A Star Trek Fiction

"James Tiberius Kirk, a restless, young, defiant, rebellious, charming Captain of the USS Enterprise and just because he's a daring Captain doesn't mean he doesn't get himself into some real trouble, but this time it was different, very different."

A Little Rattled Up That's All

Disclaimer:*Warning! Contains adult themes, such as swearing, sexual content, suicide mentions, and violence, for mature readers only*

Chapter 2: Bones Please

Kirk squeezed his blue eyes shut, ignoring the beeping, talking, and stomping. He wanted sleep so desperately, he wanted to be able to forget. Of course that didn't happen, more than likely it'll never happen. It's just one of those things that he'd have to live with for the rest of his life.

Jim was tangled in his thoughts he hadn't realized Bones had walked back over to him, a PADD in his grasp.

"Hey kid, you gotta sleep. You're over stressing and we need you to calm down and get some rest. Alright?" Bones informed him, scrolling through his vitals.

"You've been awake for the past ten hours." Bones stated and Kirk's jaw dropped.

Awake for ten hours, no way. It only seemed like mere minutes and yet here's Bones telling him that it's been hours. No way. There's no way in hell he's believing it.

"Look I can either sedate you, or you can sleep yourself, it's up to you. Also by tomorrow morning you'll be all cleared to sleep in your quarters, if you tell me what happened that is." McCoy muttered and gazed into the Captain's weary gaze.

"Get some shut eye, Jim." Bones smirked and patted his shoulder before leaving.

Kirk sighed. No way in hell. Not ten hours, more like ten minutes, if that. But he did sure feel tired.

Shit. Is he losing his mind? Yup, he's gonna sleep now.

Jim shut his heavy eyes. Sleep found him easily but didn't let him sleep for long. His slumber was haunted, full of his nightmares. He spent most of the night thrashing back and forth.

He awoke at four in the morning, well at least in the ship's day and night cycle that is.

His body was covered with sweat, his eyes bloodshot. Kirk rolled his head over and saw a figure sitting beside him. The figure was tall and slim, the slight light reflecting off of their gleaming eyes.

"You're awake." Spock stated, seeing that the Captain's blue eyes had peeled halfway open.

Kirk just grunted in response, head pounding slightly.

"Feeling the urge to speak now?" Spock questioned, his head tilted slightly.

Kirk just moaned his response unable to speak any words. He wished he could console his partner reassure him he was fine, but his voice was lost at sea.

"What happened exactly? I know you were at bar, but what happened after. I have no information to go off of to make any sort of calculations to determine any outcomes." Spock stated and Kirk rolled his eyes a whimper escaping his lips.

"I know it is against regulations, but would you like to take a walk with me? I won't inform the Doctor if that pleases you." Spock asked suddenly and Kirk nodded his head.

Kirk saw a slight smirk appear onto Spock's face as he helped him into a sitting position.

With Spock's arms wrapped around him, Kirk swung his legs over the lip of the bed and pressed his soles to the ground. The coolness of the ground gave a slight sensation of freedom as he took his first step. Spock was still firmly guiding him as they walked further out.

When Kirk got the hang of it, only a gentle hand lay on his back for stability as they roamed the empty halls.

Their walk was in silence, their expressions conveying the unsaid words that longed to be whispered. Their thoughts mingled through the starry night, neither one wanting to break the silence of the night, afraid that it will only consume the other.

After an hour or so Spock finally paused in stride and Kirk did the same.

Jim gazed at his friend, his mouth partially parted for speech, but he gave none.

"Captain . . . Jim, you most tell me . . ." Spock muttered, his voice fading which was unusual for him.

He was at loss for words. Shit, this was serious now.

Kirk swallowed, hoping Spock didn't see the unmanly tears starting to pool. A weak whimper escaped his lips and his jaw trembled. What can he say? What will he say?

"Spock." Jim breathed and that was enough to make his friend smile.

"Jim." Spock replied, placing a hand on his shoulder and Jim struggled to compose himself.

