The chef was a short, scrawny man with a blunt fringe of bangs, apparently named Vicenzo. Dean gaped at Sam and mouthed, "Vicenzo?!"; if ever a name seemed mismatched to its owner, it was that. The chef listened intently to Dean's description of cheeseburgers, head tilted to the side like a bird. Dean added, "And some chips!" to his description, which apparently mystified everyone again, so he had to explain those, too. The chef's eyes widened, then he nodded and scuttled off.
The king shouted after him, "And make enough of these...these...'cheeseburgers' for Tad Cooper, too!" Gareth and Galavant rolled their eyes. Dean glanced at Sam, eyebrows lifted in inquiry; Sam just grimaced and shrugged. Oh, well. They'd find out soon enough.
After a very long and quiet hour, the chef wheeled in an ornate cart with an enormous heap of what looked like cheeseburgers on a silver platter. It looked like a lot of food for just three - he paused his thoughts to look at Sid, who was standing behind Galavant, and amended that to four - men to eat. He and Sam joined Richard, Galavant, and Gareth at the table, giving the king a sidelong look. The man still gave him the heebie-jeebies because of his resemblance to Cain.
Dean grabbed one of the burgers and started to eat. He mumbled around a mouthful of the truly excellent burger, "So. Tell us about these murders."
He heard the sound of leather creaking and booted feet entering the tent. He stiffened and slid a glance around, to see a line of soldiers crowding up against the wall of the tent. The men stood in silence for a moment, then linked arms, and every other man started pumping up and down slowly at the knees. They were chanting in low, quiet voices, in synch with the movement of their bodies:
"Dum. De-dum. De-doot-doot-diddy-dum. Dum. De-dum. De-doot-doot-diddy-dum." It seemed vaguely familiar to him.
Gareth stood up, propped his foot up on his chair, pointed a finger at them. "Summer killin', had me a blast - " his gruff voice sang out.
Galavant slid up onto the table between where Sam and Dean were seated. "Summer killing - it happened so fast - " his tenor chimed in sadly.
"There were bodies strewn on th'ground - " Gareth continued.
"Stiffened bodies heaped in a mound - "
"Can't you folks just answer a simple question without the bloody God-damned sing-along?!" Dean grumbled.
Richard drew back slightly and gave him a wide-eyed, somewhat hurt, look. "Well! Rude! Do we tell you how to talk?" He answered his own question. "No, we do not!" He circled a finger in a "continue" gesture at Galavant and Gareth. Gareth squinted at Dean, harrumphed, and went on.
"Lotsa bodies, rottin' away - " he sang thoughtfully.
"So it's all a big mystery..." Galavant crooned, pitch rising, his last word drawing out.
The soldiers all growled out, "Well-ah well-ah well-ah..."
Dean frowned at them. "Tell us more." Sam snorted, choked, and gave Dean a look. Dean transferred his frown to him. "What?!" He shook his head, turned back to the two tale-spinners. "Tell us more. Like, evidence of bites? We need more, lots more. Signs of a fight?" Sam threw his head back and howled with laughter, thumping a fist on the table. Dean's frown deepened.
"Dude! You okay? What's the matter? Dammit, there's nothing funny about this - they're talking about murder!"
"Dean - !" Sam snorted again, wiped his eyes, and croaked, "Dean. Haven't you watched 'Grease'?"
Dean blinked at him. "Of course I have!" he said, offended. "What's that got to do with anything?" He grabbed another cheeseburger from the pile, took a bite, dismissed Sam's weirdness, and waved the burger at Gareth and Galavant. "Go on. Ignore my brother." Of course, what Sam had said echoed in his mind, and he ground his teeth when he finally understood what he had been getting at. No wonder the soldiers' chorus had been familiar...
Galavant sang, "We checked it out; took us some days."
Gareth nodded, added, "All them bodies, wastin' away. Got kinda stinky out on that plain..."
"Then evidence washed away in some rain." Galavant shook his head and folded his lips. "And more bodies started to show..." His singing slowed mournfully.
"We didn't like it, guess you could know," Gareth sang gloomily, frowning, and his voice cracked on the higher note.
Dean leaned back in his chair and rubbed his chin. "Well. Uh," he started. Then he fell silent for a moment. "Well. Uh." Sam sniggered. Dean glared at him, realized what he was laughing about, and deliberately tried to break out of the hypnotic lyrics trance he seemed to have fallen into. "Look. Guys. We need details here. Details. Specifics." He checked his memory of the song, and decided that he had, indeed, broken the rhythm. Maybe everyone would stop singing now, and they could get down to business.
Sam's lips were still twitching, but he nodded agreement, pushing his long hair out of his face. "Yeah. So far, we've got that you found a heap of dead bodies on a plain, the rain washed away any evidence, and then more bodies showed up. Right?" He looked around the table. Dean gave him a quick thumbs-up at the summary.
Gareth sighed, pulled his foot off the chair, and sat down, glaring gloomily at the burgers. "Yeah. Not much more'n that." He reached out, grabbed one, and bit into it. After chewing a moment, his eyes lit up. "Now that right there is some damn fine food!" he exclaimed.
