Chapter 11 – Kreacher Will not Understand

Regulus opened the door at three o'clock to find Remus standing on the front steps, arms full of equipment: a large easel, rolled up rough paper and well as a bag, no doubt containing brushes and paint.

"Blimey," said Regulus," eying the things. "How did you get here with all this?"

"Bus," smiled Remus.

"You should have asked Sirius to drive you. I'm sure Potter could have played that training match without him watching." James was on the school's football team.

"I'm used to taking the bus, although my mum doesn't like it," said Remus and walked inside. "You want me to do this in your room or do you have another place in mind?"

"We'll have privacy in my room. I don't want my brother to come home with his friends and make rude comments about Kreacher. Unless you think somewhere else is better?"

"No, no, your room is fine."

Kreacher was lying on the bed, curled into a ball and sleeping soundly. Remus almost felt sorry for the cat that he had to be disturbed.

"So where do you want us?" asked Regulus, carefully picking up Kreacher, who purred when he realised it was Regulus. "In that chair by the window, perhaps?"

"That would be brilliant," said Remus and looked around to see if there was a better spot anywhere but didn't find one. He put up his equipment and took out paint and brushes.

Regulus sat down with Kreacher. The cat eyed Remus suspiciously but then turned its attention back to Regulus as he scratched it behind the ear. "Are you expecting to finish the whole painting today? Kreacher will not be able to stay in the same position for hours."

"No, no, I'm going to fill in all the details later. I'll take a picture of him to bring home so I can remember his details."

"Oh, alright. Can he lie down like this? I think this is the most comfortable for him."

"He can," smiled Remus. "As long as he keeps his head up. If he lies like that, he will look almost majestic, I think. Like the cats of ancient Egypt."

Regulus couldn't help smiling. Sirius would have laugh his head off if he had heard Remus referring to Kreacher as majestic. Regulus knew Kreacher wasn't exactly a beauty, but it still bothered him when people called him ugly, and it felt good when Remus said nice things about him. Nobody else did.

Remus noticed the smile on Regulus' face and felt a warmth spread in his chest. He picked up his pencil to do the sketch before starting to paint. He sat quietly in his seat as he tried to capture the most important details of the cat. He looked up and then returned his gaze to the picture in front of him, sending Regulus a smile whenever they gained eye contact.

Regulus was sitting quite still, only moving his hand once in a while, stroking Kreacher to keep him comfortable, but his insides were in an uproar. The way he felt about Remus, and sitting alone with him like this, so intimately, made it impossible to stand much longer. He had to tell or he would burst. "Remus..."

"Mm?" hummed Remus and looked up from his work. He thought that Regulus looked a little odd all of a sudden and got slightly nervous. "Is something wrong?" he asked and put the pencil down. "Do you need a break?"

"Do you fancy me?" Regulus asked, ignoring Remus' question.

Remus' eyes went wide, not expecting that question. "F-fancy you?" He gulped, not sure what to say.

Regulus just nodded and kept his eyes fixed on Remus.

Remus rubbed his neck. "I guess I do, but... I don't intend to pressure you into liking me. I just enjoy your company a lot. I hope that's alright," he said, feeling very nervous. Was Regulus going to shun him now? Was this the end of their friendship?

"Why haven't you tried anything, then? If you fancy me?"

"B-because you don't like being touched or people even being close to you…" said Remus, for a moment sure that Regulus would ask him to leave.

"So what's your plan with me, then?" asked Regulus in a neutral tone. "You know that I don't want to be touched. Is your plan to just hang around, being content gawking and fancying me? I don't understand."

Remus dropped his gaze. It did sound rather stupid when Regulus put it like that. "I guess I was kind of hoping you would like me back at some point, and with time would let me touch you. Maybe even... well, I know that's wishful thinking. Please don't think bad of me," he said, looking back up.

Regulus swallowed. "I think I'm gay. And I know I like you. A lot."

"W-what?" said Remus, not sure he had heard right. "Really?" He pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He took a few steps towards Regulus. "Would… would it be okay if I went to sit next to you?"

Regulus stiffened and leaned a bit away. Kreacher sent Remus a displeased look. "I like it better when you're sitting opposite me."

"Alright. I'll stay in my chair," said Remus and sat back down. "What makes you think you're gay? I mean, you haven't been with anyone. How sure are you?"

"I just know. Isn't it something you just know? Did you have to be intimate with someone before knowing?"

"Well... no," said Remus, feeling stupid for asking. He sent him a small smile. "I'm really glad to hear that you like me. Because I like you a whole lot too. Like I already told you."

"It doesn't matter, anyway," sighed Regulus. "You should find someone else to pursue. I can't be your boyfriend."

