Rachel stared at the folded piece of paper laying on her nightstand. It had been taunting her for a few days now. Santana would be back with lunch in a few minutes and Rachel was sure she would lose her nerve if she didn't do this now. After putting the pictures of her and Santana back into the closet, Rachel had grabbed an old shoe box that she liked to keep old mementos in. She hadn't looked in this box in years, it moved from place to place never being opened.
Preparing herself for an onslaught of emotions, Rachel sat down on the bed and slowly removed the shoe box lid. The daunting piece of paper that held Shelby's number could wait. Immediately she began to tear up, the majority of items in the box had been given to her in some form from her Daddy when he was alive. A stack of birthday cards sat on the top, each one special with a personalized letter from her fathers. Her Daddy's letter was always longer, he could be a man of many words when he wanted to be. Mixed in with the birthday cards were a few letters from Shelby that Rachel had decided to keep when she and Shelby tried to reconnect the first time around. Most of the pictures that she had of her and her Daddy were kept in photo albums, except for the last one Rachel had ever taken with him. It was a photo from the night that he passed away, taken right before the show had started. Rachel ran her finger over Hiram's smiling face. He was so proud and happy to finally be there and then it all came to an abrupt halt.
Rachel tried to control her tears as she laid the photo to the side. This box was full of so many things that held so many memories. A silver dollar that Hiram had given her after she lost her first baby tooth. A movie stub from her first big girl movie. She had put it in plastic years ago so that it wouldn't get ripped. Most people would find it silly to keep stuff like this, but Rachel cherished every piece that was in the box. Wiping her face with the back of her hand, Rachel began to put the stuff away. That was enough looking in the shoe box for today, maybe eventually she could bring herself to reread all the letters, but that day wasn't today.
Santana came walking in the front door just as Rachel was walking out of the guest bedroom. Rachel internally sighed, thankful that she had thought to hid the photo album and pictures before coming down stairs. She smiled at Santana as she made her way across the living room to wrap Santana in a hug, ignoring the food bags.
"Not that I don't love your hugs, but are you okay?" Santana asked as she tried to balance her full hands without dumping anything down Rachel's back.
"I just needed a hug from you, that's all. Can I have a kiss too?" Rachel looked up at Santana with a doe eyed expression. Santana could tell that Rachel had been crying but apparently at the moment wasn't the right time to talk about it.
"Baby, you never have to ask for a kiss." Santana tilted her head forward and connected her lips with Rachel's. The saltiness from her tears still lingered. "Let's go get this food out, because I am a starvin' marvin."
Rachel turned and led the way into the kitchen, walking to the cabinet's to grab some plates and glasses. "Are you going to tell me why you are super late with the food?"
"It's the weekend, McKinley is always super busy." Santana's eyes flickered around the kitchen.
"Yes, but you were super late. Where else did you go?" Rachel asked as she sat down a plate and glass in front of Santana before turning around to grab forks.
"If I tell you where I was, you have to tell me why you were crying."
Rachel stopped reaching for one of the food bags to empty its contents. She should have went and cleaned her face off better. "That...sounds like a fair deal. But you are going first."
"Ugh, fine. I went and saw Sue. I wanted to know if she had found out anything else since she had been home. You know, maybe something that she couldn't tell us over the phone?" Santana propped her head up on her hand, resting her elbow on the kitchen island.
"Well? Did she?" Rachel asked as she shoveled a spoonful of chili into her mouth. This stuff was amazing, but Santana's was better.
"No. She said without them talking they were at a stand still. The letters they sent to each other in the jail didn't contain anything after how to get Conner out. It was a complete fluke. I also may have mentioned some plans to scare Jasper." Santana began to empty out the food bag that had remained untouched in front of her.
"What kind of plans Santana? I thought we agreed to just let him be when he comes back?"
"Yeah, I am not just going to let him be knowing that he is most likely the one who messed with my ladder." Santana responded, not looking at Rachel as she scraped some rice onto her place.
"Okay, I get that. But even after talking to Puck, you still aren't one hundred percent sure it was Jasper who done it. This was the first time anything remotely bad has happened and like I said before Jasper couldn't have known that that ladder was yours."
"Why are you defending him so hard right now Rachel?" Santana narrowed her eyes.
