I didn't die. I did wake up, but it wasn't in the tunnel. There was an old wood floor under my face, made from quartersawn oak, impregnated with hundreds of years worth of wax. Within sight were a million furniture feet, bottoms of crates, boxes, urns, and occasional taxidermy projects.

The alien weapon was resting just out of reach. I was glad of that in an abstract kind of way.

"When I get up from here," I slurred, "somebody better have a good reason for this. Urgh."

"Sir, are you alright?" Hermione asked after she knelt down beside my head.

"I think I need to vomit, and I can see up your skirt."

She smacked me. On the bright side, I didn't throw up.

Harry helped me into a sitting position. The Man Scythe was with me, and so was my tactical bag. Those were a big comfort, but they didn't do a Hell of a lot for the vexation I would be expressing as soon as the world stopped wobbling.

"I've never seen someone have problems like that when traveling by Portkey."

"Ron, he's probably never done this before. And I don't know how Muggles typically react to them." Harry was defending me. Nice.

All of a sudden, I felt like myself again. I suppose the nanotechnology pulled itself together or something.

"One of you gets to tell me why you kidnapped me, and how you're going to get me home. I'll give you thirty seconds before I peel the answers out of you. Twenty-nine."

Hermione stood ramrod-straight and started explaining.

"You are in the Room of Requirement. This is where Harry found the stone that transported us to you." She spoke clearly, I don't think she wanted to have any chance that I'd misunderstand. "The Room of Requirement's magic is that it gives you what you need when you need it."

I kept expecting her to salute, but she kept on explaining.

"Harry asked for something that would help us discover... Erm... Something that would help us defeat Voldemort. The stone which took us to you was an item in the room created. It makes sense that you will help us defeat Voldemort."

"Fine. You could have asked, or told me about this before WOOSH."

"I wasn't sure you would agree to come, and according to you, we were short on time. Most likely too short on time for a proper explanation. I can, however, send you back the same way we brought you here. I'm terribly sorry if I made a decision that has affected you in a bad way."

The young woman actually bowed her head. Talk about sincerity! It reduced my pique by twenty-five percent.

"So, you feel there's a reasonable chance I can go home again. Magic is real. The room provides what is needed. I'm making these statements based on what you've told me. Are they correct?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Fine." I stood up. "Nobody dies today. I'm willing to let you convince me that your theory is correct, Curly."

Everyone relaxed. I didn't notice that Ron had been covering me with his wand. He put it into a pocket inside his robe the moment I saw it.

"Thank you, Frank," Harry said with a perplexed expression, "um...I feel like I should call you Mister, but I don't know your last name."

"Stewart. Frank Stewart. Don't stand on ceremony, though. First name is fine."

"Harry Potter. Thank you, Mr. Stewart."

"Hermione Granger, Sir."

"Ron Weasley."

I nodded at the trio and asked what was next on the itinerary.

** - HPDEB - **

"We have to take him to see Professor Dumbledore," Harry said, "that should be the very first thing."

Ron gave him a sidelong glance and offered his thoughts.

"Yeh, but that means he's walking around the halls with us. Sort of stands out, doesn't he?"

They watched Frank look around, pause, and look up to the ceiling. Then he said, "Hey, Room! I don't suppose you've got any large robes hanging around, do you?"

"That was direct," Hermione commented, "but you're not a wizard, the room probably won't work for you. Then again, I don't know that there's ever been a Muggle in Hogwarts to test that."

"There's my cloak." Harry smiled. "He can walk beside us that way!"

"True." Hermione agreed.

"Brilliant." Said Ron.

Their guest looked mystified. He picked up his large curved weapon, did something to the handle, and folded the blade down so that it nestled in the frame. Then he put it behind his back. It seemed to click into place and stay there. He walked over to the alien gun, unzipped his shoulder bag, and put it inside.

"We can debate this all day, but we might as well get people used to seeing a stranger. I might be here a while." Frank shrugged, and put his black bag over the other shoulder. "Let's go."

"Mr. Stewart, wait!"

He turned to Hermione. "Yes?"