"Why not?" Remus asked and felt his heart sink. "I like you and you like me."

"Because I can't do the things boyfriends do," said Regulus. He suddenly felt tears well up in his eyes. He got up, hugging Kreacher to his chest and left the room with a mumbled, "Sorry..." hoping to God Remus hadn't noticed the tears.

Remus stared at the empty doorway, feeling a knot form in his stomach. When Regulus hadn't come back fifteen minutes later, Remus packed up and left, not waiting for Sirius to come home.

o0o0o

"Hello, luv," said Mrs. Lupin when Remus came in. "Oh, you should have called me and had me pick you up with all that!" she said, eying Remus' equipment.

"It's alright," said Remus, hanging his head, not really wanting to look at his mother. His body was a turmoil of emotions. First Regulus had said that he liked him, giving him hope, and then he had rejected him.

"What's wrong, luv?" said Mrs Lupin worriedly, immediately noticing that something wasn't right, took the easel out of his hands, put it down and sat him on the couch.

Remus rubbed his neck and kept his head down, still not wanting to look at her, afraid that he might start crying if he did. "Just... Regulus said he liked me and that he's gay..." he mumbled. "But then he said that we couldn't ever be together."

"Remus, dear," she said and pulled him into a hug. "Why are you upset? This means that you have a chance with him!"

Remus laid his head against her shoulder. "He said that we couldn't be together, Mum, so I don't know what to do now. He told me to find someone else and then he left."

"Remus, dear," she said and ran her hand softly over his hair like she had done a million times to comfort him when he was ill. "He's just scared. This must terrify him, with the problems he's having with himself. But he's attracted to you and he admitted it. That means you have a real chance."

"You really think so?" said Remus, looking up at his mother for the first time. "What if he won't even talk to me now? I mean, he left me sitting there, and he didn't come back."

"If he told you how he feels, it means that he likes you a lot. He left because he's scared. What did he say exactly?"

"He said that he couldn't do what boyfriends were supposed to do and then he left."

"Good. That means he wants to be with you, Remus, but he doesn't think he can handle it. Why don't you try to talk to him? Tell him that you would like to try being his boyfriend, and that it doesn't have to be a big deal. Tell him he doesn't have to feel like he has to let you touch him; that you will be happy with just being with him and see where it goes. And that you won't blame him if he never gets around to want to get physical."

Remus nodded. "I guess I could try that… He seemed to have made up his mind, though, but I'll try and talk to him tomorrow if I can get him on his own for a moment."

"There's a good boy," she said and patted his cheek. "Have some faith in yourself. Look how far you've come with him already - Sirius said you had made him do things he never used to do. You got him to visit our home, for instance. And he let you into his room. Didn't you say that was something he only allowed Sirius to do?"

"Yeah, he did say that… and Regulus also touched my hand the other day," said Remus and couldn't help but smile at the memory. "Thanks, Mum... Thanks for not telling me to just move on."

She smiled, a mixture of encouragement and worry. "I wish you had fallen for someone less complicated, because I want things to go your way for once in your life, but since this is the boy you want, then I'm behind you. Be patient with him. Well, who am I to give you advice? You've already used the right approach so far, I'm sure if anyone can do it, it's you."

o0o0o

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" Remus asked Regulus as he caught up with him in the hallway at school. He sent Regulus a smile to let him know he wasn't upset about the day before.

Regulus looked around quickly but didn't stop walking. "Is it a pressing matter?"

"Just about our talk yesterday. I want to ask you a couple of questions. It won't take long so if you would please just hear me out for a minute or two," Remus said, following him.

Regulus stopped, taking another look around. "Okay. But not here. You can come to my house after school."

o0o0o

Regulus sat in his room waiting for Remus to arrive. He had regretted agreeing to talk, but it had been the easiest way to get Remus to leave him alone in school.

Remus arrived around three and went up to knock on Regulus' door. When Regulus said "come in," he opened the door gently and went inside. "Hi," he said and pulled up a chair to sit down. There was quiet for a while after Regulus had said hi back. Remus felt nervous. "Well... I just... I wanted to talk about yesterday. I want you to give me a chance."

Regulus looked back at him blankly. "Why? I told you I couldn't do the boyfriend things. I just can't."

"And I know that," said Remus. "I won't pressure you to do anything with me. You might at some point let me touch you, but if you don't, then that's okay. I know what I am getting into. I just want to be with you." Remus paused for a second, still looking sincerely at Regulus. "You said you liked me a lot. Don't you want to see where this could go?"

Regulus was quiet for a second. "I would feel like I was leading you on. You deserve better. You're nice and good looking, it should be easy for you to find someone else."

