Santana stood beside Rachel in silent relief...she hadn't killed Jasper. Even though she had openly stated that she wanted to kill him, the thought that she might have, had been unsettling. It wouldn't have mattered when they called it self-defense and protecting someone, the fact that Santana could have took away the life of someone else shook her to her core. She knew she wasn't the only one who had shot Jasper, one of the guys on the security team, maybe Sean or James had also fired their weapon also.

"He was in surgery most of the...Lopez are you with us still?" Chief Sylvester had been explaining everything she knew about Jasper's condition when she noticed the vacant stare on Santana's face.

"I almost killed him." Santana whispered to herself as she took a step away from Rachel. Everyone in the kitchen was staring at her with wide eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Rachel asked as she moved to follow Santana, however the woman took another step back.

"When Jasper shot at us, I fired my gun at him. I could have killed him." Santana wasn't sure where this new found panic was coming from. Maybe the realization was just now settling in since her mind was clear of the fogginess from last night. Santana's hands began to shake as she studied them, her hands that held Rachel with such care, that petted her dogs and kept them alive and healthy. Her hands that were meant to hold and care for children one day, could very well still have blood on them if Jasper died. Santana's stomach churned, she was going to be sick. In a flash she was running from the kitchen and out the front door, she just needed some fresh air, a moment to clear her head.

Rachel looked around the kitchen at the horrified looks on everyone's faces except for Sue. She had a look of..empathy. "I should go check on her." Rachel muttered as she started towards the front door.

"Wait...let me go first." Sue took quick strides across the kitchen in an attempt to stop Rachel who was already half way across the living room.

Rachel stopped and nodded for Sue to go ahead. The woman held her breath as she exited the cabin, preparing herself for the state that she was about to see Santana in.

Santana was on her knees gripping the grass with both hands trying to ward off the bout of nausea that had set in. Don't puke, she kept telling her body. Maybe if she repeated it enough it would work. Sue walked closer keeping her pace steady as she placed her hands in her pockets. "I was six months out of the academy the first time I had to fire my weapon and I thought I had killed someone. You weren't born yet, heck you hadn't even been thought of." Sue chuckled to herself. "New York City Police Department, it was my dream job to work for one of the most well known police force's in the world." Santana listened to Sue talk, her breathing had slowly began to calm down. "When you're a rookie, they do everything they can to try and break you. If they themselves can't break you then they send you to the worst parts of town hoping that will break you...or get you killed. " Sue came to a stop next to Santana's kneeling form. "I was running third shift with my partner and we got a call about an armed robbery, we were the closest so we took off. The guy was running down a side street when we got there, so being the faster one between me and my old weezer of a partner, I took off after him. As soon as he saw me he turned around and fired his gun at me. I returned fire and hit him, he went down. At that moment in time, I thought I had killed him because he went down. I was so shaken up that my Chief had to escort me back to his patrol car when he got there, I didn't know that my leg had been grazed by the guys bullet until a medic showed up. Anyway, sometime later I found out I had shot the guy in the ass and that I didn't kill him. I know that panic you're feeling right now until someone explained what actually happened to me."

"What do you mean?" Santana looked up confused.

"You may have almost killed Jasper, but you didn't kill him. You hit him in the shoulder. The whole point Santana is that you're not a killer. That feeling in your stomach right now is proof enough that you would never go out of your way to hurt someone like that. You were protecting yourself and Rachel, there's no reason to feel guilt over that. But I will tell you now, if you think you need to, it's okay to talk to someone." Sue was taking on a tone that Santana rarely ever saw.

"You mean like therapy?" Santana asked.

"I do mean therapy. I have seen a therapist on and off for years, you kind of have to sometimes when you're in my line of work. If you don't want to, at least talk to Rachel, don't shut her out. I'm sure she's waiting on the porch behind me isn't she?" Sue grinned as she rocked back and forth on the heels of her feet.

Santana looked over her shoulder around Sue's legs and smiled. Rachel was indeed standing on the porch, waiting on the first step for the first sign that it was okay for her to approach Santana. "Yeah, she is." Santana looked back up at Sue, this woman was the closest thing to a parent that she still had. If she was going to listen to anybody, it was a good idea for it to be Sue Sylvester. "I think I will be okay. I didn't kill him and I don't plan to ever purposely aim my gun at someone else ever again, unless I absolutely have to." Santana squinted her eyes. Damn, the sun was bright, Sue's head wasn't doing much to block it out. "I just..I couldn't and still can't comprehend that I could have killed someone."

