Chapter 17 – How Does it Feel?
Remus had just turned out the lights on the ground floor and was about to go upstairs to bed when he heard a knock on the door. He stopped and glanced at his watch. Who would come here, close to midnight on Christmas Eve?
"Hi," said Regulus, relieved that it was Remus opening the door. "I'm sorry to disturb you lot on Christmas Eve..."
"No, no, it's fine," said Remus, smiling widely in surprise. He stepped aside so Regulus could come in. "Did something happen?" he asked, supressing the urge to hug and kiss him. He knew Regulus would feel ambushed.
"No, just couldn't stand being in the house with these horrible people another minute." Regulus suddenly gave Remus a hug, resting his chin on his shoulder, breathing in his scent. "And I missed you so much," he mumbled.
Remus put his arms around him very gently, his heart leaping in his chest. This was the first time Regulus had wanted to hug – in fact it was the first time he had allowed their bodies to touch. "I missed you too," he said and kissed the top of his head.
It made Regulus a little uneasy feeling Remus' arms wrapped around him but he pushed the feeling away, concentrating on the good part: being close and together again.
They stood in each other's embrace for a while before Remus spoke. "Do you want to come sit down? My parents have gone to bed early so you don't have to worry about them. I can make you some tea if you like?"
"Oh, yes," said Regulus, relieved that he didn't have to be social.
Remus took Regulus' hand and led him to the kitchen. He put the kettle on and found some tea for Regulus to choose from. He leaned against the counter and looked at his boyfriend, feeling warmth spread in his chest. "I really missed you. I'm sorry you have to deal with your family and they aren't being nice."
Regulus smiled a little. "Yes, they're ghastly. My oldest cousin is downright evil. She and Sirius have been fighting a lot."
"I can imagine," said Remus and filled the mugs with boiling water. "But you're welcome to stay here for as long as you like."
"Well... I have to be back by the morning. I snuck out and I'm not keen on being caught," said Regulus, accepting the mug Remus handed him. "Besides, it's Christmas morning and I don't want to impose."
They went to the living room to sit by the fireplace. Regulus was still cold from the bike ride, so Remus found a soft blanket and put it around his shoulders. Taking a chance, he put an arm around him, pulling him closer. "Better?"
Regulus nodded, turning his head to look at Remus. He rested his head on his shoulder and enjoyed the heat from him. It was wonderful sitting here in peace and quiet with Remus, just looking into the fire. He had not truly relaxed, he realised, since the family had arrived a few days earlier.
Remus buried his nose in Regulus' hair, inhaling deeply. Carefully he moved his hand up to gently lift Regulus' face so he could look at him. He sent him a gentle smile before moving in and placing a soft kiss on his lips. Feeling warm and relaxed, Regulus just melted into the kiss, his eyes slipping shut. Remus opened his mouth a little and felt Regulus open up to him as well. He pulled him a little closer. He just couldn't get enough of him.
"Can we go to your room?" asked Regulus after ten minutes of kissing and light touching. He had become a little worried that one of Remus' parents might walk in on them down here.
"Sure," said Remus and got up from the couch, pulling Regulus with him. As soon as he had closed the door behind them, Remus put his arms around Regulus and started kissing him.
Regulus kissed back and - surprising himself - pressed himself against him. Remus slowly backed until his legs hit the bed. He smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Regulus before sitting down, pulling Regulus with him onto his lap.
Regulus' heart hammered in his chest, a little in shock over the fact that he was now sitting on Remus' lap, their bodies touching, but also because it was exciting. However, the tight hands around him made him feel a bit trapped, so without moving off Remus' lap or breaking the kiss he reached behind his back to grasp Remus' hands and placed them carefully on his waist instead.
Remus licked Regulus' bottom lip before deepening the kiss again. Gently he settled his hands on his waist, glad that Regulus had not pushed them away.
Regulus was losing himself in Remus, running his hands up and down his back, one hand wandering to his front, curiously exploring his flat chest.
"Do you want to lie down with me?" asked Remus as he broke the kiss just barely. "Or we can stay like this if you prefer."
Regulus looked at him, having a hard time thinking clearly through the daze. All he knew was that he didn't want this to end. He wanted to be physically close to Remus, a feeling he had never known before.
Since Regulus didn't give an answer, Remus slowly tilted backwards, Regulus following him and landing on top of him. Regulus suddenly became aware that he had grown hard from the excitement, and afraid that Remus would feel it, he crawled off him, lying down on his side, hoping Remus would do the same. Remus seemed to catch on, because a moment later they lay facing each other, bodies close but not quite touching.
Remus caressed Regulus' cheek before leaning in for another kiss. He had been dreaming of being able to lie like this, next to Regulus and kiss him, feel him without being pushed away. It was like a dream and he was suddenly afraid he would wake up.
Once in a while Regulus broke the kiss to look down at Remus' chest. The top button of his shirt stood open, Regulus noticed, and he got an urge to see more. He trailed his fingers along the fabric at the neck, lingering a moment on the next button.
Remus was surprised, but sent Regulus a reassuring smile. He let his hand rest on Regulus' hip, moving his thumb in circles, feeling the edge of the hipbone through the rough fabric of the jeans.
