"In the land of Gods and Monsters

I was an Angel
Living in the garden of evil
Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed
Shining like a fiery beacon

You got that medicine I need
Fame, Liquor, Love give it to me slowly"

- Lana Del Rey "Gods & Monsters"

I found myself crouching in an alleyway, sobbing.

I wasn't too sure when it all had hit me. One moment, I was walking with my arm entwined to Joker's and the next I was dashing into this narrow side street. It felt like someone was standing on my chest.

In my peripheral I saw the clown's slim frame lean against the brick, crossing his arms in annoyance. I'm sure he had better things to do than watch a sad little singer bawl her eyes out. Even if he did have something to do with it.

He let me cry though, not uttering a word.

It must of went on like that for a few minutes. I couldn't escape the pain that was surfacing. I mourned for father, for Arnie, for Donnie, and maybe even a little for Angelo. The clown was never quite clear on how he had done it. From what I could gather, it was my understanding that he'd been following me since we parted ways at the condo.

I began to wipe the tears and snot from my face, standing to look at him.

"Are you finished?" He inquired listlessly.

I nodded, smiling. "Yeah." I could see my sleeves were smeared with eye make-up. I must have been a sight.

Joker rolled his eyes peeking his head around the corner of the building. "Looks like our ole' boys in blue are heading this way." His blue hues adjusted beyond me. "We'll cut through here."

He promptly grabbed my left wrist and pulled me down the stretch of alley. His other hand fiddle in his suit pants pocket for his cellular. I watched him speed dial in a number only to converse with whom I assumed was his getaway car. Our getaway car.

I let that sink in for a moment. I was now an accomplice. Angelo's words haunted me, "You think that clown's gonna take care of you?"

I mean, he has so far. For his own benefit, of course.

"You want that kind of life, Liv?"

Well, I'm not sure anymore. What kind of life did I have before? And I suppose after all is said and done and I've sang at his event he won't have much use for me. What do I have then?

My troubled thoughts were interrupted by Joker shoving me into the back of a vehicle.

"Get in." he gruffly commanded, following suit behind me. Once we were settled he waved a gloved hand in the direction of the henchman behind the wheel. "Drive."

We sped off into the wakes of dawn. The rising sun casted blue shadows throughout Gotham. I loved early mornings like this. I could still imagine the chill of autumn touching my fair skin even with the windows up. It made me shiver.

I was suddenly very aware of a pair of eyes on me. I opened my own to see Joker staring with an expression I couldn't quite place. Something between disgust and confusion.

"I love the Fall." I blurted, not meaning to. He obviously had no idea what I was talking about. I was becoming delirious with fatigue.

He averted his eyes away and out his window. "For now, I'm going to put you up in a motel. It's not somewhere I would have personally chosen but it's convenient and available and right where I need you to be." He licked his lips sneering at me. "Besides, I'm sure you are more than familiar with motels by this juncture of your life."

I believe he was trying to insult me but I was too tired to care. I giggled, resting my head against the glass. "I think you've mistaken me for a call girl instead of a jazz singer, Mister J."

He chuckled, "Tends to be the same thing."

Touché. Most entertainers were lonely and desperate, I was just lonely and bored. I sighed, drawing small circles on the window. "Sadly, I'm just a girl wracking up a body count."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, well if you think about it, Donnie's, Angelo's, and my father's deaths all happened because of me. It's rather upsetting."

Curiosity filled his eyes, "But you don't seem all that upset by it."

I laid my head back onto the leather seat. I was literally speaking out of shear exhaustion now. "I am. I've just accepted it. I guess you were right, we all have a dark side. You either fight it or embrace it."

He tutted under his breathe and from the corner of my eye I could have sworn I saw a small genuine smile tug at his lips. It was hard to tell, however, as he curled a hand in front of his mouth gazing out his window. Shortly thereafter, I nodded off.

When I awoke, the vehicle was still in motion. My eyes adjusted to the scenery around me realizing that we were now near the water. I looked over to my right to address the clown but he wasn't there. A panic rapidly set in as I reached for the driver's seat.

