Possible triggers for sexual assault! Read with caution.

Chapter Three: Her Vice

Natsu washed his hands after using the urinal. A deep scowl was present on his face, his eyebrows knitting in aggravation. Tonight really wasn't turning out like he wanted it to. He was a creature of habit, and this night made him feel like he was riding an emotional roller coaster, which sucked in two ways.

Not only was he now reminded of his motion sickness, causing him to run to a stall and empty his stomach into the toilet bowl. 'There goes my alcohol...' But it also made him unhappy to see Lucy again. Maybe if the situation was different, and he'd met her again while out in town, or maybe at a party with their friends, things would be better. This was the last place he wanted her to find him, because it was where he went to unwind.

Natsu washed his hands again, then wiped some cold water on his forehead. He stared at the man in the mirror looking back at him for a few seconds. He hated himself. It was the only truth he knew at the moment. The person he became, the person he grew up to be, he didn't like him. He wasn't sure if it was too late to change, because at this point things seemed hopeless.

For the longest time, he thought all he had to do was see Lucy again, and everything in his life would fall into place. Coming face to face with reality wasn't settling well for him. Nothing was better, in fact it was worse. Lucy was still married, and he was single and alone. He had no idea why she chose to show up tonight, and at Fairy Tail of all places, but now he had to deal with the real world in the place he always tried to lose himself.

It made his mind a mess.

He considered just leaving. It would be easy. "I have work in the morning, so I guess I'll see you around Luce." Yeah, he could already imagine himself saying that. He was foolish for thinking they could just pick up where they last left off. Too many things were different, and too many things were the same. He was still in love with her. The rapid beating of his heart whenever he saw her was enough to prove that to him. He didn't want to let his heart get crushed by her again, because he knew he couldn't even blame her. It wasn't Lucy's fault he loved her. It wasn't anyone's fault but his own.

'Yeah, I should just leave.' He decided, knowing it would make things better for everyone. He could stop by the liquor store on his way home, buy a bottle there and drink at his apartment... alone... like a true alcoholic.

The man cringed, then ran a hand through his pink hair. He didn't want to do that either. At least in a bar he could try to seem normal, but at his apartment, he couldn't fool himself. He'd had many, many drunken nights at his place, and it always ended up the same:

Natsu laying either on the floor or on the couch, crying himself to sleep. The pain was always too much to bear. The realization that he'd be alone forever always took over, and no matter how much he drank, he couldn't chase away those demons that plagued his heart.

If it wasn't for his family, friends, and his job, he didn't know how lost he'd be. He probably wouldn't even leave his house. Opting instead to drink himself to death, because it'd be better than living with this numb feeling surrounding his shattered heart.

"Natsu..."

Natsu jerked his head to the side, shocked to see Lucy sitting next to him. 'When the hell did I leave the bathroom? Did I honestly zone out again? What the hell...?' Rarely did he zone out while walking, but it did happen on occasion. He wished he could blame the alcohol, but after throwing up, he didn't feel it's effects anymore. He'd have to start all over, which pissed him off more.

He just wanted to get drunk at the bar, without any huge emotional stress. Was that too much to ask? Probably, considering he asked for that a lot. His luck was bound to run out, but did it have to vanish when Lucy showed up in his life again?

Yes, it absolutely did, because that was his life.

He looked into her brown eyes, noticing the wetness to them, as if she was on the verge of tears. He gave her all of his attention, waiting for whatever she had to say. She opened her mouth, and the words she said made his chest clench.

"Be honest with me... Did I break your heart?"

He opened his mouth to speak, wanting to deny the truth. Had she broken his heart? Yes, without a doubt. Could he tell her that? He didn't think so. It wasn't fair to put the blame on her, even after she wanted the answer. Even after she wanted him to be honest. She had her own life to deal with, it wouldn't be right to drag her into his turmoil and self-pity.

He had every intention of saying no, but at the last second, he seemed to lose control over his vocal chords. "You sure as hell didn't leave it whole." Green eyes widened as he realized he just admitted it was true. He stumbled with his words, searching for some type of redemption.

