AN: Drama drama drama! I'm afraid dear readers if you are still following this, this was going to happen for my plot to thicken! The next few chapters will hopefully if it has the desired effects toy with your emotions more than any if the others! I have a couple of times I'll be honest almost backed out of this plot for I love this Anne and Gil and I love their affection for each other..., so thank you Kim Blythe for putting up with me as I needed reassurance of my plot. Ahhh please review as this is very emotional for me!
Gilbert upon hearing the news started for Green Gables but had found Anne collecting flowers from the forest. Her porcelain face was sheet white he normally wide expressive eyes joyless. she had seen him coming so it was to no great surprise to her when he wordlessly wrapped his arms around her middle rested his chin on her shoulder and gave a sigh. She knew he knew somehow, it was expressed in his embrace. She soon turned and allowed him to full body frontal hug her as she snuggled once again into him. Anyone else, everyone else had been trying to get her to talk. Gilbert didn't. He knew her better. She needed this time in her mind, in her heart to sort through everything. No attempts were made by either party for romance as Gilbert watched her gather the flowers and walk back up to green gables. He placed his arm around her as he often did when walking and holding her at the same time. But not even a conversation was made. He just needed to be there for her, for Miss Cuthbert, for Matthew. They entered green gables that is where the conversations started. He was relieved to see Diana, Mrs Lynde, Mr and Mrs Barry there.
Marilla was quite different from Anne, needed to speak, needed to keep going as normal. Saw Gilbert enter with Anne.
"Oh Gilbert, how sweet you came." she said to him.
"Miss Cuthbert." He said quietly. He came level with her and for the first time he wrapped his arms around her back, he was surprised when the sentiment was returned, he had always supposed Miss Cuthbert wouldn't return any sort of sentiments He had long feared her when he was growing up with such strong emotions for Anne, to have them melt away so quickly in that moment, he became overwhelming grateful it was Miss Cuthbert who had taken in Anne. "I am so sorry." he said letting go. She didn't respond directly instead tried to address Anne.
"Those are such pretty flowers Anne." She said. "Matthew would love those, he was just like you with such things."
Anne didn't engage. Gilbert remained by her side for the rest of the day. When night began to fall he knew he must return home. He knew it would be inappropriate for him to stay. He didn't want to leave her. Diana,, Gilbert and Marilla went to the east gable room, Gilbert stayed in the hall as the two other ladies entered.
'Anne dear, would you like to have me sleep with you tonight?'
'Thank you, Diana.' Anne looked earnestly into her friend's face. 'I think you won't misunderstand me when I say I want to be alone. I'm not afraid. I haven't been alone one minute since it happened— and I want to be. I want to be quite silent and quiet and try to realize it. I can't realize it. Half the time it seems to me that Matthew can't be dead; and the other half it seems as if he must have been dead for a long time and I've had this horrible dull ache ever since.'
Diana did not quite understand and Gilbert could tell. He understood what she meant but knew he couldn't comprehend the depth by which she felt it, he had no right to try and convince her he knew exactly what she was feeling for he didn't, For the first time since he was 13 he had no idea how to comfort Anne and it hurt him to see her in such pain. They left her room leaving Anne alone to keep her first vigil with sorrow.
Miss Cuthbert returned downstairs with Gilbert.
"Thank you for letting me stay so late Miss Cuthbert. If its okay may I come first thing in the morning, I want to be here for you and Anne."
"You're a sweet boy Gilbert." She said to him. "I don't say it enough do I? Not a boy anymore, a grown man."
"Oh I dunno" he said shyly. "I still feel like the same 13 year old Gilbert who was bold enough to knock on a girls door and offer her a book to cheer her up... I was so scared." he remembered. "You looked so shocked when you saw me."
"Ohhh, that wasn't because you were a boy." She told him. "You look just like your father. That's what I got the shock over. But all the same, I'm glad Anne has you Gilbert."
"Goodnight Miss Cuthbert" he said once again hugging her. "May I come in the morning?"
"Of course, Good night Gilbert Blythe." she said letting go of him watching him walk through the dark fields she locked the door.
When Gilbert arrived the next morning he found Marilla in the kitchen, trying to carry on. "Morning Miss Cuthbert." He said quietly.
"Morning Gilbert." She said. "She's in the parlor but she hasn't slept much, she woke in the night crying. I went in to comfort her but they just kept coming."
