Chapter 28 – You Did What?

Regulus stood by the window in Doctor Bones' waiting room again. He did not want to sit in any of the chairs or be close to the other patients.

"Why don't you sit down?" asked the secretary a little irritably. Obviously she had not forgotten the scene he had caused the last time.

"Because I don't want to."

She rolled her eyes and went back to typing on her computer.

"Regulus?" Doctor Bones walked out from her office and waved him over. "You can come in now."

Regulus sent the secretary a sullen look as he passed her. In the office he sat down, folding his hands in his lap.

"So, Regulus," the therapist started and sat down across from him. "How have you been the past week? Did you challenge yourself?"

"I went on a taxi ride with my brother."

"Really?" she smiled. "And how did that go?"

"It was horrible and I wish I hadn't done it. It was filthy and the driver was pushy."

"And yet you went through with it. You should be proud of yourself."

"It was a bad experience and it only made me want to take a taxi even less in the future. I had to take a shower right away to make sure there was no taxi left on me."

"I see. Well I think you should try and do it again sometime in the near future. Maybe with your brother again or your boyfriend so they can support you. You need to face your fears."

"I don't have any fears," claimed Regulus. "Just things that I don't like."

"Okay," she nodded and took a few notes. "So you went to see your boyfriend? Remus, right? How did that go?"

"Not great. We did the shower thing, but he touched me although he promised not to."

"And that upset you?"

Regulus nodded.

"So because your boyfriend touched you, you might not want to try this again?"

"He promised he wouldn't but did it anyway. I know he didn't mean to, but it still made me uncomfortable."

"But are you angry with him for doing so or can you understand why he slipped up?" she asked.

Regulus thought for a while. "Both."

"Naturally he wants to touch you since you're his boyfriend and he finds you attractive..."

"I know!" snapped Regulus, not in a good mood that day. "I know he doesn't mean to slip up, but it happens. And so I can't trust that it won't happen again."

"I understand that it's hard for you, Regulus. But you will have to put some more trust in Remus. The way you have described him he sounds like a quite amazing bloke."

Regulus pursed his lips and was quiet for a while. A minute later when Doctor Bones had not spoken either, he said, "I let him kiss me, though. All over my upper body. It was alright. Good, actually. I don't understand why I'm okay with that and not the touching. I mean - mouths are more intimate, and there's saliva. But it's the hands. I can't stand the hands!"

"Really?" she asked, looking a little surprised. "You don't mind him kissing your body?" She considered it for a while. "Sounds like your phobia is centred mainly around hands. Have you ever been abused in any way? Beaten or … such?"

Regulus felt his stomach stir. He narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean, such? Why does everybody think I've been molested? I haven't! I haven't! I just don't like hands!"

"All right. I believe you when you say you haven't been molested. I think we touched upon this subject the last time as well. But it must make sense to you when I tell you that most people with phobias of touch have experienced sexual abuse." Regulus opened his mouth, looking angry, but she stopped him with a raised hand. "However -" she continued, "This usually extends to the mouth as well – even more so, in fact – but that does not seem to be your case."

"Because I haven't been molested!" said Regulus and made to get up.

"Please sit down, Regulus," Doctor Bones asked kindly. "I'm saying I believe you, because you do not seem to perceive the mouth as aversive as hands. Severe physical abuse can also cause phobia of hands, but you told me last time that your parents were not particularly abusive, is that not so?"

Regulus calmed down a bit. "Well, they rarely beat us. And my brother has taken the brunt of that, anyway, and he's not scared of anything."

"Some children are more sensitive than others," said Doctor Bones, looking at him with a worried expression. "And even if we are not talking about severe violence, parents should never hit their children."

"They don't do it often, and even then it's just a slap or something. But they're verbally abusive all the time and that's worse. And when my mother tries to force me to do things. Like trying to stuff red meat down my throat because she's tired of me being a freak about what I won't eat. And she tried to force me to take the pills the other doctor prescribed. When my brother stopped her she asked our cook to sneak it into my food."

"My goodness," Doctor Bones, frowning. "I can understand why you have trust issues."

Regulus stopped talking. He didn't feel like talking about his parents. He was here for Remus, not them.

Doctor Bones accepted his silence and asked, "Is there anything else you would like to discuss?"

"Well... Remus wants to take me out to a restaurant. I don't see the point. We can just eat at his or my place. Our cook makes better food than any restaurant."

