Rachel waved to Quinn as she walked up on the porch of her shared home with Puck and Beth. It had been a long and exhausting day. They had made their rounds around St. Lawrence visiting radio stations before heading back to the studio for some late interviews. Rachel looked at the clock it was nearly ten, Santana said she would wait up, but Rachel didn't blame her if she fell asleep. Pulling out of Quinn's driveway, Rachel wondered if she should talk to Santana tonight about what she was thinking. Would it be better to get it all out in the open now or wait and see what happened? Was this too soon, I mean they weren't even married yet, but like Rachel had told Quinn, they had talked about babies before they even got engaged. Rachel made a split decision to wait and see if Santana brought the topic of children up again before she said anything as she pulled up in front of the gate and waited for Duncan to let her in.
Santana was busy shuffling around the kitchen making a light dinner. Rachel had called not too long after she and the dogs had returned from their walk so Santana grabbed a snack and her favorite cook book to find something to cook later. After she had seemingly went through the whole book, Santana decided she would just make up some bagel pizza's instead of a full dinner. Rachel walked through the door just as the timer on the oven went off. Santana smirked to herself, that was perfect timing.
"Hi baby." Rachel greeted as she hung up her coat and sat her bag down inside the old wooden trunk that they kept by the door, before taking off her shoes. Her feet breathed their own little sigh of relief at finally being released from the confines of the heels that Rachel just had to wear for some reason.
"Hi love." Santana returned the greeting. "I hope you're hungry because I made bagel pizza's."
"Awh, San. You didn't have to cook anything. I could have just heated something up." This was one of the things that Rachel was talking to Quinn about earlier. Santana was always doing sweet and caring things like this but she had trouble accepting the same treatment in return.
Santana shrugged her shoulders as she sat down two plates onto the island next to the baking sheet. "It's no big deal, I told you I would wait up and I knew you would be hungry. It's just bagels, anyone can do that."
"You're not anyone though, you're the love of my life." Rachel wrapped her arms around Santana's waist in a hug as she stood on the pads of her feet waiting for a kiss. Once Santana had obliged Rachel's needs for kisses, Rachel looked down at the baking sheet. "Tell me what's what here."
"Well." Santana kept one arm wrapped around Rachel's waist as she pointed out the different pizza's that she had whipped up. "We've got spinach and mushroom, cream cheese and tomato, and plain pesto and cheese."
"Oohh, can I have one of each?" Rachel asked sweetly, batting her eye lashes.
"You can have whatever you want." Santana said as she reached out and grabbed a cream cheese and tomato bagel for Rachel and a spinach and mushroom one for herself.
Santana lay in bed staring at the ceiling, she couldn't sleep with all the thoughts and feelings swirling around in her head. Sighing she turned over deciding to stare out of the window instead of the ceiling. She didn't even flinch at the small tug she felt on her arm from the stitches that had yet to be removed. The sheet covering her naked body moved as Rachel turned over searching for the warmth that Santana always offered.
"You're thinking too loud." Rachel mumbled as she draped an arm across Santana's waist and rested her chin on Santana's shoulder.
"I'm sorry. I just can't sleep." Santana whispered. She never understood why whispering was the go to tone of voice whenever you were speaking at night.
"What's on your mind?" Rachel sighed when she received no answer or thought she wasn't going to receive an answer.
"I'm worried." Suddenly Santana was sitting up in bed, pulling the sheet along with her to keep herself covered. This was a serious conversation and she didn't need Rachel to get distracted. "What if we do all of this work for The St. Lawrence Children's Home and then they close down within a few years? What if Charles or Jasper tries to come after us again? And then I feel like something just isn't right anymore..I don't..I don't know what to do." Santana covered her face with her hands, these worries were getting the best of her.
"Okay..honey slow down. We won't let the children's home close okay?" Rachel chuckled, she didn't mean to laugh but it was kind of funny how she had just told Quinn that Santana would want to do something more than just what she was doing currently. "If they need more help in the future we will help them. Charles and Jasper have no more people left to do dirty work for them and if they try then we have the people to protect us. But I need you to talk to me about what you feel isn't right anymore." That one had been a statement that Rachel had not been prepared for. What wasn't right? Was their relationship not right anymore?
