regina.

Emma knew her voice anywhere. It had been five days since she'd seen the Mayor, but she remembered every detail from their last meeting. And the one before it, and the one before that one. She quickly stood and turned to the woman she had been craving for the past week. Emma was concerned upon seeing Regina's state. She was disheveled, eyes heavy and red with intoxication – certainly not the orderly vision that had clouded Emma's thoughts over the past week. Regina looked how Emma felt – like shit.

"Madam Mayor, are you okay?" asked Emma, her concern obvious.

"I asked you two a fucking a question," spat the Mayor, splitting Emma's tightrope.

"What are you doing at my father's grave?" she slurred, every word dripping with rage.

"We're on patrol," answered Graham, taking a step toward Regina.

"No, you're taking a break for foreplay. Is that why you couldn't answer your goddamn phone, Graham? Hmm? Because your hands were otherwise occupied?" she said, already sure of the answer.

This was too much for Regina. She had already had a terrible day. She was drunk and angry, and now, in her hopes to clear her mind, she stumbles upon the woman who drove her to drink and the man who acted as a reminder of her control. And they're together. Regina's eyes flashed from Graham to Emma. She allowed herself a second to stare into Emma's green eyes, and allowed herself one last time to imagine what it would feel like to lean against her and let everything go. A tear fell down her cheek, leaving behind it a trail of betrayal and broken hope.

"Why do you have to take away everything that I hold dear?" she asked harshly, hating Emma for making her feel alive only to take away her life now, after all the nights she spent next to her in her mind.

Emma's concern transformed in an instant. How dare Regina do this. Again. How dare she show up out of nowhere and unlock the cage around her heart only to slam it shut seconds later. She wore the key around her neck, always standing just far enough from Emma to remind her that its liberation wasn't up to her. Only Regina could set it free.

This had to end tonight, she thought, suddenly hating this woman who painted her dreams every. single. night. with that smile and open arms that dissolved every bit of armor Emma carried with her. She hated her for that trickery.

"This has nothing to do with her, "said Graham, hoping to diffuse the situation, but knowing Regina was seconds from lashing out. This was the Regina he knew, the ticking time bomb whose animalistic instincts won out over everything else when she was at her lowest or about to lose control of a situation. He wondered, though, what had pulled her down today. It was something big, something that had been building for a while, but he couldn't figure it out.

Emma hadn't heard Graham. Neither had Regina. Both were staring at each other, blinded to everything else around them.

"Maybe it's not me, Madam Mayor. Maybe it's you. You need to take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why everyone runs away from you, "said Emma, pushing every one of Regina's buttons. The latter comment buried its way into her chest like a bullet passing through in slow motion. She had lost Emma. She had even lost the fantasy of Emma. Emma had, as Regina feared from the beginning, run away from her, too.

And so there was nothing left to lose.

Graham had Emma. Emma had Graham and Henry. She had no one left… and so the animal took over. Regina reared back and delivered a right hook to Emma's face. Emma's jaw didn't shatter like glass, and the contact didn't absolve Regina's pain like the liquor usually did. But she had to fight. She had to fight off this addiction.

Emma's body was set to autopilot. She had been hurt by Regina's words too many times, and though this pain was easier to take, it was further evidence that the brunette was never going to be hers. Her adrenaline flew into her fingertips and before Emma realized it, she was throwing her clenched fist into Regina's mouth. Regina had to catch herself, being knocked off balance, but before she could compose herself, Emma's arms were wrapped around her.

Regina yielded right then. Even if she left tonight bruised and hated, at least Emma had held her. At least Regina had finally felt the leather of Emma's jacket surrounding her and the heat of Emma's body merging with her own. She wasn't using the Sheriff as a proxy, and she wasn't drinking Emma's warmth into being. She submitted to the blonde's force, relishing in it, knowing it was only temporary and that it would likely be the last contact they would share. She tried to memorize the feeling of Emma's arms around her waist, the pressure Emma's torso placed on her back, and the way blonde's hair fell around Regina's shoulders, tickling her neck. Regina blocked out every sensation that wasn't created by Emma. Suddenly, the air had no temperature, and her own exhaling made no sound. There was only the warmth from Emma, the sound of her boots in the grass stiff with frost, the slight whisper of Emma's breath in her ear. Suddenly, Emma picked her up and was pushing her toward the wall. Regina felt Emma's strong arms throw her against it and watched calmly as the deputy reared back to punch her once more. She wanted it, she wanted anything that prolonged the encounter. She wanted this memory to be stronger than any other, because she knew she'd turn to it over and over again after the blonde left her life.

And just as it had began, it ended abruptly.

Emma screamed animalistically as Graham pulled her away from Regina. She wasn't finished. There was more frustration and pain in her body that needed release, but once her contact with Regina was broken, her mind began to function again.

This was wrong. All wrong.

She wondered all of a sudden why they had started fighting in the first place. The only thoughts in her brain were the memories of Regina's strong body under her own and how she gave in to Emma's touch. She knew Regina had not resisted. She knew the pounding rhythm of her own heart had not been jump started by adrenaline, but contact. And she knew the stirrings in her stomach had been prompted by the proximity between her and the Mayor when Emma had pressed her into the wall. In that second that Emma was holding her against the cold brick, she stared into Regina, searching for that sidewalk vulnerability, that café-blush vulnerability, that collapse site vulnerability.

And she saw it.

She saw submission and yearning. For what, she wasn't sure. But now, as Graham restrained her from the Mayor, she knew she ignited a feeling in Regina, and she knew Regina was willing to relinquish control, to become powerless, in order to feel it. It must have meant a hell of a lot to her, then.

Emma stared at Regina. "It's not worth it," she said, before leaving, unsure what she really meant.

"Why did I just say that?" thought Emma. "It's all worth it."

She would find a way to fix this. She would find a way to feel tonight all over, without the animosity. For the first time, she truly thought she had a chance to not feel for Regina, but with her. Emma realized then that the memories of Regina weren't her tightrope, they were her safety net.

"Totally worth it," she smiled quietly as she walked home, remembering the texture of Regina's wool coat under her fingers, and the warmth of Regina's shoulder under her chin.

Regina picked up her flowers as Emma and Graham left. She stared at the petals marred with dirt. Their innocence had been lost in the scuffle. Regina knew hers had too. She closed her eyes and leaned back into the wall, finding it still warm.