"I-I mean, look... It's not, that's not what I meant." He ran his hands through his hair, ruffling his locks more. "I didn't mean to say it like that, it's just-" He was losing it. His heart was beating so hard he could feel it in his throat, or maybe that was from the lump forming. Either way, it was uncomfortable. Hell, his whole body felt uncomfortable. He really should have just left when he had the chance. "I don't want to talk about it."

That seemed like a reasonable answer. Avoidance. It worked so far for the last four years, pushing his real issues to the side and pretending like they weren't there. He could do it again. One more night wouldn't kill him, wouldn't hurt anything.

Lucy on the other hand, wasn't satisfied with that answer. Instead of giving it attention, she went to the second thing that was bothering her. "Did you tell Lisanna you broke up with your girlfriend?"

He caught the hint of jealousy in her tone, it was unmistakable. "I didn't have to tell her. She already knew."

"How?" Lucy's insecurities were palpable, even to the pink haired man who usually chose to remain oblivious to real emotions. It almost made him mad that she felt the right to be jealous, even if there was nothing to be jealous about.

"First of all, my girlfriend dumped me. We didn't break up. Secondly, it's 'cause this isn't the first time it's happened." He didn't mean to snap, but his words came out harsh, cold. He had to work hard to keep his voice low, to avoid disrupting the other patrons. He glared at her, his teeth grinding into each other as he waited for the reply that was sure to come.

"What do you mean?" Lucy asked, her left hand absentmindedly picking at her right wrist. Anxiety bubbled up, making it difficult for her to breathe easily.

"I mean, I come here every time a girl breaks up with me. It's... my tradition," now that he said it out loud, he realized how sad it sounded. It wasn't a tradition, it was a way to forget how much pain he was in, a coping mechanism. His voice lost its angry tone for a second, before he realized what he just said. He didn't want to deal with the embarrassment anymore. This night was hard enough without having to explain himself.

"You know what, fuck this," Natsu grabbed his wallet from his back pocket to pay for the drinks. "I'm done. I'll just go somewhere else and leave you alone."

Before he could raise his hand to get Lisanna's attention, Lucy pleaded, "Natsu, please don't go." Her voice was weak, barely above a whisper.

"Why? I'm sick of getting berated. This is who I am Lucy," as he said the words, he realized how true they were. This was who he was. He was a sad, lonely man, still in love with a woman he could never have.

Suddenly, his anger spiked as he glowered at the woman, "why don't you see how it feels for a bit? Hey Lucy, how's your life been the past four years. I have no idea because you never bother writing me. How's your billion dollar company going? Having fun living a life full of diamonds and pearls while everyone else is working their ass off to barely get by. How's the married life treating you?"

He was seeing red when he finally said, "you know what, I have a better question. Why the fuck are you even here."

The blonde gawked at Natsu, clearly not expecting him to rant at her. She sorted through what he said, some things stinging more than others. Lucy ignored all the questions except one, going straight for it because it bothered her the most. "How long did you expect me to wait for a reply before I got discouraged? I think I waited a fair amount of time!"

Lucy didn't realize she said the last sentence rather loud. Some eyes wandered over to them, checking out the scene at the bar. Many people speculated that they were a couple going through a lover's spat, while others just didn't care enough to come up with a reason for her outburst.

After a silent pause between them, Natsu asked in a low, but abrasive tone, "what the hell are you talking about? What reply?"

"The letters!" She cringed, now figuring out how loud she was being. She steadied her volume so only he could hear. "I wrote you one letter a month for fourteen months, and you never replied. Not even once. I even sent you stamps in the last letter, hoping you would take the hint. I figured you didn't want to talk to me, so I gave up. So you have no right to say I never bothered to write to you."

"I never got anything from you," Natsu accused, appalled that she would tell an outright lie to his face. She had to have a lot of guts to do something that bold.

