Konnichiwa minna!
Author's Note: I do not own Lovely Complex. The said Anime belongs to Aya Nakahara-sama.
Chapter 3: Her Asymptote
Oftentimes, I felt I don't want to go to school. Turns out today is one of them. I almost drag myself to the bathroom, not in my perfect shape to see that jerk. Yeah, that jerk Otani who broke my heart everyday since middle school! But yesterday was the most hurtful one. I resist myself to shed another tear because of him. No, he doesn't deserve a tear. He deserves another punch.
One of the things I hate this day is our routine to walk to school together. But I guess this day is an exception. My mother notices that too. "Risa, where is A-chan? Is he going to pick you up, or are you going to his house?" I make a twitch. "No, mom." I answer, putting my dishes on the sink. "I better go, mom. Kiotsukete." I left without letting my mom to say anything.
Fortunately, Otani seems to understand our situation and he also tries to avoid me. I am a bit mad, because he did not apologize. Does this mean, our relationship – our friendship – is not valuable to him? I am mad and hurt as well, but anyways, I started this situation.
"Hey, Risa, is there something going on with you and Otani?" Nobu-chan asks.
"You can say that. Is it obvious?"
"Yeah, of course. Because you came to school earlier than him and you barely—scratch that – you don't talk with him.."
"Yup. And it is his fault." I answer, my eyes blaze with anger again.
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"Otani-kun is a jerk." Nobu-chan says as she makes a bitter face. "He deserves that red mark on his cheek." I smile but did not reply and she continues, "So what will happen now?"
"I guess, I'll let things do their own things, let the events happen and I'll just do what I'm supposed to do.."
"And that is..?"
I give a questioning look. "I don't know either.." I conclude.
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After class, when I am walking towards gate I spot Otani on the entrance. When he saw me, he stands erectly and walks toward me. I don't want to talk to him. Or maybe I want to, but I don't want to face him yet! Or I want to, maybe.
"Koizumi.." he only says, looking at me with sad eyes. I did not answer so he continues, "Let's talk please?" I just nod. He walks ahead of me, and I follow. We stop at the back of school building (why do 'private talks' always at the back?). I feel a bit happy, realizing that he considers me important to him, but not as important as Kanzaki, I know. Really, I'm weird girl. First second, I am angry at him; the next second I am happy. Really, women are sometimes inconsistent.. Dismissing my thoughts, I look at him, noticing the red mark on his cheek. I smile inwardly, I can't let myself unguarded.
We are standing silently. I notice his eyes are looking everywhere but not in my direction. How I always wish he will look me like the way he look at Kanzaki. I always wish for that, but as always, it will never be granted. I sigh, why does love makes things awkward? Even your friendship cannot escape that. I am in the act of telling him, 'let's forget everything. I forgive you, let us be friends again and forever' when he said those words that would break my heart.
"I am very sorry, Koizumi."
I am very sorry, Koizumi.
He is sorry, he is too dense to realize.
He is sorry, he hurt my feelings.
Above all, he is sorry, because he can't love me back.
My heart constricts, and every second it gets tighter and tighter. I can't breathe.
I always know he loves Kanzaki. I always know I am not the apple of his eye.
Always. Always.
But it hurts when it came directly from him.
Oh no. I don't want him to see me crying. Again. Hopeless.
"It's okay, Otani. I agreed to talk to you to say you are forgiven, that we are friends," I try to give a smile, but I know it is not genuine. "Let's go home, shall we?"
Although you are close to him, but still, you are just near him, not reaching.
Unreachable.
I just cry when I reached my house.
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Things returned to normal. Otani and I are friends again. I told Nobu-chan we are friends again. And everybody thinks that everything is okay. Well, yeah, it's okay, but inside of me still hopes for better. Risa loves Otani, Otani loves Risa: that's better for me. But being okay is fine. Everybody is doing class duties, studying, sleeping, laughing, teasing Otani on Kanzaki-san, cleaning the classroom, reading books, cheering on Otani for Kanzaki-san, preparing for exams, playing in the park, hoping Otani and Kanzaki-san to be together…
It's been a week after that incident. I don't know what came to Nobu-chan, but she keeps on telling me I should find a boyfriend. "There are many fishes in the sea," she keeps on reminding me, "..and Otani is just one of those fishes.." And here I thought he is a shrimp. The embarrassing part is, she let everybody know that I'm looking for one, asking people to join me in a goukon, blind dates, you name it. "Nobu-chan, it seems to me that what you are doing makes me look like I'm desperate.." Chiharu-chan nods in agreement. "Nonsense! To love is to be desperate!" she answers, unminding me.
Everytime she says that, I instinctively look at Otani, who is unaware of my predicament. I do hope he does mind. "I set-up a goukon, you better come.." my matchmaker friend says. All I can do is to face-palm.
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"Hey, Koizumi!" Otani shouts while running, getting my attention. He stops infront of me. He smiles, "It's Friday, remember? Umibozou will have a gig at Mumochi convention hall!"
"Oh, that's right!", I flash a smile. I miss this conversation with Otani. "Let's go!"
"Of course, wait for me, ne? I'll get my bag."
"Sure!" I say excitedly.
Minutes passed and roots could grow on my feet because I stand here for long. I decide to look for Otani. But as I turn on the corner, I see him.
