It was an odd feeling. Joy while still feeling so desperately sad. And suddenly I felt apprehensive. After all the wanting it looked like we were finally going to get our chance.
"Are you already packed?" I asked shyly, looking up at my Russian God.
He nodded. "I might need to pack a few extra things now you're coming, though," he said with a loving smile. "How about we go to my room, and I'll pick up a few more things, and then we can go to your dorm, and you can pack?"
I followed him towards the Guardian wing. It was only the second time I'd been there, the first being the evening Lissa was kidnapped. Opening his door, he stood back and motioned me inside. Looking around one could be forgiven for thinking he'd already packed up all his belongings, but I knew from last time that this was the way his room looked. Meticulously neat and clean, with almost no personal touches.
I sat on his bed, fingering the fabric of his beautiful handmade quilt. I remembered it from the night of the lust charm. How he'd laid me back on it as he'd worshipped my body. I shivered in recollection, trying to push from my mind the look of desire and adoration he'd had on his face. Noticing me looking at the quilt, he quietly commented, "My grandmother, mother, and sisters made it one winter. I love having a little slice of home with me."
"It's beautiful," I murmured, pondering how much they must love him to spend so many hours making it for him. "Have you told them?"
"Yeah. Alberta told me after practice this morning. She took me straight off shift so I came up here and made what preparations I could, including ringing home."
He said it with such a tone of finality that it made me appreciate how lucky I was to have him here to hold and love, even if it was just for a few days. I could only imagine how devastating it must have been for them to hear such news over the phone. To know their chances of ever seeing him again were minuscule at best.
He looked so stoic yet so pained. I couldn't bear it. So I stood up and nestled myself in his arms. "So what do you need to do in Missoula, Comrade? And is there anything, in particular, you want to do?"
Stroking my hair, he smiled at me. "Well I need to go to the bank and organize a few things there and I have an appointment with a lawyer on Monday, but that's it for the things I have to get done. As for wants? I want to see a movie at a cinema, not on TV. I want to take you on a proper date to a restaurant. I want to slow dance with you. I want to get really really drunk. I want to go shopping with you, and I want to sleep in."
"I think we can make that work," I said with a smile. It wasn't that I wasn't hurting, believe me, I was. But I didn't want his last weekend of freedom, our weekend, to be filled with tears. So I pushed it down, determined to make these last few days as wonderful as they could be.
He added some extra clothes to his bag, looking around to make sure everything was right before he left. "I should get some boxes so I can pack what needs to go back to Baia," he said. "Send the rest to charity."
"No." The word was out of my mouth instantly. "Comrade, just no. They have heaps of empty Guardian rooms; it's not like they need yours. Please leave it all here. Tell me what you want sent and if... if you don't come back I'll send it for you."
"I don't want you having to do that," he said softly, sadness in his eyes.
"Please Comrade? I need to know that there's a home here waiting for you, even if you don't. I know it's stupid, but while your things are here, it feels like there's somewhere for you to come back to. That there's still a chance you might come back."
He looked at me, seeing the need in my eyes. "How about we compromise? When we get back on Tuesday I'll get a box and we'll pack it together, but I'll leave it here with the rest of my things? That way if I don't make it back you'll know what needs to be sent."
I nodded. I wasn't superstitious, but I wasn't willing to see him send and give away his things before he'd even gone. And now I knew Alberta knew about us, I'm sure she'd understand that should the worst happen, that that was a job I needed to do. "Thank you. I know it's silly but it just makes me feel a lot better."
"Of course, milaya."
"Milaya? What does that mean?" He'd only recently started calling me that, so I hadn't had a chance to ask Lissa. Lissa! I'd have to tell her I was disappearing until Tuesday. Vlad knows what excuse I'd have to give her!
"It means sweetheart or darling, but a little more."
I looked at him very flattered. "You call me such a gorgeous thing, or Roza, and I call you Comrade. I think I got the better part of the deal," I admitted apologetically.
"I've grown to like you calling me Comrade," he confessed. "I'd never let anyone else do it, but from you, it just seems natural. You're my Roza and I'm your Comrade."
"I feel that way too," I said shyly, putting my arms around his waist and tilting my lips to his. If calling him Comrade felt natural, so did being in his arms like this. He kissed me gently, and I felt the usual tingle of desire. But this time there was promise, too. We were going to Missoula for four nights. Presumably, we'd be staying somewhere. Sleeping somewhere.
"Come on. Let's go to my room and pack. You can help me come up with an excuse for Lissa. I take it no one's told her you're leaving or why?"
