"My lord, Draco has sent me a report. It seems as though there is a Muggle at Hogwarts."
"A Muggle? Lucius, that is preposterous."
"It is here, my lord. The Muggle has been acknowledged as a guest of Dumbledore."
"Of course. That Muggle-loving fool. How dare he sully Hogwarts in such a way?"
"I know not, my lord. Draco says little is known of this Muggle as of yet."
"Tell him I expect regular reports. I am bothered that Severus did not see fit to tell me this news."
** - HPDEB - **
I woke up on Sunday with a conversation hangover. I'd spent less than two hours with the Gryffindor kids the night before, and they wore me the Hell right out. Questions! Questions!
Then again, they weren't the only ones collecting information. I did my share, and the things they told me about their lives were interesting...Their social dynamics and pecking order were fascinating as well.
Harry Potter is the lynchpin of the group, but also isolated. Hermione and Ron are "his people." Ginny and Neville run a close second.
Seamus and Dean were his friends and supporters, just like his other two dorm mates, but less fervent. Intriguing!
Parvati seems pretty loyal, too. Apparently, she's got a twin sister who was sorted into a different house. Ravenclaw?
Lavender bothered me from the start. She's a professional hanger-on, and far less intelligent than the others. What she has, that they don't, is an abundance of cunning. If she could have, she would have been in Harry Potter's bed so fast that the sheets would burn up.
Hermione was interesting, too. Only child. I'd bet money on that. The girls were terrified of her. For sheer brainpower, they ought to be. The boys were wary, too. Somewhere, somehow, she'd brought them all under her thumb.
Go Curly, go!
She's devilishly cute. The boys here haven't developed adult tastes yet, or they'd be following her around with boxes of chocolates. Honestly, I was tempted to...I put that thought away pretty fast.
Morning recollections aside, I needed to get up, clean myself off, recycle my clothes, and see about breakfast. I prayed to seven different deities that these people knew what coffee was.
"Um. Good morning, Pippy!" I called out.
Poof, there he was!
"Pippy wishes Sir a good morning! How can Pippy help Sir?"
"Well, I need a toilet and somewhere to bathe, I'm guessing the bathroom is through there? And a toothbrush, if there is one. And I don't know what to do about my clothes."
"What does Sir need for Sir's clothes? Pippy will fix!"
"Ah, they're just dirty from being worn, and slept in."
"Pippy will wash them! Come, Sir. Pippy will show where Sir can wash!"
I followed the little guy through the door I'd suspected led to a bathroom, and into a brass and copper paradise. There's nothing like an antique toilet, a porcelain bathtub, and towels so thick that they'd choke a moose. It was heaven!
"Oh, Pippy." I sighed. "Oh, Pippy!"
"Sir is upset? Pippy can fix!"
"No, Pippy, I'm happy. I'm very happy. This is a glorious washroom!"
"Pippy is pleased, Sir! Pippy will attend to Sir's clothes."
He vanished.
I got clean.
** - HPDEB - **
Harry, Ron, and Hermione dodged the morning rush by going straight to Frank's room. There was a small scuffle over who got to knock on the door, but it opened before they sorted themselves out.
"Hey," Frank said. "Breakfast?"
"We thought you'd like to come with us, Sir!" Hermione chirped.
"Breakfast is a good thing," said Ron. "C'mon, a rasher and a fried slice is waiting."
Frank walked out into the hallway, dressed the same as the day before, but looking a million times more refreshed. Hermione took his hand and started escorting him down the hall. Harry adjusted his glasses and wondered what he was looking at. Hermione was definitely taking on the role of aggressive tour guide.
"I realize this is Scotland," their guest began, "but I'm hoping there's coffee available. Is there?"
"That's awful stuff!" Ron exclaimed as the walked down the stairs. "Can't see why anyone drinks it."
"There is always coffee, tea and pumpkin juice with breakfast."
"Thank you, Harry. I really can't get through without a stiff cup of coffee." Frank reached over and messed up Harry's messed up hair. The locks were either resistant to brushing, or it was a style choice on the part of the young wizard, Frank wasn't sure.
By the time they reached the great hall most of the students had crammed in already, so making their way to the Gryffindor table was easy. Professor McGonagall stepped in, interrupting their progress.
