The next few days past in a whirlwind of events, one day just the same as the last. Ever since the awkward encounter with L and the task force, Cyan had to report to the same meeting, in which the whole task force and L would go over every minute detail of the plan. Repetition, repetition, repetition… And Cyan could barely stomach the boredom! She often complained to L about it, but he didn't want to hear it. He insisted upon this plan going as smoothly as possible, and pounded the details as thoroughly as he could into the heads of his abused task force. Even Soichiro had asked for a break! Tuesday was the day the operation would commence, and they were only on Saturday!
Cyan couldn't deny it; she was nervous. It was very important, and if she screwed up, then the whole case could be jeopardized. However, she spent ten whole years of her life on learning how to not make mistakes. Agents weren't allowed to do such things. Cyan knew she could do it. But it was L who was driving her up the wall! Even when they spoke after the day was done, he would just ask questions as though pop-quizzing her, and was completely relentless.
The very same thing happened on Saturday.
Cyan stayed behind as she usually did, wanting to give L at least a little company after the task force had called it quits for the night. It was hard to evade the awkwardness of their last meeting when they sat in silence. After eavesdropping on a conversation about herself between L and the team, Cyan had stumbled upon the information that L apparently was in love with her. Due to this, she had spent many a-night since lying flat on her bed and staring up at the ceiling, allowing her brain to go rampant. She imagined what it would have been like to have spent the years training with L instead. What would have happened when they were teenagers? Did L really begin to love her when they were children? Or, most importantly… What did she feel? What did MI6 allow her to feel?
These questions had robbed her of too many hours of sleep.
She sat in silence, not really working but listening to the plop, plop, plop of L adding way too many sugar cubes into his coffee. He never mentioned his feelings again after that… While Cyan supposed this was probably for the better, it was eating away at her!
"Alright, Cyan, what will you do when you run into Alastair?" He said, obviously beginning his now-routine questionnaire.
Cyan groaned loudly, sounding like a child being told to clean their putrid room. "L, you're driving us crazy! When I run into him, I will use my feminine charms to entrance him, and convince him to eat only butter until he dies of a heart attack." She said sarcastically, folding her arms over her muscled yet wiry chest. "Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I do mess up now. You're freaking me out!"
L, amused by her ranting, only closed his eyes briefly and sighed. "I acknowledge the fact that I've been working you all very hard, and I apologize. However, this all must go perfectly in order to cause the chaos we need, and I'm only asking-"
"- for us all to be as prepared as possible for the mission ahead. I've heard this one before, dork." Cyan answered his speech, a playful but tired smile on her face.
L looked at her with wide eyes. "That bad? Hm, I don't recall telling that one…" He mused, his eyes flickering back to the screen. Even though he too was tired of reiterating the same thing over and over, he was unable to bring himself to not study for this. It was too important.
"I get that you want everything to go smoothly, L. I understand. But that includes the fact that I know the risk, and this is really putting me under a lot more pressure than required. I mean, I already know that I can't mess this one up, and I won't. I promise. But being reminded everyday of what could happen if I do seems to be bad Juju…" Cyan said, speaking as she looked at her screen, though she saw nothing. Her mind was elsewhere.
"Screw the mission, Cyan. This is about you and your safety. Don't you see that?" L whispered, his thumb in his mouth to muffle his already-soft words. He didn't look away from the screen; he was glued to it.
Cyan's heart seemed to stop momentarily, then gave a great leap. W-What?! S-Screw the mission?! Who was it that she was talking to?! Was he really implying that the reason he was pounding them so hard was to make sure that she would be safe no matter what? Realization then sunk in. He wanted everyone to know their parts perfectly, and she remembered that he had instructed each member of the task force in a plan B that would lead them to her if she got hurt. That way, four people would be able to provide her safety if need be. All along, she had only assumed that this was just to keep an agent from being discovered, or even just to make the plan easier. In fact, she felt ridiculous for not allowing herself to see it that way before… He was doing all of this based off of emotion, something he rarely ever did. All the young woman could do was allow her eyes to widen to the size of dinner plates, and stare at her clenched fists, completely red in the face. She couldn't speak! She couldn't even try! How would a normal girl go about handling this?
L's pulse was racing. Did he really say that?! He supposed that the words in his mind escaped through his mouth, something he wasn't used to. What he said was something to the tune of what he had always wanted to say. In his mind, he had a picture of himself. Not entirely him, but him enough to be the person he had always wanted to be. One that was bold in the places he wanted to be bold, someone strong enough to be honest instead of just telling witty jokes. He stared at the screen in disbelief, wondering if Cyan would get mad at him. She would tell him to keep his personal life out of the workplace… He had to fix this, quick!
"I mean, having a successful mission is very important. And I wanted to stress that to you, and my concern for your well-being is very much tied with the success of the mission on my list. Th-That's why I needed to enforce memorization, because I-"
Oh God, was he stuttering?! L never stuttered!
"L, shut up for a second." She said quietly, cutting into his words.