"I don't know." Rachel spoke quietly as she dragged her spoon along the surface of her chili bowl. She dropped the spoon into the bowl, watching it slowly sink. Rachel blew a piece of hair out of her face as she rubbed her hands along her purple joggers. "I think I see a lot of myself in him. I know he is part of the whole Porter clan and there's a chance he will try and hurt one of us when he comes back, I actually think he's too scared to, but there's something about him. When I first started on Broadway, I knew that's where I belonged. I had known since I was three, but I still fell short when it came to fitting in and making friends. I've told you all of this before, when I wasn't at work I was home alone. It sucks to be in a new city filled with people and feel all alone. Instead of scaring him...I want to help him. You know as well as I do that he is being manipulated by Charles."
Santana sat shocked as she listened to Rachel go on about Jasper. She wanted...to help..him? Really?! She could get upset and yell or she could actually listen to what Rachel was saying. "I'm still going through partially with my plan though."
"What do you mean by partially?" Rachel turned on her stool to face Santana, sliding forward so that her knees where pressed into Santana's thighs.
"I'm going to follow and have him followed when he gets back into town. He needs to be under watch so that he doesn't try to do anything. We will always be one step ahead of him."
Rachel tilted her head as she contemplated that. "I can be on board with that and we are going to talk to Puck again about checking security tapes. Just to make sure that Jasper was the one who did mess with your ladder."
"And I can be on board with that. Now are you going to tell me why you were upset when I came home?"
"I think I want some crackers to go with my chili. Do you we still have any of those little oyster crackers?" Rachel stood up and rushed to the pantry. Yes, she was trying to deflect, of course it would never work.
"Rachel..." Santana sighed as she turned on her stool to follow Rachel's movements. "We don't have to talk about it now, but we made a deal."
Rachel halted her movements and rested her head against the pantry door. "I was going to call Shelby today, but then I started going through my memory box. You know the one that has stuff in it from my Daddy, I miss him so much." Rachel closed her eyes as tears began to threaten to fall once again.
Santana was up in a flash wrapping her arms around Rachel's torso. She placed a kiss on the back of Rachel's head and just held her. There wasn't much that you could say in moment's like this. I'm sorry or it's okay, wouldn't bring him back and wouldn't curb that constant ache that Rachel would feel for the rest of her life. "I think...that we should go see him soon. You haven't been back there in ages now." Santana turned her head to rest her cheek on the back of Rachel's head.
Rachel turned her head slightly. "You mean fly to Ohio? Visit his grave?" Santana didn't say anything, she just nodded her head. "I can't go without Dad."
"That's okay, we can ask Leroy to go too. It might do some good just to get out of here for a while." Santana turned Rachel around and grabbed her hand to lead her back to the island. "No matter what happens though, you need to finish eating and so do I." Santana turned Rachel's stool around for her, which was the equivalent of pulling out her chair, chivalry was not dead.
"I think I want to call Shelby this evening, but I don't want to do it alone." Rachel looked over to Santana to gauge her reaction.
"You never have to do anything alone that you don't want to. You're going to be my wife at the end of this year, you're kind of stuck with me." Santana grinned cheekily. "You couldn't get rid of me if you tried." Leaning over, Santana planted a kiss on Rachel's lips.
"I also want to ask you something." Rachel reached over to take one of Santana's hands into her own. "Will you read my memory box letters with me?" She wasn't sure what had prompted her to ask, but something about it just felt right. If Santana was willing to drop everything and take a trip to Ohio with her, then she deserved to see at least some of the things in the box.
Santana sat speechless. She knew about the memory box, she knew that it was filled with personal things from Hiram, but she never expected Rachel to ask her to go through it with her. "Are you sure about this Rachel? That box is sacred to you."
Rachel gave Santana a small smile. This was one of the reasons that Rachel felt it was right to share the box with Santana. She had never questioned Rachel to see the box, she just knew about it. "Like you said, you're going to be my wife and I want to share those things with you."
"Okay, whenever you're ready we can go through it together and I will sit down with you when you call Shelby." Santana smiled back at Rachel who continued to hold her hand as she ate with the other. Not much had been resolved today, but at least progress to move forward in their lives had been made. That was a feat within itself.