"That's impossible. I wrote the address perfectly," Lucy shook her head, not believing what he said. "Maybe you moved out of your parent's house right after I left, and they didn't tell you I was writing." She remembered writing his address carefully. With each passing month, she made sure to write it more clearly, even checking it three times before she was satisfied.

Now Natsu knew she was lying. "No, they know to tell me if I got anything, and besides, I didn't move out until a year later. You have no excuses." His glare was borderline murderous. He'd rather her be honest and say she just didn't want to write to him instead of pretending like she did. It was insulting, and honestly hurt his feelings. He thought Lucy was better than that.

Lucy could feel tears lining her eyes. "I promise, I wrote to you. I gave them to-" She stopped, her stomach twisting with dread. "I gave them... to my husband... because he said he wanted to read them first... I thought it was only fair..." She didn't want him to think she was cheating on him, so she willingly let him read every letter she wrote to Natsu. "He... He promised he was mailing them right after he read them..."

The pink haired man's stomach clenched painfully. He wanted to believe her, so much that it hurt. He wanted everything she said to be the truth, because if not, he couldn't take it. So, he believed her. If it all turned out to be a lie, well, he'd deal with it later. Right now, all he could say was, "and you believed that sleaze?"

Natsu didn't know if he was more upset at her husband for not sending the letters, or Lucy for trusting that asshole. She could have easily sent a letter in secret. She could have called him on the phone, fuck, she could have emailed him!

If Lucy didn't want to make the effort, then he wouldn't either. "It doesn't matter anyway, the damage is already done," he sneered, staring ahead at the shelves containing Fairy Tail's liquors. He really wanted a fire whiskey right now to slay his demons. His heart was already growing cold again.

After several minutes of silence, he finally heard her speak again. "What damage?"

He wanted to scoff, because to him, it was obvious. All the women, all the booze, all the lonely nights, all the times he lost hope, only to start over again, wishing that one day he'd see Lucy again. It was just a cover, a distraction, all for nothing. The damage was his life, who he became, the man he hated.

As if sensing his distress, Lisanna came over and made him a fire whiskey. He tried to say thanks when she slid it across the bar counter to him, but his voice came out sounding hoarse and jagged. She left the two of them alone, letting them settling into the uncomfortable silence around them.

Natsu sipped his drink after blowing out the flames. For a moment he wondered what flames tasted like, before vaguely remembering he tried to eat them once, only to burn his tongue in the process. Yup, he had a lot of low points in his life, and there was no one to blame but himself.

He glanced over, seeing Lucy was staring at her own drink. The pink lemonade was mixed with all sorts of things to give it a sweet, yet alcoholic taste. He'd never had one, but he could smell it from where he sat. He noticed that she was still scratching at her skin, as if zoned out herself. He wondered if she suffered from the same thing he did, but quickly cast that thought aside.

Lucy and him had nothing in common, except being at the same place and the same time.

Natsu felt like an idiot for wishing they'd met again. It would have been better to go on living his life like usual. Now he had proof that they weren't compatible anymore. He'd rather be blissfully ignorant, but he can't change things now. He still wanted to leave, but he had more questions forming.

He looked up at her face, seeing the darkness under her eyes. She had a faraway look, as if reliving something. Despite her dull appearance, she was still beautiful. He wondered why she looked so distraught, so worn down. He'd never seen her look so low in her life, yet she wasn't fessing up to anything. He still had no idea why she was even in this place, or in this town for that matter.

She lived in Crocus, and that was a good twenty-four hours away with drive time. He assumed she flew into town, but she had a keychain sticking out of her pocket, which made him think she drove here. 'It could always be a rental car...' He chose to stop wondering, the thoughts of vehicles making his insides swirl in disgust.

Lucy's vision slowly blurred the longer they remained silent. At first she was waiting, desperate to hear what he had to say, but he didn't utter anything. What damage was done? He looked fine to her. The last four years had been kind to him, making the young man she knew back then grow into a handsome adult. His hair was still that vibrant pink that she loved, his green eyes still full of fire. They would dull every once in a while, mainly when he looked at her.