"Not yet. I discussed it with Alberta, and only Principal Kirova and senior Guardian staff have been told. The quieter the operation is kept, the better. Alberta will tell Lissa and everyone else I've gone on leave. After I've been gone a fortnight or so she'll explain the real situation and the reason it had to be kept quiet."
"Did Alberta know you were going to tell me?" I asked, looking at the floor. Perhaps the plan had been to keep me in the dark, too?
"Yes. Not telling you was never an option, milaya," he said kissing me again. "Let's go get your things."
We didn't hold hands this time, but that was ok. We walked through the building in companionable silence. At my room Dimitri sat on my single bed, looking around him curiously. I saw him taking in my photo wall, his eyes crinkling and his lips twitching as he noticed I'd cut the head and shoulders photos of him from the last two yearbooks and pinned them up along with photos of Lissa, myself and our friends.
"I don't have any photos of you," I explained in embarrassment.
"We'll fix that this weekend," he promised, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and pulling me onto his lap.
"This feels so right," I mumbled, more to myself than him. Somehow, we'd taken the step beyond mentor and student, but it was so natural. There was no awkwardness or embarrassment. This is how things were meant to be; I knew that now.
After a few more kisses I stood up and grabbed a duffel bag quickly throwing in some clothes. He'd mentioned a date and slow dancing so I pulled my few nice dresses from hangers and stuffed them in, along with jeans, tops, sweaters, a few pair of shoes and my makeup. While Dimitri was standing and taking a closer look at my photo wall, I quickly plucked all my nicest underwear from the drawer and shoved it in the bag, too. I didn't think we'd be training, but he mentioned sleeping in so I packed a couple of sleep tops and shorts. I was hoping I wouldn't need them, but it would be embarrassing to assume and get it wrong.
"Are you ready Roza?" he asked, interrupting my reverie. "The motel is booked, so we can check in any time, but we can rest here and go later if you want?"
It was 5 am. Late afternoon vampire time.
"Let's go now, Comrade. We can be in Missoula by 7.30 am. I want to sit and watch the sunrise with you."
He gave me a beautiful smile. "I'd like that. Don't forget your camera, milaya, and grab a coat – it's cold out there." He picked up his bag as well as my own, and we walked downstairs to the garages. "You'd better tell Lissa you're going," he said. "Mason, too. You could say it's a mock qualifier? I was meant to take you to your real one week after next, and no doubt you'll still go, so you could tell them it's training for that?"
"I hate lying to them, but you're right. Since I can't tell them the truth that's as good an excuse as any."
I pulled out my phone and texted them both, not saying where I was going or that it was with Dimitri, just that it was training for my qualifiers. And then Dimitri was helping me into one of the Academy's black SUVs and we were headed for the Academy gates.
The ride to Missoula was uneventful. We talked and he explained the little that he knew about the mission. That someone was forming a Strigoi army and that it was more structured and regimented than anything Court had ever seen. There'd been several attacks, but the whereabouts of the nest itself was not known. They already had a group tracking it and they thought they were close, hence why the attack team was being assembled.
"Secrecy is important, so I don't even know where I'm going," he said, "Just that it's Europe."
"Will you be able to take your phone?" I asked, hopeful for at least some word after midnight Tuesday.
"No. The instructions were really clear that after we fly out, there'll be no opportunity to contact anyone until the mission is completed." He didn't explain further, but I knew what he was telling me. Tuesday was it for us.
"You can talk to me about how you're feeling, you know. You don't have to be brave for me," I told him.
"I know, milaya," he said taking his eyes off the road briefly to look at me. "That's one of the things I love about you – it's so easy to be myself with you." He grabbed my hand and placed it on his thigh, resting his hand on top of it.
It was still dark when we pulled into a motel in Missoula. "I'm sorry. When I booked I thought it was just going to be me, so I didn't bother booking anywhere special," Dimitri said, clearly embarrassed.
It made me sad that for his last free weekend he hadn't thought to spoil himself even a little. "This is fine," I assured him, giving him a gentle squeeze on his thigh. "Looks like there're heaps of things in walking distance which is nice. After living in the human world I miss it sometimes, you know? The Academy is so far away from everything!"
"I'll check us in. If it's no good we'll switch to somewhere better later today," he promised.
I smiled at him. As long as it had a bed and a door that locked I'd be satisfied with it! I finally let my thoughts wander to that aspect of things. I wonder if he was as nervous about it as I was? I mean, he hadn't actually said he intended for us to make love, but I certainly didn't intend to return to the Academy still a virgin!
