It's funny how four days could make such a difference to one's life. When we'd checked into the motel just before daybreak Friday morning, I'd been counting firsts. The first time we fell asleep together. The first time we'd made love. The first shower together. Yet here we were ninety-six hours later at the beginning of day five, and already I was counting lasts. I didn't know how to reconcile the fact that the best five days of my life might need to be enough to last me a lifetime. A lifetime without Dimitri.
It was still early on Tuesday, around 7.30 am, and we were lying in bed together. Neither of us had slept well. I'd woken in the small hours to find Dimitri missing from the bed. Even though it had only been a few days, I was already accustomed to his presence with me as I slept, noticing it when he was absent. I'd looked up to see him sitting at the table, head in his hands, writing on the small sheets of motel stationery.
"Good timing – I'd just finished," he'd said softly, tucking a few sheets into an envelope. Turning to face me I could see he'd been crying.
"What were you writing?" I'd asked apprehensively, wondering whether I really wanted to know.
"Just letters to my nephew and niece. Paul's nine, and I haven't seen him since he was around six, although he'll remember me from skype. Zoya's only a baby, and I've never met her, but I thought it would be nice to let her know her dyadya still cared."
He'd stripped off and come back to bed, lying on his side and resting his head on my breasts. Usually, I was the one to sleep with my head against him, but this time he was the one needing comfort. I'd pulled him close, kissing and stroking his hair, and he'd played with mine. And knowing he didn't want me to acknowledge it, I'd pretended not to feel his tears trickling across my chest, just as he pretended not to hear my whimpers as I also wept.
We'd eventually fallen back to sleep, and when I woke, we were lying facing one another, his arm draped around my waist. I knew he was awake by the way his breathing was so steady.
"Good morning, Comrade," I said, trying to keep my voice light.
"Morning Roza," he said softly. "How are you feeling?"
I shrugged. There was no way to answer that question cheerfully, so instead, I nuzzled in against him, tangling my legs with his and wrapping myself in his warm embrace.
"Dimitri? We've covered how things are going to play out if you don't come back. What's going to happen if you do?"
We'd been so focused on the fact that we wouldn't get a chance for a future together, we'd not talked about how things would go if the impossible happened; if he returned to me. "Would we be together? Openly?"
Dimitri smiled. "If I come back I'm going to shout my love for you from the rooftops. And I promise you, we'll find a way to make it work. I never want to be without you milaya, so for as long as you want me, I'll be yours."
"There's never going to be a day when I don't want you," I promised, thinking about if he came back and also if he didn't. "So you're going to be stuck with me."
"There's a happy thought for a man," he teased, pulling me closer to him and bringing his lips to mine. And for a few more minutes, I was able to push thoughts of him leaving away.
His lips were so soft as he laid feather-light kisses across my cheekbones and eyes, trailing along the side of my face before kissing lightly behind my ear. Using his huge hands, he spun me around, so my back was against his chest, pulling me firmly against him with his toned muscular arms. He was kissing my nape as I wriggled my backside against his naked crotch, giving him my wordless cue that I needed his loving.
His lips not pausing on my neck, he pushed his crotch against my butt, pressing the start of his erection against me. I couldn't help the sigh of expectation that escaped my lips. We'd made love enough times now that I knew not to be fearful of his sizeable member – after the first time, our lovemaking had brought me nothing but immense pleasure.
Fondling my breasts in his rough, calloused hands, Dimitri's touch was gentle and sensual – kneading my sensitive flesh before circling each pebbled bud with his fingers. I pushed myself back against him, lifting my leg over his to give his hands access to my silken folds. Running a hand down between my breasts and over my stomach, it ended up between my legs, his index finger running the length of my slit. Pausing to test how ready I was for him, he removed his fingers, wetting them in his mouth, before returning them to stroke gently between my legs, focusing on the tight bundle of nerves of my clit.
Turning my upper body to face him, our mouths joined, indulging in slow, languorous kisses. I closed my eyes, letting my other senses take forefront – the feeling of his hand stroking me, the faint smell of his aftershave, the taste of his mouth on mine and the sound of his little growls of promise.
My nipples were taut and my folds slick with anticipation when he gripped his shaft, sliding inside me inch by glorious inch until he was fully seated within me. He continued stroking me softly – enough to keep me in a fully aroused state, but not quite enough to take me to that next plane of pleasure. Rocking his hips against mine, his thrusts were shallow, but the angle was great - each gentle rock propelling the tip of his manhood against my G-spot.
"I could keep this up for hours," Dimitri murmured teasingly into my ear, pulling the lobe into his mouth and nipping it lightly, causing a scintillating burst of pleasure to radiate down my spine to my already feverish lower regions.
