Chapter 4

"B-Belmont?!" Cass snapped out of her infatuation-induced trance at the sound of the name. "It's an honor to meet you! I've heard so much about your ancestors and- Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean 'something of yours?'"

Andre glared. "You know very well what I mean. The fabled Whip of Alchemy, the Vampire Killer. The very same whip you were gracelessly slinging about moments ago."

Cass quirked a brow, selectively ignoring that last comment. "What I meant was, didn't you know about the enchantment on this whip? It'll be another twenty-seven years before a Belmont can use it again without... you know... kcccchhhht!" She drew a finger across her neck.

"I know of no such enchantment. It must be an American fabrication. You Westerners are all the same. It doesn't matter if it's nuclear armaments or ancient holy weaponry, you have this concept that if it isn't in your hands, it's in the wrong hands. Even the weapon you've given this foolish girl seems to be some sick American perversion of the sacred water."

"Technically, the gun's Italian..." Cass muttered.

"You know what?" Blanche interjected. "Maybe we should just let 'im take the whip. Y'know, let him see for 'imself if the curse's phony."

"Blanche! He's a Belmont!" Cass argued.

"Yeah, and he's also a royal pain in the ass! Are you gonna let 'im talk to ya like that?"

Cass huffed. "I remember you saying worse when we first met not forty-eight hours ago."

"Y-yeah, but...! I mean, it's been a long day, and our friendship's struck a fast and wonderful metamorphosis!"

"Don't waste your breath," Andre interrupted. "Your friend is an agent of the same corrupt government that shakes hands with the tyrant who terrorizes our people. Friendship means nothing to them. She would sell out her own parents if it meant saving face for her country."

"Don't you dare talk about my parents like that!" Cass furiously shouted. "Listen here, buddy! I don't care whose bloodline you came from! The fact is, my mother and father risked their lives to put a stop to Dracula when there was no Belmont in sight to do it for them, and it cost my dad his golden years! We Morrises may not have been destined for this whip, but when we swing it, we're doing it not just to protect the world, but to protect the Belmonts, no matter how ill-mannered, inconsiderate, and foul-tempered the Belmont in question might be! Whether I like it or not, I have a duty to make sure your genes still exist for another few decades, so I can either break your legs and leave you somewhere safe, or we can do this the easy way and you can shut the hell up!"

Andre stood in silence, shocked.

"Wow, Cass, I think ya broke him," Blanche said with an amused smirk.

"Turn around, you fools..." Andre whispered.

The moment they turned around, they were greeted by the sight of a gargantuan spider crawling towards them. Apart from its size, however, the creature was unique in the sense that its exoskeleton seemed to be made entirely out of living human-like faces.

"EATING WILL MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY!" the faces screamed as the spider leapt towards them. The three dodged out of the way, running around the convulsing monstrosity.

"Unholy guacamole, that's a lot of faces!" Blanche yelled as she took aim and fired five successive shots into five different faces. She ducked and rolled away as it scuttled around and stabbed a leg towards her, wailing.

"SO EMPTY! NEED TO BE FULL!"

Andre tossed numerous crosses into its tortured visages. "It would seem Dracula created this monster from an artist's mindset! Its entire existence is a subtle critique of the human tendency to compensate for emotional pain with simple comforts!"

"Subtle?!" Cass said as she lashed her whip across the abomination's spindly form. "It's practically bellowing its mission statement from the pits of its lungs!"

"Bad face spider!" shouted Blanche. "You lack nuance!" She took five more shots, shattering five of its eight legs. It fell over onto its back, its remaining legs squirming in the air as its heart pumped intensely through the soft area beneath its abdomen.

Cass struck the heart repeatedly with her whip until the creature stopped struggling, its legs falling limp and hundreds of eyes fading, showing no signs of life.

"Man, what a waste," Blanche said. "It didn't even shoot any webs."

"And you wanted it to?" Cass asked with a disturbed look. Blanche answered with a simple shrug.

Andre grunted as he pulled his crosses from the oversized arachnid's corpse. "Well, Ms. Morris, perhaps your technique with the whip is not so flawed as I had once thought. I suppose that I can entrust it to you... for now..."

"It's... Cassandra. Or Cass, if you prefer," she corrected, blushing lightly.