"I think what he would like to do is take you on a proper date," she smiled. "He wants to do something nice for you."

"But it wouldn't be nice for me. I wouldn't enjoy it at all."

"Why are you so certain of that?"

"Because it would be full of people. The furniture would have been used by all sorts, the hygiene would certainly not live up to my standards. And then there's the food. I wouldn't know where it came from or if the kitchen was clean enough or if the cooks washed their hands all the time."

"But wouldn't it test you? As we have talked about before you need to face your fears. Like you did in the taxi, which I think was a very good exercise for you."

"The only thing I really care about is that I can't be intimate with my boyfriend. That's what we need to fix. I want him to be happy and love me and never leave me." Regulus suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe properly, something that always happened when thinking about Remus leaving him.

Doctor Bones eyed him closely. "Does Remus know how terrified you are of losing him?"

Regulus gulped, not liking how accurately the therapist could read him. "No. I would never tell him that. I would seem needy and clingy." She opened her mouth to speak but Regulus cut her off. "I don't want to talk about that. I just want to fix the touching problem." He glanced at the clock between the windows. His time was almost up.

She noticed him looking at the clock and she picked up her notepad again. "Well, I think we should wrap it up for today but before you go, remember that I only wish to help you. We can talk about anything you like."

Regulus said good-bye but stopped with his hand on the door handle. "So what do you think about the restaurant? Should I say yes just for his sake?"

"You should say yes if you want to go," she said."

"I don't want to go," said Regulus, but got a bad feeling in his stomach thinking about disappointing Remus.

"Consider it at least," she said. "It will be a good exercise for you and you might actually have fun with your boyfriend."

o0o0o

Regulus jumped off his bike and parked it in front of the white wall surrounding a handsome Victorian house. He swung the heavy case off his back and walked up the driveway. He took a deep breath before pushing the doorbell. If he offers his hand, you shake it! You can disinfect later.

The door opened moments later and an elderly man appeared in the doorway. He eyed Regulus. "Yes? Can I help you?"

"I'm Regulus Black. We talked on the phone," said Regulus, a little insulted that the man didn't seem to guess who he was. It wasn't as if it was the hardest task - since Regulus arrived at the precise time they had agreed on.

"Oh yes, of course," said the man and stuck out his hand. Regulus took the hand a little hesitantly and shook it. "You'll have to excuse me – my memory isn't what it used to be. Come in, come in," he smiled and stepped aside to let Regulus pass.

Regulus stepped past him quickly and with as much room between them as he could. He couldn't blow this by being obnoxious to the man.

"So this is a real Lippershey?" asked the man as Regulus opened the case to reveal an old handsome set of telescope and lenses.

"Yes. Designed and owned by the man himself. I have the paperwork to prove it." This rare piece of antiquity was Regulus' pride and joy, but it was only a dead object and it was the most valuable thing Regulus owned. He would be able to put a very large amount into Remus' fund.

The man examined the telescope and a wide smile spread across his face, clearly impressed. "Beautiful! Can I see the papers?" Regulus handed them to him and he looked through them. "Very impressive indeed, my lad, but now comes the question - how much do you want for it?"

"Well, as you and I both know, this is a rare and extremely valuable item. I am only selling because I'm raising money for a very ill friend, so I'm afraid I can't go below 15,000," said Regulus, hoping that the man would not refuse.

The man's jaw dropped and he looked like he had trouble understanding what Regulus had just said. "15,000? That's a lot of money," he said and let his fingers run over the telescope.

"As you see, it's in impeccable condition. You will have trouble locating one this well-kept." Regulus took a look around the house. "And it looks like you can afford it. You have many fine collector's items, it appears."

"Well…" started the man and took another look at the telescope and sighed. "Alright, I'll pay 15,000." He walked over to a desk and took out a checkbook, writing out the amount and Regulus' name and then handed it to Regulus.

Regulus thanked the man and said good-bye. When he came outside back to his bike he tore out a tube of hand sanitizer from his pocket and cleaned his hands thoroughly. He squatted against the wall, shaking and taking some deep breaths, trying to calm himself. It had been very difficult. Shaking the man's hand, being in a strange house and worst of all giving up his most prised possession. But he didn't regret it. Remus was more important.

o0o0o

"Where have you been? At Remus'?" asked Sirius, sticking his head around the corner when Regulus came up the stairs.

"Just out getting something for the fund," he said, handing Sirius the check as if it were nothing special.