It hurt, but she had to accept it. It was dumb to think he would still hold feelings for her after all these years apart. She left him, and only offered him letters... Letters he didn't even get. She wished she could yell at her husband, but that wouldn't end well for her. It never did...

Lucy held back her tears as she slipped into her bed. It was around four in the afternoon, and the mail had just arrived. Once again, there was nothing from Natsu. She fought with herself, trying to will the pain away. She couldn't blame him for not writing back, but it still brought her this hollow feeling in her chest. She just wanted to hear from him, but he couldn't bother to talk to her.

"Still no letter?" A man's voice rang at the entrance of her room. Scratch that, 'their room'. His voice held amusement, no trace of sympathy to be found.

She didn't attempt to answer. He already knew there was no letter, he was just insulting her foolishness. He wanted her to know how gullible she was to think that someone would actually care enough to write to her.

Today was the day she was going to send the fifteenth letter, begging Natsu to say something, anything. She almost slipped it into the mailbox, even though her husband hadn't read it yet, but she saw the mail had already arrived for the day. When she saw nothing from Natsu, she ripped up the letter she was going to send. She waited long enough. He obviously wanted nothing to do with her. The way her heart clenched was too much to bear, so she walked slowly to the bedroom, wanting to sleep away her pain. That's when her husband decided to mock her... again.

"Does it really matter anyway?" Her husband said, his voice accompanied by the sound of shuffling clothes. "You got me. I'm all you'll ever need."

Lucy frowned, her tears finally spilling down her face. Since she laid on her side, they pooled on her pillow, making her right cheek soaked. Still, she remained silent, no energy to argue with him. She didn't want him, she wanted Natsu. She knew she couldn't have him, but she still thought they could remain friends. Apparently he didn't want that, otherwise he would have responded at least once. She knew she had this coming, but it still hurt deeply.

"Get ready," her husband's voice instructed. "I want to go again."

She gulped, her whole body shaking. She didn't want to 'go again'. It was more disgusting every time it happened. She could actually feel sanity chipping every time, but to hold up her end of the deal, she had to do it. 'It's for mom...' She always told herself that, but it brought no comfort. She was barely above the status of a whore, selling her body for money. The only difference was this was legal, and the money went to her mother's hospital bills to keep her breathing.

Slowly, she sat up. The blanket pooled around her waist, leaving her feeling exposed. She stood up, then pulled down her pants and panties. She kept her shirt on, no reason he needed to see all of her. Regardless, she felt the shame wash over her, tainting her, letting her know she wasn't good for anything but making a baby and keeping up appearances that she was a happy wife who loved her life and husband. It was all a facade, a cruel nightmare she couldn't escape... not without hurting her family in the process.

She laid back down in the center of the bed, with her legs slightly spread. She hated herself, so much. If she knew this was the life she was signing up for, well, to save her mom, she probably would have signed anyway. She just hated that this was her reality. Fresh tears welled up in her brown eyes, but not because Natsu didn't write to her... These tears formed because once again, she was giving up her body, to be used however her husband saw fit.

She threw an arm over her eyes, shielding him from seeing her pained expression. She clenched her teeth when she felt the bed move. It creaked with the added weight, and she felt his body shift until he was on top of her.

"Just make it fast," she muttered, praying it would be over in a flash. She just wanted him to finish so she could go to sleep. There was no point in being awake. There was no business meetings or social gatherings tonight, so her presence wasn't required. She had no friends to entertain, so her day was pointless anyway. She just wanted to go to sleep, because it was her sweet release from life.

A large hand grabbed her wrist, bringing it to the side of her head in an awkward position. She winced in pain, but it went unnoticed by the man hovering over her. "I'll go at whatever pace I want!"

His eyes were cold, his smile wicked. She quivered, trying to sink into the mattress, as if it might help her get away from him. He grabbed her harshly, making her jolt away. "Please stop, I... I don't want it right now!" She didn't want it ever, but at least every other time he hadn't been so rough to her in the process.