"Then do it," I challenged, never wanting this feeling to end – aiming to prolong this felicity for as long as possible.
So for the next hour, we made unhurried, gentle, reverent love. It wasn't until we were lying in one another's arms afterward that I shivered, wondering whether that had been yet another last.
We were both quiet as we finished packing our things into the car. Dimitri headed back into the room, checking to make sure that nothing was left behind. I followed, wrapping my arms around his hips as we stood in the center of the space. I took a good look around, trying to imprint in my memory the place where we'd consummated our love and shared the meager four nights we'd been gifted to play out our ill-fated relationship.
"Time to check out, milaya."
"I know," I said sadly. "Let me take some photos of the room, first. I don't want to forget anything."
No one else would understand the significance, or understand why I took a photo of a door with '22' in brass letters on it, or pictures of a spa bath in a motel room, or even the view of a patio and distant mountains through a glass sliding door, but I took the photos nonetheless. They were for me, and I knew the time was coming where I would need them.
"I'll check us out," Dimitri said opening the car door for me. He drove up to reception, hopping out to go into the office. Once he was back, he squeezed my hand. "Let's get some brunch, Roza. You must be hungry."
We drove to the mall, but it looked crowded, and neither of us was in a mood to be around people just yet, so we drove around the streets of Missoula for a while until Dimitri spotted a little café. It was quiet, being before the lunch rush, so we had the place almost to ourselves. My stomach was in knots, so for once I didn't feel like eating, but Dimitri insisted, so I ordered black coffee and a ham, cheese, tomato, and chive omelet while he ordered scrambled eggs on toast. We sat eating in almost silence.
I looked up at my man, seeing how hard this was for him. So yet again I pushed my feelings down.
"So… I believe you promised me some shopping time before we go back to the Academy? How about once we're finished here we go back to the mall, put our photos in to be printed and then go check out the shops?"
"I'd like that," he said, blessing me with a sweet smile that I returned. We had just over thirteen hours left together, and I didn't intend to waste a single moment. There'd be plenty of time for tears once he left.
At the mall we sat side by side at a self-serve photo booth, laughing at some of the photos we'd taken.
"I like that one," he'd mumbled, blushing a little as the photo of us drinking vodka shots naked came up on the screen. I was so glad I hadn't deleted it!
"Maybe I should send it out as this year's Christmas card?" I teased, pointing to the tacky Christmas graphics and frames that could be added to photos before they were printed.
"I can just see it now… 'Dear Guardian Alto… Wishing you a happy holiday season. Hope you get into the spirit of things like we did! Love Guardian Belikov and Novice Hathaway!'"
Dimitri looked at me and laughed. "Where do you get those ideas from?" he asked, his rich, deep laugh causing passersby to turn and look at us benevolently.
"It's a gift, Comrade," I smirked laughing with him. "I'm half tempted to do it just to see whether he'd display it with his other Christmas cards!"
"Don't you dare!" Dimitri groaned still laughing at the idea of it.
"Yeah yeah, keep your shirt on," I teased. There were some gorgeous shots, although my favorite was the one taken straight after we'd made love the first time. Even if you didn't know the context, it was a great photo. You could see we were both so happy and in love. "That's my favorite," I said, pointing to it.
"Yeah – I like that one too," he said, smiling at me adoringly.
Placing the order for what ended up being a huge number of photos, we had an hour to kill while they were printed up.
"Come on milaya. There's something I want to get for you." He consulted the mall directory, and we held hands, fingers entwined, as we walked through the mall together. He stopped in front of a jewelers. "Let's look in here," he suggested, pulling me through the open doorway before I could object.
"Can I help you?" a shop attendant asked, looking at my surprised expression and Dimitri's determined one.
"Yes. I'm looking for a piece of jewelry for my girlfriend."
"Anything in particular?" she asked, lighting up with the potential of a sale.
"Milaya?" he asked, looking at me enquiringly. "What would you like?"
"Comrade this isn't necessary," I said, flushing with embarrassment.
"Yes, it is," he said decisively. "Now would you rather gold or silver? What's the rest of your jewelry?"
"I don't have any jewelry," I answered honestly. Unless you counted a few strands of beads, I didn't have anything. The only real jewelry I'd ever been given was from Victor Dashkov – and Dimitri had flung that out the window of his dorm room when he realized it had been infused with a lust charm.
Dimitri muttered something in Russian before saying in English "Then you can choose which you prefer. Either will suit your skin tone. Would you like a ring? A bracelet? A necklace? Not earrings, as your ears aren't pierced, unless you'd like them done today which I could organize…" My Russian God was rambling nervously, and it was very cute. "Please, milaya. I like the idea of you having something special from me."
I could see there would be no dissuading him.
