We were about forty-five minutes away from the Academy when I pulled out my phone, checking to see if Lissa or Mason had been in touch. It was pretty much the first thought I'd given them all weekend I realized guiltily. There was one message from Lissa yesterday asking me when I'd be back. I knew I wasn't going to be in a state to see anyone after Dimitri left, and I'd be transitioning back to the Moroi timetable. So I texted her, telling her I'd be back in a few hours time but was seriously sleep deprived and switching back from days to nights so would see her on Wednesday. It was a believable lie, and would give me a chance to try and pull myself together before I had to see people.

The last minutes in the car were spent going through practicalities – Dimitri telling me who knew about him leaving and the circumstances surrounding it.

"I know it's going to be hard milaya, but until Alberta makes the news public if anyone asks, just tell people I've gone on leave to see my family. I hate to ask you to lie to your friends, but the fewer people who know, the better, especially Moroi. They just don't get that any hint of this mission could compromise it if the wrong people got word."

I nodded. No way would I be telling anyone knowing my silence might help keep the man I loved safe. We were five minutes from the Academy gates when Dimitri pulled onto the road shoulder. He kept the engine running so the heat would continue to run.

"We're nearly back, Roza," he started, taking my hands in his, "and before there are other people around, I want to thank you for the best few days of my life. Of the things I regret, our love will never be one of them. In fact, my only regret about it is I didn't let us act on our feelings earlier. Loving you has brought me the sweetest and most meaningful moments I've known. You're fierce, brave and beautiful and I still don't know how I was lucky enough to win your love, but I'll be forever grateful to you for giving it to me. No matter what happens, I want you to know you're the one for me." He leaned across, closing the space between us and bringing his soft lips to mine. "The only woman I've ever been in love with," he whispered reverently against my lips. "And the one I'll spend the rest of my life loving, no matter how long or short that is."

As we kissed, Dimitri used his thumb to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"I'm the lucky one," I murmured, pulling back to lean my forehead against his. "I don't know how to describe how it feels to be loved by you. I meant what I said – you're very easy to love. You are and will always be the one for me, Comrade."

We held hands, looking at one another and saying things with our eyes and hearts that lips couldn't. It was hard not to feel bitterness that our time together had been so short, but I knew had it been just a day or even an hour I'd still have chosen to experience it with him, consequences be damned.

With a final kiss, he pulled away, squeezing my hands before releasing them to resume his grip on the steering wheel. Pulling back onto the deserted road, my Russian God drove us the final few minutes until we were at the gates of the Academy, stopping to check in with the Guardian at the gatehouse.

"Belikov, Novice Hathaway," he greeted when Dimitri wound down the window.

"Collins," Dimitri acknowledged. "We're back from a training exercise. Can you make a note on Alberta's briefing sheet we've checked back in, please?"

Collins nodded, opening the gate and waving us through. It was 3.30 pm. The middle of the Moroi night, so the Academy was silent.

"Have you got workout gear in your bag?" Dimitri asked.

"Yeah."

"Then let's go straight to my room. We can pack then go for a workout if you want?"

He pulled up at the foot of the Guardian dorms, coming around to open my door before grabbing our bags from the trunk.

"Come on milaya. I'll get boxes from the storeroom."

We saw no one on the way to his room, but if anyone had questioned me about wandering around with Dimitri in the middle of the night, I'd probably have told them where to go with the mood I was in. In his room, he dumped our bags just inside the door and the boxes beside it.

"Are you sure you want to pack the rest of my things if I don't come back?" he asked, looking at me carefully. "I don't have a lot – I could easily sort everything now…"

"Am I your girlfriend?" I challenged, my eyebrows raised.

He looked confused. "Yes, you're my girlfriend, milaya."

"Then I want to do that. If things…" I swallowed, gulping down a sob. "If things work out that way, I'm going to need to do that for you. Do you understand?"

"I understand, Roza," he said, pulling me to him and seating us both on his bed. We sat for a minute and then he pulled over a box with a sigh. "I'll just put everything for Baia in here," he said, assembling the flat box.

