Sorry I'm a day late! School is kicking my ass already. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Raven's POV

"Thursday nights are under appreciated," Octavia muses as she sits across from Raven in a booth. She had insisted, the hands clasped-pouty lipped-pleading voice sort of insisting, that Raven let her take her out for her birthday. Although that was nearly a full two months away, Raven doesn't bring that up in fear of upsetting her. She consented to get Octavia to stop her whining which, in retrospect, she realises this is how Octavia gets her to do just about anything these days. She makes a mental note to invite Octavia out for something next. It was no wonder she didn't talk to her too often, she probably felt unwanted.

Raven was already scheduled to work all weekend so she had told Octavia it was Thursday night or not at all. Originally she had complained about school, but she seemed content now that they were there. "Good thing we have the opportunity to embrace it," Raven muses as she scans over the menu.

She wasn't comfortable with ordering food and making someone else pay for it, not anymore, Octavia had been very clear on what was going to happen this evening. ("You are an adult now and adults let their friends buy them dinner without throwing a temper tantrum." Raven had fought back a response on how real adults can afford their own food.)

"So," O says as she flips through the pages of the menu. Raven can tell by the glint in her eye that she's about to rile her up. "How's Wick?"

Of course. The question wouldn't be so bad if it didn't leave Raven with a face that felt like it was on fire and some minor heart palpitations. "A pain in the ass as usual."

The knowing smile she gets in return for her comment only frustrates Raven further. "Come on, you can't tell me you don't totally have the hots for him."

Raven laughs despite herself. "I thought this was an adult dinner between two adults?" she challenges.

Now Octavia rolls her eyes. "I'm sorry, what I meant was surely you cannot dispute that your undeniable fondness for this kind gentleman is irrefutable, and that you would not be opposed to pursuing sexual intercourse." She falls apart at the end, giggling into her soda as she attempted to take a sip.

"Does a British accent make you more adult?" Raven inquires, making fun of the strange lilt her voice had picked up.

"Indubitably," she answers in something that sounds more New Zealand than anything else. "Seriously though, give me something here."

Discussing her relationships had never been a strong point in Raven's life. It wasn't like she'd had a mom who cared to hear about the boys she liked, which had consisted of Finn, or helped her get ready for her first date or anything. It felt weird discussing things that were so personal she had a hard enough time admitting them to herself. Not that she was in a relationship with Wick. "He's-I mean, we are…I" Damn it, now she was all flustered. "Ugh he's good."

The knowing smile she gets in response makes her want to punch Octavia in the face, just a little bit. "Good in bed?"

Raven glowers at her. "Get you mind out of the gutter," she says but she laughs anyway. "Wick and I are just friends."

"But you want to be more than friends." It isn't a question.

For Raven it is. She didn't know what she wanted anymore. "I want things to stay as easy between us as they have been." It's the most truth she can conjure.

"Tell me something," Octavia says, reaching out to stir her drink absentmindedly with her straw. "When you're around Wick, when are things the hardest?"

Raven swallows hard because she knows Octavia is already aware of the answer. "When he's being stupid." Lie.

"Just because you love him doesn't mean he'll leave you too." Raven hates her for knowing exactly what she won't admit to herself. Raven hates herself because she feels a swelling behind her eyes and a quivering in her stomach.

"How do you know?" she asks quietly, the sounds of the restaurant felt like an intrusion against all of the noise in her brain. Everything was still a question; nothing had yet to find a proper answer. Her mind was scrambling to find reasons and facts and safety.

When Octavia smiles it silences some of the panic alarms, reminding her that this girl had been one of her best friends for years and that she could see through lies and half-truths and that she wanted the best for her, even if Raven didn't work towards it for herself. "Because," she says with a shrug, handing digging into the bread basket that was set in front of them. "You're due for some happiness."

When Octavia invites her back to her house, ("It's empty, we'll have the place to ourselves until Bell gets home from work,") Raven accepts without a fight in order to try and maintain the resolution she'd made at dinner tonight.

They moan about their delicious food and too full stomachs as they immediately crash to the floor when they walk inside. Octavia turns on some music and the two of them enjoy it without talking, too full and tired to do anything else.

Octavia grows uncharacteristically silent, no longer lamenting on the state of internal organs and not even singing along with the music. After some time passes, Raven props herself up on her elbows and stares at the other girl who's eyes remained fixed, unmoving, on the ceiling. "Raven," she says, feeling eyes on her.

"Yeah?" she asks, gaze fixed on Octavia who takes a deep breath and squeezes her eyes shut as she slowly lets it out. She pushes herself up, crossing her legs beneath her as she sits up. "Is everything okay?"

The mood is tense in a way she wasn't used to in the Blake household. Raven waits with Taylor Swift playing in the background, a stutter in her heart. She worried of what Octavia had to say. The last time there had been this sort of strain between them had been before Octavia left. Raven worries the same problems had come back to haunt her once more. "I'm pregnant."

Words leave her faster than a thought can be formed. A string of curse words fall from her lips, unbidden. There had been a handful of things Raven had been expecting her friend to say, and that was not one of them. "Octavia…"

"I know!" she yells, tears forming in her eyes as she draws her knees to her chest and rests her chin on them.