"Excuse me! Where are we going?" I asked frantically.

The driver lifted his shades into the rear view mirror, "Motel."

"I know that." I reiterated. "Where is Joker?"

The man focused back on the road. "He had somewhere to be, Miss. Very important things to do." He smiled crookedly.

I let out an exasperated sigh as I fell into my seat. Of course. The urgent fear slowly subsided within my chest. I was almost convinced he had set me up again.

I spent the next week mostly hiding out in my shabby abode. Mister J was partial right, this place was definitely not fit for first class, like himself. But for a small town girl like me, as long as it wasn't crawling with bugs, it was just fine.

The room basked in 1960's glory. It was drenched in rich hues of reds and browns. A plaid comforter graced the single bed. A few tawny chairs angled towards a round, oak table. The carpet was scratchy and rough. Even the coffee maker looked outdated.

I could confidentially say that the only updated object in this room was the 20'' flat screen sitting atop the walnut dresser. Which had basic cable, mind you.

To pass the time while I was stuck there I made one small request for a laptop of sorts to practice my setlist…and an acoustic. Although Joker didn't deliver them personally, he granted my wish. Tommy had been the one to deliver it with glee. He relayed the message that The Joker had found my request reasonable as he wanted me to be "top-notch" at his event Saturday evening.

This small compliment, whether intended or not, started a small fire under my ass. My set was to be an hour long designated in the middle hours of the engagement. Before and after me was just a normal live band. So to fit the mood and give variety, I planned out a list of covers ranging between the 1930's and early 1960's. Something people could continue dancing too.

On the day of the event, two henchmen had arrived at around 3pm to check me out of the little motel. I was placed in another random vehicle and carted over to the docks. Upon arrival, I was greeted by a massive cruise ship. My stomach immediately sank. I had never been on a ship before.

I must have been staring for a long moment because I could hear the driver remind me that he had arrived at our destination. I quickly regathered my self and stepped out of the vehicle. The sea breeze instantly carried my hair behind me. The air was much chillier closer to the water.

Rubbing my arms for warmth, I was guided by the second henchmen up the ramp and onto the ship. It was really like nothing I had seen before. There were so many staff members running about the corridors in preparation for the event.

I touched the wood paneling in the hall as the henchman continued to lead me forward. Everything was so clean and pristine. It was a welcomed change from the outdated motel room I had been living in for the past week.

Then we entered the grand ballroom and I immediately felt like I was home. My jaw unhinged at the luxuriously decorated room. Gold littered the ceilings and floors. It crept into the furniture while champagnes flowed with the curtains of the main stage and mingled with the walls. It had been my dream to preform amidst such plush beauty.

I could see it now; People dressed to the nines. Woman in multicolored, fitted dresses that sparkled under the chandelier light. Men in black and tie affair. They'd take their ladies delicately by the hand, spinning them in a waltz. And for those who were single, they'd clammer to the bar for cocktails and wine. Toasting to whatever felt appropriate for the mood that night.

I sighed, climbing the side stage stairs. How could I have almost passed up such an opportunity? Sure Joker was known to be a cruel man but no one could deny he had taste. He had class. And surely he understood that sometimes you had to entertain your business partners.

The henchman led me to a quaint dressing room just behind the stage. It had a high vanity mirror with a velvet red chair to sit. For what it lacked in space it was built with multitudes of shelving and it had already been filled with different garments, shoes, and accessories.

I let my fingertips trace a midnight blue dress.

"That's not for you." The henchman grumbled. I took a step back. He pointed to a rectangular box sitting atop the vanity's desk. "That's for you."

My eyes went wide as I read the expensive designer written on the box. "This must be a mistake…"

"No mistake." He assured me. "The boss said you can pick from the lot of shoes but he thinks you'd like the silver ones best." Then he winked and left the room.

I now noticed the silver heels next to the box. They had a slight shimmer to them. I opened the package to reveal a pale pink dress then looked back to the shoes and back again. Hm, once again, he was right.

The dress was absolutely stunning as I twirled in it. It was an off the shoulder beaut with lace trimmings. I might have even liked it more than my silver number.

