Here's a long chapter to make up for yesterday, as promised! Hope it's not too long. I enjoyed writing this chapter quite a lot though it did change pretty drastically from how I originally thought it would be. I hope you also enjoy it, let me know your thoughts, especially on the ending!

Raven's POV

Some might consider it cowardice to run away from Wick. Raven considered it far braver than sticking around.

Wick made her weak. He left her craving things that she knew she could not have. By staying around and attempting to gather anymore of those false hopes, she was only fooling herself over what was later to come. That would be childlike fear controlling her. She could not allow for those desires to be met or else she would become that much more vulnerable. She had enough to carry. The last thing she needed was to lose the strength to bear it.

Home isn't where she wants to go when she leaves Wick's on Tuesday. The day had grown slightly warmer as it had gone on. Still she buried her hands deep in the coat that he had offered her. She felt slightly guilty for taking off with it, but she'd worked with numb fingers on his truck for nearly three hours free of payment. As far as she was concerned, she earned it.

At first her plan had been to duck into the first place that sold any hot beverage and sit there, drinking half decent coffee and running through her plan of action. Wick was in her life in some weird way, tethered to her in the form of a model rocket. She needed to figure out how to sever that tie.

But McDonalds is too busy and she knows people who work in the local Starbucks so she just keeps walking. It's not as though she wasn't used to it. A small part of her feels guilty for leaving that note behind. She knows how Wick thinks about these things. After all, she'd been on the receiving end of his freak outs more than once. His reactions were generally a bit grandiose. Odds were he was equal parts worried over her and mad at himself. It wasn't his fault that things were ending this way. It wasn't even hers either. It just was.

Her feet lead her to one of the last places she thought she would end up. Raven wasn't the type to seek out solace and, if she did, she never sought it from someone else. Peace was found in the form of hot tea and soft blankets, not friends and family.

But warm water doesn't feel like enough to heal her right now and the blankets were in a place she couldn't get to. Raising her hand she knocks four solid times, each beat calculated.

Perhaps she didn't think anyone would answer. She steps back in surprise when Clarke swings the door wide. "Hey, Raven," she says. She stands there in her pyjamas, eyebrows raised as she takes Raven in. "Come on in." The door opens wider and Raven steps through out of instinct.

"Sorry to just show up," she says. Her words didn't feel like they were coming from her. They felt like a stranger's own composition of sounds and syllables and meanings. Everything hurts the longer she stands there, Clarke watching her. There's no explanation to offer. "I'm sorry, I'll go."

"Whoa, hey," Clarke says, reaching out to stop her before she made it back to the door. "I'm literally doing nothing. Why don't I make us lunch and we can watch a movie or something?"

Raven nods and she wonders not for the first time how she ever managed to make friends like these. The answer for almost all of them was Finn. He was their friend first. She had just come along with the package. The story is a little different with Clarke. Finn was still the catalyst, but the overall reaction was her and Clarke's own doing. "How's school?" she asks as Clarke leads her to the kitchen.

Raven doesn't hesitate to situate herself on a barstool as Clarke pulls a frying pan from the cabinet. "Just finished my third semester yesterday, actually," she answers with a grimace. "Thank god."

She understands Clarke's relief for a break. A part of her still twinges with jealousy. Clarke had so much and she didn't seem to realise it half the time. "How about you? How's work?"

The questions were always the same. She hated them every time. "It's work," Raven consents with a shrug.

"That's how I feel about school," Clarke responds, nodding absently as she focuses on the bread she butters. "It'd be different if it was what I wanted but…" she fades off, looking at Raven as if she'd forgotten who she was talking to. Clarke shakes her head and fills the gap of silence with a smile. "Sorry if the house is kind of a mess, by the way. Mom's been working extra hours and Dad and I aren't very good at the whole cleaning thing."

Raven laughs. "Trust me, your place is plenty clean." She thinks of the summer when roaches wouldn't stop crawling up the kitchen sink in the trailer and of the week when all of the water that came from their pipes was murky brown. There was also the white powder she vacuumed up from the carpet or the constant stench of weed that seemed to permeate the couch. "How is your mom?"

Clarke sighs, "She's…she's happy with how well I'm doing in school." It's one of the most vague, indirect answers Raven thinks she could have given. She accepts it regardless. "She talks about you though." What was with these Griffin women and talking about her to each other? "She really worries about your leg."

At the mention of her leg Raven feels every muscle in her body tense. That was not a topic of conversation for which she approved. "She shouldn't," Raven grumbles. "I'm fine."