"Does Bell know?" He's going to lose his mind when he finds out, Raven knows it. He'll probably kill Lincoln with his bare hands.

Octavia shakes her head, burying it in her knees and letting out a shaky sob. "I don't know what I'm going to do, Raven."

The admission is the truth. Raven has no solution. She scoots over to where Octavia sits, wrapping an arm around her friend's shoulder in comfort and rubbing a hand along her back. It reminded her of the way that Abby often tried to comfort her, with gentle touches and reassuring pats. "Did you tell Lincoln?"

"No," she answers in a muffled voice. "I just found out yesterday."

Raven knew what it was like to carry the weight of a secret for too long. One day could feel like an eternity when you hold something of that capacity all to yourself. "Shit," she says for the third time.

"I know!" she shouts again, lifting her head to meet Raven's eyes. "I screwed up again, okay? I know I did." Her tears aren't shed, shining brightly in her eyes as she hiccups a sob.

"It's okay," Raven says in an effort of comfort. It wasn't, not really, this was the sort of thing that couldn't ever really be okay. At least not for a very long while, but sometimes Raven knew things needed to be said for the sake of making someone feel better. Now was one of those times. "It'll be okay, O."

That's what cracks her open. She dissolves into a puddle of tears and a series of broken, angry cries. "What am I gonna do?" she asks again, turning to Raven and looking at her with a tear streaked, snotty face. "Tell me what to do."

It would almost be laughable someone asking her, train wreck Raven Reyes, for important life advice. But the world is still spinning a little bit too fast and the reality of the moment is a little bit too real for her to find any true humour in the situation. "You know I can't do that," she whispers. With a bit of effort she pushes herself off of the floor and goes to the bathroom, stealing the roll of toilet paper and offering it to Octavia. She takes it without a word.

"What would you do?" she asks as she wipes her eyes which don't seem to stop. As soon as she wipes some of the tears away, more come.

Raven falls onto the couch and Octavia follows her up there, tucking her legs under her and watching Raven like a hawk in anticipation. "If I was pregnant?" she asks, having more than a little difficulty with the concept. "Fuck if I know." She did know though. It seemed like the wrong answer for right now, but the answer was so simple. She couldn't sustain her own life, let alone someone else's. Abortion would be the only answer. No part of her could ever be a mother. She was too broken, too ruined in so many different ways.

Octavia though, Octavia was whole. She was able to love so deeply still. She was capable of so many things and had proved how strong she was no more so than in recent years. "You do whatever you need to do. I can't tell you what that is though."

She sniffles, taking another wad of toilet paper and loudly blowing her nose into it. "I fucked up, Raven." Again she reaches out her arm, encouraging Octavia to fall against her. She does without hesitation, laying her head on her chest and releasing another tiny sob. "Will you be there when I tell Bellamy?" Her voice is small, scared and broken. Her big brother loved her more than the stars loved the sky. He was fiercely protective of his baby sister and he'd suffered because of it. But Octavia was her own person. It was something Raven knew he struggled with at times.

"Sure," she agrees, only somewhat regrettably. Bellamy didn't scare her. "You just tell me when you're ready."

They sit in silence like that for a long time. Raven's leg aches from how she has it positioned hanging off the couch, but she doesn't move it, afraid that if she shifts she'll ruin the moment between them. The silence wraps them up and holds them together for what feels like hours.

"Raven," Octavia eventually whispers in a croak.

"Hm?" she asks, her head resting back on the couch and her eyes slipping shut despite the pain in her leg.

She clears her throat and pulls herself out from Raven's arms. Her eyes are still puffy when they make eye contact, but aside from that her meltdown has left no signs. "I think I want to keep the baby."

"See?" Raven asks as she grabs her friend's hand and squeezes. "I told you that you knew what to do."

Octavia bites her lip but a small smile forms anyway. "I love you," she says with the sort of honesty that Raven forgot existed.

The words were foreign; she tried not to recoil from them in an attempt to protect herself. There had once been a time where she had heard those words whispered every night before she fell asleep, through the phone every time she answered it, in the middle of the day when she had been worn thin. She didn't realise how much she missed them until she heard them again. She swallows her fear, trying to smile as she repeats the truth back. "I love you, too." Her heart feels lighter.

It's on a late Monday night, or technically a very early Tuesday morning when Raven spills the truth, unable to take it any longer. Octavia kept promising to tell Lincoln and then chickening out. At this rate the kid would be twelve before they ever sat down to talk to Bellamy.

Wick's halfway under the rocket, rearranging something that she has already told him isn't going to work. "Pass me that wrench," he says from beneath it.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" she teases as she walks over and retrieves the tool.

"Pass me that wrench, Wrench Monkey." She stops dead in her tracks and puts her hands on her hips.

"You did not just call me that," she says as she stares down at him.

He rolls out from underneath to look up at her, stupid smile in place. "You know I was just being stupid at first-"

"As per usual," she mumbles under her breath.

"But I kind of like it."