I settled myself into the velvet chair. A small mantle clock sat on a dresser adjacent from me. It was now three forty and the party started at six. So I had approximately two hours to finish my attire for the evening.

Gazing into the mirror, I decided it would be easier to do my hair in light waves so as not to waste anymore time than needed. Accompanying it with a lighter eye look and bold lip, I was beginning to feel like a real aristocrat.

While I was finishing up, I hummed some of the tunes I had on my setlist, swaying back and forth in the standing mirror. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered in glorious anticipation. Which had reminded me….

I reached into a duffle bag I acquired when I was delivered clothes and toiletries at the motel. I pulled from it a few of my gifted blades. They fit nice and snug in the top lining of my thigh-high stockings. I made sure they were hidden on the side of the dress where a slit wasn't present. I obviously didn't want anyone to notice.

Then suddenly, there was a knock on the door. I felt a pain in my heart as I thought of Arnie. "Who is it?"

"Miss Pendragon? The boss is expecting you out on the floor." A voice that sounded similar to the henchman from before said.

I glanced at the clock, 6:03. Shit, had that much time already passed? I smoothed out my dress, calling, "Coming right out!"

I ran to the door as fast as humanly possible in heels and sure enough, it was the goon from before waiting to escort me to the ballroom. "Sorry 'bout that." I gave him my best smile.

He had no reaction, naturally. Aside from Tommy it appeared that all of Joker's henchmen had a case of stone face. Which probably meant they were ruthless killers. Hardened criminals.

It was intimidating to say the least.

As we made our way through the now open curtain stage, I could see the grand room filling up with bodies. It was almost like I imagined. Taking the steps down I noticed that people were certainly dressed to their nines. Emphasis on their. You could tell that this was a room full of skeezy criminals and that most of the women beside them were not their wives.

I wasn't going to let that break my spirit, however. I still had a show to put on. Despite the sleaze balls.

For the first half of the night, I hadn't seen Joker at all. Which didn't bother me much. I figured he had this party for a reason and that reason was probably all business. So like the single gal I am, I found myself gravitating towards the bar.

The two bartenders were dainty girls with cutesy clown make-up in red, glittery mini dresses. They were always sporting huge smiles and giggling at the vulgar compliments they received from some of the lowlife patrons. Hats off to you girls.

I was tended by the one with the purple hair thrown up in a messy bun.

"Ah, you must be Chrysalis. Cute." She laughed. "All drinks are on the house tonight, of course. So what would you like, sugar?"

I made a small groan at the nickname. I guess it wasn't going anywhere any time soon. Then I ordered an apple martini. I wanted to up keep the fancy facade.

From my stool I watched everyone else mingle about. Most of them either drank fast or pre-gamed before this shindig. Already there were broads falling all over themselves or clinging to their meal ticket of the night. It made me feel a bit queasy.

After two more drinks and a few unwelcome conversations with degenerates I decided I wanted to take a stroll around this mass gathering. The live band was kicking it up on stage as people hopped about in an ungraceful manner. I was sure to circle the outskirts of the dancing.

As I came to a corner that met the stage my eyes drifted towards a secluded table nestled a bit back. I could see several people laughing and cheers with each other. A very animated blonde appeared to be bopping all around with excitement next to an electric green haired fella I knew well. She wrapped a drunk arm around his neck and kissed him on the cheek, giggling some more.

Mister J seemed in good spirits as he joined in on her laughter. That must have been Harley again. I recognized the blue and red tips only her hair wasn't in pigtails, it was curled. She cleaned up almost as nice as Mister J.

I stared for a few more moments before familiar blue hues locked onto mine. His grin immediately shifted wider. I felt my face flush with embarrassment as I turned away quickly, walking back to the bar.

There, I took note that a golden blonde had taken up a stool next to mine. I sat down beside her, remembering her face. "Hey now, aren't you that reporter?"

She looked at me with a sly smile. It was definitely her. "So what if I am? You gonna rat me out?"

I sniggered, "No! Hell if I care." I could feel the alcohol working its magic.