"I feel like something is missing from my life. Do you ever feel like that?" Santana looked Rachel straight in the eyes. She could see the surge of panic that she had just created. "Not us baby. I swear it's not us. We have a beautiful relationship and amazing careers, but I just feel like something is missing." Santana reached out to grab Rachel's hands. "I know I can protect you and myself, but if Charles and Jasper don't go away for good they could come back again. I don't want that hanging over our heads for the rest of our lives."
"They found so much evidence in Jasper's apartment that tied this whole thing up like the finishing touches on a perfect Christmas package. None of those men are ever getting out of jail. They have no one left to do their bidding either. Charles has screwed over every lawyer he had at his firm by scamming money from them. Jasper not only was tormenting us but was running a ponzi scheme with Ronald. They will be lucky if they ever see daylight outside of a barbwire fence in the next sixty years." Rachel needed to make sure that Santana's worries were calmed before she brought up the next subject. "Santana I want to talk to you about something." Rachel took on her most serious tone. Maybe what she had to say would help Santana figure out what that missing piece might be.
"Wait, do you think we aren't okay? I swear we're fine, amazing even! Dare I say perfect? Because I think we are pretty perfect you know." Santana gave her signature grin, no relationship was perfect, but this one was perfect for them. Everything that Rachel had just said about Charles and Jasper seemed to go in one ear and out of the other.
"No, no no. I think we are pretty perfect also. I was talking to Quinn today and well I will just tell you what I told her. I told her that if I knew you like I thought I did, then you would want to do something to help out more with the children's homes and others in the state. There was something else I mentioned but I worry this is too much too soon, we aren't even married yet and our career's are in amazing, albeit very busy places at the moment.." Rachel trailed off as she started to ramble.
"Rachel you're losing me here. What's too much too soon?" Santana's eyes danced back and forth as she was trying to keep up with what all Rachel was saying.
"I think...no I know I want to become a foster parent. I feel like this project was a sign for us. We talked about babies before we even got engaged and then everything that has happened...it made me realize we were missing out on something really important that we both want." Rachel finished speaking just as her lip began to quiver.
"Hey..no don't cry." Santana reached up to gently wipe away Rachel's tears with the pad of her thumb. "I think we would make great foster parents."
"Really?" Rachel couldn't contain the surprise in her voice.
"Yes really. I know that I was worried before about being a mother, but doesn't every parent have that fear? You know fear that they are going to screw up their kid? I want to do this right though. I don't want us to work our asses off to get our fostering license and then bring in a kid to fill up some kind of void that I may have. I want to make sure that I am in the best place possible so that everyone is happy and healthy. I'm not saying no because I already told you we would be great foster parents, but I am asking if we can wait. Plus, it would look better on an application if we were married and I really like our possible wedding date. And the kids may not even like us. OH NO! Really what if no kids want to be fostered by us? What would we do?"
"Santana you're spinning away. Take a breath, this isn't going to happen over night. I agree we should wait, but do you think that might be the missing piece you are thinking of?" Rachel asked as she settled back down in the bed, pulling Santana with her. "Don't worry about the kids, they are all going to love you. You have such a huge heart and I know that it's going to get bigger as you meet and get to know each and every one of those kids. I bet none of them will want anything to do with the rest of us, they will be all about you." Rachel laughed. She could only imagine all the little pictures that would be drawn for them and the hugs from little arms wrapped around their legs, it was a magical feeling.
"It's possible, but I want to talk to my therapist about it first. Which sounds so odd coming from my mouth. I want to go visit the children's home as soon as possible. I know we have to do the paper work first, but I can't wait." Santana rested her head on Rachel's chest.
"It really does. You're not a very talkative person, but thank you for talking about this to me. When is the meeting, did you get everyone called today?" Rachel began to run her hands through Santana's hair.
"It's Friday. That was the best date that everyone could meet on. I wish it was sooner, now I have to wait four whole days." Santana pouted a little. "I want to do an auction every year for the children's home. If I can't bring all of them to my home then I am going to make sure that they have the best home possible brought to them." Santana could feel her eyes getting heavier with each passing stroke of Rachel's hand. It was odd how quickly they could fall asleep after having such a serious conversation, maybe it was because a weight had been lifted off of both women's shoulders or maybe it was the beautiful dream of what the future may hold.
"I think that's a great idea." Rachel smiled to herself, she had been totally right.