"Spock, I-I, I don't know how to-to tell you this, but I-but I got into some real trouble Spock. Some real trouble." Kirk's voice cracked and he covered his mouth with his hand and Spock shifted his jaw slightly.

Jim was smirking, trying to stop his jaw from trembling. His eyes were rebellious; they didn't listen and continued to cry.

Kirk swallowed and his face pulled into a smile as a few tears slipped by.

"Spock, there-there was a-another man . . . Spock." Jim voice cracked into a whisper and Spock tried his best to remain emotionless, but he could feel his human side taking over.

"Captain . . . Jim, it's completely normal to feel emotionally unstable after a traumatic experience. But I must know what that experience was." Spock informed the shaking Captain, his hands placed on his shoulders.

"Spock, there was-was a . . . a man in my bed, what do-do you not understand?" Jim was crumbling now, his knees wobbling.

Spock instantly regretted his insertion and clamped his mouth shut. Jim was falling apart, his hands covering his face from Spock's unwavering gaze.

The Vulcan opened his mouth to speak, and then thought better of it.

The Captain now could no longer stand and he collapsed to the floor, his chest heaving mighty sobs. Spock crouched down beside him, peeling Jim's hands from his face to stare into his ocean blue eyes. Jim took a shuddering breath and gazed back. His eyes were red and swelling with tears that made his face blotchy.

Spock sighed and placed his hands on either side of Kirk's face, and with his thumbs rubbed the tears from his cheeks. Jim's face began to quiver again with sobs so in response Spock wrapped the human into a hug.

Jim almost fought it, wanting to push the Vulcan from him. But Spock only clung on harder until the Captain gave in to his unmanly affection.

Spock placed Kirk's head to his shoulder and kept his hand in his hair. The Vulcan was struggling to keep the tears back now.

Spock didn't know how long they remained in that position, but when he finally did begin to pull away he noticed that Kirk was sound asleep.

Muscles straining, Spock managed to get Jim into a standing position, from there he scooped his body up into his arms. His body in the cradle position, his arms and feet dangling, Spock carried him through the halls.

He reached Kirk's quarters and slid the door back, which was easy because his door was unlocked. Spock then proceeded to place Kirk into his own bed, pulling the sheets up to his chin. Jim moaned slightly but Spock hushed him and turned off the lights.

Without a sound, Spock exited the room and returned to his own. When he awoke he would inform Doctor McCoy of Kirk's confession.

Bones was rushing down the hall, his heart racing. This morning his alarm went off and about five minutes later he received a warning on his PADD. When he checked it, the device informed him of Jim's vitals, which were spiking in all different directions. So now, Bones was running to Kirk's room, getting a bit queasy in the stomach.

When he reached the room, he opened the door immediately, finding that he didn't need to punch in his medical code. It felt like ages until the door finally slid back all the way and Bones shut the door behind himself.

What he saw before him, sent chills down his spine.

Kirk was pacing back and forth, pants coming through his lips. His eyes were wide rimmed and his limbs were shaking. His hair stood up on end and he was muttering something under his breath.

"Jim?" Bones called out, taking a few steps towards his commanding officer. But Kirk ignored him, continuing his pacing and frantic murmuring.

"Jim, please . . ." Bones trailed off as he got closer.

"Jim, snap out of it!" Bones snapped, grasping his Captain by the shoulders and turning him around so he could face him.

Kirk's expression solidified for a moment and Bones could see the old Kirk. But the moment rapidly disappeared and he returned to his unstable state.

Jim simply shrugged off Bones' helping hands and went back to his pacing and murmuring.

"Jim!" McCoy grasped him by his medical gown and slammed him into the nearby wall, which greatly startled Jim.

"Bones I just don't want it to happen! Oh please god take these memories I don't want them anymore! They haunt me Bones and they won't go away. Just give me a gun Bones, I tried and I couldn't but I can now Bones, I can. Just one gun and one pull of the trigger. Please Bones be a good friend and end this please Bones . . ." The restless Captain rambled, shaking within the Doctor's grip.