"at least they are starting to be expressed. I was worried yesterday she may not be able to feel what she had to." he said logically.
"Yes you are right." Marilla said smiling. "Won't you go through and try to get her to rest? For all she has cried she won't sleep."
"I'll do my best." he said to her. he walked through to the parlour to find Anne, sitting with her legs up on the sofa but curled towards her chest. She was looking into space single tears escaping her eyes. He sat beside her and offered his arms as comfort which she readily did, sliding into them she lay on the sofa beside him, her head in his chest her arms sprawled across him, his put one arm round her back and the other he played with her hair.
"Thank you." She whispered gently.
his mouth turned upward. "There's nothing you need to be saying thank you for. I am here. That's a fact."
"You are always here." she recognised again in her life, Gilbert was here.
"Always, I promised you I would always be here for you remember?" he said gently.
"Yes." she said as she slowly closed her eyes.
Her dreams as she slept were not pleasant ones. She dreamt of Matthews funeral, saying goodbye to one of the people she loved. Yes she had loved Matthew and she knew Matthew had loved her. Her dreams swirled to her final farewell to Eliza, the first person she had ever loved, the pain the anger the tears of such a small child not comprehending what it was she was feeling. For some reason her subconscious dreamt up a mother with long blonde hair and Anne's nose peering on her sleeping child. Doting on the small baby she saw a man enter therein with dark auburn hair. "Our Anne, with an 'e'." He said equally doting the sleeping babe. Her mind then pulled them from her as she heard the infants crying turn to hers... her mind swirled again to an orchid with a coffin in it, she slowly walked towards the coffin finding the very handsome features of a dark curly haired beau lying therein.
"NO!" she screamed in her dream. The pain intensified and engulfed her body as she was awoken by a soft hand caressing her cheek.
"Hey." Gilbert said as her eyes shot open. "You were talking in your sleep, are you okay?" He asked.
She didn't reply but instead hugged into Gilbert a little more. She was terrified. She had loved Matthew, she had loved her parents (even if it was only for a short time), ... It had never occurred to her until this moment, everything she had truly loved, had been taken away from her. what if life took Gilbert too? All of them had been her fault. If she hadn't been born her mother could have recovered from the fever, her father never would have caught it and they would still be alive. If she had been a boy, maybe Matthew would have lived, not needing to work himself to the bone. She was the commonality in all this. All of them had been her fault. Her tears started flowing again, . The dream had been a warning. She took a few deep breaths, breathing in his scent, She quietly resolved to start right then, she detached herself from him, to stop their love before it hurt him. She moved from his arms and sat beside him. his arm went around her back. she melted a little but then remembered the pain from the dream. No, if something were to happen to Gilbert because of her she would never forgive herself. She moved his hand from her back. She had to put this distance between them, she must.
Although Gilbert was a little confused, he respected it. She needed her space, that was fine. There was plenty of time to love and caress later.
A few days later at the funeral it didn't seem right to comfort Anne. Marilla and Anne needed this time together, he knew that but over the last couple of days Anne had been distant even from him. He at the wake he took Anne aside for a moment and tried to hug her. She quickly moved his arms from around her. She had the same dream every night since they were only getting more intense, it physically hurt her to have him close.
"Anne what's the matter?" he asked.
she looked at him for the first time in days. His eyes were full of concern and love for her, she knew this would break his heart. But she MUST, she must put an end to it so that he could have a life.
"Gilbert." She almost whispered. "We can't go on like this." She told him.
"Like what?" He asked her. She looked again into his eyes, fear had overcome him, he was frightened and she could tell.
"I can't be... we can't carry on our relationship Gilbert." she told him.
White noise filled his ears, no she couldn't be saying this. "What?" he asked in disbelief.
"We can't carry on Gilbert, I'm so so sorry." She felt a burning in her chest, she wanted to cry but didn't
"No Anne, please, just talk to me Anne, we can resolve it I know we can." he said softly.
"No Gilbert we can't I've tried to think of everything and this is the only solution." She objected
"No it can't be because we didn't think of it together." He counted
He pulled her away from public praying eyes and started giving her kisses. Gentle and sweet kisses! His beautiful mouth massaging her own! Oh such sweet persuasions! She loved his lips on hers, she loved him, LOVED him.. She had almost given into the feeling, Just one more kiss one more hold in his arms.
