Note: Artemis Fowl and the rights belongs to Eoin Colfer. I do not own Artemis Fowl.

Haven

The Lower Elements

Present Day

'D'Arvit,' muttered Foaly as he hammered away on his keyboard. "Commander Kelp, I've sent the orders of the East End for complete evacuation of the factory units. They're loaded with all sorts of experimental chemicals and I don't want anyone getting in within fifty feet of them."

Kelp barely spared him a glance as he barked out yet another order to his subordinates. "I don't want you to report every single action you perform, centaur," he barked. "Evacuate the city and push all of our functioning shuttles into the Atlantis route. Mayor Vince has messaged me that they have finished opening the final set of emergency passageways. How long will it take for all of our fairies to reach there?"

"Ehm..about four hours, Commander," said Foaly. Kelp was obviously not taking any nonsense right now. "Make it three and you keep your job," barked Kelp as he strode away. Foaly was inclined to be amused at this, but the current threat had wiped out all considerations of politeness. Why couldn't Artemis ever give them one year of peace?

His wife, Caballine, strode up next to him, her eyes roving the various monitors. "A bottleneck will be created near the South exit," she pointed out, her tail swishing. "Well, what d'you suggest we do?" asked Foaly. Sometimes he wished that his wife wasn't so perceptive, as she had outperformed him in all field analysis and reconnaissance tests on her first tour of LEP headquarters. This was one of the moments that he didn't. "Somewhere along this route.." she gestured, her hand absently tracing a path on the screen. "Get two hundred shuttles to deviate from the main tunnel and branch off towards E37, take the long route to Atlantis. With any luck they'll reach only about a quarter hour after the main tunnels. Seismic activity hasn't been as vigorous as of late and there are no flares to slow them down."

"Send the command," said Foaly as he quickly noted the efficiency of her path. "Under my name. Verification password is 'fowldestroyer'." Caballine gave him a look. "What?" said Foaly, annoyed. "It's a perfectly reasonable password. You should be glad that it doesn't need to iris-scan you, or check your blood pressure and heart rate."

Caballine shook her head and began dashing off orders. Foaly turned back to the East End monitors. Three minutes to be there live, another half hour to remove all the dangerous chemicals. That would give him about five minutes to rush back and take a shuttle out of Haven. To be fair, this was a precautionary effort, as logistics had communicated that there was a very minute chance that Haven would be threatened. But still, best not to take any chances. Plus the sheer size of the threat was enough to make any sane creature on Earth squeak and cower.

Or maybe the size would help.

"Foaly!" snapped Caballine, shaking him out of his stupor. A shuttle was hovering at the door. "Commander Kelp has ordered me to evacuate the Council members. I must go. Leave the shuttle route as it is and focus on getting Holly out. I don't know what brain the return pod you've scheduled for her has, but it's bringing her to Haven." What? Foaly jumped to the smallest monitor in the room. A red dot was blinking as it traveled down the Fowl tunnel, seemingly moving faster than should be possible. Probably a hallucination. Foaly shook his head. "Alright! Go. Just make sure you stay safe."

As Caballine left, Foaly immersed himself in running a thermal scan over Haven. It showed the usual: televisions left running, the odd phones vibrating, the hidden bars empty. He was just about to leave when the a chripy beeping began emanating from his monitor. Foaly looked up, annoyed and was about to walk over to it and-

Crash!

There was a sudden rending of wood and grinding of metal as a pod broke through the booth ceiling. Smoke billowed from its valves as it noisily creaked itself open. A very disgruntled Holly Short stepped out and gave Foaly a death-glare.

"What?" said Foaly. Holly went over to the pod and touched it with the tip of her fingers. A hissing sound emanated from the pod as she quickly pulled them back. "D'Arvit," she growled. The edges of her suit had melted open and blue sparks of magic were busy healing the sores. "Why is everyone out to destroy my lab today? First Commander Kelp comes in and smashes the loudly helpful beeping computers and then you break in and wreck the place."

"Shut it, Foaly," snapped Holly. "I want you to tell me how this happened."

"And exactly what may that be, Captain?"

"One minute-" she pointed over to her pod's log screen-"I was hurtling into the Earth faster than any shuttle you've made and the next, I end up over Haven, set on a precision course to collide with your lab. Fifty kilometers from the tunnel in an instant."