Galavant slid off the table and returned to his chair beside Richard. He leaned back, all nonchalant, lean, handsome grace, and frowned into space. Richard leaned to him, nudged him with an elbow, and whispered loudly, "Gal. These 'potato chip' things are simply delightful. You need to try them!" He turned his frown on the king, reached forward to pluck a chip out of the bowl, and held it between two fingers, eyeing it suspiciously. Richard elbowed him again. "Go ahead! Try it! I bet you can't eat just one!"
No, not Cain, Dean thought.
"Oh, very well," Galavant muttered, and popped it into his mouth. A moment later, his eyes opened wide, and he quickly shoveled a handful of the chips onto his plate and started eating them with gusto. In between crunchy mouthfuls, he said, "So that's what we've got for you."
Dean regarded him sourly. "Hunh. Dead bodies and not much else. Any indication of how they died? Bites, claw marks, heart missing, part of the brain missing?"
All three seated men, plus Sid, standing behind Galavant, froze and stared at him with disgusted grimaces. Galavant stopped chewing. Richard shuddered. "Brain missing?! Ew. Did you have to say that while we're eating?"
Really not Cain.
Galavant started chewing again, and added, as an afterthought, "Oh, we know how they died, just not what did it."
Dean and Sam focused on him as one, and waited. He grabbed some more chips from the bowl and popped another into his mouth. They waited some more. Finally, tired of the silence, Dean drummed his fingers on the table. "Ooookay. Care to share with the rest of us? Like, sometime soon?"
"What?" Galavant looked up, noticed their keen attention. "Oh! Sorry. Didn't we mention it?" Sam folded his lips and shook his head, exasperated. Dean growled under his breath. "Stone. They were turned to stone."
"Right petrified," Gareth added darkly, and plucked another cheeseburger from the pile. The pile didn't look any smaller than when they had started eating. Who the hell was supposed to be eating all this food?
Richard made a moue of agreement and nodded. "Hard as rock, poor fellas." His voice was mournful and his face was sad.
"Stone. Turned to stone. Awesome," Dean said.
Sam leaned back in his chair, tilted his head up, stared at the roof of the tent, and thought for a moment. Then he slid his eyes toward his brother. "Medusa?"
Dean rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe."
"Then we'll need a mirror. Or a reflective shield..."
"Mmm," Dean murmured in agreement.
Richard looked from one brother to the other. He raised his eyebrows, smiled widely, and said cheerily, "Splendid! You have a plan! So, now...would you like to help me feed Tad Cooper some of these delicious cheeseburgers?"
Galavant, Gareth, and Sid rolled their eyes in unison. "Richard, not everyone wants to admire your dragon," Galavant said.
Dragon?!
"'Sides, ain't enough," Gareth added. "Should have a sheep." He stood up, rubbed his belly, then stretched. "These cheeseburger things'll just take the edge off his appetite."
"I'd get you a sheep, Sire, but...we're running out of sheep," Sid said apologetically. Richard's face fell. "But I'm sure we can figure something else out!" he added quickly.
They were seriously discussing the logistics of feeding a dragon. A dragon?! Besides...
"Don't dragons have a...a hangup on virgins?" Dean asked. "Sheep and cheeseburgers...they do the job here?"
"Tad Cooper is quite happy with his sheep, I assure you!" Richard chirped. He stood up and motioned to them. "Oh, come! You'll like him! And he's not - " He folded his lips and glared at Galavant. "Not 'just a lizard', like some people claimed!"
Galavant snorted. "You just won't let me live that down, will you?" he grumbled.
"Come on!" the king coaxed. "And someone grab that platter!" He motioned to them again, and strode out of the tent. Sam and Dean exchanged glances.
Galavant flapped his hands at them. "Oh, for God's sake, go and admire his damned dragon!" he snapped. "He has to show him off to everyone!" Gareth grunted agreement; he was using a wicked-looking knife as a toothpick to remove stuck bits of burger. Sam flipped a dubious eyebrow up at Dean, who shrugged.
"Okay, then. Let's go see this dragon, " he said. They got up and exited the tent, following after Richard. Sid grabbed the tray and came with.
The king was standing by the fire. Dean noted that all the soldiers who had been gathered there before were now standing a safe distance away, looking nervously into the night. "Tad Cooper!" the king called out. "Tad! C'm'ere, boy!"
There was a loud, slow flapping noise that grew louder as it neared them. The soldiers stepped even further back. A breeze morphed into a strong, rhythmic wind that batted at the fire. A huge shadow stooped down and landed. A stocky, tan, lizard-like head the size of a car swung toward the king, and huge beady eyes focused on him. "There's my Tad Cooper! Who's a good dragon, now?" the king crooned happily, reaching up to scratch around the spikes that decorated the head.
It was, indeed, a dragon. Not their kind of dragon, human with molten eyes and burning hands, but a huge lizard creature with wings, just like in the fairy tales.
Dean gulped and watched nervously as the king began tossing burgers into the gaping maw. The burgers looked awfully...small...all of a sudden.