He went to his chest of drawers, opening them to reveal rows of organized belongings. The first thing he pulled out was a photo album, passing it across to me. "They're mostly photos of Ivan and me," he said with a soft smile, sitting beside me as I opened the album. We flicked through the pages, Dimitri commenting on some of them.

"That's Christian's Aunt Tasha," he said, pausing at one photo. It was a full-length shot, so all I could see was a slim woman with black hair, pale skin and a scar down one cheek. She was standing between Dimitri and Ivan, looking up at Dimitri adoringly.

"Were you and she together?" I asked, my stomach clenching uncomfortably at the idea.

"No milaya," he soothed. "She had a real thing for Ivan, and they dated briefly, but she wanted more than he did. When he moved on, I was the friend who listened to hours of 'but why doesn't he love me?!'" he said with a chuckle.

"I don't know, Comrade. She looks pretty smitten in that photo, and she's not looking at Ivan..."

Dimitri rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"It was never like that," he promised, leaning forward and kissing me on the nose. "Unlike Veronika," he teased, pointing to a photo of a blonde Dhampir wearing an unflattering mini-dress, probably before a St. Basil's dance by the looks of it. "I was crazy about her all through senior school…"

I almost snatched the album out of his hands, bringing it close to my face so I could scrutinize the photo carefully. "Were you and she together?"

"No. She led me on for three years. Half of the guys in the senior class as well… She was the girl we all wanted, but none of us got…"

"Where is she now?" I asked a little petulantly.

"No idea. Haven't seen or heard about her since graduation," he laughed. "Are you feeling a little green-eyed?" he asked, his lips curving softly.

"No," I said giving him a pouty look.

"You are," he insisted with a chuckle. "I've told you – there's no one else, Roza. I've dated other women, but you're the only woman I've fallen in love with…"

He gave me a reassuring kiss then we flicked through the rest of the album, which was thankfully devoid of any further photos of women, other than those in his family.

"I'd like to put our photos in here, too," he said, reaching into his bag and pulling out the paper wallet with his copy of our photos from the weekend. He flipped through them, pulling out particularly nice ones. We'd got multiple copies of our favorites, so he set aside those he wanted to take with him, choosing another twenty or so to add to his album.

"Are you sure you want to include that one?" I asked, pointing to a copy of the photo he'd taken after he'd taken my virginity. "I mean – you can tell we're in bed…"

"I don't care, milaya. It's a beautiful photo, besides my family already know we have a physical relationship."

"You told them?!" I gasped. "Comrade!"

Dimitri shrugged. "They asked where you were sleeping at the motel, and I said with me. I'm not ashamed, milaya," he explained. "This is my photo album, and I'm not going to censor myself, especially not from my family." He finished putting the photos of us in the album, tucking the wallet with the others in at the back.

Going back to the same dresser drawer, he pulled out a set of stakes. "These are the stakes I got when I graduated from St Basil's. I used them up until Ivan died, but I retired them after that. I'd like to be buried with these – so if I die and my body is found, please send these on straight away, even if you're not ready to send the rest of my things."

I nodded. "Put them at the top of the box," I said faintly. "I won't forget."

He pulled his paperbacks from his bookshelf, stacking them on top of the photo album.

"Paul is apparently sharing my love of Westerns," he said with a fond smile. "I thought to give him these." Going back to the drawer he pulled out a fob watch on a silver chain and added that, too. "That was my grandfather's. My mother's Moroi father," he explained. "Babushka still has lady's jewelry he gave her which will go to my sisters, but I thought this for Paul, too."

"Should you label it for him?"

"No – they'll know."

He walked through his room, carefully checking every drawer and his wardrobe. He grabbed a pair of cowboy boots I'd never seen him wear, giving me a sheepish look. "My family bought them as a moving to America present," he offered.

"You love them don't you?!"

"Yeah," he admitted. "But I look ridiculous wearing them…"

"I bet you look sexy," I murmured. Dimitri looked sexy in everything.

My Russian God chuckled. "You have rose-colored glasses," he accused, obviously pleased at his double entendre.

