Hello, it's me.
This is just a sort chapter, I've had zero motivation for writing recently and I hate it. This also isn't how I intended for this chapter to be so I can honestly say I no longer have any idea what I'm doing with this fic, ha! Although I'm hoping I can still go with my original plan which means there's some beautiful angst heading this way!

Thank again to any of you who are still reading this! Let me know if you'd like me to carry on!

I struggle sometimes to find the words
Always sure until I doubt

.

"Nick…" Carla's heart took a dive towards her feet, her knuckles turned white as she gripped the handle of the flat door in what could only be described as fear at the sight of her new husband, her new husband whom she hadn't seen since their wedding day.

He stood in silence, taking in her appearance, her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, her face free from her usual simple make-up with the thick black liner, she wore her traditional black leggings and an oversized shirt, one that he was sure was his once upon a time. In the corner of the room, Nick noticed a couple of cardboard boxes and as angry as he was, he felt a twinge of sadness at the thought of Carla leaving Weatherfield without him.

"Michelle said you're leaving" His voice was hoarse, probably from the amount of liquor he'd thrown back in the last few days and the fact that he had barely said anything other than 'refill please' to anyone.

Carla stood stoic, her brain was a mess of words, all the things she had decided to she would say when she finally saw him again but nothing would come out, her mouth opened slightly and immediately closed again, not a single word uttered. She just pulled back from the door slightly, turning her back as she walked towards the kitchen counter, she half expected him to do a runner as soon as her back was turned but the sound of the heavy wooden door clicking shut brought her back into the moment, turning to come face to face with the man she loved the most.

"So are you?" Nick questioned "Leaving?"

"Why? Are you here to stop me? Or help me load the car?" Carla came back quick witted as usual, her heart leapt again at the sarcasm in her answer, she never thought she would be able to talk to Nick again without profusely apologising through burning tears.

"Sorry" She quickly apologised "I just…I didn't think you'd come back."

"You thought I'd left for good?" He asked, his voice quiet yet somehow harsh

"Maybe" She shrugged, her hand cautiously pressing against her stomach as she felt the overwhelming need to vomit. She moved quickly towards the sink, her hands gripping the edge of the cool steel before grabbing a glass and half filling it with water, hoping the cool liquid would calm her swirling stomach.

"I gave up everything, Carla" Nick whispered as he took a few steps closer to her.

"I'm so sorry" Her reply was almost silent, her eyes burned as the tears threatened once more to fall from her eyes. "I never meant to hurt you"

"But you meant to sleep with my chef?"

"What?" Carla stood back shocked feeling as if she'd been slapped, "Of course I didn't!"

"Well you said you never meant to hurt me…did you mean to sleep with him? Or was he just there? Would you have slept with anyone or was he just convenient?"

Nick's words tore through her like a knife, she had seen him angry before but this just felt cruel. "Nick please" She pleaded as she moved towards him, her hands shaking as she reached for his but quickly pulling back in fear as if his skin would scold her.

The move didn't go unnoticed by Nick who felt a wave of sadness as the thought of Carla thinking he would hurt her in that way.

"I honestly never meant it. I could tell you the truth and I will if you want me to but you'll think I'm making excuses because everyone does when it comes to this but just promise me you understand that I would never, ever intentionally hurt you" Carla pleaded, bringing her hand to her face to brush away the fallen tears that slowly seeped down her cheek.

"Were you unhappy?" His voice tore her heart in two, his words full of what could only be described as quiet desperation caused her to quickly shake her head as she reached for the sides of his jacket.

"No" She replied quietly "You've made me the happiest I've ever been. Please don't think that it had anything to do with you" She reached up and gently brushed her fingers across his cheek.

"I love you so much, Nick" She whispered, she stood on her tiptoes and softly brushed her mouth against his, their lips meeting for the first time since their first kiss as husband and wife.

Things escalated quickly as Nick's hand moved to the back of her neck, his fingers tangling in the end of her ponytail and their tongues colliding as she pulled his body closer to hers.

"Stop" Nick pulled away as Carla's back hit the kitchen counter; her fingers still gripped his sides and his still in her hair. "I can't do this" He took a step back and pushed Carla's hands away from his body.

"Nick…"

"I can't do this"

"Nick please…"

"You slept with someone else, Carla! You slept with someone else and then convinced me to practically hand over my business to him!" He shouted, "I can't just forget that, that shit doesn't just go away!"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry" She raised her hands in front of her chest in defeat "I know it doesn't, I just…"

"I miss you so much, Nick" She admitted, "It's been four days and I feel like I'm literally falling apart without you"

"And yet you're leaving?" He questioned, his arms pointing towards the few boxes of her things that hand been already packed away.

"I have to" Carla whispered, "I have to go, I can't stay here, Nick. Knowing how badly I hurt you, seeing you everyday and knowing you hate me, I can't do it, babe"

Carla had to stop herself, if she continued to talk the way she was she knew she'd admit she was pregnant and she didn't want that. She didn't want to feel like she was forcing him to stay with her. The feeling of nausea quickly returned as she thought of the ball of cells inside of her that could one day be their child. The thing she had insisted she never wanted until one day it was torn away from her against her will and now she had a second chance, a second chance at motherhood, a tiny baby that was part her and part of the most amazing man she'd ever known.

"I don't hate you" Nick admitted, he moved back and perched himself on the back of the couch "I have never hated you. I love you so damn much, Carla. I love you more than anything which is why this is killing me"

Carla wiped the tears from her face as he spoke, her heart racing. "I love you," She whispered in reply.

"I can't forget what you did. One day, maybe I can forgive you but right now I'm so angry. I'm so angry I can barely look at you yet I love you so much I can't bring myself to turn away"

"Then let me show you we can work it out, please." She stepped forward and grabbed his hands in hers, mixing her fingers with his and pulling them to her as she felt him try to pull away.

"Let me show you that we're worth it"

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

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lyrics: Better as a Memory - Kenny Chesney