Chapter 13 – Just a Small One

Remus took Regulus up to his room after dinner so they could be alone. He sat down on the bed and stroked the sleeping cat lying curled up on the duvet. "I'm really sorry my dad asked so many questions. He lacks social skills sometimes," he explained and sent Regulus an apologetic smile.

"Yes, he was rather nosey," commented Regulus, who was more than relieved to have escaped the dinner table. He had managed to behave, but his anxiety had become harder to control by the minute.

"Do you want to sit down?"

Regulus hesitated for a moment, then sat down on the other side of Cleo. Their gazes met and although Regulus suddenly felt embarrassed, he couldn't look away. Remus' eyes were a warm shade of dark amber. Regulus couldn't remember ever having seen quite that eye colour before.

"I'm glad you wanted to stay over," said Remus. He scooted a little closer so the only thing keeping them from sitting flush against each other was Cleo.

Regulus couldn't get any words out so he just nodded. He could feel the warmth radiating from Remus' and his eyes finally left his face, trailing down his body to his hand that was resting on Cleo. He was wearing short sleeves and on its own accord Regulus' hand slowly reached out and touched Remus' lower arm. Feeling the warm skin, Regulus slowly ran his hand down the arm.

Remus gulped, afraid to move for fear of spooking Regulus. "Regulus?" When the boy didn't look up, Remus took a deep breath, building up the courage to ask. "Can... can I kiss you?"

Regulus' eyes snapped up to Remus' face, looking shocked, as he jerked his hand back. "N-no. I can't do that."

"Okay," said Remus, regretting that he had asked, since Regulus had now removed his hand. "I promise I won't touch you..."

"No," said Regulus, shaking his head. It was strange. A part of him was longing to kiss Remus; had done for a while, in fact, but a stronger part was resisting fervently, screaming about saliva and germs.

"Okay. I understand," smiled Remus, reaching out to gently touch Regulus' hand. What had he been thinking? That Regulus, who was barely all right with touching yet, would be ready to kiss?

Regulus swallowed and looked at Remus' hand on his own. He resisted the urge to pull away again and instead opened his hand and curled his fingers around Remus', then resting their joined hands on Cleo, who was sleeping comfortably between them. It wasn't as scary as Regulus thought it would be, and although the voice inside him was still protesting, it became weaker and weaker until he felt his pulse go almost back to normal.

Remus' smile widened as he looked down at their joined hands. Gently he let his thumb run across the back of Regulus' hand. "You have very soft skin," he said as he kept his thumb moving in circles.

"I look after myself. Lotion and stuff..." said Regulus, his eyes transfixed on their hands.

"Yeah I can feel that." Remus looked up at Regulus' face, feeling the warmth spread in the pit of his stomach.

They held hands for a few more minutes, then it all became too overwhelming for Regulus, so he pulled away but sent Remus a little smile to let him know that he was okay. "Um, I better get ready for bed. Only slept two hours last night. Because of Kreacher, you know."

"Of course," nodded Remus. "It's getting pretty late too." He got up and looked around. "I'll let you use the bathroom first. I'll just go tell my mum that we won't be having tea."

Regulus had crept under the covers when Remus came back up. It had been a huge challenge for him to use someone else's bathroom, and the only reason he had been able to do it was that he knew the Lupins cleaned their house thoroughly because of Remus' condition.

Remus smiled at him and pulled his shirt over his head as he got to his own bed. He then pulled off his trousers and went looking for a T-shirt that he could sleep in. He could feel Regulus' eyes on him as he pulled the T-shirt over his head. "Are you comfortable enough?" he asked as he crawled into bed and under the covers.

Regulus looked away, to his irritation feeling his ears get hot. Seeing Remus shirtless had been exciting. "I'm fine," he mumbled.

Although exhausted, Regulus could not fall asleep. Past one o'clock he still lay wide awake, anxiety churning in his stomach. He couldn't remember when he had last slept in another bed and without Kreacher on his pillow. At two o'clock he snuck up and found a book from one of Remus' shelves and then crawled under the covers where he could read by the light of his smartphone without disturbing Remus. At six he got up, getting ready to go to the animal hospital which opened at eight. He estimated that it would take about one and a half hours to walk the five miles there.

