A/N- So I was reading our shit stories, I realized that there was a sort of running gag with the gems mentioned Rose doing weird shit

Ex: (Nanafue's Street Corner)- "[...] I would know, I tried that after I saw Greg and Rose doing anal [...] and the worst part was, Rose wasn't the one receiving it

(Pearl and Garnet's Adventure) "I still have nightmares about that time Rose decided to become a 'saleswoman' and tried to sell human hookers to us."

So I decided why not make that into a shittier story?

It t'was the night before Tuesday, and the Gems and Steven sat by the fireplace, no doubt sweating their asses off because they lit the fire in the middle of July. They argued it was necessary, however, because today was a special occasion. They were going to share stories about Steven's mother, the one and only Rose Quartz.

"Now Steven" Pearl started, as she sat down by the fire with an icepack, "If there is one thing you must understand about these stories, it's that your Mother isn't perfect." Pearl explained. Steven nodded, his eyes downcast.

"I know" Steven said quietly. He shifted slightly. He felt a hand on his back, he looked up and saw Garnet smiling at him.

"And also," Garnet said softly. Suddenly, her face became serious "If you happen to collapse from heatstroke during our stories, you don't know us, your name is Jimmy Bob and you're from the Czech Republic." Steven nodded at her, his eyes wide.

"R-right" He said shakily. He heard a laugh from behind him, and Amethyst flipped over him.

"Don't worry Steven, that won't happen again." Amethyst said cheerfully. Steven sighed, rubbing his head.

"I know, can we get on with what Pearl said? About Mom not being perfect?" Steven prompted the gems. They all looked towards Pearl, who cleared her throat.

"Ah, right. So your mother isn't perfect, and these stories will highlight that. We think you're old enough for it." Pearl explained. Steven grinned at her.

"Yeah! I can handle it!" Steven said excitedly. Pearl stared at him blankly.

"I know you can, I just said that." Pearl replied. The air became awkward. Garnet cleared her throat.

"Right, so anyway, who should start us off?" Garnet asked. No one answered, not willing to talk about their former leader. Garnet sighed.

"I guess I will start us off." Garnet said slowly, "I will talk about how your mom didn't believe in the moon."

All the Gems leaned in close, eager to hear her story.

Rose believed in a lot of things. She believed in the Gems who served in her army. She believed in there being good in anyone. She believed in going against what you were made for and and instead choosing your own path in life. There was, however, one thing she didn't believe in, and that was the moon.

She outright admitted it during a celebration after a successful raid on an enemy base. She was met with a stunned silence and blank stares of gems who were waiting for her to say 'Just kidding'. She never did say 'Just kidding', though, she just stared at them with a genuine smile as she began to speak again.

"I don't believe in the moon," She repeated "It's just not plausible, rocks are a work of fiction created by the Diamonds in an attempt to sell Flu medication for their secret Pharmacy in order to raise money for their pet shop project. The moon is basically a giant rock, so the moon, therefore, does not exist" Rose ranted. She was once again met with a stunned silence. She heard a gem in the distance whisper to her friend.

"I think she had too much cactus juice" the two gems snickered, and slowly everyone began to laugh along with them, chiming in with their theories of why their leader was attempting to convince them that the moon didn't exist. Rose listened intently to all of them, waiting for a gem that actually agreed with her. When she heard no one, she let out a puff of air, pouting slightly.

"Don't worry, you will all be enlightened soon! I managed to convince Pearl, so I have no doubt that I will convince you all too!" Rose said. Pearl, who was previously was trying to not-so-inconspicuously take a shit behind a tree, rushed to her side at the mention of her name. She halted and saluted to Rose, puffing out her chest.

"At your service Rose!" Pearl spoke confidently, Rose turned to her.

"Pearl, tell them that you don't believe in the moon either!" Rose demanded, Pearl faltered slightly at her command.

"W-what? What are you talking about? I believe in the moon." Pearl said. Rose gasped, covering her mouth with both hands. She turned back towards the crowd of Gems, her eyes scanning for someone in particular until she spotted a certain cotton-candy hair individual.

"Garnet!" Rose called, Garnet's head snapped up from the crowd, looking at her leader. She scrambled towards her, until she stood in front of her.

"Yes Rose?" Garnet said. Rose crossed her arms and looked at her sternly.

"Do you believe in the moon?" Rose asked her. Garnet gave her a confused look.

"Yes, why?" She said slowly. Rose's eyes widened considerably. She looked around the crowd, suddenly taking gulps of unneeded air as she backed away from everyone, until she hit a tree. She ignored the worried questions of her comrades as she pointed towards the crowd.

"I can't believe it, you're all Nincompoops!" Rose claimed, "Sent by White Diamond to spread lies about the moon's existence!" Rose suddenly pulled out a pair of golden panties and pointed it towards the crowd of gems.

"I will cleanse you all in time! First, the war on Homeworld, then, the War on the Moon!" Rose growled out, she turned and ran from the scene, whooping out nonsense before tripping and falling flat on her face. She didn't let that stop her through, as she quickly got up and began to run again, until she disappeared from sight. Pearl and Garnet looked at each other, before they began to follow her. The followed her footprints until eventually they came into a clearing in the woods, they saw Rose scribbling something onto a rock, murmuring quietly to herself. Pearl was the first to approach her.

"Rose..." She tried. Rose jumped up into the air and tackled Pearl to the ground. She began to slap her with the golden pair of panties. ignoring Pearls cries and pinning her down with her body.

"Rose, stop it! What is wrong with you!" Pearl screamed at her. Rose ignored her, hollering out-

"Death to the mooners! Soon you will all see reason!" Rose continued to hit her with the pair of panties. Behind her, Garnet was staring at them with wide eyes. She stared at them for a while before looking up, rubbing her chin.

"I could probably Masturbate to this later." Garnet said thoughtfully. She turned on her heel and walked back into the woods.

"So, mom didn't believe in the moon?" Steven asked again. Garnet nodded.

"Even a couple years ago, before you were born, she still tried to hit us with that golden pair of panties in order to convince us of her way of thinking." Garnet explained. Steven let out a 'wow' as he stared at her with starry eyes.

"I never though that... that Anyone would agree with me!" Steven said excitedly, he ignored the confused 'huhs?' from the gems as he looked at his hands.

"All this time, I thought I was alone" Steven whispered. Amethyst looked at him weirdly, shifting away from him a bit.

"Uh, dude, you've been on a moon base, remember?" She reminded him, "You sang that stupid song 'I was walking on the moon one day.' " Steven shook his head.

"Only a clever hologram by the Diamonds of course, it's obvious that the moon doesn't exist!" Steven proclaimed. The gems stared at him.

"You really are your Mother's son." Pearl murmured. She shook her head. "Nonetheless, it's my turn now." She rubbed her chin.

"Now, where should I begin?"

A/N- Wow, you get this far, congratulations on the lose of brain cells I guess.