"That's what I tell her," she says with a smile and an offering of a grilled cheese sandwich. "Not the most gourmet but in addition with not being good at cleaning…let's just say my cooking is subpar."

Raven nearly comments on how it's a good thing that Bellamy is a halfway decent of a cook but bites her tongue. The constant teasing about those two's tenuous relationship was supposed to remain between her and Octavia. Clarke probably wouldn't be quite as amused. "It's good to me," Raven says around a bite of sandwich.

"We can eat in the living room," Clarke says as if Raven would have thought otherwise. She'd never really thought that there might be families where that wasn't allowed. "Mom only cares right after she gets the carpets cleaned." Clarke leads her to the couch and sits down, crossing her legs beneath her. Raven sits on the edge and leaves her legs stretched out in front.

Much like the night at Wick's the television is switched on and Clarke starts flipping through the channels. "We have some DVDs if there's nothing on TV."

"How is everyone?" Raven asks after her sandwich is gone and more scrolling of the channels occurs. "I haven't seen anyone since we last went out."

"As if anything news worthy has happened since then," Clarke says with a roll of her eyes. She seems to get the hint that Raven didn't really want to watch television right now. It was easy to turn on the TV and forget about conversation, most of the time that's what Raven wanted. Today though, she was eager for some interaction. "Bellamy is still being crazy with Octavia and she's about to lose it on him, nothing new though."

"Can't say I blame him," Raven admits though she can only imagine how angry O probably was at her brother. Raven knew where Bellamy was coming from though. You want to trust someone but it isn't always easy. Protect them for their own good, instead of letting them loose to screw up all over again. She wished she had that sort of control over her situation.

"Yeah, he's been working a lot of hours though. I think he's tiring himself out between the worrying and the working." Clarke glances to her phone as soon as the words pass her lips, as though he would magically text her to assure her otherwise.

"Does he still like working with the kids?"

Clarke smiles, blissfully unaware of how much like a lovesick girl she looked. "Yeah, he's great with them too. Apparently he's potty trained one of the boys and is helping one little girl with reading."

It was impressive. Raven couldn't even look at a child for too long before needing a break. She admired people who were good with kids. "So he's sticking with the whole teaching thing?"

Clarke nods, "Yeah, he's hoping to finish his degree next year."

It was so hard not to resent these two. Their lives were on track, plans being made. Raven didn't remember the last plan that she had which extended past when rent was due.

"How are you doing?" Clarke asks after a few beats of silence. The question is heavy, her words filled with sincerity.

Another shrug, a sigh, this question never got better. There was no real easy answer. "In relation to what?" she asks. Her eyes fall to her lap and she picks at a string that hangs from the borrowed coat.

Normally people asked her about her leg, her work hours, sometimes people tried to question about her family but she shut them down so quickly no one even knew what to ask. Instead of any of the usual Clarke says quietly, "Finn."

"Oh," Raven answers in surprise. Even after all this time the sound of his name sends the air from her lungs, her heart stammering in its attempt to beat right again. The night he died everything stopped working as it should. It had yet to figure out how to function correctly again. "I forget sometimes."

"Forget?" Clarke asks. It sounded cold to put it like that, after all.

But she nods in answer. "Yeah, I forget what it was like to ever have him." It was a game she started playing when she'd been the one to send him away for good. The game transitioned to her life less than six months later. It was like a cruel joke. "I forget that I miss him, and when I remember I pretend that I don't."

Of all people, Raven hopes Clarke is someone who can understand. She'd been in the car when it had happened. She'd been the one who was forced to call the ambulance. She was the last familiar face he saw before he died. Often times that thought dredged up more bitter feelings. Raven tried to tamper them down. "He did love you, Raven."

It's not Clarke's place to comment. She has no room to make those claims or determine such observations. Raven didn't need her to point that out. She knew Finn loved her, never doubted it for a second. Clarke would never understand that piece of their relationship. Raven wished that she wouldn't try. "Yes," she agrees quietly. "He did love me." That's all she cares to say on the matter.

Of course he loved her. He knew there was no one else to do it.

Time with Clarke isn't what Raven might call easy. Many times she feels uncomfortable; sometimes she stumbles in an effort to find words. Clarke had a way of pushing the boundaries a little too far and asking questions that she had no right to wonder about. But that afternoon she gave Raven exactly what she needed. She wasn't alone. That was all that mattered.

Once the sun has set Raven knows she should start the walk home. She had to be at the hospital tonight. Abby comes busting through the front door before she has a chance to flee.