"Milaya?" he asked, looking at me expectantly, waiting for an answer.
"Sorry I was in my own world there, what did you say?"
He looked a little sheepish. "I was asking whether you'd like a twin room or a king or I could get you a room of your own if that's what you'd prefer?" The poor guy looked so nervous. We both knew what he was really asking.
"I want to be in your arms all night, so let's go for a king if they've got one," I suggested softly. I didn't want there to be any misunderstanding between us about how I saw things.
His tender smile said it all. "I'll see what I can do," he said with such love, leaning across to kiss me gently before disappearing into the motel office. I sat alone in the car, wondering how this would go. Would we go in and make love straight away? I mean – I was willing, but it would be nice for it to be a little more spontaneous. But then it wasn't like time was on our side, I thought with a mental sigh.
Before I could ponder it too much, Dimitri was back with a set of keys and a satisfied expression. Hopefully not twin beds, then. He climbed back into the SUV and drove us around the corner into the motel courtyard. The motel was set out in a large L shape and Dimitri parked at the far end of one wing in front of the room furthest from the road.
"Come on milaya. Let's get our stuff into the room. I believe you wanted to watch the sunrise with me?"
I shivered. We'd seen the sunrise together many times, but always running on the track, through the gym windows or as we ate dinner. Today I wanted to sit within his embrace and just savour it.
We climbed out of the car, quickly moving into the shelter of the room. Turning on the lights, I looked around. The room was nothing fancy but it was clean and comfortable. With a king sized bed, there was also a sofa facing a TV and a little table with two chairs. Peering into the bathroom, I saw it had a shower, toilet, and basin but also a two-person spa. Hmm – I'd not previously considered it, but a bath with Dimitri could be wonderful!
Dimitri went to the far side of the room and pulled back the curtains to reveal a large glass sliding door that opened out onto a little patio, beyond which I could just make out a view of the mountains through the darkness. He pulled the sofa around to face the glass door and found an extra blanket in the cupboard.
"This window faces east. It would be warmer if we sat indoors and watched the sun rise from here?"
"Sounds perfect, Comrade," I said, hanging my coat and fishing my camera out of my bag. I plonked myself onto the sofa, turning to face my Russian God camera in hand.
"Oh, they have hot chocolate," he noticed looking at the tea and coffee facilities as he found the heating and cranked it. "Would you like one?"
I nodded, snapping a couple of photos of Dimitri as he boiled the kettle and fixed hot drinks for both of us. He put our hot chocolates down on a side table and switched off the lights before sitting on the far end of the sofa, opening his arms to me. I sat in front of him, letting him pull me back against his strong chest as I pulled the blanket over the two of us and we sat together in the darkness.
Underneath the blanket, he wrapped his arms around my waist, one of his large hands resting on the top of one of my breasts. He sighed in contentment and we sat in silence waiting for the sky to start to lighten.
"It's been years since I've just watched the sunrise," he admitted. "There always seems to be so many other things to do."
"Not today," I whispered. "Today you're all mine, and this is what we need to be doing." He started stroking the top of my breast through my top, placing soft kisses along my neck. I exhaled heavily, loving the feeling of his lips and hands on me.
"I thought after the sunrise maybe we could sleep? It's been a big day and I want to hold you," Dimitri said sincerely. "We could sleep until noon and transition to daylight hours? Then I could go to the bank and after we could go shopping?"
"That sounds good," I murmured. I had no plans other than just being with him. We sat and watched as the scene outside slowly came to light. I could feel his chest rising with each breath, his heart beating steadily. It was soothing to be so close.
"Dimitri?" I said, not really wanting to ask the question but needing to know the answer. "Why did you want to come to Missoula for four days? You could have done what you need to do in a day trip. What were you planning to do if I hadn't come with you? Didn't you want to stay at the Academy with me?"
He sighed, his lips pausing at my neck. "I was going to do what I had to do and then sleep, watch movies and think about you," he confessed. "I thought it might be easier for you if I told you and then just left."
"You were wrong," I whispered. "I know it's only four days, but I want to spend every moment with you. I meant what I said, Comrade. I love you. I know I shouldn't, but I do." I passed his hot chocolate to him and then grabbed my own. They were cool enough to drink now, so we finished them as we watched the sky lightening - oranges and pinks heralding the start of a new day. "No more hiding," I whispered so quietly I didn't know whether he'd heard me until I felt his arms tighten around me.
The sun itself had just peeked over the horizon when my Russian God whispered in my ear, "Thank you, milaya, that was beautiful. Now let's go to bed."