Regulus felt it, but couldn't focus on anything but Remus' shirt. He couldn't go ahead and just open it, could he? Even though Remus probably wouldn't mind, it felt like it was crossing some kind of boundary if he started unbuttoning. He looked up at Remus. "Can... can I?"
Remus looked into his grey eyes and smiled. "Yes."
"Even... even though I'm not letting you open mine?"
"Yes," said Remus again and gave him a light kiss.
Regulus sat up on his haunches, looking down at Remus, who rolled onto his back and lay there smiling gently up at him. Regulus reached down and, fumbling a bit, slowly began to undo the buttons from the top. He felt secure in this position, free from restraints and free to explore at his own speed. And Remus seemed perfectly confident lying there all vulnerable to Regulus. When he had undone the final button, Regulus pushed the shirt off Remus' shoulders as far as it would go without him getting up. Regulus gulped, staring at the chest and ran a hand softly over it. Remus was skinny - too skinny in fact, but Regulus still thought he looked good. "Thank you," he said after a few minutes of exploring, as if Remus had been doing him a favour.
"For what?" asked Remus a little surprised, but the smile not leaving his lips.
"Just... letting me do this. And not getting anything in return."
"I got plenty," Remus chuckled, reaching up a hand to cup Regulus' cheek. "It feels good when you touch me." They lay down on their sides again, facing each other. Remus smiled and scooted closer to Regulus. "I'm so glad you came to see me."
Regulus moved his hips back a bit so their lower bodies were not in contact. He was still hard, and a little embarrassed about it, but being with Remus like this, touching and seeing him half-naked had got him rather excited. He wondered if Remus felt the same way. "How... What do you think about me? I mean... How does it make you feel what we've been doing together?"
"What do you mean?" asked Remus, a little puzzled. "Um... It makes me feel really good and I have to admit that I'd like to touch you more, but I know you don't like that, so I won't push you. Don't get me wrong – I'm happy with what we're doing now."
"But..." mused Regulus. "If we pretended I didn't have a problem with the touching thing, then what would you like to do with me?"
"Well," said Remus and bit his lip. "I'd crawl in over you and gently undress you. Kiss my way down your neck and onto your bare chest while letting my hands explore your body, learning what you like so I could make sure you enjoyed every second of it." He didn't look up and his hand rested on Regulus' hip once more, gently caressing it with his fingers as he spoke.
Regulus' mouth fell open as he stared at Remus. He hadn't expected him to be so bold, but it made him feel all hot inside, and even though he knew he wouldn't be able to stand Remus doing what he talked of, it still sounded very arousing. He gulped. "Oh... and that... that would make you feel good?" he asked, trying to keep his voice and breathing steady.
"It would," nodded Remus.
"How does it feel when I touch you?" asked Regulus curiously.
"It gives me shivers," smiled Remus. "In a good way. I love when you touch me."
"Do you want me to do it some more?" Regulus wanted to do more with Remus. He liked that he said it felt good to be touched, because Regulus could better handle doing the touching than receiving it.
Remus smiled. "I'd like that very much."
Staying on his side this time Regulus let his free hand start exploring Remus upper body again, daring to go lower this time. He noticed Remus stifle a gasp as his fingertips caressed his stomach. "Sorry, I didn't mean to tickle you."
"It's alright," said Remus and took in a deep breath. "It felt good," he smiled and shivered slightly as Regulus ' fingertips ran across his stomach again. "Would it be okay... if I touched your hip? On the skin? Or is that too much?" He opened his eyes and looked at Regulus, crossing his fingers.
Regulus hesitated for a moment. "You can touch me… But not under the clothes. Promise you won't."
"I promise," said Remus and let his hand move around on Regulus' T-shirt.
Regulus forced himself to focus on Remus' chest instead of the hand on his side. He wondered if he would ever come to enjoy being touched like this, but he supposed there was hope. Things had changed much the last few months. Remus' touch no longer sent a wave of anxiety and discomfort through him, so perhaps...
Remus smiled at him and leaned in for a kiss, enjoying the feel of the soft lips and the warm fingers on his chest. "Do you want me to get you the camp bed to sleep on or do you want to share my bed? I promise I won't do anything you don't want me to." He looked into Regulus' grey eyes and smiled softly, hoping that he would agree to sleep in the bed with him.
Regulus gulped. "I would like the camp bed." He knew he would not get a minute of sleep if he lay beside Remus, afraid to move in his sleep and come into physical contact without being fully aware.
"Okay," said Remus and kissed him again. "I understand. It was just a suggestion."
As nice as this had been, it had also been very intense and trying for Regulus so he was getting quite sated. "Perhaps we should get to bed. I think I'll get up at six thirty. Then I should be back before eight. I doubt very much any of my family will be up before nine on a holiday."
"Sounds like a good idea. I don't want you to get into trouble for coming to see me." Remus sat up and buttoned his shirt. "I'll just get the camp bed while you get ready for bed." He left to get the camp bed, a duvet and a pillow for Regulus.
A good twenty minutes later they had both crawled into bed and Remus reached down his hand to gently caress Regulus' shoulder. "Sleep well," he said and turned out the light. "Wake me tomorrow before you leave. I want to say goodbye."
A/N: To see Zayhad's illustration to the chapter go to deviantart dot com and look up Zayhad. She has a folder in her gallery with the story's name on it.