"Hey Mom," Clarke says without looking up from her phone. She'd been carefully crafting a text message for the last ten minutes. Raven wasn't generally one to sneak, but it was hard to miss Bellamy's name at the top of the screen.

"Hi, Dr. Griffin." Her voice is shy, words hesitant. It wasn't often that she was in someone else's house, especially not someone who had parents around. Since her arrival had been unannounced to Clarke, she was concerned Abby hadn't gotten the memo either.

"Raven!" she exclaims, no hint of anger on her features. In fact, she is the embodiment of happiness. She drops her briefcase to the ground followed by her purse and then proceeds to kick off her shoes. "It's so nice to see you, sweetheart." She walks over and kisses Clarke on the forehead who waves her off in response. She squeezes Raven's shoulder as she walks by. "I didn't know you were coming over. What have you two been up to?"

Raven has her apology for her unannounced arrival all worked out but then Clarke jumps in and says, "Not much. How was work?" and that's the end of that.

Abby goes into a story about a man who came into the ER because he was dizzy and ended needing his skull cap removed because of cerebral hypertension, or something equally terrifying.

"I should go," Raven says once there's a lull in conversation. "Thanks for letting me hang out, Clarke."

Clarke gets up running a hand through her mussed up hair. She throws her phone down on the couch in defeat. "I'll drive you home."

Raven holds her hand up before this can continue. She was not falling into this trap again. "I have someone picking me up actually. Thanks though." She lies. It doesn't bother her.

Abby shoots her a questioning look but neither of the Griffin women interrogates for further answers. "I'll see you around." Raven walks herself to the door and slips outside before either of them can react further, insisting she stay inside until her ride shows up. She pulls her coat tighter and makes her way down Clarke's driveway.

"Hello there," someone says as he gets out of his car in front of the house. "Are you a friend of Clarke's?"

It might be silly, feeling defensive, but she'd been around enough shitty men to justify the tensing in her shoulders. "Yeah," she answers vaguely and keeps walking.

"I'm Jake." He offers his hand before she gets by him. "I'm Clarke's dad."

Though it should make her relax, it doesn't. Swiftly she grabs his hand and shakes it. "Raven," and then she sidesteps around him to the sidewalk. "Nice meeting you!" she adds after she's a few steps away. Semi-polite but also avoiding finding herself captured in a conversation she didn't have the time for.

A part of her almost expects to hear someone running after her. As if Clarke's dad is going to rat her out and someone will come insist on walking her home. But no one shows up.

The walk home is dark, cold, and, most importantly, solitary.

When she gets into work that same Tuesday night her body is already exhausted, her mind even more so. For a day off, Raven had sure worn herself out. The familiar stuffy air of the hospital is welcoming. If nothing else, it's a relief to be away from the terrible wind that had followed her the whole way here. "Hey Jasper," she says in greeting. He partially moves his head in acknowledgement. His focus was firmly on the handheld device he was playing.

"There better not be any work waiting for me when I get back or I'll kill you!" Raven calls over her shoulder as she moves to go clock in.

She greets the nurses behind the desk and enters the passcode for the employee's break room. Maybe it's a dumb realisation to have, but as she slides her badge through the automated clock she remembers that she failed to eat anything since Clarke had made her a grilled cheese earlier that day. With a sigh Raven realises how long of a night she was about to have. There would be no magically knowing Bellamy to show up with Mu Shu Pork this time.

Back out in the front she finds Jasper furiously typing. "I just need to send this email to verification and I'm done," he promises.

She laughs at him. "I won't actually hurt you, you know."

"Yeah well," he says. His fingers never miss a beat on the keyboard. "You're still a little scary." Good, she thinks. A little scary was good. "So what's the deal with you and Kyle?" he asks as he hits the enter key and moves to log off of the computer.

"Who the hell is Kyle?" Raven asks shooing him out of her desk chair and taking her place. Tonight might be another night when her brace comes off at three in the morning. After sleeping in it last week she'd been trying to be more careful. The idea of her leg getting cut off wasn't exactly appealing.

"Kyle Wick? In engineering."

Huh, she thinks, trying not to consider it for too long. Kyle was a stupid name anyway. "What about Kyle Wick in engineering?"

Jasper shrugs, packing all of his stuff in his bag. "He came out with a group of us a couple of nights ago. He was pretty curious about you."

The statement was innocent enough but it grabs her attention. "Curious how?" she demands, feigning disinterest. Her eyes stayed focused on the computer screen in front of her but her mind had already gone in eight different directions. "Was he asking questions?"