"What?" repeated Foaly, flummoxed. He took a quick look at the logs and saw that Holly was correct; her pod had covered fifty kilometers in less than an instant. Making a mental note to yell at Holly later about her supposed flying skills (the pod was dented beyond repair), a more pressing thought occupied his mind. "Whose pod is this, Holly?"

"What?" asked Holly. "Didn't you send it?" "Of course not, Captain. I never authorized a tunnel to Fowl Manor, much less a pod. And anyway it isn't built by me. My pod would never have fins like this." "Then who sent it?" asked Holly. "I'd hazard a guess and say it was one built by Artemis himself, though there are a few human technologies that could have made a pod like this. But there's a high chance that it was Artemis who built it."

"Anyway, captain. There's a much more pressing matter at hand." Foaly turned over to the main screen and noted with a sigh of relief that Haven was almost completely evacuated. The only fairies remaining were the LEP flare detection team and Trouble Kelp, aside from Holly and himself. "Why is the city empty, Foaly?" asked Holly. In response, Foaly simply pulled a picture of the threat onto his screen. Holly stood next to him, transfixed and at a loss for words.

One hundred and eighteen million tons. Pulsating, throbbing, silver metal flowing silently in layers. Sparks occasionally flying of the mass, highlighting the imperfections. Gray streams flowing downwards, the object easily keeping up with them. The furthest cameras couldn't see its boundaries. Forever a gray wasteland in every direction you cared to look. Jagged half-solidified spikes protruding from its surface. The earth rammed to the side to make way. Air heating up upon contact with it, forming a blazing corona at its front.

One hundred and eighteen million tons of iron in free fall.

One hundred and eighteen million tons.

Already in the Haven tunnel. Able to pierce any resistance in the world without any loss of momentum.

One hundred and eighteen million tons.

It should have been more dramatic. Foaly's systems should have overloaded in the face of the sheer incomprehensibility of the situation. Monitors and screens should have exploded. Haven's protective shields should have arranged themselves rabbit patterns. Commander Kelp should have performed the entire solo act of The Fairy Village and the Lush Pineapples while wearing a tutu. Yet neither did these things happen nor was that thought ever formed in the minds of the living ones. The mass of iron continued to plummet into the Earth. Heading straight for Haven. For Police Plaza (no, not the Council Hall, that wasn't enough of a target apparently). But there was nothing. The sludge nullified the sound waves made by the underground air. As far as any detectors were concerned, there was simply no noise at all.

"D'Arvit," cursed Foaly. "This is why we called you back, Holly! This...thing just shows up out of nowhere and starts sinking into the earth! Only this time it has started in E1 and is heading straight for Haven! Can you imagine, Holly, the sheer ludicrousness of the situation? One second Tara's shuttleport was in its normal state; dwarfs trying to eat their way out of the port to avoid paying entrance fees, college gnomes starting an impromptu match of crunchball, and sprites flying everywhere in order to steal pizza from the elves! The next second, a hulking mass of metal simply expands into the room, denying all resistance. All the fairies are pushed into a subtunnel and trapped there for hours as the behemoth leaves! And this occurs one hour after the Fowl Manor sensors show that Artemis has 'returned' from wherever he was! In the name of Frond, what did he do?"

"I...don't know, Foaly," said Holly, her voice tight. "Maybe Artemis decided to play a prank on us, or some such ludicrous thing. He sends me down here, without any warning, as my communicators suddenly scream red alert and I see this!"

A voice suddenly came over the intercom. "Commander Kelp has given orders to evacuate, sir." It was one of the field technicians. "That includes Captain Short as well." "Bloody hell I'm evacuating, Simmons!" barked Holly. "Fowl has gotten up to his old tricks again, and I will not abandon Haven before I have seen this threat out personally!" "With all due respect, Captain, this threat is simply not an object you can face. There is no force in the world capable of stopping one hundred million tons of iron in free fall." "Do I look like I care?" growled Holly.

"I can't see your face, Captain, but I'm assuming that it's angry."

At that moment, Holly slammed the communicator shut and barked to Foaly. "Get me a functioning shuttle. You should have two. Your wife isn't here. Give me her shuttle."

Foaly simply nodded to this and punched a few commands into his V-board. Two shuttles zoomed in front of Police Plaza. Foaly gave her one last, long look before climbing into his shuttle. "Don't do anything stupid, Holly."

"I will not. This is my job."

