Santana sighed as she pulled her jeep into the St. Lawrence Children's Home parking lot. She had been successful in her mission to not cry today, Rachel however wasn't doing well. The tears and quiet sniffles had started as soon as Santana turned onto the last stretch of road leading to the home. They still had a few minutes before they had to go in, probably some of the most painful minutes they would ever experience.
The girls were really oblivious to what was about to happen. Both of them were tucked up in their car seats talking or well more like babbling back and forth with one another. They hadn't been paying attention when Santana packed their backpack up with their things, they just assumed they were going on another trip like yesterday. It was going to be heart breaking when they realized that at least for now, they wouldn't be leaving with Rachel and Santana.
"We can do this." Santana whispered as she reached over and took Rachel's hand into her own.
"I wish we didn't have to though." Rachel sniffled again before reaching into the glove box for a Kleenex. She didn't want to have cry face while walking into the home. Afterwards, however, it wouldn't matter.
"They'll be home again soon. This is just temporary." Santana gave Rachel's hand a firm squeeze. She glanced at the clock on the dashboard. "We have to go or we will be late."
"Okay." Rachel took a deep breath and opened the passenger side door. "Let's get this over with."
Rachel felt like the world had turned into a blur as she made her way across the parking lot with Samara in her arms. The little girl was talking Rachel's ear off, moving her hands around like she was telling the greatest story in the world. Sierra remained oblivious to what was going on as she walked along beside Santana. There were no cars moving around, so Santana had felt it was okay to let Sierra walk as long as she held her Mami's hand. It was like tunnel vision for Rachel, all she could see was Santana walking hunched over keeping a firm grip on Sierra.
Before they knew it, they were inside the office lobby where they had to sign the girls back in. Stephanie was already waiting up front, sitting off to the side as to try and not alarm the twins too early about what was about to happen. Santana glanced over at Rachel, the shorter woman had a pained look on her face, Santana imagined that hers looked similar. The older lady behind the desk gave both women a small sad smile. This wasn't her first drop off at a children's home and it wouldn't be her last. You could always tell by the faces what was about to happen.
"Uhm..okay. Girls...Mama and I have to explain something to you." Santana stepped away from the counter and turned her back to the secretary and Stephanie. Squatting down on the balls of her feet, Santana struggled to find the words to explain this. How do you tell two seventeen month olds that even though you just spent the weekend together, they had to come back to the home and stay here for a little while longer? Santana knew that they probably should have talked about this more this past weekend, but why put a damper on things like that? It just wasn't fair.
"You see Ms. Stephanie over there?" Rachel asked the twins and then pointed at the woman who still hadn't moved from her spot. There was no way she was going to intrude on this moment. The twins looked over as they started to smile and wave. They loved Steph! She was their best friend who always took care of them. "You two have to stay here with her and Mama and Mami have to go bye bye."
"Go bye bye?" Sierra looked between her Mama and Mami confused. Why were they going bye bye already? They just got here.
"Yeah, go bye bye. Mami and Mama have to go bye bye." Santana was trying her best to stay strong, but this was one of the hardest things she had ever had to do in her life.
Samara toddled towards the door, looking back over her shoulder. Why weren't Mami and Mama following if they were going bye bye? Santana and Rachel shared a hesitant look.
"Where are you going lady bug?" Rachel called out.
"We go bye bye."
"No baby. You and your sister are staying with Steph, just me and Mami are going bye bye." Rachel waved the toddler back over to her. This was so hard, they didn't understand what was happening. Both women looked over to Stephanie for help. Finally, the woman stood up and made her way over.
"Come give me and Mami, hugs and kisses so that you can go have dinner and see your little friends." Rachel opened her arms, allowing Samara to fall into her. For the moment the girls seemed to shake off the confusion, they really liked hugs and kisses. It wasn't until both Rachel and Santana stood up after countless hugs, kisses and promises that they would be coming back home soon that Stephanie tried to take the hands of the twins. That was when they realized that they weren't leaving with Santana and Rachel.
In that instant all hell broke loose. Sierra and Samara both struggled to break away from Stephanie, they were fighting her every step of the way. When Stephanie wouldn't let go, she wasn't hurting them at all, they began to scream and cry begging for their mothers. Santana and Rachel both made short steps in attempts to get to the twins, but Stephanie subtly shook her head no. The rules had to be followed, no matter how heart breaking it was for all parties involved. If she turned back now and let the twins go back to their mothers it would just be a continuous cycle of screaming and crying every time they tried to leave. That wasn't fair to any of them.