She kept smiling at me while stirring her drink with a tiny straw. "Not many reporters get opportunities like this. I had to get an inside look."

"Well this is it." I was handed another martini without even having to ask. "Extravagant parties for the less moral." I giggled.

Her face frowned a bit, "Are you one of those with less morals?"

I paused for a second. I really wasn't sure how to answer that. I guess the correct answer would be "yes" because I have killed someone. Thinking about it, I wasn't any better than the other gangsters in here.

"I don't know." My mouth said despite the dispute in my brain. "I'm undecided. You?"

She laughed, "I'm a reporter."

"Touché." I chuckled along with her, clinking our drinks together.

"I'm Olive." I offered a hand to hers.

She gave it a small shake, "Debra."

I almost snorted martini out of my nose. "Debra? Sounds to old of a name for a pretty girl like you." I teased.

"That's what I thought but I didn't really have that chance to name myself, did I?" She winked.

"Well, better than Barbara, I suppose. Always better than Barbara."

We laughed in unison.

A few more minutes went by as we chatted about our discrepancies between us and the sleazy people aboard this ship. We were certainly making fast friends. Actually, she was probably the only woman I had ever met that I was so open with. Well, as open as could be, of course.

Suddenly, one of Joker's henchmen approached me at the bar. "Miss Pendragon, you're set is about to begin in five minutes."

A huge grin spread over my face. I turned to Deb, "That's right, I'm singing tonight. I do hope you'll enjoy it." I cooed, sliding from my stool. "It was nice meeting you, Debra."

She mimicked the small wave I gave her, "You too."

My heart felt very full and I was happy I had made a friend. I really did hope she stuck around after my performance. I wanted to talk more about her career and what she's witnessed first hand. What a fascinating life she must lead.

As I took the stage a bubble of nervousness gripped my abdomen. There were about the same amount of people here as there were on a packed night at Angelo's. The only difference was, was that I wasn't surrounded by any familiar faces.

Well, all except one.

My fingers curled around the mic staring directly at Joker's pale visage. Harley was clinging to his arm with a champagne flute between her fingers. She looked to be whispering in his ear.

I inhaled deeply as I cued the music. My nervousness evaded me turning into something else entirely. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. It roared like fire and burned with unfamiliar intent.

He pivoted his face, stroking Harleen's chin as he whispered back. I needed him to look at me. No, I wanted him to look.

I let my voice echo through the microphone, staying in tune with the music. The room fell silent as everyone listened to these bluesy notes escape my throat. Then people began to fall into the groove of the dance. Those blue hues fixated on me.

I felt a sense of satisfaction. For what, I wasn't exactly sure but it felt good.

My eyes caught Harley shimmying in her seat, enjoying herself. She was clapping her hands and singing along to the well known tune. I internally shamed myself for feeling so childish. What did any of it even matter?

I focused on my next four songs trying to shake this strange sensation inside of me. Harley continued her silly little movements while Joker kept his eyes glued to me. Just as he had at the night club. As for Debra, I couldn't seem to locate her anywhere.

I began to close out my performance with a slower rendition of "Johnny Angel". I'm not exactly sure why I had picked this song but I poured my heart and soul into practicing it all week and I was more than pleased with the results. Couples began to slow dance, turning the atmosphere intimate.

By this point, I had stopped stealing glances at the clown. I let my soul guide me through the rhythm of the melody. I was almost at the last verse before ear piercing sounds cut the music short.

Gun shots.

I became absolutely petrified as I watched a hoard of men in masks fire at the guests on the ballroom floor. People were dropping like flies, gurgling screams. It was an absolute blood bath.

Amidst the chaos I could pick out a very distinct chortling from the right side of the stage. I knew exactly who it belonged to as I raised a trembling eye to meet his. His laughter doubled with the rising death toll.

I hope you guys are still enjoying this story! Side note, the next chapter is going to be rated M for more mature content but I'll have another warning accompanying that when it's posted. I've decided instead of rating the whole story M, because it's really not, I'll just rate some bits that come up here and there. So definitely stay tuned for that.

As always, please review, favorite, and follow! Thank you. :)