Remus heard him get up and rolled onto his side, blinking a few times and then turning on the light. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Regulus? You're up early?" Remus looked out the window and saw that snow was falling. "Why don't you lay back down for another hour? I'm sure Sirius or my mum wouldn't mind driving you there. It's freezing outside and I don't want you to get ill."

"No, Sirius has had enough trouble with me the past couple of days and he hates getting up early. I'm going to have to ask him to pick me and Kreacher up around nine, so... And I just can't ride with your mother. You have a small car. It's too close, you know. I'll be fine, don't worry. I'm used to walking."

"At least let me make you a cup of tea before you go," said Remus and got out of bed.

"Okay. I like green tea, if you have some. Or camomile."

The house was quiet and dark so Remus tiptoed downstairs and put the kettle on. Regulus came down a few minutes later, yawning. He was beyond tired, not having slept at all this night and just a few hours the previous.

"Are you sure you don't want to call Sirius and ask him to drive you there?" asked Remus when he saw how tired Regulus looked. "Or at least let me go with you?"

"No, no. You go back to bed and get a bit more sleep before school," said Regulus and accepted the bowl of yoghurt and muesli Remus handed him.

"I'll stay up until you leave," said Remus and sat down opposite Regulus. "Haven't you slept well?"

Regulus speculated for a moment whether or not to tell the truth. "Um... I slept okay," he said, hoping he didn't sound as unconvincing as he thought.

Remus rested his chin on his hand watched Regulus eat. "You look really tired. I guess it will be good to get home with Kreacher and sleep in your own bed?"

"Yes. Yes, it will. Kreacher will be happy too. He's never been away from the house that long. And never without me. I hope he will forgive me for leaving him there."

"I'm sure he will," said Remus. "You did it for his own good. I'm sure he will just curl up on you bed the minute you get him home."

"Animals don't understand that. If I were Kreacher I would feel abandoned and betrayed."

"You just have to show him you're sorry, then," said Remus. "I'm sure he will forgive you. Also, you visited him several times so he knows you didn't abandon him."

"But still... I let them put him in a cage and left him there."

"You had no choice. Sirius told me he was very ill. I'm sure he will just be happy to come home with you."

o0o0o

Regulus was nearly sleepwalking out to the car when Sirius picked him up half past eight. He missed his first lesson to drive his little brother home with his cat.

"You look like shite," said Sirius as Regulus closed his door. "Were you and Remus up all night talking or what?"

"No, I just couldn't sleep," said Regulus, getting into the passenger's seat, balancing Kreacher's crate on his lap. "Worried about Kreacher you know. And I got up at six to walk to the clinic."

"Why didn't you just get me to drive you there instead of getting up at six?"

"You've already been driving me around a lot. No reason to force you out of bed that early. Besides, I was too restless to stay put any longer."

"Well, it's a big deal for you to stay over at someone else's house. I'm actually surprised you didn't ring me up in the middle of the night to have me come and get you. I actually slept with my phone on, should you decide to call."

"I'm not a little boy who can't stay a whole night away from Mummy," said Regulus. "Talking about her... How mad was she yesterday?"

"Pretty damn mad. We had one of our screaming matches and she slapped me across the face when I told her to go jump in a lake. I spent the rest of the evening in my room with my music on max volume just to tick her off."

"I'm sorry," mumbled Regulus.

o0o0o

Remus came home with Sirius, James and Peter after school. Regulus came down when he heard them come in, curious to see if Remus was with them. He had just come out of the shower, his hair still wet.

"Oh. Hi," said Regulus, trying to act casual as if he had run into them on co-incidence.

"Hello," smiled Remus, looking Regulus up and down. He looked a lot better now that he had slept and had a shower. "How is Kreacher?"

"Better," said Regulus, pushing a wet lock out of his eyes. "He's resting on my bed. Do you want to visit him?"

"I'd love to," smiled Remus and followed Regulus up the stairs.

"What's up with those two?" asked Peter, looking in Remus' and Regulus' direction. "Why does Remus get to go to his room all the time?"