"Hey, what about me?" Blanche asked, pouting.

Cass giggled warmly. "You were great, Blanche. We couldn't have done it without you." She approached Blanche and kissed her forehead. Blanche immediately felt the blood rush to her face...

The trio soon made their way across the courtyard and through the entrance to the castle's grand foyer. Elaborate and spacious as it was, it was also a mess of dangerous pits and rubble populated by vicious monster bats, wargs, and (unsurprisingly) further zombies.

"So, stop me if you've heard this one," Blanche spoke up. "A Morris, a Lecarde, and a Belmont walk into a castle-"

"Don't," Cass interrupted.

"We must be cautious," Andre warned. "The Hell House is an entity in its own right, and there is little telling what sort of treachery its dark master may have concocted for-" He was cut short as he fell through a crumbling floor. Cass and Blanche rushed over, watching their step.

"Andre! Are you okay?!" Cass yelled.

"Urgh... No permanent damage," he responded. "I could use a lift, however. Perhaps if you would lower your whip-"

"Nice try," Cass answered with a wry smile.

"It was worth a try."

He made his way to the stairs back up to the main level. As he walked, several sahuagin jumped from the torrent of water beneath his feet, ready to strike at him with their tridents. Before their attacks could land, however, he tossed a single cross which circled through the lot of them and tore them asunder, returning to his hand once its job was done.

Cass looked down, watching as he wiped out his assailants with a dreamy gaze.

"Uh, Cass, remember how we're also surrounded by monsters?" Blanche reminded her as a warg jumped at them.

Cass whipped her hand back and lashed the warg and five bats into dust while still observing Andre. Blanche sighed. "Alright, forget about that. Remember how only moments ago, you were justifiably chewin' him out? All that stuff ya said? Still true."

"I think he got the message. He's a Belmont, right? We can trust him."

Blanche fumed. "If he gets us killed, I'm puttin' such a curse on him."

"You can't curse people."

"Ya never know 'til you try, do ya?"

They rendezvoused with Andre at the top of the stairs leading up from the waterway. As they proceeded deeper into the halls of the castle, they were greeted by the sight of what seemed to be a minotaur with a werewolf's body hoisting a hefty halberd.

"A were-... minotaur?" Cass observed. "Drac must really be running out of ideas."

The were-minotaur spoke up in a deep, snarling voice. "Actually, I'm a regular minotaur who got bitten by a werewolf. It's my bad, really. I walked into his den, and you know, I wasn't even supposed to be there. Anyway, apparently, this is what happens."

"Oh, sorry to hear about that," Blanche said. "You know, if you just let us move on, we won't do anything to hurt you."

"Yeah, I guess that's a thought," the were-minotaur pondered. "But you see, I'm really loyal to Lord Dracula, and I also really like eating human flesh, so, um... I think I'm gonna smash your heads open and rip the meat from your bones instead. It just seems like a better plan from where I'm sitting."

Without waiting, he dashed towards the group, sweeping his halberd as they ducked down to dodge it. Blanche ran around him and pulled out her gun, loading a new magazine into it and firing three shots. As the were-minotaur turned around, one shot hit him in the shoulder, but he managed to block the next two with his blade. "Hey, that's a pretty neat trick!" he observed. "I bet your brains are gonna taste great!"

From behind, the Vampire Killer wrapped around his neck. Cass pulled hard, growling at him. "Get the hell away from her, you bastard!"

"Hey, that hurts!" the were-minotaur cried. "I mean, literally, this is really painful! Come on!"

Andre took a pouch from his belt and took a pile of sacred ash from it, tossing it at him. The were-minotaur's back burned as he struggled and broke free of the whip, turning around to slash them. Deftly, Cass drew three daggers from a strap on her boot and tossed them directly at their attacker, one striking him in the chest, one in his throat, and one piercing the center of his forehead. The were-minotaur's eyes went milky white as he sank to the ground.

"Okay, so..." he strained himself to say, "that whole 'eating you' thing... Another time, then...?" He slammed into the ground face-first, the dagger pushing all the way through the back of his skull.

Blanche approached the body and grabbed the halberd, lifting it over her shoulder. "Huh, this thing's surprisingly light." Cass and Andre shot her awkward looks. "What? It's not like he's using it anymore."