She squirmed, trying to get away, but his weight was far heavier than hers. He grabbed her other arm, pinning it above her head. "Shhhhh," his tone was oddly calming, yet she saw the madness in his eyes. "Just stay still, it'll be over before you know it..."

Lucy closed her eyes, relieved that he let her do that. She felt every bit of what he did to her, and it made stomach acid rise in her throat many times. It wasn't over before she knew it... She had to suffer through it, and the many times that came after that. The only thing on her mind while she was being used was, 'is this really my life?'

"Will you cut that out!" A man's voice broke Lucy out of her flashback. She jerked away when she felt a hand grab her wrist.

"Don't touch me!" She screamed, nearly falling out of her seat when she recoiled away from the touch.

Natsu's eyes grew large, his mouth hanging open. He had no idea what just happened. He had reached over to stop her from scratching herself. She was started to get deep red welts on her flesh, and he figured she didn't even feel it since her mind was obviously not in this moment anymore.

He didn't think he hurt her. He was gentle, barely putting pressure on her skin before she started yelling. Of course her voice carried, gaining everyone's attention. People scowled at Natsu, thinking he was responsible for her outburst. Some people whispered, and his sharp ears caught some of what was said.

"... think he hit her?"

"I saw it, he actually..."

"... call the cops. I bet..."

Natsu glared at the people staring at him. He knew he wasn't in any real trouble. There were cameras all over the bar. He knew for a fact one of them was in the corner facing his direction, which would show he was innocent. Still, that did little to calm his racing mind.

Luckily for him, a loud voice broke the tension. "There's nothing to see here, just go about your business!"

Everyone's eyes snapped over to the large man in the center of the bar. He wore a black shirt with the word security on the back. Everyone in the place knew him as 'The Beast', Fairy Tail's best security guard, but to a select few, he was known as...

"Thanks Elfman," the pink haired man muttered when the burly man came up to check on them. Some people turned away, deciding they'd rather not get involved, but the majority of the patrons were still staring at the trio.

"What happened?" The white haired man got straight to the point. His sister, Lisanna, had asked him to step in, and he knew it'd be unmanly to deny her request.

"I honestly don't know. I just touched her wrist and she freaked out," Natsu didn't bother sugar-coating it. He knew Elfman had no room for funny business when he was on the job, so he answered him immediately and truthfully.

The large man turned to Lucy, seeing the blonde for the first time in years as well. "Lucy? What are you doing here?" He lost his serious demeanor in a second, choosing instead to crush the girl in a hug. "We all missed you."

Natsu held back the growl that was forming in his throat. He never liked seeing other men touch Lucy, even if it was just hugging. He never said anything though, knowing she had a right to touch whoever she wanted to. It wasn't his business, even if he didn't like it. It was one of the reasons he was glad he wasn't invited to Lucy's wedding. He wouldn't have been able to see her with her husband, especially when they had to kiss at the end of the ceremony.

"I missed... you too..." She seemed lost, as if dazed by the whole situation. To her, she was just grabbed by her husband, but now she was in the bar, safe but confused. "What happened?"

Elfman pulled away from her, his eyebrows knitting together at her question. "That's what I want to know. A girl yells 'don't touch me' in here, and we take it seriously. Are you okay? Did Natsu hurt you?"

The pink haired man didn't say anything. He didn't want to influence Lucy's answer in any way. He kept his eyes on her drink, not daring to look into her eyes. He knew what really happened, but he was curious as to what she would say. He'd never seen a girl look so spooked before, it was alarming to say the least.

"Natsu didn't hurt me. I just had a moment. It won't happen again, I promise." She frowned, realizing she might have caused problems for her best friend. She didn't intend on that to happen, she just reacted how she always did when her husband touched her. Clearly she wasn't in her right mind, so she'd have to be careful with what she said and did from now on to avoid anything like this happening again.