"Don't even think about it," she attempts to threaten with a rough voice and a hard stare. Unfortunately for her, Wick no longer finds her the least bit menacing. He just grins his stupid smile up at her and she rolls her eyes, setting the wrench down with a bit of force on his chest. "I hate you."

"No you don't!" he shouts as he wheels back under. Then he starts rambling, she thinks he's talking about pressure gauges and fuel chambers but she blocks him out. Though it wasn't necessarily her problem, Octavia had been on her mind ever since Thursday night. She couldn't help question what the hell she was going to do. Babies were expensive. And fragile. And over all pretty much just terrifying. She wasn't involved in the slightest and she was still scared.

"So," she opens, unable to not talk about it and also knowing that Wick will happily delve into the details of this whole disaster with her. Plus, he was far enough removed from the group that she didn't have to worry about him saying something he shouldn't to someone he shouldn't (Bellamy. The person he should not tell was definitely Bellamy). "Care for some gossip?"

She sits on the floor, legs stretched out in front of her, and rests her back against the wall. "Always," he answers with a slightly eager voice. She smiles, Wick generally cared more about the group drama than she did.

"Octavia is pregnant." She hears a clunk and an 'ow' and tries not to laugh as Wick wheels himself out again.

"Holy fuck," he says and she nods, that had pretty much been her response at first too. They seemed to be on the same track in that respect. Wick shakes his head and says, "Bellamy is going to kill Lincoln."

"I know."

"Like the fact that Lincoln is some giant mountain man who can carry the weight of a small village on his shoulder is completely void because Bellamy is going to kill him with pure determination and blind hatred."

She laughs, because sometimes he says things that are so ridiculous and over the last couple months Raven has found that she kind of likes how ridiculous he is. "You're right."

Then he blows out a heavy breath and the weight of the situation must finally hit him because he says, "What the hell is she going to do?"

Raven shrugs, she felt like she knew but she also didn't want to jump to conclusions. Octavia had been spent the rest of their Thursday night alone going back and forth and worrying herself sick as she tried to think of what the right thing to do for everyone would be. "I don't think she knows for sure yet."

With another sigh he goes back to work, the sounds of tinkering filling in the silence. "What do you think she'll do?" he asks and Raven wonders if he's judging Octavia. For a second she feels guilty for telling him, especially since she'd been the only one trusted with this information to begin with.

"She can do whatever she thinks is best," Raven says, getting defensive. "It's totally her choice after all. And besides, it's not like we know the ramifications for her health or school or her finances and-"

"Whoa there, Wrench Monkey," he says, rolling out to look at her once again. She stops if for no other reason than to glare at him for that name again. "No judgement, just genuine speculation."

"Oh," she says feeling a bit stupid but also a lot relieved all at once. "Well in that case, I think she'll keep it." As much as the idea of babies terrified her to no ends she could also totally see Octavia being the perfect amount of scared. Octavia had dealt with a distant mother in a completely different way than Raven ever had. She became stronger from it, more determined to love as fully and deeply as she could. She would become a mother who loved her child without the least bit of falter. Maybe that would be nine months from now and maybe nine years, but Raven could see it already.

"Why?" he asks and she reminds herself once more that he's not judging her or her answers or even her friend for that matter. He was just the sort of guy who asked questions. He curses and she hears something snap. She takes a deep breath to keep from yelling at him.

"If you could not destroy several months of hard work that would be great," she does tease but there isn't anger in her voice. She hadn't realised before now how much there used to be until it was gone. "But I don't know, I guess…maybe because Octavia grew up in a house where things weren't always very good and her mom didn't always love her like she should. I think Octavia wants to love someone like she should have been loved. I think she wants the family she never had." During the pause she considers her words and adds on, "Maybe not at eighteen, but I can't imagine her giving up something she's always wanted, even if it is shitty timing."

The answer must be good enough for him as he doesn't say anything back for a while.

"What about you?" he asks after several minutes. The question lingers in heavy silence as Raven tries to decipher what he's asking.

"What about me?"

"Not to get super personal," he says even though he totally is. "But do you think about kids that way? Like a…redo almost?"

"No," she answers without hesitation. She considers the question after answering, thinking about a little boy or girl looking at her like she had the power to save anyone, or stop anything, or fix every problem. She thinks about tiny hands holding hers as they cross the street and spit covered kisses. But then she thinks about the idea about being someone's everything even if it was for a short time. About having someone rely on her for whatever they want or need or crave. She thinks about disappointments and accidents and illness. She thinks of the worst and for a brief second she considers the best. So when he appears in front of her again, his look questioning and his eyes sad for her, she shakes her head resolutely. "I'm not meant for the whole mom business."

"How would you know?" he asks and she sees the way he tries to be relaxed with his words. She doesn't miss the tightening of his shoulders and the wrinkles on his forehead. He had asked a question and her answer didn't match what he had expected.

"Because," she says with a shrug of her shoulders as she pushes herself off of the floor and onto her feet. "I don't know what it means to love myself, let alone someone else."

She walks from the room and leaves the confession behind. She hated the truth and she hated how easily she'd given it up. If there was anyone it was safe way though, Raven thinks as the elevator carries her down, it was Wick.