He immediately went quiet. Shit! Why the hell was he so nervous?! They were just a few harmless words… Well, they did get in the way of his professional interest as a detective, and he didn't literally mean that the operation wasn't important. It really, really was. But… He did have priorities, and Cyan was one of them. And not to mention the fact that he had brought up remnants of that awkward happening, something that he knew the two of them were keen to avoid. Could she be mad that he was trying to cover it up? Why the hell was she being so quiet?! It was now that L had added a new emotion to his pallet; true panic.
Cyan seemed to be thinking deeply. He could see that she hadn't moved an inch, and had remained in the exactly same position for precisely twenty-three seconds in total. He wasn't looking at her, but he knew that she wasn't moving at all. Then, those twenty-three seconds ran out. Quietly, Cyan got up to her feet, not making a single sound. She turned to face L, then walked over to him with careful steps. Her heart was hammering so loudly… Could he hear it? She didn't stop walking until she was directly in front of him, yet he didn't move. He couldn't. His eyes were even wider than normal, and he didn't look away from the screen or move. If the situation wasn't tense, Cyan would have laughed at how he was pretending she wasn't there.
Gently, she reached out with a trembling hand to cup the side of his face, and turned his head to look up at her. His skin was smoother than she expected it to be… And now he was looking up at her with a truly horrified yet captivated expression. She lowered herself into the seat next to his, so now they were pretty much at eye-level. Well, L was taller than her now.
But she hadn't moved her hand. Instead of pulling away like her mind told her to, she was leaning forward, looking directly into the man's eyes. And in her numb stupor, she felt that it was natural, the way he was already leaning in to intercept her, the way his eyelids were lowering to cover his huge pupils, the way she could feel his baited breathing on her lips. Within the matter of a second, his lips brushed against hers, much too softly at first, much too nervously. Then, after just a short while, he was deepening the kiss, and she melted against him, her eyes fluttering shut. She moved her hand up his face and into his soft, wild black hair, and pulled at it gently. He was so careful, so meticulous about the way he did this... He moved his lips carefully over hers, calculating every swipe as though he was trying to maximize his credibility as a kisser. It was almost as though he was surprised that she hadn't told him to stop yet! Cyan's heart sang in her ears, and in this moment, all there was was L. The boy she had grown up with, who might have been dreaming about this for years… The one that she had tried to not imagine doing this with, for fear that she might fall for him. It was crumbling away, all of these long days of awkwardness and uptight-exchanges… Forget the days, now the years spent apart were now evaporating into thin air.
And in what felt like a blink of an eye, she pulled away, only to gasp quietly for breath. L too was panting; they mirrored each other in the way that they both seemed surprised and hungry. L's dark eyes fixed on her, still slightly lidded after their encounter. She looked right back, feeling as though her face was on fire. That was a perfect kiss, and they both knew it too. In their glance, they seemed to exchange that knowledge.
Cyan didn't regret this. Not in the least. But… Wouldn't this be a distraction? Nothing comes above a mission… An agent's creed. Something that they all needed to remember. There was nothing but the assignment. But now, after the heat of the moment, L seemed to be able to read her thoughts. With his face slightly flushed, he turned back to the computer, hoping to break their gaze.
There was silence for a few moments, and Cyan looked back down at her lap.
"If you… If you want me to forget about that, I will. If this interferes with your status, I won't blame you for it. I know that this has the potential to undermine everything you've worked for. I will still be in love with you, even if you don't want to remember this." L said, his voice positively shaking.
Cyan felt her heart melt a little at that. It was true, this did complicate everything… But not once did L mention how the kiss would affect his duties. Cyan had to smile at that. She could still feel his soft, large lips engulfing hers, and the thought nearly set her on fire… And did L really still think that this whole thing was still one-sided? Cyan would have thought the answer was obvious. However, she did have to think about this. Maybe she could try to continue this without falling too deeply. That ought to be fine, right? She was no longer sure.
"I wouldn't want to forget it." She answered in a simple whisper.
L suddenly tensed up, as though shocked and flattered at the same time. There was even a small blush on his cheeks! Cyan laughed, sounding sort of exhausted. She thought about giving him a kiss on the cheek, but decided against it. After all, she had used a lot of bravery in walking over to kiss him in the first place!
"I guess… I'll see you tomorrow. We can discuss the operation… Again." She said light-heartedly.
"I look forward to it, Cyan." L said, his shoulders finally relaxing. Finally, he turned to look up at her again, his eyes mostly back to normal. He gave her an almost imperceptible smile, then refocused his attention at the screen.
As Cyan made her way out of the building once again, she was wrapped up in the memory of the kiss. She was positive it wasn't a mistake. She knew it wasn't. But mostly, MI6 would disagree. Relationships lead to weakness… At a point in her life where she needed to be the strongest, she suddenly found herself caught between what she wanted and what she needed to do. Which begged the question… How long would this last?
One thing that she knew for sure was that she herself had crossed the line. If she ended up hurting him, he might never heal… However, in her heart of hearts she knew that it was already too late to back down.