"Are you envious?" grinned James and poked his friend. "Wanna go visit Reggie in his room?"

"No! It's just weird, is all. What do you think they're talking about?"

"About cats, probably," said Sirius. "Or Remus finally built up the courage to make a move. Not that I think anything good would come of It."

"Well, Remus is rather sneaky, isn't he? Very smart move, showing interest in Kreacher and saying nice things about him," grinned James. "You said he had offered to paint him?"

"That's what Regulus said," said Sirius.

"It'll be the ugliest painting he will ever make," Peter laughed.

"If there is indeed a way past Regulus' massive walls it has to be through that cat," said James. "It's the only living creature he likes."

"Well I think he's starting to warm up to Remus as well," said Sirius.

Remus walked with Regulus into his room and spotted the sleeping cat on the bed. He went over to sit down on the edge and studied the cat. "He seems happy enough," he smiled. "Just like I told you – that he would just curl up on your bed and sleep."

"Yes," said Regulus, sitting down on the bed as well. "He slept on my pillow as usual when I took a nap after we came home."

"I bet he really missed you," said Remus. He reached out and gently pushed a lock of hair behind Regulus' ear. "Sorry," he said, not realising what he had done.

Regulus made a slight jerk of his head but then stopped himself. He couldn't quite seem to get rid of the reflexes when he wasn't prepared for the touch coming, but it was getting better when it came to Remus. "That's alright," he mumbled. "No big deal."

Gently, Remus took Regulus' hand in his, intertwining their fingers like yesterday. "You look much better than you did this morning. Did you go straight to bed when coming home?"

Kreacher stretched his front paws and rolled onto his back, still sleeping but purring with a bit of a wheeze. Regulus could only nod, his eyes glued to their joined hands. He was feeling a little dizzy; a warm buzzing feeling, like once he had been forced to drink a glass of champagne. Only this was nicer. His gaze travelled slowly up to Remus' face and the bubbly feeling grew stronger. He realised he had barely been able to think of anything but Remus the past days, even when he slept.

Remus' eyes met Regulus' and he leaned a little closer to him. He had not been able to think about anything but Regulus all day. He had actually been scolded for daydreaming in one of his classes and had had to apologise with an excuse of not having slept well.

"Y-yesterday you asked if you could kiss me. Why?" asked Regulus, his eyes settling on the other boy's lips.

"Because I really wanted to," said Remus in a mild voice. "I was wondering if your lips were as soft as they look and I'd like to try and kiss you. Show you how good that can feel."

"Are... are you sure about that?" Regulus hadn't been able to get the thought of kissing Remus out of his mind ever since he had suggested it. He was confused. The thought of kissing had always repulsed him and it was beyond him how anybody could enjoy it, but now his feelings were mixed. Something in him was longing to try it although his old self was protesting loudly.

"I'm sure," smiled Remus.

"It's... It's unhygienic, you know... Mixing saliva and all that..."

"It feels good, though, and since none of us are ill there's no harm done," said Remus and tilted his head.

Regulus swallowed. "Well... If you really want to, I suppose you can do it. Just a small one..."

"Really?" said Remus, very surprised. Regulus just nodded but Remus could tell he was very nervous. "Just a small one and you can pull away if it's uncomfortable," he said in a soft voice.

"Alright," said Regulus, pulling away his hand. It was more than enough focusing on one sort of physical contact.

Remus leaned in so close that he could feel Regulus' breath on his lips. "Relax..." he whispered and closed the gap between then in a gentle kiss.

Regulus supressed the urge to pull away as he felt Remus lips on his. They were warm and surprisingly soft, like silk, and only a little moist. It was a little overwhelming looking at Remus' face so close so he quickly closed his eyes, drawing in a shaky breath through his nose.

Remus didn't move for a few seconds. Regulus' lips were as soft as he had imagined. He knew he had promised him a short kiss but he took a chance and let it last a little longer, hoping that Regulus had a good first impression.

Regulus could feel himself shiver and pulled away a few seconds later. His whole body was buzzing with a mix of anxiety and excitement. He couldn't help feeling a little proud of himself. Just a week ago it had been unthinkable for him to imagine ever kissing somebody.