"I don't want anyone else," said Remus, leaning a bit forward. "We could just see how it goes and take it from there?"

Regulus wrung his hands. He very much wanted to say yes. "But what kinds of things would we be doing, then?"

"Spend time together and get to know each other better. Who knows what the future holds and what will happen," smiled Remus.

Regulus swallowed. "Alright. But don't expect anything, yeah?"

"I won't," beamed Remus, his heart leaping with joy.

"Ok. Could we not tell the others? I don't want them to snoop."

"They'll wonder why we're together so much."

"Tell them we're just friends, then."

"Okay," agreed Remus, still smiling from ear to ear. He was actually dating Regulus Black! He knew he would have his work cut out for him, having to resist even touching him. He would just have to see how things went.

o0o0o

"Someone's looking happy," said Mrs. Lupin, looking up from the TV, when Remus came home with a huge smile on his face.

He dropped down beside her. "He agreed on going out with me! But he made me promise not to tell anyone, so you don't know anything," he said as he turned his head to look at his mother, the smile not leaving his face.

"Oh, darling, that's wonderful!" she beamed and gave him a hug. "So how did you convince him?"

"I followed your advice. I asked him if he didn't want to at least see where it could go and that I didn't expect anything from him. It feels weird not being able to touch him, though, but I promised him I wouldn't."

"Well, I'm sure you can charm your way in on him. And you do have the patience of an angel."

"What're you talking about?" said Mr. Lupin coming out from the bathroom. "Who's an angel?"

"Your son. He got a new boyfriend. Isn't it wonderful?"

"Oh you do, do you?" said Mr. Lupin and smiled at Remus. "Who is the lucky chap?"

"It's... it's Regulus from school. You know, Sirius' brother."

"The messed up kid?" said Mr. Lupin in surprise.

"He's not that messed up," Remus objected. "He's a good person."

"I'm sure he is," smiled Mr. Lupin. "Otherwise you wouldn't fancy him."

"I wish he would accept help from a good therapist," said Mrs. Lupin. "I'm sure professional help would improve his condition a lot. Don't you think you can talk him into it?"

"Sirius told me his parents are dragging him to another therapist, but that it won't make a difference because Regulus refuses co-operate."

"Yes, of course it will only help if he chooses to go of his own free will. You cannot force therapy on someone," said Mrs. Lupin

"I'll try and talk to him about it when we have been together longer," Remus agreed. "I can't believe that he agreed on dating me," he beamed and put a hand to his forehead.

o0o0o

"You have your first appointment with Doctor Pfeiffer tomorrow at half past one," informed Mrs. Black as they were eating dinner one night. "So you come home early. I've already informed the school."

Regulus pretended he didn't hear her. There was no use in fighting. He knew they were not going to let him get out of this.

"Doctor Pfeiffer is supposed to be one of the finest therapist in the city," continued Mrs. Black as if Regulus had made a protest, "and he will cure your nonsense behaviour, before this gets even more out of hand. And you will cooperate this time, Mr," she continued, pointing at her youngest son. "You answer his questions and you do as he says."

"Give me the address and I'll go straight there from school," said Regulus.

"Oh, no you don't," said his mother. "I'm driving you myself to make sure you're actually going. And I want to speak with him first."

Sirius sighed. Every time they tried to send Regulus to a therapist it ended up the same way. Lots of yelling and screaming and Regulus only getting worse.

"Try and actually talk to this bloke," said Sirius when they went upstairs. "It might do you some good."

"How would getting brainwashed do me any good?"

"I'm pretty sure he isn't going to brainwash you. Look, they just want you to get better so you don't have to be so bloody scared of everything."

"Who's they? Mum and Dad?" Regulus snorted. "They don't care if I get 'better'. They just want me to act normal so I'm no trouble."

"Well I want you to get better," said Sirius in a sharp tone. "It's not exactly easy watching you live your life like this."

o0o0o

Sirius was awoken in the middle of the night by Regulus slamming open the door and rushing into his room. "Wake up! It's Kreacher! He's ill! We need to drive him to the vet!" he cried agitatedly.

"What?" said Sirius and rubbed his eye, not really taking in the information. "How ill?" he asked as he finally realised what Regulus was saying.

"I think he's got a fever and he's staggering around like a drunkard!"

"You sure he's not just being Kreacher?" asked Sirius and got up. "Alright, go get him and I'll get dressed."

Regulus was near paralysed with fear when he stood watching the vet examine his cat. Kreacher had been his only friend since childhood and he couldn't bear the thought of losing him. "Is he going to be alright? You can cure him, right? Cure him!"