"That, Comrade, was very cheesy!" I laughed.

He shrugged, still smiling and looked around the room. "That's it other than the quilt. I should send that back, too… Unless you'd like it?"

"I can't take that. Your family made it for you."

"They did, but we have masses of them at home. I used to think of home every time I saw this. Now every time I see it, I remember that night. I'd really like you to have it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It will be a link between you and my family." He looked at me uncertainly before he continued. "There's something else I have. Something I should return to you…" He reached into his sock drawer, and I had to laugh as I saw two rows of perfectly folded socks lined up with military precision. "I'm pretty sure the charm has burnt itself out," he said, opening his closed fist and dropping Victor's rose necklace into my palm.

"I thought that was long gone," I muttered, looking at the jewelry in my palm with mixed feelings. Dimitri was right. Whatever enchantment it had had was obviously long gone, as I did not react to it either.

"I went and found it the next day," Dimitri explained. "It's yours, and you should have it. Besides – in some ways, I feel I owe Dashkov…"

"I know what you mean," I admitted. "Doesn't mean I want to wear the thing," I said, dropping it carelessly on top of my duffel bag before reaching to my décolletage to grasp the chain of my garnet pendant, bringing it to my lips and kissing it reverently. "This is what I choose to wear."

"I should hope so," Dimitri said lightly – but the look in his eyes said a lot more than his words. He looked around his room. "Well, that's it to send home. The rest of it do what you want with… I know Emil likes Country music," he suggested pointing to his CDs, "And she'll deny it, but Alberta loves music from the 80s…"

I smiled. Oh, the teasing I would have with that.

"Is there anything you'd like? I mean – it's all for you to decide if I don't come back… But is there anything you want now?"

I looked at the floor. There were things I wanted, but I felt almost like a vulture asking for his things before he was gone.

"Can you transfer a copy of your music from your phone to mine?" I said in a voice little more than a whisper. "All of it – even the country stuff. We've worked out to it together for so long…" I started to explain.

"Absolutely," he said with a sweet smile, picking up his phone and taking mine – fiddling with them and starting the transfer from one to the other. "I've put it in a directory called 'Comrade,'" he said, "broken down into the same categories as my phone."

"Thank you," I muttered, psyching myself up for my next request. "I was wondering… Do you think I could borrow a sweatshirt or two? Yours are so big, they're almost dresses on me. I thought it might help to go to sleep wearing something of yours?"

"I like the idea of you sleeping in my clothes," he said lightly, turning away to try and conceal the flash of pain crossing his face.

"No! Comrade forget it – it was a silly idea," I blurted out, instantly regretful.

"It's not that, milaya. I just hate the idea of you sleeping without me. I've loved sleeping beside you."

"Me too. That's why I want something of yours to sleep in…"

He opened his drawers pulling out two sweatshirts, both with Cyrillic writing.

"That one is from the St. Basil's wrestling team, and this one is my old track and field one."

"Don't you want to keep these?" I asked. "Surely they're sentimental?"

"You have them milaya. I'll imagine you wearing them." The air was so emotionally charged neither of us knew what to do, so he started unpacking his duffel bag from our weekend away. "I should see if I can get my laundry done before I go," he muttered.

"I'll do it," I volunteered.

"You don't have to wash my clothes," he said with a loving smile.

"I'd like to. It will give me something to do. I'm going to have a lot of spare hours while you're away. I'll do them when I do mine, and Alberta can let me in to bring them back here."

He shrugged. I could see he didn't like the idea of burdening me with his washing, but in the end, his natural tendency towards orderliness won out. "Thank you, Roza."

I smiled. Usually, I hated doing laundry, but I'd love doing his. "So what do you need to take with you?" I asked.

"Warm, casual clothes and one winter uniform," he said, going to his cupboard and pulling out jeans, pants, long-sleeved sweaters and tops. "I'll wear my uniform when I leave," he said, pulling it out too. He continued walking around the room, pulling out underwear, socks, a pair of flannelette pajama bottoms and shirt plus his combat boots. Pulling over his now empty duffel bag, he loaded the new clothing in, adding his shaving kit and toiletries bag. The last thing he grabbed was a handful of photos of the two of us. Several of us in bed together, a couple of us kissing, a head and shoulders of us in the water at the springs, another taken when we were playing pool at the Country and Western bar, one of me asleep, and finally the one of us drinking vodka naked.

