So this one is like my earlier chapters where it was a lot like the earlier ones where it was basically what happened in the book but with a new slant, this is taking it to a rather interesting point... I couldn't bare for this one to be any longer I'm afraid and it puts the pair on a dangerously close path to the the book Anne and Gilbert... Oh Anne what have you done?
All my chapters are a day early today. I'm having a manic couple of weeks and I feel like they are never going to settle for a while... I'll do my best to get the chapters out as normal but I can't promise anything... As always in bold is from the original text!
Gilbert sat down beside her on the boulder and held out his Mayflowers. "Don't these remind you of home and our old schoolday picnics, Anne?"
Anne took them and buried her face in them. "I'm in Mr. Silas Sloane's barrens this very minute," she said rapturously.
The pairs friendship had again been closer then ever last term. Gilbert ever noticing the faint look of love in Anne's eyes. He loved the intimacy, he loved their friendship but the longer it went on like this the longer it felt as though he was committed to a relationship which wasn't moving forward. His heart was aching, his mind blocked with thoughts and memories of her and only her. He couldn't take it anymore, he had to do something.
"I suppose you will be there in reality in a few days?" He asked her.
"No, not for a fortnight remember. I'm going to visit with Phil in Bolingbroke before I go home. You'll be in Avonlea before I will."
"No, I shall not be in Avonlea at all this summer, Anne. I've been offered that job i went for in the Daily News office and I'm going to take it."
"Oh," said Anne vaguely. She wondered what a whole Avonlea summer would be like without Gilbert. Somehow she did not like the prospect. "Well," she concluded flatly, "it is a good thing for you, of course."
"Yes, I've been hoping I would get it. It will help me out next year."
"You mustn't work too HARD," said Anne. "You've studied very constantly this winter. Isn't this a delightful evening? Do you know, I found a cluster of white violets under that old twisted tree over there today? I felt as if I had discovered a gold mine."
"You are always discovering gold mines," said Gilbert
"Let us go and see if we can find some more," suggested Anne eagerly, she had a feeling about the last couple of weeks, she was trying to avoid time alone with Gilbert, they had over the last two school years became unofficially a couple. No not like it was before, he took her to all the socials which meant no one really dared touch her because she was gossiped to be Gilbert Blythe's beau... and they had been together back on PEI. She didn't mind, she didn't want anyone else to pay her that kind of attention. But, she had been putting barriers up Gilbert MUST know their relationship hasn't been put back into place, he must know it! They were best friends not lovers! "I'll call Phil and—"
"Never mind Phil and the violets just now, Anne," said Gilbert quietly, taking her hand in a clasp from which she could not free it. "There is something I want to say to you."
"Oh, don't say it," cried Anne, pleadingly. "Don't—PLEASE, Gilbert."
"I must. Things can't go on like this any longer. Anne, I love you. You know I do. I—I can't tell you how much. I always, always have, those three years we were together, we were good together weren't we?"
"Gil-" she said pleading.
"Will you promise me that someday you'll be my wife?"
She could feel the tears forming in her eyes. Every time they came close, every kiss it got more intense and it terrified her, no she reminded herself each time she loved him would she risked losing him. Gilbert Blythe was only ever meant to be her friend.
"I—I can't," said Anne miserably. "Oh, Gil—"
"Can't you remember what it was like?" Gilbert asked after a very dreadful pause, during which Anne had not dared to look up. "I don't understand what went wrong, please- tell me I'll fix it-" He waited for a response.
"I can't love you Gil." That was true, it wasn't that she couldn't imagine not loving him, nay even now she would tell you she loved Gilbert Blythe as a chum. Deep inside of her, her heart pleaded her to just end the lie and tell him! Truth be told she loved him too much to love him, but she smothered the feeling away everytime! They were just good friends! She thought stubbornly!
"Gil please, lets just carry on being the best of friends, lets just act like this never happened?" She asked him
"Friends! Your friendship can't satisfy me, Anne. It never could. I want your love—and you tell me I can never have that, ever again."
"Gil. Please.." was all Anne could say.
"I can't carry on in this friendship if nothing is going to come of it Anne. I've only ever wanted you, you know that. Yet all you've seemed to have done is dangle it in front of me just out of reach since Matthew died and I can't take it anymore."
"What are you saying?" Anne questioned.
He took a sigh. " I love you. I won't stop loving you but I can't keep this going anymore, it hurts too much." He said releasing her hands standing up.
"Gil, no please, please Gil please forgive me?" She begged him knelling to grab his hand again. "please please Gil." She asked him "you know how much I need you. Please please forgive me." She asked as tears started rolling down her face.
Gilbert released her hand gently. His heart was breaking. He wanted the right to hold and kiss her again, to love her the way he was meant to. "There isn't anything to forgive. There have been times when I thought you did care that you loved me again. I've deceived myself, that's all. Goodbye, Anne." He was physically shaking as he left her behind.
Anne got herself to her room and locked the door behind her she didn't need Phil's opinions right now, sat down on her window seat and cried bitterly. She knew something incalculably precious had gone out of her life. It was her Gilbert of course, he would never come back after this. She would never be able to run to him for emotional support again. That promise was next to useless now, she had to learn to live without her Gilbert. Her precious lovely Gilbert! She'd lost him forever! A world without Gilbert in it? A world without ANY Gilbert in it! Anne repeated the words drearily. Her body and soul shaking at the very idea. What had she done?