"I'm sorry to cause a disturbance," the blonde mumbled, her eyes dropped to her lap. She saw the wrist she was worrying with her nails. It was nothing compared to the skin currently covering in clothes. She felt the prick behind her eyes, the tell-tale sign that she was about to cry again. "Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom."

She stood up, then walked to the place Natsu came from not to long ago. When she was out of range, Natsu looked up at Elfman. "Can you check the security cameras. I really don't want anyone thinking I hurt her or anything."

"I trust you," the white haired man nodded, "but if it'll make you feel better, I'll go run back there and look at 'em."

"Thanks," he sighed, relieved that there were cameras to back him up.

"It's crazy, seeing her again after so long," Elfman started before making his exit. "She looks almost the same."

Natsu nodded, knowing what he was implying. There were obvious differences, but most could be blamed on a lack of sleep. He was sure with a little sun and some rest, she'd look like her old self. Despite her worn down appearance, the years had been kind to her. He had to hand it to Jude and Layla, they made a pretty daughter.

Lucy came back to the bar quickly. She had splashed some cold water on her face, trying to make herself feel better. She glanced up at Natsu, seeing him fidget in his seat. "I'm sorry for that," she said, startling him. "Can we..." She almost asked if they could pretend it never happened, but that thought brought on a memory all on its own.

"It's pretty damn good," Natsu laughed, holding out his drink for her to try. "Have a taste."

Lucy glanced down at the chewed up straw, then back at her crush's green eyes. She had half a mind to push his drink away. They both knew she didn't like that flavor. But he did invite her to have a taste... Maybe she could sample it another way?

She had always wanted to kiss him, ever since they met. She didn't know if he felt the same way about her, but she hoped he did. She knew it was a risk, putting herself out there, but she figured she wouldn't know unless she tried.

She leaned in, not giving him much time to react. Her heart was racing as she planted her lips on his. She could taste his smoothie, but her mind barely registered that fact. She fought to not smile against his lips, not wanting to ruin the moment. He was warm despite the chilly drink he was slurping on.

The kiss ended quickly, with her pulling away with a deep blush on her cheeks. She watched as Natsu's tongue came out, swiping at the moisture on his bottom lip as he held her gaze. It seemed like the perfect moment, until she saw some movement behind him.

Her eyes flickered over, trepidation coursing through her system when she realized a maid had seen the whole thing. Without thinking, she immediately said, "I'm so sorry! I-I don't know what came over me..."

She hardly noticed that Natsu was trying to say something, her focus was on the maid who looked disappointed in her. "Can we pretend this never happened?"

Natsu had agreed, but she still remembered the pained expression he gave her. She wished she could talk about it with him, but her father would've been furious if he found out. After Natsu left that day, she begged the maid to stay quiet about what she saw. She promised it wouldn't happen again, knowing all of her father's staff had been instructed to report if they saw Lucy doing anything bad.

Unfortunately, Jude Heartfilia considered her kissing Natsu as bad. To be fair, he didn't want his daughter kissing anyone, but he made it clear that he especially didn't want it to be Natsu. Lucy knew that her father would forbid her from seeing the pink haired teen again if he found out, so she was determined to do anything to keep him from knowing. She managed to get the maid to agree to not say anything, so long as she didn't do it again. So far, she kept her promise.

Lucy bit her lip, stalling as she figured out what else she could say to the man in front of her. "Can we start over?"

He blinked at her, surprised she'd ask that. He swore she'd ask him to forget what just happened, like she did before, but she didn't. He nodded, knowing they could definitely use a fresh start. "Yeah, I'd love that."

Can anyone guess what Lucy's vice is? I think I made it obvious, but who knows.

Thank you for the favs and follows! And to those who reviewed: katiekat2001, DragonQ, ArachDraco, FlameDragonHime, MarSofTheGalaxies, Argo0, SakuraStar1862, Crimsonlink310, DarkPhantom117, Guest, & Ashnmarley!

The next few chapters are going to get more angsty. Just a warning. Next up, Chapter four: Sweet Release.

Let me know what you think!