"Good morning. Will our guest be joining us at the head table this morning?"
"Professor McGonagall! Good morning. I think I've been shanghaied by a trio of young highwaymen. I think things would go poorly for me if I refuse them. Would you tender my regrets to the head table?"
"Only if you refrain from mixing your miscreants that way. To be shanghaied is to be pressed into naval service. Being set upon by highwaymen meant robbery, rape, or murder. Many times, all three."
"I will correct that, Professor. Thank you."
McGonagall huffed, nodded, and strode away.
"Blimey, Frank! That was well done!" Ron declared as he sat down beside his girlfriend.
"Good mornin' Mister Stewart! D'you know the latest football scores?"
"Dean, is it?" The boy nodded. "I haven't kept up on football in a while. When I did, West Ham was my team."
"Oh we'll get along famously then! Come up to the dorm, I've got posters!"
Frank nodded, took a seat between Harry and Hermione, and searched the table for evidence of a container that might be hiding coffee. He whined quietly.
"Sir, just tell your cup what you'd like to drink and it will fill up." Hermione told him, and remembered that she hadn't let go of his hand yet. She let her fingers go limp, and felt strangely sad about it.
"This magic thing...crazy. Hello, cup. Coffee please. Black. As strong as you feel like filling up with. Thank you."
The cup filled up, and Frank took a drink.
"Frank, why are you swooning that way?" Harry asked.
"Oh, son, this is good coffee. I haven't had coffee this good in years." He sighed deeply and took another scalding sip. "If I end up under the table, making happy noises, don't worry."
"You like it that much?" Parvati asked. "Do you eat spicy food as well?"
Frank's eyes focused on the young lady. "Your family is from India originally?"
"Yes! Have you met people from India before?"
He nodded. "Two of my best friends at home, the smartest people I have ever known, are Indian. I believe Bajali's family is from New Delhi. Jayashri's family...I think they were from somewhere near there. I've eaten dinner with them, almost exclusively, for two years. They are both accomplished cooks, among other things."
Parvati smiled and clapped her hands. Having a guest who wasn't utterly ignorant of the wider world was a joy.
Breakfast conversation went much the same way as the chats the night before, until Frank made a very particular request.
"Can you guys tell me about your professors? I'd like to know more about all of them."
** - HPDEB - **
By the time breakfast was over, I had a pretty decent feel for some of the instructors' personalities.
McGonagall: strict as Hell, but evenhanded and fair.
Flitwick: overall a decent guy, used to be a dueling champion when he was younger. From a magical perspective, deadly like James Bond.
Trelawny: utter space cadet, and most likely a complete fraud, although Parvati and Lavender disagree.
Slughorn: plays a very involved game of favorites, likes to be well connected. He could be useful if played properly.
Burbage: sweet, a little obsessive, but decent.
Sprout: solid, dignified, obsessive, always completely fair.
Snape: cruel bastard, favors his own House, routinely doles out psychological, if not physical, abuse. One (small) saving grace, he saved Harry's life back in the day.
I took those thoughts with me as I made my way to Professor Dumbledore's office. It was going to be an epic discussion, of that I was sure.
** - HPDEB - **
"Professor, before we begin, I have a rather pressing need."
Dumbledore looked at me, curiously. "If I can help, Frank, I will."
"As I mentioned yesterday, I have only the clothes on my back and the items in my bag. How can I acquire some new clothes until I manage to get my hands on some money? I'd rather not wear the same things every day."
"Not to worry, Frank. You have a few options open to you. We can investigate the school's 'lost and found', as there are any number of garments from over the years that can be easily modified. I doubt you'd accept a gift of new clothing, but I'd be happy to consider any money necessary to outfit you as a loan. You could also have Pippy transfigure your clothing each morning into something different."
I briefly considered my options. He was right, I didn't particularly care to accept money from him at the moment, loaned or otherwise. I'd also really like to have more than one day's worth of clothes, even if they could be transfigured every morning. That left me one viable option.
"I think the lost and found would be the best choice, but I'm not exactly built like a student."
"Not to worry, my boy. As long as something is roughly your size, Pippy can make it over to fit you perfectly. I'm certain we have a few things left over from seventh years. Pippy will show you the way, and you can explain what you want. He will also show you to the Room of Requirement when you are finished. I will await you there."