I see him with Kanzaki-san.
She hugs him.
I almost forgot this hurtful feeling for a week, but it returns instantly. My heart breaks into pieces.
So, there finally together now? How wonderful.
I walk away, texting Otani I can't go, my mother asks me to buy something.
I text Nobu-chan, I said I'll go to the goukon.
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Nobu-chan seems more excited than me for going to a goukon. She broadcasts it to everybody, asking the girl population to give me advice, to cheer me on. Somehow I am happy for the attention, because this way, I'll excuse myself to be far from Otani. I'm hurt and angry at him. At least he told me that he and Kanzaki-san are together, right? Are they try to hide it, to me and to the whole class? If he considers my feelings, he better not! He must tell me because I'm his bestfriend, not a girl he dumped.
It's been another week, a week of preparing and equipping me for my first date. "Go Risa! You can do it!" Nobu-chan exclaims as she taps my shoulder. My girl classmates nods. They seem into this. "Heehee, it's like getting to a date is a battle.." I say shyly.
"Yes!" Nobu-chan says, "getting boyfriend is a battlefield!" She makes her fist upward, acting like warrior. Unconsciously, I face Otani's direction. He seems talking seriously with Nakao-kun. Is he having a problem? Nobu-chan notices my worried look, and looks where I'm looking at. "Darling," she approaches them, "Is there a problem?" she asks. Nakao-kun looks surprised. "Nothing, Nobu-chan!" he waves his hand. Nobu-chan raises a brow and let's go the subject. That's when I look straight to Otani's eyes. They're round and… captivating. I always liked his eyes. I didn't look at him closely these days, and I am happy I have this chance. Really, get over him. I just give him a smile.
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Phew! Attending to a goukon is tiring! I stretch my body when I reach my room. Somehow I enjoyed it. Getting to know people and having fun. What I loved is when we sang at Karaoke. I got to know another Umibozou fans there and we sang and sang like we owned the place. Hmm... Interesting. I go outside the balcony. I enjoyed stargazing, especially when the moon is full. Most of the times I did this, thinking about Otani. But tonight my mind is blank. And if it is blank, it feels lighter.
"Hey," a soft voice interrupts my 'blank' thoughts. Turning to my right, I see Otani facing me. He is on his balcony too. "Hey," I reply, then look at the skies.
"How's the goukon?"
I am surprised. So Otani knows. "Fun. Fine." I smile, remembering what happened to that goukon. My first goukon is fun.
"That's good." And he looks up to the skies. It is a blanket of stars and moon. The different intensity of lights the stars give off makes the space magnificent. The night is romantic. With that, while still looking the heavenly bodies, out of nowhere, I blurt out without thinking, "I do hope my future boyfriend is looking at the stars right this moment. Sounds romantic, isn't it?" I smile, knowing that there is slightest chance "he" is doing it.
We stand there in silence. Although we don't say anything, the silence between us is comforting. Maybe this is what I wanted?
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I remember Nobu-chan said to me earlier, "Okay, Risa. This is your second goukon. Just be yourself, you are beautiful. I know someone will take an interest in you. I can feel it. Tell me everything what happened. Ganbatte!" Nobu-chan's premonitions are rare but mostly reliable. So I really attended this goukon. Another Saturday evening for another date. I spot the table which Nobu-chan said. I exhale deeply before walking towards that spot. I notice there are no girls from my school is there. "Gomen, I'm late." "It's okay." The girl in white dress says, "..the other boys are not here." Other boys? So there is at least one already here? "He went to bathroom." Another girl, informs. I smile at her as thanks. We talk, getting into introductions, when a male voice interrupts us. "Sorry, many people uses the bathroom." I look at him, and my eyes are almost popping out as I recognize him.
It's Otani!
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Thank you for reading!
Gomen minna! The last chapter had dozens of grammar mistakes! Nani? Doushite? Gomen, I tried to edit it. Still, I'm thankful you read it. XD
Warning: Long Author's Note. You may not read it XD
A T.V. station here in my country reminisced a teen-romantic movie I enjoyed watching back in my childhood years, and oh my memories of my childhood went back to me. I really missed those times! Back when you like romantic drama and you as a child have that tingling feeling, like heartstrings.. In my language it is called "Kilig" I don't know what is the English term for that. XD so the concept of this and the succeeding chapters are somehow like that. Also, you may find them uhm.. deep or emotional, I guess? Maybe because I personally experienced what Koizumi here had. Falling in love with bestfriend and your bestfriend knew nothing about your feelings. But unlike the Koizumi here, I never told him my feelings.. aww.. :D haha, maybe what Koizumi-san did is not 'applicable' to me. XD
Gomen for lllloooooonnnnggg author's note! Please bear me :D :D
Once again, ARIGATO for reading. Otani's ASYMPTOTE is next! By the way, I'm not fond of math, but when we learned this asymptote in math class, I related this term in terms of matters of love. (in my language it is called "Banat" or like flip top or what, I dunno XD. What do you call that? Like, "Are you dentures? Because I can't smile without you.." like that XD). Asymptote is like a curve that almost touching the x-axis yet, it's just almost touching. So like Koizumi's love for him, is just ASYMPTOTE, almost touching, but never reaches .. aw… (yeah, weird)
Gomen again for another long afternote :D
Take care minna!
By
green-ninja05
November 2014