"Uh," he says, looking around the room as if there might be someone there to save him.

His lack of answer is more than she needs to know. "Answer the question, Jasper," she sighs. It was hard not to turn and stare him down, her anxieties were getting the best of her at the thought of just what sort of information Wick was fishing for.

He scratches at the back of his neck. "Bellamy mentioned your name. Wick was just sort of wondering how we all knew you."

Her stomach drops. There was only one way she knew anyone. Even Octavia who had been her friend since middle school had become her friend because Finn sat next to the girl in social studies. "And what did you tell him?"

"I didn't tell him anything," Jasper defends immediately. "I was texting Maya the whole time. Honest."

Raven rolls her eyes and leans back into her seat. "I don't care who said what, Jasper. I just care what was said."

"The truth," he admits. "Nothing gory though, just the basics."

She quirks an eyebrow at the 'nothing gory' part. "Did you talk about how the person I know you all through is dead now?"

"Someone might have…mentioned that briefly."

"And how he cheated on me beforehand?"

"Once again," Jasper answers, taking a step back towards the door. "Just a throwaway comment."

Whatever, Raven thinks as she places her attention on the computer screens in front of her once more. There were people to be admitted, rooms to be changed, surgeries to be put on the schedule. This drama wasn't worth her attention. "Go home, Jasper. And tell everyone to stay the hell out of my business."

He mutters something that sounds like, "yes ma'am," as he darts out the door but Raven doesn't have enough energy in her to find it funny.

The night carries on at the same pace, regardless of the rage that rolls through her in waves or the way that her stomach drops out as she thinks of all the variations in which Wick knows her. He has knowledge that he was never supposed to possess. She'd never consented for him to know about her losses, both those that are gone already and the ones who fade farther away every day. Who was he to go asking questions about her? Who did he think he was to pick her up and drop her off and…

She never gave him permission to care about her.

She never gave herself permission to care about whether or not he did.

Around eleven she makes a new day resolution and tells herself that after midnight, she wasn't allowed to give Kyle fucking Wick one more thought. He wasn't worth it. She had better things to think about. Like bills and cirrhosis and a schedule that overwhelmed her every time she thought about it for too long.

There's still twenty minutes left to the day and she's pulled up a game of solitaire on the computer to kill the time already. It did little to stifle her anger.

She hears the doors open and looks up, praying there wasn't a direct admit that she hadn't heard about.

Of course it's not. And who else would walk through the doors at 11:46 at night aside from Kyle fucking Wick? That was his full name now, she decided. "I suggest you just turn around and leave." she growls her irritation at an all-time high after how shit-tastic this whole damn day has been. Finding out he's been snooping in her personal life was just the cherry on top.

At one point today she'd felt guilty taking off today without another word. Now she felt nothing but wrath towards him. She hated him and his nosy, smart mouthed self.

"Calm down there, Reyes." He doesn't grasp the depth of her anger yet. To Wick it is just another night. Grumpy little Raven sitting behind her computer with a bad attitude and a sour face to match.

Before things had been so easy. It was a straight line between what she could accept versus the things she couldn't. Now he'd come in and messed everything up. It frustrated her as she duelled with her own emotions as to what she wanted. The conflict left her tired. She was tired enough as it was. "Don't tell me what to do."

"Hey," his voice is soft, the unspoken 'what's wrong' hovering in the air between them. "I thought we had kind of worked past this, angry distanced thing."

She fixes a hard glare on him. They hadn't worked past anything. They were nothing. She had never approved any sort of progression or development of a relationship. At no point had she consented to him and her becoming any form of 'we' in anything they did. Or, in this case, didn't do. She worries her lip between her teeth, trying to find a response. "And here I thought that you knew when to lay off."

"Please," he says as he walks around and sits in one of the chairs across from her desk. "You know better than that." He smiles his usual cheeky smile. Raven wants no part of it tonight.

"I also thought you knew better than to go around asking my friends about my personal business," she adds, her anger mounting once again. Maybe it was the way he was sitting so casually across from her, smiling as if nothing even mattered. And maybe it was that she hadn't slept well in weeks or the pain in her leg or her mother and her stupid house guests. It might just be a combination of everything all together. But she was sick of this guy and his smug face and his stupid comments and the way he looked at her like she was something to be cared for. "I don't know where the hell you get off-"

"Whoa, Raven, hey I'm sorry," he cuts her off which only pisses her off more. "I hadn't been trying to snoop, but your friends kind of just jumped into the story and I-"

"Didn't stop them," she says, cutting him off this time. "Maybe you didn't ask for that specific information but you also sure as hell didn't stop them when they started giving it to you." She was just making a fool of herself, she knew that. If she wanted this whole thing to be forgotten then it would be far easier to not even mention it. By bringing it up and accusing him for snooping in her business, he knows that she's bothered. He knows these are part of her dirty little secrets and that her insides twist knowing what he's discovered and that she's frustrated that Finn has somehow managed to taint something else.

