He informs me that he means to be a carpenter, but Mrs. DonNELL says I am to make a college professor out of him."
The mention of college gave a new direction to Gilbert's thoughts. They had been very civil in their tongue since a month ago managing carefully to balance their friendship on the blade of a sword. He didn't want to upset the balance but he had never had anyone else to talk to about such things and he needed to talk to his best friend.
" can I talk plainly to you for a moment?" Gilbert asked her.
"yes of course." Anne told him.
" I've been thinking, since we left queens, But, I think, maybe... no... I WOULD like to be a doctor."
"a doctor?!" she gasped.
"It's a splendid profession," he said enthusiastically. "A fellow has to fight something all through life . . . didn't somebody once define man as a fighting animal? . . . and I want to fight disease and pain and ignorance . . . which are all members one of another. I want to do my share of honest, real work in the world, Anne . . . add a little to the sum of human knowledge that all the good men have been accumulating since it began. The folks who lived before me have done so much for me that I want to show my gratitude by doing something for the folks who will live after me. It seems to me that is the only way a fellow can get square with his obligations to the race."
" well yes it is wonderful, what a beautiful thought Gilbert and if anyone can do it it's you." She told him plainly. Sitting next to him.
" you really think I could?" he questioned her.
" yes absolutely Gil!" she was stammered.
" what is it?" he asked her, " something is weighing in your mind I can tell."
" it's just you said you first thought of it when we left Queens?" she asked him.
" yes that's right." He confirmed.
" well we were still together.. I thought we had told each other everything, I mean this is a major, a huge change in the plans we..." She trailed. She shook her head. " I'm sorry I have no right to bring that up now."
"I needed some of the time to think it through, while we were still together." He said taking her hand in both of his playing with her hand. "I had only started to think it. As you said it would be a big change in our plans I wanted to be sure so we could plan it properly and so when I approached you so we could talk about it." he intertwined their fingers. "I was building up the courage to approach you about it when Matthew died, talking about it went on the back burner, then..." He trailed. His head looking down at their hands not making eye contact. She sighed and placed her head on his shoulder allowing their hands to stay intertwined. They sat still in the grasp they were in. For a few moments they were them again, Gilbert doing his best not to kiss into her hair as he might have once done. But they were relaxed, they were themselves being so close. " Well Anne dearest, what would you have said? If we were still together? Would you have still waited for our dream to come true?"
" do you even need to ask?" she questioned him. She looked at him their gazes met. " of course I would. I would have been..." She trailed. "I AM so proud of you." She felt like crying. Her emotions were high and she was trying to hide it. Her Gil a doctor! Yes! That was wonderful! Oh it was worth putting off just a little while longer if that is what he wanted! It made such complete sense too! He was always fixing things, mostly people... okay her... But a doctor! Beautiful, lovely Gilbert! "And I am here to support your dreams not crush them." She whispered. Their foreheads came together they held their positions. She felt the tears start to roll down her face. " I'm so sorry Gil!" she whispered.
He wrapped his arm around her and hugged her into his chest. This time he did kiss into her hair. " so you're here for me then? Because I'm going to need a friend, someone to get the best out of me. You always could." He asked her. He felt her nod against him. " good, and I can do it?" he asked again. He felt her nod again. " good. I'm glad I have your friendship Anne." He paused and looked to her again wiping away her tears, " what about you? Have your plans changed?"
"I'd like to add some beauty to life," said Anne half sad and dreamily. "I don't exactly want to make people KNOW more . . . though I know that IS the noblest ambition . . . but I'd love to make them have a pleasanter time because of me . . . to have some little joy or happy thought that would never have existed if I hadn't been born."
"I think..." He said sweetly "you're fulfilling that ambition every day," said Gilbert with a smile.
Anne looked into his eyes and smiled. He must be tormented! Getting to be so close to her but so far! But he was as lovely as ever with her. Such a sweet nature! She wished! Oh she wished... those lips were within her grasp but that would be foolish, she knew she would pay that night for being so close to him now, but it felt so natural, their hands together, them sitting so close without a gap between them, them planning their future!
Finally after some time, he let go of her hand, Gilbert rose regretfully.
"Well, I must run up to MacPhersons'. Moody Spurgeon came home from Queen's today for Sunday and he was to bring me out a book Professor Boyd is lending me."
"And I must get Marilla's tea. She went to see Mrs. Keith this evening and she will soon be back."
She watched him as he crossed the fields. They had almost been like they were for a while there, it felt lovely to be in his arms again. But she knew tonight she would pay for being so close, for being able to still smell him. She knew that nightmare would return.