Remus smiled, feeling they had come further in weeks than he had imagined they would get in months. "How was it?"

"Um... Not that bad," said Regulus. It hadn't been. In fact, it had been surprisingly good, albeit a little scary.

"Your lips were as I thought," smiled Remus. "Very soft." He took Regulus' hand again and stroked it gently. "I know it was probably a bit overwhelming for you but you really did well. You're a pretty good kisser."

Regulus let out a short laugh. "I didn't do anything. I was just sitting there."

"Well you didn't pull away," grinned Remus and gave his hand a squeeze.

"Yeah. I didn't," said Regulus with a little smile.

o0o0o

Mrs. Harris had insisted the boys eat together that night, something she often did when their parents were away. She said they needed to do things together because that's what brothers were supposed to do. Regulus hadn't protested that night and when Mrs. Harris left, Regulus found himself open his mouth and say to his brother: "I kissed Remus today."

The food dropped off Sirius' fork. He stared at his brother for a long moment before speaking. "You did what?"

Regulus couldn't believe he had just told his brother. Sirius didn't even know he was gay. He was just so high on the experience, he felt like he was going to burst if he didn't tell somebody. "You heard me. I kissed him. And held his hand."

Sirius shook his head and tried to process the information he had just gotten. "But you... wait… are you gay? But you never let anyone near you and now you tell me that you and Remus snogged?"

"Obviously I am gay. And Remus is not like other people. He always respected my personal space. He's very nice and doesn't think I'm a freak."

"Of course he doesn't," said Sirius. "Remus is a nice bloke and he respects people for who they are. You couldn't possibly find a better boyfriend. If that's what he is?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows and took a piece of meat on his fork.

"Yes," mumbled Regulus, looking down at his plate, feeling his ears go red.

"That's brilliant," smiled Sirius. "Really. I'm happy for you both. You've no idea how much Remus has been pining for you."

o0o0o

Sirius cornered Remus the next morning at school. "I hear you seduced my baby brother, you old dog!" he grinned, giving Remus a nudge.

Remus blushed heavily. He hadn't thought that Regulus would actually tell anyone about it. "I... well… It was just a kiss."

"Just a kiss? That's huge, mate!" said Sirius and slapped Remus' back. "You should have a price or something. I would never have thought he would swap body fluids with anybody."

Remus smiled nervously and scratched his elbow. "I guess he really likes me, huh? I mean since he let me kiss him and hold his hand. It was a short kiss, though. Nothing wild."

"Well, that's huge for Reggie."

"What's huge for Reggie?" asked James coming up to them with Peter in tow.

"Remus snogged my brother!"

Both James and Peter laughed. "Very funny, Black. And the Easter bunny left an egg under your pillow?"

"It's true!" said Sirius and looked from James to Remus. "Tell them, Remus!"

Remus nodded with a gulp. "It is true. I kissed him yesterday in his room."

"See!" crowed Sirius and crossed his arms. "Told you it was true!"

Peter sniggered, clearly not convinced, and James said, "Ok, and how many of your bones did he break?"

"None," said Remus. "He said I could give him a quick kiss, so I did."

Sirius nodded. "Reggie told me yesterday at dinner. I guess he was very proud of himself."

"What the...? What did you do to him? Give him a love potion or something?" James asked Remus.

"I just try to understand him. I don't pressure him into anything," said Remus and smiled. "He trusts me, I suppose."

"Well that, plus he must be a flaming queer. No offence, Remus. So you're a couple now or what?"

Remus nodded. "Have been for a while, actually. Don't tell him you know. He doesn't want people to know he's gay." He shot Sirius a reprimanding look for having brought it up in the first place.

"Well, he told me," said Sirius. "But I suppose we better keep it to ourselves. Especially around our parents. As you can imagine, they're just as narrow-minded concerning homosexuality as they are about anything else. And they don't need another thing to give Reggie grief about.

A/N: To see Zayhad's illustration to the chapter go to deviantart dot com and look up Zayhad. She has a folder in her gallery with the story's name on it.