"Then good luck to you, Captain. May Frond guide you."

Holly climbed into her shuttle and let the engines roar, before taking off in hot pursuit.

It should have been obvious in hindsight.

Artemis wasn't going to abandon his tricks, whether or not he had returned from the spiritual world.

As such, this was to be treated like a regular Fowl mission.

The shuttle flew high above Haven, until the buildings of the city were no longer distinct. There was no cloud cover to Haven, of course, but the underground haze made it hard to discern shapes from high in the air after a while. The city was still; too quite. Unnatural. Holly preferred it to be alive and bustling, even in evacuation, the memories gave her a sense of normalcy. Something was happening. I will make sure that it does not become permanent.

The shield pulsed into view ahead, gently glimmering white. Holly barely gave it a glanced as she rammed her shuttle through it. There was the barest amount of resistance, nothing more. All the extra power was going to strengthen the Atlantis shield, she presumed. Fairies were abandoning Haven permanently again, it seemed. All due to the actions of one Mud Boy.

(Holly never stopped to consider how she blamed Artemis for everything nowadays, but she was mostly proven correct anyways)

She was above the shield now. She quickly blasted a hole through the ceiling wall and squeezed the shuttle through it. E1 opened out above her, fifty miles long on either side. It would encompass the entirety of Haven. She could barely make the blob out from her visors, but it showed it to be around a hundred miles away. Think, think. Summon the earth spirits if you need to. That blob must not be allowed to reach Haven. She kept on thinking, thinking, in frustration.

But nothing came to mind.

The monitors of the shuttle suddenly booted up. "Hello, Holly." Artemis' face appeared on the screen. The calm of his mansion suddenly seemed like a different world. Holly nearly choked as she hissed. "You insignificant little worm. What insane pleasure does this give you? Threatening the lives of fairies isn't enough? You have to resort to extinction-level threats now?"

Artemis simply chuckled. "My, my, Holly. It really doesn't take much to annoy you."

"Of course it doesn't, Artemis! When you threaten my people, you threaten me as well! Tell me how to get rid of your blob right now!"

"Is that what they're calling it now?" chuckled Artemis. "The blob? Foaly should have come up with a better name than that."

"That doesn't matter, Artemis! Tell me how to get rid of the blob!"

Artemis sighed and leaned back into his chair. "Any particular reason why I should?"

"Yes! It's right above us! You're going to crush a city! You're going to crush me!"

"Desensitization, Holly? I never supposed you would resort to that."

"Argh!"

Think.

Think!

"You could always try saying 'Blob, go away!'" suggested Artemis from his chair. He was solving that day's newspaper crossword puzzle now.

"What? Why?" yelled Holly. "I don't see you having any other better options. Oh, and make sure to hold your Neutrino while doing it."

So that was it? Stick your head out of the shuttle and yell 'Blob, go away!'? Calling it out in normal situations was pretty embarrassing, and he wanted to do it now? "Blob-" said Holly, but it actually came out as more of a croak.

She steeled her will, held her Neutrino in her hand, and poked her head out of the shuttle, and yelled, "Blob, go away!"

And the blob vanished.

Holly was dumbfounded. It wasn't true, it wasn't possible, it wasn't real, but there was a patch of absolute black in E1 now. It was back to...normal?

Holly whirled around to yell at Artemis only to find him solving that day's Sudoku.

"Artemis! What just happened?"

"You asked the blob very nicely to go away, and it did," it sounded like he was trying to hide a smirk.

"And behind you, now,"

Holly spun in a circle; there was a patch of the brightest silver expanding into the shuttle room, it had already destroyed the control panel and now it was going to destroy the monitor-

And then Holly did the most sensible thing that a person with a blaster in their hand could do when faced by an unknown threat.

She shot it.

And the blob exploded.

Holly was thrown down, back into Haven by the force of the explosion, and she was vaguely aware that gelatinous goo was dripping down with her, a deadly meteor shower underground was happening,-

And then she was back in her shuttle, overlooking the city, and the blobs had managed to hit nothing and were coagulating-

And then she was in her shuttle in the middle of the city, her shuttle windshield was clear, and she was assaulted by entirely new senses-

And a glimmering statue of Trouble Kelp wearing a ballerina costume was artistically posed in front of her. It seemed Artemis could indeed read minds.

There was a long silence in the shuttle.

Then an elf's voice said, calmly and quietly,"What."