A/N: Hi, Guys. Hope you're still with us and don't find the pacing too slow

Chapter 24 – I've Been Doing a lot of Research

It took another week before the doctors finally were able to see progress. Mrs. Lupin cried in relief when they told her that Remus would recover probably over the next month. Regulus too was happy to hear the news. Now it would be easier for him to not worry when Remus was alone in the hospital at night, and hopefully Remus would soon be well enough to go home to his own bed where Mrs. Weasley could look after him during the day. After all, Regulus trusted her more than the hospital staff.

"What are you reading?" asked Sirius and stuck his head down beside Regulus, eying the screen of his laptop. He had found his brother sitting in the kitchen at home, where he the past week had taken a liking to sitting while Mrs. Harris cooked the boys' dinner.

"Researching Remus' condition. I know quite a lot by now. A tremendous amount of experiments and research work has been done on it, but so far no cure has been found, and only treatments that improve the condition slightly."

Sirius pulled up a chair, his eyes scanning the webpage. "Wow. They sure are working hard on finding a cure."

o0o0o

Regulus went straight to the hospital after school and found Mrs. Lupin sitting in a chair. Remus was sleeping and Regulus waved at her to join him outside. She did, looking puzzled. "I've been doing a lot of research," he said excitedly. "Have you heard of the Weinsteins/Miller study?"

Mrs. Lupin thought for a second. "Yes. Lyall and I looked into it last year. Why do you ask, dear?"

"Because the results so far are extremely promising! Why haven't you enrolled Remus in it? You've tried so many other treatments."

"Because," she sighed, "that project is insanely expensive. The first trial alone costs 30.000 pounds. And if that showed results, there would be more trials. We would never be able afford it."

"But it's your son's life! I thought it was the most important thing to you. You've spent all your money on this since he was little. What about the bank?"

"We asked the bank. We asked all the banks. We have tried everything, Regulus, but the only way we would be able to raise enough money would be if we sold everything we owned, and even then we would be in debt. Lyall and I would do anything, but Remus won't hear of it. He refuses to let us end in deep debt. You know how modest he is."

"There must be something that can be done!" said Regulus, unwilling to accept defeat. "Funds... Things like that..."

Mrs. Lupin shook her head, pain visible in her eyes. "What we have been able to find of possible funding would be nowhere near enough."

o0o0o

Mrs. Lupin left to take some evening consultations at her clinic and Regulus went into Remus' room, delighted to see that he had awoken.

"Hey," Remus smiled and reached out a hand. "Have a good day?"

Regulus took Remus' hand. "No, it was a shitty day, but at least I'm here now."

"So when are you letting him go home?" Regulus asked the first nurse to come in to check on Remus. He had started pressing for this the second the doctors had announced that Remus was finally in recovery.

"Not for a while," she said. "It will take quite some time for Remus to get fully well. You know that, Regulus."

"Yes, but he might as well recover at home," insisted Regulus. "Actually, it would be better and safer for him."

"He's staying here until the doctors say he's well out of danger."

"But It's much safer at home!" Regulus insisted. "The hygiene is proper at his house, unlike this place. Did you know studies have showed that 30% of hospital staff do not wash hands after using the toilet? 30%! It's preposterous! There should be monitors on all the toilets that set an alarm off whenever somebody leaves without using the faucet. And then visitors should get fined and staff fired!"

"Remus has been perfectly safe here," said the nurse in a sharp tone, placing her hands on her hips. "No one has put him in any risk."

"Thanks to me!" said Regulus. "If I hadn't watched you all like a hawk, making sure you disinfect your hands every time you come in here, then he might be dead by now!" Regulus was in a particularly bad mood today, after having spoken to Remus' mother about the hopeless economic situation.

The nurse looked at Regulus for a moment, her lips pressed tightly together, as if considering what to say. "Did you know that the staff is planning to hold a small party when Remus is released? And not just because we are happy for Remus."

o0o0o

That night Regulus told Sirius everything about the study in Switzerland and how Remus' parents had given up on ever being able to afford it. "I want him to try it. Can't we do something? Perhaps we could get some bank to give them a loan. You know - they'll have respect for our name. Who says no to a Black?"

"Well," started Sirius, tapping his chin. "I think it's a great idea to get Remus to try that treatment but I doubt they would accept a loan. From what you told me, they would be in debt until they die and Remus doesn't want that." Sirius sat down on a chair and pondered for a while. "You know what? We should start a fund for him. You know how most business people are always looking for something to put money into to get their name out there to make themselves seem like good people, so you would think an ill boy's life would be as good a cause as any?"

"But will that give them any advertisement? I mean, Remus' isn't an established cause," said Regulus, doubtingly but with a bit of hope in his voice.