Wick wouldn't look at her the same now. No one ever did.

He nods, the smile completely gone from his face. "You're right, okay?" Him agreeing hadn't exactly been what Raven had expected. She was ready to fight, scream at the top of her lungs and send him away for good. That's what was easiest; it seemed like the only way to recover at this point. "When they were talking I knew you wouldn't want me to hear what they had to say." He nods, as if agreeing with himself. He has the decency not to look at her as he admits the truth. She opens her mouth to respond but he fixes his eyes on her and blows out a harsh breath. "I knew that what they were telling me should be something you tell me yourself. When you wanted me to know. You have every right to be pissed at me."

Something about this day has left Raven feeling hollowed out. As if there was nothing left of her and she was working off of survival instincts only. Wick's admission, however guilty it may portray him, causes all those feelings she'd squandered down for so long come rising back up. They came rushing at her with a vengeance, glad that someone had validated that she didn't feel right about something and maybe it wasn't her fault. "I'm still mad at you," she whispers, afraid speaking any louder will cause her voice to crack.

He nods, as if giving her permission. "I kind of figured." But he doesn't add anything else. He was letting her be mad and that just made the anger dissipate further.

"You crossed a line," she adds because her heart is stuttering in her chest again but it's that righteous anger that reminds her of who she is. It's the flaming temper that makes her think she can give him up for good. He wasn't meant to know these parts of her life and she shouldn't just let him back in. She needed to remain strong, not this weak fragment of desperation that she transformed into whenever this obnoxious boy somehow said the right thing.

"I know did, Raven. I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you." Those damn words make her eyes prick with tears because she didn't remember the last time someone made anything up to her. She always felt like she owed Finn so much that she could never stay angry at him. Even when he screwed up there was no asking him to make it up to her. He had already been making it up to her every single day as he kept her fed and warm and safe.

"But here," Wick says to interrupt her thoughts. "I came to give this to you anyway." Wick offers her an envelope and she eyes it for a minute before taking it from him. "You took off before I could give you this."

When she opens it up she finds a small pile of cash in there. Probably at least enough for groceries for the next few weeks, or maybe even a chunk of the rent. It was extra money, the kind her mother would never have to know of or have any control regarding. Realistically, Raven knows she should stash it away for one of those months when there's nothing left to pay the water bill or a day when her stomach feels so empty she swears it's eating itself. "I can't take this," she says instead.

"I hardly expected you to fix my truck for free." Which is news to Raven because she had thought that was exactly what he wanted.

Again she opens the envelope and uses some rough math to estimate how much is there. "Okay fine, but you're paying me over two hundred dollars for three hours of labour." Of all people, she can recognise charity when she sees it. Wick takes a breath, as if getting ready to enter some long rant about just why she should take the money. If she had to bet on it, she would say he had rehearsed something at home before coming. "I have something else in mind."

He watches the envelope as she reaches across the desk and puts it in front of him. "I don't offer my gorgeous body as means of payment," he says with apologetic eyes.

Raven rolls her eyes, decidedly ignoring him. "Teach me to drive."

"Teach…what?" He leans forward, eyebrows scrunching. "Are you telling me that you're a mechanic that doesn't drive?"

His teasing is light but she's already rubbed raw from everything else tonight. "It's kind of hard to learn how to drive when you don't have a car."

"Good point," he ascents, taking the envelope off of the desk and shoving it back in his pocket. "You have yourself a deal then, Reyes."

She wonders how much he'll regret this. Hell, she wonders how much she'll regret this. But then she holds out her hand to shake, much like when they'd made the deal with the rocket so many weeks ago. "No backing out now."

There's a high expectation for him to make some sort of joke about how he was regretting it already or how he might once she lands him in a hospital. But he must be trying to make everything up to her still because he just holds her stare as he says, "Wouldn't want to anyway."

Raven thinks he might be referencing more than just their most recent deal. She smiles, a rush of happiness overpowering everything else for just a minute.

For the first time in so long she acknowledges the feeling. Then she tries to hold on to it.