I found a couple pairs of pants, a kilt, three shirts, a few mismatched socks, and a few shorts I was told could be changed into underwear. A few minutes discussion with Pippy and I was in possession of underwear, socks, some rather nice wool slacks, a button down shirt, a turtleneck, and the kilt, all adjusted to fit me perfectly.
House elves are amazing.
** - HPDEB - **
When I entered the Room of Requirement, I was more than a little taken aback by how different it looked. Gone were the centuries of junk. Instead I was standing in a fairly decent size room, in the center of which were two comfortable looking armchairs. Dumbledore was in one of them.
"Frank, please have a seat." He waited for me to come closer before continuing. "Immunity to magic; that's rather unprecedented, you know."
I nodded. "I would imagine."
"As I mentioned, I would very much like to test how far your immunity extends. I have theories from our extremely limited knowledge pool, but it would be preferable to test a much larger variety of spells."
"That makes sense to me." I started to sit down.
"Then I suppose we had best begin." Dumbledore waved his wand and my chair was gone.
I paused in mid-squat, before I fell on my ass, and asked him, "You were just being funny then, weren't you?"
"Yes. I wanted to see how fast you are."
** - HPDEB - **
Dumbledore tried spell after spell on me, to little or no effect. He made sure to give me a brief overview of what the spell was supposed to do before casting it at me.
Wingardium Leviosa made me levitate, but not well, or for very long. The bat-bogey hex made me sneeze, but that could have been a coincidence. Calvario didn't see me shed a single hair. A cheering charm didn't even make me grin.
Expelliarmus worked, causing the Man Scythe to pop out of my hand, but I recaptured it before it fell three inches towards the floor.
Levicorpus was interesting. I'm not used to floating around and not being able to do much of anything except be annoyed. That being said, my limbs still worked, and that could be bad for the wizard or witch on the other end of the wand.
"Professor, I'd like to try something."
"Go on, and do let me know if you're uncomfortable, I can bring you down."
"Not just yet." I snapped my right hand out, stretched it to pencil thin, and tapped Dumbledore on the end of his nose. "Twenty-three feet, four inches, and decimals. In any other situation, that could be a kill."
He nodded, and followed my stretchy bit as it transformed into a hand again. "No one would be expecting that. Not at all."
"Okay, I think you can put me down now."
I dropped to the floor a moment later.
"Here's my take on a lot of this spell, charm, hex thing. From what I'm seeing, there's actual aiming going on. It isn't as though you randomly cast a spell and hope. Right?"
"Absolutely. Proper aim, especially with offensive magic, is necessary."
"Then my reaction speed is a very useful defense?"
He nodded enthusiastically. "Yes."
"Do you think we should go down for lunch?" I asked, noticing Dumbledore was casting spells slower than he had in the morning.
"Yes. I find casting so many spells like this to be strangely tiring. It might be best if we adjourn for today. The results of our tests, on the other hand, are very interesting."
"How so?"
"So far, no spell that involves the inside of your body, or how your body functions, works. Spells and charms that involve your environment, or your position within it, do work, if only slightly."
"Is this good or bad?"
"Intriguing, which, for me, is good."
"What do you think, Professor? More tomorrow?" I grinned. Testing was a little tedious, but the information was very good to have. No point in remaining blind to what wizardry is available for an opponent to use.
"If you don't mind. I feel this is very useful for us both, and there are quite a few more things that might be tested."
"Off to lunch?" I bowed to him and waved my hands towards the door.
"Such graciousness could turn a fellow's head, dear boy!"
** - HPDEB - **
Hermione, Harry and Ron saw Frank stroll in with Professor Dumbledore. They were deep in conversation, clearing having a great time with it. The trio felt slightly disappointed when all they got was a "Hello" in passing. Apparently, their friend was going to have a meal at the head table again.
"What do you think they're talking about?"
"I dunno, Harry. Quidditch?"
"Ron, don't be an idiot!" Hermione frowned mightily and angrily forked some asparagus onto her plate. "They were discussing magic, obviously. The professor needs to know what else Frank is immune to."
Harry chewed on an apple, trying to puzzle out what might, or might not, work on Frank.