Sirius bit his lip, thinking more about it. "We just have to charm them and convince them it's a good cause. Tell them about him and his illness…"

Regulus considered it. "You really think it could work? You would have to do the talking. I don't know how to socialise with those people. You know that."

"I can charm the pants off anybody, so I can handle this fine," said Sirius, looking very confident. "I'm sure it'll work."

"Mum and Dad will flay us alive if they find out. They won't consider a common boy's illness a worthy cause, because it isn't a recognised charity foundation. How are we going to do it without them discovering it?"

"Well, we'll just have to think of something to tell the clients so they don't blabber to Mum and Dad."

"Remus can't know either. I'm sure he would try to stop us."

"Right… He's so modest," said Sirius and frowned. "It would be a lot easier if he would just accept help instead of always refusing and saying he doesn't want to be a burden."

"Well, if we have already raised the money when we tell him, then he can't very well refuse, can he? We should get as many as we can to pitch in. I wish I had access to my child savings, but that will be more than a year."

"I hate to sound like Mrs. Harris, but that money is for you when you move out so you have something to start out with. I'm pretty sure Remus would refuse to take your savings, anyway," Sirius said. "But I'll ask Lily, James and Peter to pitch in as well."

o0o0o

Three weeks passed and Remus was finally healthy enough to get back to school. The past two weeks he had been at home and Regulus had been there every day reading to him. Now Remus stood on the front steps to the house and breathed the spring air, really taking it in. Sirius had promised to pick him up for school since his mother had now forbidden him to take the bus anywhere and she was sure he wasn't ready to ride his bike either, since his lungs had been infected and he was out of shape.

Regulus was very much against Remus going back to school so soon. "It's full of germs, and all those people have no manners, they get right up in your face."

"He'll be alright," said Sirius and leaned back in his seat as the car sped down the road. "I'll protect him, Reggie," he snickered and made a sharp turn. "I'll be his bodyguard!"

"I don't need a bodyguard," protested Remus from the backseat.

"Yes, and you take it seriously!" said Regulus, ignoring Remus. "Make sure people don't touch him or breathe on him. And Remus, don't take anything someone is trying to give you. You never know what's in it."

"Yes, because people are trying to kill Remus," said Sirius. "And they're cunning little weasels."

Remus looked at Regulus. He had gotten more paranoid since Remus had been ill. It was endearing in a way, but Remus hoped it wouldn't make his condition worse.

In the entrance hall Regulus watched them leave, feeling very jealous of his brother for being in Remus' year and sharing his classes.

o0o0o

To get a soft start (being Remus' first day), he went home after lunch. Regulus, who dared not risk angering McGonagall further by skiving off, raced to Remus' house as soon as his last lesson was over. He was glad that it was Remus who opened. He was still not comfortable around Remus' parents - especially Mrs. Lupin, whom he felt was trying to give him therapy every time she spoke. "Hi. Feeling ok?" he asked as he stepped in.

"Yeah," smiled Remus. "Just a little tired."

They went up to Remus' room and closed the door. Regulus desperately wanted to kiss him, but the fear of him getting ill again was nagging. He pulled off his sweater and tossed it aside, in case some germs had attached themselves to it at school.

Remus smiled and stepped up close to Regulus. He knew what was going on in his head. He looked into his eyes and cupped his face with his hands, getting ready to kiss him.

"W-wait," said Regulus, stepping back. Then he hurried into the bathroom where he scrubbed his hands in scalding hot water, washed his face thoroughly and gurgled for several minutes before spitting out the water, somewhat confident that it would be safe to kiss Remus. Then he went back to the room and shyly stepped up to him.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked, taking Regulus' hands and looking at the skin that had turned red from the hot water. "You know, I don't fear that you'll make me ill. I know you're careful and clean." He tilted his head and leaned in, hesitating a few inches from Regulus' lips, but when he was sure that he would not pull away, he closed the gap between them.

Regulus felt his body go soft as he melted into the kiss, letting out a sigh of content. He hadn't realised just how much he had missed being close to Remus like this. He wrapped his arms around him and pressed himself lightly against his body as he angled his head for a more snug fit.

They came up for air after a few minutes. "You tired?" asked Regulus.

"A little," gasped Remus and rested his forehead against Regulus'.

"So you wanna stop?"

"I'd rather not. I could kiss you all day."

"Then let's go lie down," said Regulus and lead Remus to the bed where they plunged down, Remus on his back with Regulus half on top

Remus moved up a hand and hooked a lock of Regulus' hair behind his ear while smiling at him. "You mean so much to me, you know that?"

"You..." Regulus gulped. "I do?"

"Yeah," said Remus and placed a hand on his cheek. "I... I love you."

Regulus felt his heart leap and warmth explode in his chest. He had been afraid to ask. Afraid that Remus didn't truly love him. Like him, yes, but love? "Me too..." he said, focusing on Remus' chin, too shy to look him in the eye. "But I guess that's been pretty obvious for a while."