"Not a ring. Too likely to get damaged in my line of work," I said, giving Dimitri a meaningful glance at the attendant who was listening to our exchange. "I think I'd like to get something I can wear every day, so what about a bracelet or a necklace?"
Hearing our discussion, the shop assistant started pulling out plain necklaces, and I nearly died when I saw some of the prices. It seemed a ridiculous amount of money to spend on something I didn't even like.
"Is there anything you like the look of?" Dimitri asked hopefully.
I shook my head. It all looked delicate and prissy, and that just wasn't me. I looked around the cabinets, but nothing looked right.
"Is there another jewelers?" I asked him, earning myself a nasty look from the shop assistant as she could see her sale about to walk out the door.
"Yeah, there are four or five others. Let's see if any of them have something you like."
We checked out two other jewelers, and still nothing was taking my fancy. I wasn't trying to be difficult – but if Dimitri was determined to drop a wad of cash on something for me, I wanted to love it.
We were walking towards the fourth jewelry store when I saw an interesting window display. It was a hippie store – the type of place that sold incense, cheesecloth clothing, carved wooden furniture, tarot cards, books on spirituality and the like. But in the window was a display of silver jewelry, including the most stunning pendant I'd ever seen. It was a large faceted red stone surrounded by a thick silver cuff with a curl at the bottom. I couldn't imagine a store like this would stock rubies, so it must have been something else. But boy was it gorgeous.
"Some of these are pretty," I suggested to Dimitri. I wanted to check out the prices before I told him I really really liked the red one.
His face lit up with a gorgeous, loving smile. I think he'd been getting worried I'd never find anything I liked! Inside the store, he asked the shop assistant to get the display stand I'd been looking at. There was a range of colored pendants, and I took my time looking them over. I checked out the amethyst ones first and was heartened when I saw the prices were reasonable. Finally, I picked up the red one, turning it over to look at the back and surreptitiously checking the price tag. Not only did I love it, but I also loved that the price didn't give me heart failure.
"I really like this one," I said to Dimitri shyly handing the pendant to him. The red stone brought to mind romantic love, and it was the sort of thing I could see myself wearing every day.
"It's beautiful, milaya, but are you sure you're not liking it because it's not as expensive as some of the other things you've seen? I don't want you worrying about how much what I get you costs," he lectured lovingly. He knew me so well!
"No. I actually love it. I think it's better than anything in any of the jewelers. I like that it's beautiful but not too delicate. It would look good with normal clothes, but I could also wear it with a going out dress and it would still work. I'd like something I can wear all the time because whatever you give me, I don't want to ever take it off."
He looked so touched, but replied lightly "If that's what you want, then we'll get it."
"That's a lovely choice. It's a garnet in sterling silver," the sales assistant said pleasantly. "Garnets are said to have protective properties. They also symbolize commitment, hope, and faith."
"And they mine garnets in the Ural Mountains in Russia, milaya," Dimitri said, balling the pendant up into his fist and giving it a kiss.
"It all fits together perfectly – it was meant to be mine," I said smugly.
"Will you need a chain to go with that?" the assistant enquired.
"Yes, she will," Dimitri replied before I had a chance to respond. "Go for something longer, milaya," he counseled. "You don't want anything too short that could be used to choke you in a fight."
If the sales attendant thought it odd we were discussing being choked, she knew well enough to keep it to herself.
"What about this one?" she suggested, bringing out a silver chain. "The loops of the chain are large enough to take the clasp, so you can fasten it as long or short as you like, so it's always the right length for what you're wearing." She slipped the pendant onto the necklace and fastened it at its longest setting, handing it to Dimitri who slipped it over my head. The pendant immediately slipped under my top and between my breasts to rest in my bra.
"Oh – perhaps that's a little long?"
"Actually, that's perfect. That way I can tuck it into my crop top when I'm training," I said looking at Dimitri.
"We'll take them both," he said, pulling out his wallet, "and she'll wear them now."
"Thank you, Comrade," I said, leaning up to kiss him.
"You're welcome, Roza," he muttered against my lips. "I like the idea of the pendant I bought you tucked next to your heart."
"And here's me thinking it was all about my breasts," I replied quietly; making a joke so I wouldn't burst into tears in the middle of the mall.
"Well I like it being next to them, too," Dimitri grinned, pulling me hard against him as the attendant processed the sale.
We walked back to get the photos and then we were sitting in the car flipping through them laughing and reminiscing. We sat and just held hands for a while, and then Dimitri started the engine.
"Let's go home, milaya." And I nodded because he was right. It was time. He took his time driving back to the Academy. Sure it was snowing, so there was safety to consider, but it was more than that. He was giving us time to adjust our way of thinking for what we both knew was coming next.