"Did you say he's immune to magic?" Parvati leaned into their conversation. Hermione nearly cursed herself for her stupidity. Now everyone would know.
"Yeah, we think so." Ron mumbled around the roast in his mouth.
"That's amazing! Does he have any other abilities?"
"He saw our wands through our robes, but that's not really magic," Harry answered.
"It's his magic. Do you think?"
"He's not the least bit magical, Parvati." Hermione briefly contemplated what to say. It wasn't really her story to share, but, it was likely to come to light sooner or later. "He's partly machine, a very special kind of machine. Nothing like Moody is."
"Machine? Which bits? His arm, I bet." Neville added his two cents worth.
"And his right eye. He took it out, rolled it off, took a look around, and popped it back in." Ron mimed the action.
"That's awful!" Lavender squeaked. "The poor man! His eye must've been all scummy!"
Ron shrugged. "He didn't seem to care. Maybe the socket cleans it off as well."
Lavender went pale. She didn't finish her sandwich.
** - HPDEB - **
After they all finished lunch, Hermione had a brilliant idea and accosted Frank.
"No one's given you a tour, have they?"
Frank turned to her, noticed how eager her eyes were, and nearly forgot the question.
"No. I didn't think I needed one, so I haven't asked."
"That's not good." Harry shook his head. "It's pretty easy to get lost here, even if you do know where you are. We really should take you around."
"You've not even seen the Quidditch stadium yet!" Ron sounded very, very excited.
"True," Frank agreed. "Anyone want to give me a tour when there's free time?"
Ron, Harry, Hermione, and even Neville, raised their hands.
The Golden Trio were a little surprised that Neville would volunteer. He noticed the change in atmosphere at the table.
"You have to admit, no tour is complete without the greenhouse."
Harry grudgingly agreed. It felt very strange to add someone new to their social circle. He imagined that, for whatever reason, Hermione might feel even more strongly than he did.
Some hours later, they returned to the push and shove outside the Great Hall. It surprised them all, how telling someone "all about" the school could take so much time. Ironically, it was Ron who said it best.
"Blimey! That's a lot done, but barely half!"
"Well," said Frank, "I think my brain is pretty full."
That was his way of avoiding extra honesty: the kids had worn him out. Ron and Hermione could bicker forever, and Neville's adoration of plants made him wilt. He decided to get a little peace by having dinner at the head table.
"I'll see you guys later," he reassured them. "I just want to catch up on the trouble Snape is causing."
"Oh, well, that's sensible."
"Stick it to 'im when you've got the chance."
"Come back as soon as you can!" Hermione slapped her hand over her mouth and wondered what had just possessed her.
"I'm sure I'll see you soon enough, Curly." Frank turned and strolled up to the front of the room, and took his customary seat beside Professor Snape...who was glowing slightly.
"Yeah," thought Frank, "a new data stream is coming on line. Now, tell me why Snape and the blond kid glow with the same colors."
"Hey, Professor Snape. Terrorize any innocent youngsters today?"
"Are you ever anything other than rude, Stewart?"
Frank looked at the tankard by his plate and told it he wanted a dark beer. He turned to Snape and smiled.
"Why, Professor Snape, I've been told that I can be quite disarming."
Severus Snape's face screwed up into a horrible caricature of a smile. "Quite so. By whom?"
"Many lovely women at home." Frank took a large swallow from the beer that appeared in his vessel. "This is very passable beer, you know."
"I do not drink beer." Snape squared his shoulders, and turned his attentions to the night's supper offering.
"Professor Snape," Frank began, "I do have a question for you that's completely unrelated to our witty banter."
Snape turned his head, as though he was expecting to see a pile of squirming maggots instead of a nice leg of lamb.
"Yes?"
"Why are you glowing? Is this some kind of magic you're using at the moment?"
"Glowing, you say? I certainly am not. Have Madam Pomfrey examine your eyes."
Frank pointed at Snape's left forearm. "It's this dark blue haze that starts around your arm, flows upwards, and extends about eight inches above your head."
The two men found themselves in a staring match.
"You are hallucinating. Eat your meal and cease your endless prattle." Shape hissed and turned away, hoping Frank didn't notice how worried he felt.
Unfortunately for Severus Snape, Frank noticed.