"Jim . . ." Bones was at loss, his voice stuck in his throat.

"Please Bones I'm ready now. I want it, I want this, please Bones. Don't send me back, don't make me sleep. I don't want sleep, sleep hurts me and when I hurt nobody helps. I'm all alone Bones. I'm all alone." Jim was trembling, oxygen no longer flowing steadily through his lungs, he was hyperventilating.

Bones was shaken, scared shit.

"Jim you need to stop, your vitals are through the roof. You could have a-" Bones finally managed to say but he was cut short when Jim started to panic.

Jim's lungs clawed for air, but received little.

He was shaking uncontrollably and Bones was just watching.

"Bones . . . !" He whimpered and crumbled in his arms.

"Dammit Jim!" The Doctor swore as he barely managed to get Jim to sit upright for the Captain had immediately gone into the fetal position.

"Jim! Jim, listen to me, calm down. You need to breathe, just breathe dammit!" McCoy told him, feeling no breath escaping Jim's lips.

Bones froze, he almost didn't know what to do, he had his med kit but that wasn't going to help the kid's emotional trauma here.

As if instinctual, Bones pulled his friend onto his lap and pressed him close to his chest.

"Just breathe kid." Bones rasped, his voice almost coming to a whisper in the silent room.

"Bones . . ." Jim muttered and Bones' face cringed into the normal scowl.

"Shut up kid, and catch your breath, dammit." Leonard replied and he could've sworn he saw Jim smirk at the remark.

Bones sighed and placed his hand into the wheezing Captain's hair, he immediately felt him tense up, then relax as he stroked steadily through the blond hair.

Slowly, Jim's hyperventilating died down and he began to suck in full amounts of oxygen. Bones continued to play with Jim's hair, knowing that it would help calm the kid.

"Bones?" Kirk's voice whispered hoarsely after a few long moments and Bones smiled down at him.

"Yeah kid?" Bones replied softly, his chest filling in with relief.

"I need to tell you-" Jim started and Bones sighed.

"I know kid, I knew the minute we got you into the Sick Bay what had happened to you." Bones informed him and Kirk took a shuddered breath.

"Jim, those machines tell you everything, plus you showed all the physical and mental signs . . . But enough talk about it, doesn't matter now." Bones talked and Jim sighed at the soothing tone of his voice.

"Just two things Jim, first: no more panic attacks-" Jim laughed slightly and Bones continued, "-and two: no secrets. Got it?"

"Mmhmm Bones." Jim mumbled and Bones smirked.

"That's a good boy, Jimmy." The Doctor replied and gave the Captain a good hair ruffling before helping him to his feet.

Kirk returned to his normal duties the following day. Bones was beside him for most of the time and was always handing him drinks and snacks, for more than once had Jim almost passed out on duty.

The days went by slowly but the nights were slower. Spock and Bones took turns checking in on their Captain, most nights he was only giving silent complaints in his sleep, but others it was full on thrashing and waking up with screams. When this happened it was up to Spock or Bones to soothe him to sleep. He didn't like it, and most of the time he refused their comforting words.

Deep down Jim did find comfort waking up to Spock or Bones sitting in a chair beside his bed, sleeping soundlessly. Eventually Jim got into the habit of waking up at two in the morning to walk either one of them back to their room.

After about a little over a month, things went back to normal. Jim had a few late nights which involved drinking but he was through the worst of it. Bones had acted as his psychiatrist and Spock was his shoulder to lean on. He didn't shed any tears in front of them anymore but both men knew he sometimes had tearful nights.

About three months later Jim had finally got another trip. He was suited up, a smile curving his lips, and his eyes gleaming.

Bones smirked, Jim was finally genuinely happy. His teeth was white and shiny and his giggle he gave as he saw Spock almost trip over his own feet made Bones' eyes well with tears. Jim was himself, yes he had those late nights and shameful memories but this was as good as it was gonna get and Bones decided to enjoy it.