Danger Diverted
Early April came. 6 months later it had become easier to become friends talk lightly on subjects, they spent time studying together again, getting reacquainted, organising AVIS. It was in an AVIS meeting Anne was horrified when Gertie had came in with her news.
"If Judson Parker has a chance to 'turn an honest penny,' as he says himself, he'll never lose it," declared Fred Wright.
"Is there nobody who has any influence over him?" asked Anne despairingly.
"He goes to see Louisa Spencer at White Sands," suggested Carrie Sloane. "Perhaps she could coax him not to rent his fences."
"Not she," said Gilbert emphatically. "I know Louisa Spencer well." Gilbert continued. Anne looked at him in shock. Well? She thought jealously. Gilbert was getting to know other women well?
Oh Anne! Stop it! She warned herself. You can't get jealous over other girls you have no right over him... her mind started to drift, Gilbert with another girl? It sounded wrong. Gilbert and Louisa? No no no! That wasn't right. Gilbert and Josie she joked with herself. Gilbert and... Anne. That sounded perfect. She loved that sound. Swoon!
"Better send Anne alone," said Oliver Sloane. "She can talk Judson over if anybody can."
Wait what? No! Her mind caught up with the conversation she'd been half listening to. "I don't think I have that sort of influence over anyone..." Anne protested.
" not have that sort of influence?" Gilbert laughed. " Anne you know that isn't true!" He exclaimed.
" but I can't go alone!" she panicked. "I'll be eaten alive!" she exclaimed
" there's truth in that." Gilbert smirked seeing Anne's discomfort. " any volunteers for moral support? Ladies?" he said with a flirting smile to the girls.
Anne felt sad all over again. He was flirting, well flirting to get his own way. But he was flirting with other girls. Is this what he was away from her? A flirt?
""Di? Jane? How about you?" Gilbert asked.
' Gilbert and Jane? Gilbert and Diana?' Her mind teased her. ' stop it Anne! Stop it! We broke up 7 months ago! If you want him so bad maybe you shouldn't have broken it off!'
" alright meeting adjourned. We'll meet same time next week." Gilbert concluded.
" Gilbert?" Anne jumped, immediately before anyone else got his attention. " fancy going for a walk?" she asked quietly.
He nodded in agreement " sure." He said simply. " did you get everything down Anne?" he asked of the minutes she was taking.
" Oh there's nothing I can't fill in later anyway I have it all sorted up here." She admitted pointing to her head. She was watching him for any sign of affection for her, anything which would let her know he still felt the same. He had only smiled. Like a friendly sort of agreement. "I can't believe anyone would use their land for advertising!" Gil commented as they left the building together.
" and they think us the odd ones for wanting to improve Avonlea, what of those who would paste it with adverts for a few cents!" Anne agreed.
"I hope you can appeal to his better nature Anne, not many could." Gilbert said
" it's a shame... what was her name in white sands?" Anne faked.
" Louisa." Gilbert confirmed.
" it's a shame she couldn't influence her for the good." Anne commented.
" yes it is." Gilbert agreed.
" you said you know her?" Anne asked as apathetic as she could.
" that's right." Gilbert confirmed again. There seemed to be a pause. Gilbert broke into a laugh. " she's rather opinionated on the ' education of this island' and how I'm ' barely out of school' myself to be teaching any morals or discipline to my pupils." Gilbert said light heartedly.
"Oh!?" Anne laughed " so she's old?" Anne asked him.
" well... enough for Judson Parker anyway, maybe in her twenty five thirty?" Gilbert thought out loud.
Anne did all she could to hide the sigh of relief. She's a fuddy-duddy not some young lady who had come to steal Gil away from her, yes of course if Judson was visiting her... "I keep forgetting you have this whole other life away from us Gil, you're a school teacher there." She said shaking her head. " you must know a lot of people."
Gilbert shrugged. "I suppose." He admitted. " this school year is flying over don't you think Anne? We'll be at Redmond in no time!" He exclaimed.
" yes, I suppose it is, can you remember how difficult it was to start with finding our feet..." She said dreamily
" and our cane!" He said with a nudge to Anne.
" Oh I know it got respect out of him but don't tease Gilbert!" she exclaimed.
Gilbert managed a straight face " we all loose our temper from time to time Anne , your too hard on yourself."
" Miss Stacy didn't cane any of us." Anne commented.
" Miss Stacy had more practice." Gilbert pointed out.
Light chatter past between the two for the rest of the walk back. Before they reached the edge of green gables where Gilbert bid her good night and turned his s back and walked. Anne watched him go. Sadly acknowledging Gilbert could have still been hers. Just turned 17 Gilbert was 19, there would soon be girls flocking round him and there was nothing she could do about it.