"That's everything," he sighed, bundling up his dirty clothes and putting them into a plastic bag. He sat on the empty bed, patting the mattress beside him. I sat beside him, holding his hand. His clock read 4.15 pm. He lay back on the bed, and I followed, resting my head against his chest. We lay there for maybe five minutes, but I could tell he was agitated.

"Come workout with me?" he asked, his voice uncharacteristically tentative. "I'm feeling restless."

"Sure."

We changed into sweats, stopping to kiss and cuddle a little as we stripped and redressed. Picking up our phones, Dimitri checked the music transfer was complete before fiddling with them a little more.

"I've put the number for Baia in," he said. "It's under Belikov. The address, too. I know Mama would love it if you kept in touch…"

He walked around the room a final time, closing the wardrobe doors, straightening his CDs, smoothing the quilt on his bed and checking the bathroom one last time. He put his stakes on top of the box to send home, pulling the battery out of his phone and putting the two parts on the table beside the box. He picked up his duffel bag, mine as well as his plastic bag of washing.

"Let's go, Roza," he said, following me out of his room and closing the door.

We walked through the deserted corridors then across the commons and towards the gym. Other than a bored looking Guardian outside in the distance, we saw no one. Flipping on the lights in the gym, I was greeted by the familiar smell of wood, polish, gym mats and sweat. Dumping our bags in the usual spot beside the benches we started our warm-ups. In the past, we'd keep a respectful distance, cognizant the gym was a public place and we could be interrupted at any moment. But not today. We stole kisses between our moves and touched one another casually in the unconscious way two people familiar with one another's bodies do.

After we warmed up, we sparred. Neither of us was putting all our effort into it. It was more of a companionable practice spar. Still, I let out a triumphant whoop when I pinned my Russian God.

"Got you, Comrade!" I announced gleefully, leaning down to kiss him after delivering my simulated stake thrust.

"You did," he said, smiling at me proudly. "You've learned so much, milaya. You're going to make a wonderful Guardian."

"Just like my boyfriend," I replied, bringing my lips back to his. We were still kissing when we heard the outer gym door. We rolled apart slightly, moving into an arguably more respectable position. At this stage, I don't think either of us cared whether we were caught.

"Morning. I saw you'd checked back in." It was Alberta. "Did you get everything done you needed to?" she asked Dimitri kindly, her eyes flicking across to me. I could see her looking at the two of us, trying to determine how things stood.

"Yes, we did. Thank you so very much. We both appreciate it, Alberta," he said, taking my hand in his.

Alberta gave us a sad smile. "I have some paperwork you need to fill out, Dimitri. It should only take five minutes."

"We're done here – Rose maybe you could go to the cafeteria and grab us some food, and I'll do the paperwork with Alberta?" He looked at me tenderly, letting me know he'd be as quick as possible. Switching his eyes back to Alberta he explained, "I don't really want to see anyone today, so I was hoping Rose and I could hang out in her dorm room until it's time?"

"That's fine. I'll let your teachers know you're excused from classes today, Rose," Alberta said giving me a sympathetic look. "If there's any issue at the cafeteria just get them to call me."

I stood up, grabbing my bag, and walked back to Dimitri, brushing my lips across his. "I'll see you in a minute, Comrade. Anything in particular you want?"

"Whatever you think, milaya," he said lovingly.

I turned and walked across to the exit, pretending not to see Alberta's slightly surprised expression. She knew. We knew she knew. What was the point in pretending? Besides, it felt nice to be open about how I felt – even if it was one tiny kiss in front of one person. At least someone knew about us. That there was an us.

