A/N: DON'T TOUCH ME
ALSO SPOILERS.
Sitting on the bathroom floor – the disgusting bathroom floor – at Scandals, had opened Kurt up to many different thoughts and feelings.
When Blaine had cheated on him, he'd been overwhelmed with so much pain-agony-betrayal-loathing-spite-burning-revenge that he didn't really have time to be sad. He was… sangry. A frightening mixture of sad and angry that made him cry frustrated tears for having any emotions in the first place.
When he was angry, he didn't get to feel the gut-wrenching emptiness. He couldn't feel his heart shatter, each piece fractured and stabbing into one another. He could feel the blood drip from each wound into his stomach, which felt as cold as the depths of the ocean. Even his limbs were sad – each day was a trial to wake up, to pretend to feel something other than misery.
If it were anyone else (except maybe Sebastian), Kurt might've been at least a little okay with it.
But it was Karofsky.
It was David's fault that Kurt and Blaine had met.
It was Kurt's fault that Blaine and David had met.
Blaine hadn't been there for the abuse. Harsh words and a bit of shoving was all he saw…
He hadn't tiptoed around corners, or scouted down hallways, looking for a safe haven. He hadn't hid in the library during lunch just to get a break from the insults. He didn't have to take sick days because going to school was too stressful, and he certainly hadn't counted the bruises and cuts in the bedroom mirror from the locker-checks.
Even the grip on Kurt's neck sent shivers down his spine. Muscle memory, maybe.
He knew that David was a good person now… but he was still Karofsky. He always would be.
Even thinking about him and Blaine… it pressed a new shard into open wounds.
But… Kurt couldn't pull a Bella Swan.
He couldn't lay down and die on a chair for three months. He had Glee kids. He had Rachel. He had his father and Carole. He had to pretend he was a functioning adult, because if Blaine could see how sad he was…
Well, Blaine had seen it. Kurt had seen it in his eyes – he knew just how much he was hurting Kurt - and Kurt knew that it wasn't his fault. He was just trying to find happiness in a shitty situation.
Kurt closed his eyes, letting out one unsteady breath after the other.
He stood up, standing on his shaky legs.
One step became three and he stared in the mirror, searching his red eyes for traces of sadness.
He wet his hands, brushed them over his face and forced a smile before he looked at himself again.
Kurt was strong. He always had been. He had always needed to be.
He'd fucked up. He'd fucked up badly, and maybe there was no coming back from it.
But… that was okay.
Kurt was okay, and Kurt was going to hang out with Blaine and David and he was going to have fun and be socially acceptable. He was going to show Blaine that he was okay.
Even if he never…
Even if he and Blaine didn't end up together, Blaine was still important to him…
Blaine had changed his life for the better.
He stared in the mirror again, biting his lip and this time he seemed okay. His eyes were less watery, less red. The smile was less forced. Resigned and not overly happy, but definitely less forced.
He could do this.
A/N: Okay, so I'm not back, I promise ;) I just needed this.