Sirius eyes widened as he saw the numbers. "15,000? How the hell did you manage that? Did you sell a kidney?"

Regulus sat down on Sirius' bed, checking that the covers looked fresh first. "I sold my Lippershey."

"You did what? But you love that thing!"

"I do. But Remus is more important. We need to get this going soon."

"We might have enough for the first treatment now," Sirius said and sat down on a chair.

"Thirty thousand for the first round," said Regulus. "We should be about there now. And Remus' parents are surely going to pay as much as they can themselves, anyway, so we should have enough."

Sirius' face lit up. "So we can tell him now? You think he will be difficult about it? You said his mum had said he refused to let them pay that kind of money for him."

"Well, these are donations from rich people, mostly from someone he doesn't know and donate to different causes either way. But he can't know I sold my telescope, Sirius. Ever. It would make him feel so guilty."

"I won't tell him," said Sirius and crossed his heart with a finger. "Bloody hell, I still can't believe you sold it. Never thought you would ever part with it, but I guess you really love Remus, yeah?"

Regulus shrugged. He didn't want to talk about love with his brother. "I was thinking perhaps we could both go to Remus' house and tell him and his parents about the fund. I mean, there's enough now for him to get started. I think the first round takes several months and then there's a long break before the next round, so there should be plenty of time to raise more."

o0o0o

"What a nice surprise!" Remus beamed when he found the brothers on the doorstep.

"Hey, mate," said Sirius and gave his friend a hug.

"Are both your parents home?" asked Regulus.

Remus looked slightly surprised as he nodded. "Yeah they are in the living room. Why?"

"Good," said Sirius and marched past Remus into the living room. "Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin," he said as if he was an important man on urgent business. "If you would please take your seats my brother and I have an announcement to make."

The Lupins looked confused but both sat down along with Remus. "W-what's going on?" asked Remus, looking from Sirius to Regulus.

Regulus let Sirius do the talking. He was much better at things like this. When he had finished speaking there was dead silence in the room, all Lupins sitting with mouths agape.

"We have a good thirty thousand now," said Regulus, unnerved by the silence.

Remus was the one looking most shocked. Had they really made a fund for him? How had they managed to raise that much money within only a few months?

Mr. Lupin got up from his seat to walk around. "You... you two raised all that money to help Remus?"

"Yes," nodded Sirius. "Along with James, Lily and Peter and we will raise more while Remus is undergoing the first treatment."

"I… I can't accept this," said Remus, looking close to tears. "It's too much."

"You have to!" said Regulus. "You're not just doing it for yourself - you're doing it for your parents and friends. And for me."

"Besides, we can't bloody well give it back to the donators," added Sirius.

Remus looked at him and bit his lip to stop it trembling.

Mrs. Lupin couldn't hold back anymore and caught Sirius in a embrace, sobbing against his shoulder. Sirius looked a little taken aback and wasn't sure what to do so he just patted her on the back.

Mr. Lupin stood up and looked at Regulus. He sent him a smile and said. "I would hug you, but I know you don't like that."

Remus got to his feet and walked up to Regulus. He took a deep breath. "Can... can I please hug you? I really need that."

"Of course," said Regulus, a little puzzled. He had been okay with Remus hugging him for a long time, as long as he didn't cling to him or groped too much.

"Thank you so much," Remus sniffed as he hugged Regulus, kind of wishing they were alone so he could kiss him.

"No need," said Regulus, shaking a little from all the emotion and relief over Remus having accepted.

Remus' mother was still crying. Mr. Lupin had sat her down on a chair and fetched her a handkerchief.

Remus let go of Regulus after a minute and looked at him. "I hope you can come to visit. Otherwise I'll miss you too much," he smiled, hoping that Regulus would accept.

"But... You're not staying down there throughout all the treatment, are you?" asked Regulus surprised.

"I don't know," said Remus and looked at his mother who probably knew more about the treatment than he did.

"I think you have to be there a few months," she said, wiping her eyes.

"Perhaps they can take you on in the summer holiday so you don't miss too much school," said Mr. Lupin.

Remus followed Sirius to the door as he was leaving (Regulus stayed behind).

"Thanks for accepting," Sirius said again. "It would have crushed Reggie if you hadn't. It was his idea. It means everything to him."

"I'm really grateful. It's just so overwhelming."

A/N: To see Zayhad's illustration to the chapter go to deviantart dot com and look up Zayhad. She has a folder in her gallery with the story's name on it.