At the cafeteria, I was suddenly famished. We'd last eaten at 10.30 am and it was now approaching 6.00 pm. I grabbed four bacon, egg and cheese rolls, a couple of large yogurts, some fruit, some chocolate doughnuts, six rounds of pre-packaged sandwiches, two pieces of pie, an apple and an orange juice. Seeing the attendant start to open her mouth about the amount of food, I cut her off.

"Alberta said to call her if there was a problem."

The woman eyed me warily. I wasn't always known for obeying the rules, and this much food did look like someone stocking up to go on the run, so I didn't blame her when she picked up the phone beside her. Whatever Alberta said worked, because not only did she pack my selections without comment, she whipped out the back, returning with two large slices of chocolate cake and a container filled with fresh salami and pesto gnocchi, loading them all into a small box.

I was walking across the commons towards my dorm when I heard a deeply accented voice.

"Milaya."

Turning, I saw my man.

"Let's get upstairs before the campus wakes," he said, taking the box from me and following me towards the Novice dorms. We made it to my room without being seen.

"Put your washing in the hamper," I muttered pointing to a basket in the corner, taking the box of food and unpacking it onto my small study desk. I dragged it across to my bed, positioning the study chair on the other side, so we had a makeshift table to eat off. "Everything ok with Alberta?"

"Yeah. Just had to sign my reallocation papers. I also gave her a copy of the stuff from the lawyer and went through my wishes with her." Dimitri carefully avoided the word 'will,' and I was grateful. We ate, both surprisingly hungry. It was weird having him here in my room, but I loved it. We were both still in sweats, and I started to want a shower.

"Comrade? Shower with me?"

"Of course," he said, his eyes raking around the room, looking for the door to the bathroom.

"I don't have a bathroom of my own… There're a couple of communal ones on this floor, but they have cubicles. Besides, Meredith and I are the only ones to use the one at this end of the corridor, and she usually showers at night…" I gave him my naughtiest look.

He laughed. "Come on, Roza. Let's go!" He grabbed his shower kit from his bag.

I stuck my head out the door, unsurprised to see the corridor empty. With less than half a dozen female Dhampir in the senior class, the floor was hardly packed. I pointed to the door a couple down to the left, ushering him across before I followed, bringing my toiletries bag and two towels. We slipped into the room, quickly kicking off our shoes and scooting into a cubicle. With high walls and doors that went down almost to the floor, even if someone else came in, we'd be safe. Holding my finger up to my lips advising him to be quiet, we started to strip each other down. I turned the water on, pushing my naked body against his as we waited for the water to heat up.

His lips were on my neck giving me sexy open-mouthed kisses, and I'd just hooked a leg around his suggestively when the outer bathroom door opened.

"Morning Rose," Meredith called out with a yawn. I raised my hand to my mouth, looking at Dimitri aghast. "Where've you been the last few days?" she asked through the cubicle door.

I was trying hard not to giggle at my Russian God's panicked expression. "Um – training session for my qualifier. I missed it while I was away. I'm taking it sometime in the next week or two."

"Don't stress, you'll be fine," she counseled pleasantly. Meredith was a genuinely nice person.

I heard the shower next to ours hiss on, and Meredith preparing her shower things. Dimitri looked at me, raising his eyebrow deliciously. Carefully moving us under the water he grabbed my bath gel, squirting some into his palm before slowly washing me down. His eyes were dark and carnal as he silently soaped my body, skirting my most intimate places, despite my wishes he'd do otherwise.

Rinsing my soapy body under the spray, I reciprocated, cleaning almost every inch of his body - although dutifully skirting the inches I was most interested in just now. He was obviously aroused, and I was too. I was seriously contemplating ways to assuage our mutual problem when the shower next to us switched off.

"Will you be in classes today, Rose?" Meredith asked conversationally a few minutes later.

"Nope. I only got back a few hours ago, and I've been running on human time, so I'm pretty wrecked," I said honestly. "I'm just about to head to my room and try and get some sleep," I added, following my honesty with a lie.

"No problem. Well, I'll grab any homework for you," she said pleasantly, the rasp of a zip indicating she was packing her belongings. "Have a good sleep, Rose," she said opening the outer bathroom door. "You too, Guardian Belikov," she added before she exited the room.