"He very likely has an infection," said the vet, pulling Kreacher's lips back to bare the gums. "I will need a blood sample to determine which."

Regulus held Kreacher still and calm while the vet drew a blood sample. It was very uncomfortable standing so close, but he forced himself to suffer it for Kreacher's sake. Then the vet disappeared to process and study the sample. He returned fifteen minutes later, looking serious. Regulus forgot to breathe while staring at the vet, waiting for the verdict.

"It is not a complicated infection to cure, but his CRP values are very high, so I need to keep him here until his fever drops and the CRP values go down significantly."

"Why can't I take him home?" asked Regulus. "I will give him all the medicine he needs - and he will be much more comfortable at home."

The vet shook his head. "His condition is too precarious. I want to keep an eye on him and put an IV on him to make sure he gets liquids enough."

"But I can get him to drink," protested Regulus.

"Reggie," said Sirius and carefully placed a hand on his shoulder. "The vet knows what's best for Kreacher, so if he says Kreacher needs to stay here, then that's what we have to do."

"No. Kreacher would be very unhappy here," said Regulus and scooped the cat up in his arms. "I can't abandon him here with strangers."

"His infection could turn worse if he doesn't get expert supervision and the right treatment," said the vet. "I promise we will take good care of him and you will have him back in a couple of days."

Regulus hugged Kreacher harder to his chest, torn between two evils: Fear of losing Kreacher and fear of leaving him with the vet. "He would feel like I abandoned him," he repeated.

"He will understand and you will have him back in a couple of days," repeated the vet.

"Kreacher will not understand. He doesn't like people and he has been with me ever since I found him when he was little."

"Well what do you want to do, then?" said Sirius in a harsh tone. "He might die if he doesn't get the right treatment, and he needs to be her for that!"

"I'll stay here with Kreacher, then," said Regulus determinedly, although he knew the vet was unlikely to allow that.

"Yeah, Mum and Dad are just gonna love if you do that and skip your appointment tomorrow," said Sirius and started to walk around in circles.

"I can't allow you to stay here, but you can come and visit him in our opening hours," said the vet, reaching out for Kreacher. "Now let me take him so he can get better."

Regulus turned his back to the vet, getting Kreacher out of his reach. He wanted Kreacher to get well, yes, but the thought of him being left all alone in a strange place was too much to bear.

"Regulus, give Kreacher to the vet!" ordered Sirius, stepping in front of his brother.

"Maybe we should get a second opinion. Maybe this vet doesn't know what he's doing," said Regulus to Sirius as if the vet wasn't there.

"Who else do you want to ask? It's the middle of the night and this is the only clinic close by that's open. Also - he took good care of Padfoot when he cut his paw on that piece of glass, so I think he is good enough," said Sirius. "Just trust him."

"Cats are more delicate than dogs and this isn't just a cut in the paw!" argued Regulus.

"Your cat needs treatment now," said the vet, running out of patience. "Give him to me or go somewhere else. I got out of a warm bed to help you and if you don't want my help, I'll be going back to that bed."

Regulus gulped. "It's just that... Kreacher has never been left somewhere before. He will think I abandoned him."

"Reggie, be reasonable!" said Sirius. "Give Kreacher to the vet so he can get his treatment started!"

Regulus hesitated for a moment and then said, "Alright. But I want to be with him when you put in the IV."

When the IV was in place, the vet lead Regulus and Sirius into the back where they kept the animals. "Put him in there," he said and showed Regulus a cage with a cat bed, a bowl of water and a litterbox.

"A cage?" exclaimed Regulus. "You want to put Kreacher in a cage?"

"We have to, so he doesn't run away. He will be perfectly fine. He will be sleeping most of the time so he won't notice."

"What if I pay more? Can you put him somewhere nicer? Maybe in your own house."

The vet looked a little surprised and then shook his head. "That's against policy. It's only for a couple of days and all the other pets are fine here. See?" He looked around at the other animals, some sleeping and some standing against the bars and looking curiously at the newcomers.

"Well, Kreacher is used to better," said Regulus. "This is like a prison."

"This is the best we got for him," snapped the vet.

"Regulus!" growled Sirius, finally losing his patience. "Put him in that bloody cage!

"I don't trust that vet," sulked Regulus as they drove home. "There was something fishy about him."

"There's nothing fishy about that vet," said Sirius and yawned. "You're just not comfortable with leaving Kreacher somewhere. But like the vet said, he'll be sleeping mostly anyway. Relax, okay? Kreacher is going to be fine."

A/N: To see Zayhad's illustration to the chapter go to deviantart dot com and look up Zayhad. She has a folder in her gallery with the story's name on it.