Remus' face lit up. Yes, he knew that Regulus loved him, but hearing him say it, felt great. "I'm so happy that you do. I've loved you for a long time but I didn't want to make you uncomfortable by saying it too soon."

Regulus pressed his face into Remus' neck feeling giddy and shy at the same time. He doubted Remus could love him as much as he did Remus. Remus was his whole world. Regulus didn't think he could live without him.

Remus kissed his cheek and wrapped his arms loosely around him. "I really... really love you," he repeated and kissed his cheek again.

Regulus dug his fingers into Remus' hair and smiled against his neck, feeling happiness dance in his chest. He raised his head to kiss Remus and made himself more comfortable, still half-way on top of Remus. Their proximity didn't feel so bad in this position. He was even okay with Remus running his hands up and down his back.

Remus returned the kiss softly, keeping his hands running up and down Regulus' back in gentle strokes.

"Remus..." said Regulus, breaking the kiss just enough so he could speak. "You can touch me where you want. As long as it's not under my clothes."

Remus opened his eyes a little to look at him. Then he smiled and slowly moved his hands down Regulus' back until they reached his behind where he then let them rest, only to take a gentle hold on the buttocks. Regulus stiffened for a second but then relaxed, concentrating on the kiss. It was okay. As long as Remus stayed above the clothes, it wasn't too uncomfortable. He rolled onto his back to give Remus access to the front of his body. Somehow he felt like he owed him.

Remus leaned in over him, kissing him still, and moved a hand across his chest, slowly letting it travel down until it reached the hem of his pants. He stopped there, however, knowing not to go too far.

Regulus gulped again, forcing himself to stay calm. He could not keep cringing every time Remus touched him. He didn't understand. Why did he long for Remus to touch him, but then when he did it, he wanted him to stop?

"You okay?" Remus asked, looking a little doubtful.

"Yes. Yes, I'm fine. It feels good," lied Regulus, forcing a smile.

"Okay," said Remus, not fully convinced. He dipped his head to press kisses against Regulus' neck as his hand roamed his chest. He found a nipple through the shirt and started to rub it carefully, hoping for a positive reaction from his boyfriend.

Regulus' whole body jumped and he stared at Remus in shock, regretting it immediately. "Sorry... I'm just a little ticklish," he tried.

"Do you want me to stop?" Remus asked.

Yes! Regulus' brain screamed. Out loud he said, "No, it's okay. Just, maybe not right there." He hated himself for being like this. It wasn't fair to Remus that he kept denying him to touch him anywhere remotely intimate, but he had no idea what to do about it. He had never wished to be normal more strongly than now, to be rid of his stupid anxiety of touch. He had never thought of it as there actually being something wrong with him before. That he did have mental problems. Perhaps it was actually possible to get help? But how? Remus' mother might know, but Regulus could not talk to her about it - especially about her son touching him. Regulus would rather die. And Doctor Pfeiffer he did not trust at all. He was in his mother's pocket, Regulus was sure of it.

Remus pulled away and laid his head on the pillow next to Regulus. He studied him for a long moment and then asked in a kind voice. "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"

Regulus shook his head and lay his head on the pillow next to Remus, looking up at the ceiling. Remus didn't say anything else, so after a few minutes Regulus broke the silence, "I'm sorry I'm such a rotten boyfriend."

"You're not a rotten boyfriend," said Remus and raised his head a little to get a better look at Regulus. "It doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable with me touching you. We will work on that and even if it takes years I'll still think you're the best boyfriend in the world. You know why?" He gently turned Regulus' face around so he could look him in the eye. "Because you are always there for me. You looked out for me day and night when I was ill. You did that although I know how scared you are of hospitals. You did it for me."

Regulus swallowed, looking into Remus' eyes. "But... that's something a friend could do. Boyfriends touch and have... s... sex."

"Well..." said Remus. "Do... do you want to have sex? I don't mean right now, but... in the future?"

"That's what lovers do, you know, so that's what we should." In truth, Regulus was terrified that Remus would get frustrated with him eventually if he did not start giving him anything in that department, and perhaps leave him. An unbearable thought.

"Well, to be perfectly honest I can't deny that I want to have sex with you and touch you under your clothes. The sex part makes me nervous too, though. You would be my first as well," he smiled but then looked serious. "Have you considered that maybe you should try that medication? Or see a therapist that you can trust and open up to?"

Regulus gulped. "I don't trust anybody. Only you. And Sirius, kinda, but he doesn't know anything and doesn't really understand me."

"I'd like to help you in any way I can. Perhaps I could go with you to your sessions?"

"No... I couldn't do that. It would be too embarrassing."

A/N: To see Zayhad's illustration to the chapter go to deviantart dot com and look up Zayhad. She has a folder in her gallery with the story's name on it.