Rachel and Santana stood rooted in their spot, knowing they couldn't cross that line and go down the hallway. They had to just stand there watching their babies cry out for them and there was nothing they could do. Their visit was over and it was time to leave. The girls would be okay once they were back in their room...hopefully. With tears running down their cheeks, Santana and Rachel walked back to the jeep with their arms wrapped around one another. Soon there would be no more goodbye's like this, at least until the girls went off to college. The next few weeks couldn't pass any quicker.
When Rachel and Santana returned home for the evening, they made no move to put the twins toys away or temporarily hide the fact that they were there. The cabin wasn't messy by any means, it was just that they had no energy to move the baby doll that was positioned so carefully on the couch with its little blanket. Santana chuckled at the memory of Sierra insisting that the "baby eat" too. Leaving it was an incentive more than anything to say that they were really there. Maybe it was a bit silly for the women to stand at the nursery door just looking at the room, taking it all in. Of course it was adding more pain onto their already broken hearts, but it was also that beautiful light at the end of a long tunnel.
The following Monday, Rachel went back to work since she really needed to get some more work done on her album before the holiday break started at the studio. Thanksgiving was quickly approaching; she and Santana hadn't spoken much about what they planned to do this year. The previous years they had went on mini-vacations, but this year was hopefully going to be different. They just knew that all of their parents were going to be in town, fingers crossed that the girls would be here too. If not, maybe they could talk to Alison about at least getting them for the day or weekend again.
While Rachel was at work, Santana threw herself into a long list of commissions that Artie had acquired for her to do. Tis' the season and it seemed as if everyone wanted paintings as gifts this year. That was totally fine with Santana, because the more paintings she done the more money she would be able to add into her savings accounts. Speaking of savings accounts, Santana knew that she needed to sit down and start figuring up all the costs that was going to be occurring next Summer when the renovations on the cabin started. Not having the money wasn't an issue, Santana was just particular about having things laid out in front of her.
There was still so much going on in their lives at the moment. Tuesday the wedding designers called to set up appointments for Rachel and Santana to come in and look at some 3D renderings of what their wedding would look like. They also had appointments with Kurt for fittings. The one good thing about having Kurt design their wedding outfits was that he already had their sizes from previous clothing that he had made for them. All they had to do now was come in, see if they liked them (there was no doubt they would), and see if there was anything he needed to alter or fix. Santana still had no idea what exactly was going on with her parents. Every time they spoke, nothing about offers was ever mentioned and Santana wasn't exactly sure how to bring it up. She knew she was going to have to just bite the bullet and ask eventually.
They didn't hear anything from Alison until Thursday when she called to ask how the weekend had went in their opinion. Rachel and Santana both used every ounce of time they could to tell Alison all about the fun they had while the girls were there for their visit. They could tell the woman was trying to remain neutral about the whole ordeal, however you could hear the lightness in her voice that everything had went so well. She had also talked to Stephanie who had explained that even though she didn't have much of a chance to talk to the women, she just knew that the twins had been fine based on their reaction at the drop off. There was no way that children who had had a bad weekend would scream and cry that much for someone who had hurt them. Just like they all knew, the twins were in good hands and they always would be. When Rachel and Santana hung up the phone, their world felt just a little bit brighter, because once again they were one step closer to getting the girls permanently.
Later Thursday evening, Santana sat on the window seat of the bay window in the loft. The snow was falling at a steady pace. She was glad that after speaking to Alison that morning she had spent the day making sure the snow-mobile was tuned up and running good before moving the jeep and Rachel's car down to the garage at the end of the road. Santana turned and smiled when she heard Rachel coming up the stairs.
"Hey baby." Rachel spoke quietly. She was carrying two mugs of hot chocolate, trying to walk as light as a feather so that she wouldn't spill. Her hair was wet, evident she had just gotten out of the shower. "Why are you up here by yourself? I thought you were still downstairs."
"I don't know. This is the best place to watch it snow." Santana graciously accepted the mug of hot chocolate, holding Rachel's for her so that she could settle against Santana on the window seat. "I miss them, so much." Santana sighed and rested the side of her head on top of Rachel's.
"I do too. But, they will be home soon and then we can all sit up here and snuggle while watching it snow." Santana really liked that idea, she just hoped it happened sooner rather than later.