"Gil- please no." she said to him.
"No Anne, you listen to me, we were made for each other. Anne we're so good together, we can't give up, I won't give up. I love you. I'll always love you."
" Gilbert please, I want Gilbert my friend not my love, I need for us to be friends."
"I don't understand, did I do something wrong? Have I hurt you in some way?"
" no Gil, truly you are..." she trailed, wonderful, beautiful, the best boyfriend you could ever hope for " you've done nothing wrong, it's just we put our hearts in this too young..." she lied. I don't want to hurt you. She thought.
" Anne please!" He pleaded with her. "I can't bare to loose you now. I'm in love with you. Please, I know you feel the same way, I know it. Please tell me we can solve it together."
" you need to leave." She told him coldly.
His arms dropped by his side, he looked her in the face his eyes filling with tears, he knew it wasn't manly to cry, he didn't care. " but I love you." He whispered
She couldn't reply, she turned on her heel and walked away from him not daring to look back.
What had he done! Giving up the school for him was he completely out of his mind!
She had decided not to go to Redmond to help Marilla with her eye sight, going her presence would save the women she so closely regarded as a mother. She knew Avonlea school was Gilbert's in fact it had been one of the last discussions they had as a couple. He had the interview for the teachers position the board had almost promised it to him there and then. Now he had signed a contract at white Sands and she was getting Avonlea? She couldn't go to him, for she knew his mother would know by now she had ended their relationship. As horrible as she felt on the day, the nightmares had subsided, she missed Gilbert terribly and hasn't spoken to him since it had ended two weeks ago. She ached for him. Like an arm was missing. She longed for his kiss those sweet lips on hers! But she knew, she knew if they stayed together he wouldn't be safe. She was glad one day at sunset she was walking back from Matthew's grave to see a familiar figure walking quietly up the lane. He didn't look the same, a sadness was in his eyes she felt so unacquainted with the young man who froze at their meeting, she could see him trying to work out if there was anyway of escaping without her knowing he was running from her, but there was no way.
"Gil," she said, with scarlet cheeks, "I want to thank you for giving up the school for me. It was very good of you—and I want you to know that I appreciate it."
Gilbert took the offered hand softly.
"It wasn't particularly good of me at all, Anne. I was pleased to be able to do you some small service.I knew you would want to be with Marilla, once I heard you weren't going to Redmond and why I knew you must be planning on teaching, I thought..." He trailed.
" how could you know?" she asked him. " we never discussed..." She trailed.
" because I know you." He said quickly. There was a pause in their discussion for a moment "I suppose as well, I wanted you to know, I understand. I mean I don't fully understand but, I know you felt it necessary to end it with me, I wanted you to know, the promise I made when I was 14 to always be there for you... well I didn't make it clear the day of Matthew's funeral, our friendship, I hope can survive this, and that promise is still in place, and this is me, being there for you, always. No matter what." He said.
Anne's eyes filled with tears. " Oh Gil!" she said hugging into him. "I never wanted to loose your friendship, I have missed you so over the last couple of weeks, I tried to imagine you there to tell me what to do but I just couldn't figure it out, I had to make it on my own, oh Gilbert please I don't want to lose our friendship, thank you, thank you for not holding it against me!"
Anne was still wrapped around his waist.
The first few days had been painful, he had mostly cried, curling himself in a ball, it hurt! It hurt to be away from her. It was wrong so wrong. Yet here he was crying over loosing the love of his life, close enough to the years they had been together! Three years and it hurt! Then something that one day which had pulled him out of bed and to town where he had overheard Anne's new plans. It was strange he had thought not hearing it from her, why had she not come to find him and run it past him? It's just the sort of thing you needed your best friend for... then he realised, he had been selfish that day, ignoring her pleas for friendship when he had been begging for her love, he'd forgotten to make it clear he was always there for her, so he had concluded, actions speak louder than words and he could and would help! He would win her friendship back, and maybe one day her love. But today he was glad for he had her friendship back. And hopefully they would be just as close as friends as they were before they had started dating. he smiled and stroked through her hair. " come on carrots," he joked. " let's get you home, we can catch up on the last two weeks."
You'll find that brings us to the end of Anne of green gables time frame, don't plan on making the rest as detailed as this but I thought it was important to be close to this plot as I could get. Please review let me know what you think...