"You really can't go out looking like that. We'll have far too many questions to answer."

"Unless you want me parading around naked, this will have to do."

Hermione blushed madly, and tried to keep her mind on the task at hand. "That isn't what I mean. Scourgify!"

** - HPDEB - **

I felt an odd sensation, almost like a breeze fluttering over me. When I looked down, my clothes were clean. I sniffed at them. They didn't smell fabulous, but they were better than they'd have been covered in blood.

"That's a nice trick, Curly."

"It's a cleaning spell, Mr. Stewart. Allow me a moment to fix the holes." She walked up to me and started examining my shirt. At each hole, she twirled her wand slightly and whispered, "Reparo." I watched the fabric knit itself back together.

"Thanks. That's a big help. Now, let's go."

** - HPDEB - **

The Golden Trio were stunned when he turned around, saw the door, and began walking towards it. They protested mightily, but didn't try to stop him.

"He's really gonna do it!" Ron squeaked. "I don't believe this!"

Sure enough, Frank opened the door and stepped out into the hall. He looked around and commented on the wonderful architecture. With a quick scourgify each for Ron and Harry, the trio followed.

Much to Harry, Ron and Hermione's chagrin, the first person they saw was Professor McGonagall. Doom on two feet.

Frank saw her too, and actually waved.

"Excuse me, ma'am, the kids tell me I need to speak with Professor Dumbledore. Where can I find his office?"

McGonagall's glasses almost twitched. "This is very irregular. Children, who is this man?"

"Frank Stewart," he answered for himself as he approached her. "I appear to be a guest, thanks to my young friends here. Pleased to meet you…"

"Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall. Guest? What is going on here?"

Frank held out his hand. She looked at it as though it might explode but shook it anyway.

"Well. Ah." Harry tried to put useful words together. "The Room of Requirement, you see."

"Oh." McGonagall sighed and speared them all with a hard look. "Why is it when something happens it is always you three? Very well, take your guest to the headmaster then. I shall expect a full report from the three of you later."

The Professor gave the stranger a curt nod, and continued on her way.

When she was out of earshot, Frank said to them, "She's amazing. I feel guilty for breathing around her. So intense!"

Hermione, Ron and Harry looked at him like he was certifiably insane.

"Just come with me and don't talk to anyone else." Hermione took his hand and pulled him down the hallway. The boys followed.

** - HPDEB - **

I might be wrong, but I think we walked forever. Loads of staircases. Sure, I know precisely how far we trudged, but who cares.

The architecture of the place was marvelous, all old castle stuff. I wanted to swashbuckle and say useless words like "Verily!"

When we reached the Gargoyle Hallway, I stood in awe. Everything about the lines and forms of the chamber led your eyes to this gorgeous stone monstrosity squatting in front of a wall. Huge! Formidable! Gorgeous!

The kids walked right up to it, but I held back a little. I don't know why it intimidated me that way, but it did. It made their Professor McGonagall look like your peachy-cheeked nanny, the one who always has sweets.

Okay, that was my childhood. Pay no attention to me.

** - HPDEB - **

"Acid Pops!" said Harry confidently. But nothing happened.

"Harry, that was the password months ago, I'm sure Professor Dumbledore has changed it by now."

"Yeah, you're right, Hermione. Guess it's time for a guessing game again. Cockroach clusters? Don't look at me like that, Hermione, he's used it before. Er...Toothflossing Stringmints? Ice Mice? Blood Pops? Exploding Bon Bons? Bertie Botts?"

Hermione calmly stepped in front of Harry. "Ms. Gargoyle, would you kindly ask the Headmaster if we may visit him? It is a bit of an emergency."

"Names?" asked the gargoyle.

Hermione rolled her eyes at her gawking companions. "Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Frank Stewart."

The gargoyle nodded and went still.

"Hermione, how did you know to do that? Or that the gargoyle is a girl?"

"How long will it take you two to read Hogwarts: A History?"

"The headmaster will see you now." The gargoyle sprang to one side as the wall behind her split in two.

"Thank you." Hermione led the others up the spiral staircase and knocked on the door. After being bid to enter, she led them all inside.