"You could have, but you didn't. Don't get caught up in the what if's, it's a never ending cycle of guilt and anxiousness. You did nothing wrong. Like I said, talk to someone if you need too, especially because you can't carry something heavy like that around with the big projects you have coming up."

"How did you know about that?" Santana asked as she finally began to stand from her poistion on the ground. Slowly she dusted her knees off before walking beside Sue towards the porch. She was thankful that her chest felt lighter than it had before.

"Please." Sue scoffed. "Me and Agetha go way back. I'm sad to say I met her under dire circumstances, but she's a great person. She really goes all out for those kids. Every kid whether they are a day old or about to age out of the system is treated as one of her own. She goes out of her way to make sure that every day each child has three meals a day, good clothes and shoes, books and toys galore and that they are safe. She even makes sure they don't miss any lessons if they can't attend their regular school. That home is her pride and joy. The system is hard on any child, but with Agetha Stidham and her group of truly devoted workers those kids are always well taken care of. You're doing an amazing thing for them."

"So does that mean I can't ask you and the department to donate/decorate some rooms?" Santana gave a sheepish grin.

"My department has been signed up to do a couple of rooms for a while now." Sue stopped at the bottom step of the porch and watched Rachel anxiously look at Santana. "I will leave you two alone to talk, I'm going to see what the others are doing."

Rachel didn't say anything as she looked at Santana who was standing on the bottom step with her arms crossed and her eyebrows furrowed in thought. Santana opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She huffed before sitting down on the top step, pulling her knees up to chest. "Do you still trust me?" Santana asked quietly without looking up.

"Of course I trust you." Rachel responded without hesitation. "Why wouldn't I trust you?" She asked as she sat down beside Santana and mirrored her position.

"I almost killed Jasper."

"But you didn't."

"I could have. If I had moved my hand over, I would have shot him right in the head." Santana let the comment hang in the air. Even after her talk with Sue, the reality of the situation was still very much present.

"A lot of things could have happened last night, but they didn't. If things had went differently last night, one of us probably wouldn't be sitting here. You helped protect us from that. Santana you didn't think twice about stepping in front of me. You didn't even put your finger on the trigger of your gun until you were sure he was going to shoot at us. You're not a bad person honey, I believe in you. Everyone believes in you." Rachel turned her face to rest her forehead on the side of Santana's head.

"Sue thinks I should see someone."

"If you think it will help, then I will support you one hundred percent. You can't live with his feeling the rest of your life. I don't want you to be afraid to touch me because you think you might hurt me." Rachel shifted her head slightly so that her lips rested on Santana's ear. "I love when you touch me Santana." Rachel whispered.

Santana giggled moving her head away slightly, she knew Rachel was trying to distract her from all the heavy stuff that was floating around in her head. It was definitely working. "We're only partially alone. Someone may come out here looking for us." Rachel just shrugged her shoulders and began to kiss down Santana's neck. She reached around Santana's body to rest her hand on the porch.

"Rachel." Santana moaned as she tossed her head back, there was no doubt that someone inside probably heard them. Both women froze when they heard a throat clear behind them. "I told you we were going to get caught." Santana started to laugh as Rachel buried her head in Santana's neck out of embarrassment.

Santana turned to look over her shoulder. She laughed when she saw not one, but three adults standing there all with giant smiles on their faces. "Sue warned us, but we were wondering if you two would like to go to lunch with us. Apparently there's some big new projects going on and we want to talk about helping out, if you will have us of course." Shelby clasped her hands together under her chin as she leaned back against Cassie whom was resting her head on Shelby's shoulder.

"Lunch sounds great, do you guys want to eat here in town or go to St. Lawrence?" Santana took the initiative since Rachel was still hiding her head. She wrapped her arms around Rachel who huffed her annoyance into Santana's neck. She would much rather stay here and continue loving on Santana.

"Uh..guys? What do you think?" Shelby asked looking around at everyone.

"The diner is running some new stuff today, we can go check that out if you want." Leroy suggested.

"Sounds riveting, but I need to get back to the station. For some of us the work never stops." Sue rolled her eyes as she stepped out onto the porch to head towards her cruiser. "I will call with any updates and Santana think about what I said. I know a few good people." Santana nodded, indicating that she was listening. Maybe talking to someone wouldn't be so bad, it was possible she could get rid of this feeling before it became something unbearable.

"Okay, so you two get ready and we will meet you down there?" Shelby waited for Santana to acknowledge her before she and Cassie left with Leroy.

"Let's go get ready babe...they're gone now." Santana said as she goosed Rachel in the ribs to get her to sit up.

"If we hurry, we can finish what we started." Rachel grinned before she stood up quickly and ran into the cabin, Santana laughing and running behind her.