My eyes shot to Dimitri's in astonishment. We looked at one another stunned. I couldn't prevent the giggle that escaped my lips. I carefully peeked out of the cubicle to make sure we were actually alone. We were, although my eyes immediately fell to our shoes on the bathroom floor. One pair were the ones I always wore to train, the other Dimitri's enormous shoes. You know, there really must be a correlation between a man's feet and his manhood, I mused absently. Spotting our two towels hung over the cubicle door, I could immediately appreciate how Meredith had reached her correct conclusion that Dimitri and I were showering together.

Wrapped only in towels, I zipped across to unlock my dorm room door, Dimitri waiting for my signal to dart across into relative safety, his arms full of our clothing.

"So I think we were busted," he admitted with a chuckle. "How did she know it was me?" he asked.

"Who else wears men's size thirteen shoes and spends every morning training with me?" I asked him. "It's pretty obvious it had to be you. What if she tells someone?"

"What if she does?" he laughed. "Alberta already knows."

He had a point, so I let it go. "Come on Comrade. I want to cuddle." We dropped our towels and climbed into my single dorm bed, snuggling against one another.

I don't know how, but we must have fallen asleep, because it had just gone 10 pm when I woke up to see Dimitri also stirring. "I'm being picked up in an hour and a half downstairs," he whispered sadly looking at the clock on the nightstand. I looked at him, nodding in understanding. The minutes were slipping away fast now.

"I love you so much." It was a plea more than a pledge.

"I love you, too," he replied, desperation evident in his voice, too.

Our lips met via mutual approval. It was hard to work out where he started, and I stopped, and honestly, I didn't want to. We played, taunted and toyed with one another for what seemed like an eternity until finally, we became one again. And this time it was all about the journey, not the destination. We rolled around for an age, constrained by the single bed, and we were all lips, hips, kisses, and caresses. He whispered words of love to me, pausing only to hear my own fervent words of adoration.

Running my hands over him, relishing each blessed second, in the back of my mind was a litany of 'it's the last time.' And even though I was crying as we were together, I still adored every last moment. Right at the very end as he spilled inside me, gasping "I love you. I'll always love you, Roza!" the only thing I could do was moan in reply, "I love you too, Dimitri. I'm always going to!"

We lay together wordlessly, neither daring to say anything. And then it was 11.25.

"It's time, Roza."

"I know," I said, tears flowing freely now. I stood up and helped him repack his shower kit and trainers into his duffel, load his discarded sweats and towel into my hamper and watched him dress into his winter uniform. I packed the sandwiches, gnocchi, and juice so he'd have something to eat on the plane, then I threw on a robe, and we stood hugging until we heard a car's beep from outside.

"Don't come down milaya," he murmured, reaching down and grabbing my camera from my bag. He took a dozen selfies of us standing cuddled together, and then we shared our final kiss. "I love you. No matter what happens, be happy. More than anything, that's what I want for you Roza."

I nodded. "Dimitri," I whispered, "I love you, too. Fight with everything you have to come home to me."

And with a final loving look, he nodded, picked up his duffel and left. I turned off the lights, ripping open the blinds to see Alberta standing beside a Guardian car in the courtyard below. It was brightly illuminated there, and dark above, so I doubt she could see me. A minute or so later Dimitri was there, walking dejectedly towards the car. I could see him greet Alberta, and her give him a motherly hug. It looked like he was wiping tears away, but I couldn't imagine him crying in public, let alone in front of his superior officer.

He turned and looked up. It was dark, so I knew he couldn't see me exactly. Yet as he kissed his fingers and waved them towards my building, it seemed like he was looking right at me.

Then he climbed into the SUV, and I sat at my window watching as the door closed and he drove away from me and out of my life. I sat there waiting until midnight. It was a couple of minutes past when I saw a plane ascending into the sky from the Academy runway. I blew it a kiss and sunk to the floor beneath my dorm window, finally giving in to the desperation I'd been staving off since my Russian God had first told me his devastating news.

More than anything I loved Dimitri Belikov. And now he was gone.