We were standing waiting for the van at 8 am. I was surprised to see Eddie and Mason standing there with Lissa, Christian, Perkins, Emil, and Alberta.

"Don't worry – I'm just here to see you off," Alberta laughed cheerfully. "Perkins, you're in charge. Hathaway, Ashford, and Castile? While you're not on duty, I'd like you to take this chance to observe the Guardians and see how they handle a group guarding situation. But have some fun, too" she added kindly.

Eddie and Mason looked elated. While Moroi got to go on semi-regular shopping trips and the like, getting out of the Academy was a rare opportunity for Novices. Unless you had family nearby to take you out on the weekend, trips off campus were few and far between.

"Rose? A minute?" Alberta said, drawing me over to one side away from the others. "I thought it might be easier with a few of your other friends there," she said, looking towards Mason and Eddie. "Now, shopping is no fun without a little spending money," she said, passing me five fifties.

"Alberta! I can't take your money," I gasped. "You work too hard to be giving your cash away to me!"

"Who said it's mine?" she chortled. "Did you know there's fifty dollars a week allocated in the Academy budget for buying flowers for the Moroi common rooms?"

"No…?" I replied, a little perplexed.

"Turns out neither does anyone else," Alberta said with mock innocence. Suddenly I had an idea where the small cash injections poor Dhampir students received from Alberta from time to time had come from. "Give Mason and Eddie a fifty each – keep the rest for yourself, and that's an order."

I was going to object, but an Academy van pulled up, and Celeste jumped out.

"Thought I'd pick up an extra shift with you guys," she called out buoyantly. "Come on, let's get this show on the road!" We were traveling during the daylight when the Moroi usually slept, so everyone was keen to get moving.

I gave Alberta a big hug. Her timely gift meant at least one problem was solved - I could now afford to buy Christmas presents. We piled into the van. Emil driving with Perkins beside him in the passenger seat. Lissa and Christian were in the second row, Celeste and I sat behind them with Mason and Eddie taking up the rear. With the uncertain weather, it would be two and a half hours to Missoula, so lots of time for talking.

"Thanks for getting Alberta to include us," Mason said, a huge grin on his face.

"Yeah thanks, Rose," Eddie agreed, "we owe you!"

Alberta must have told them I'd petitioned for them to be included in the trip. I felt shitty at that. I hadn't thought to ask if they could come too, but I should have.

"The more the merrier," I said noncommittally, not wanting to take the praise for Alberta's thoughtfulness.

Lissa was so excited to be leaving the Academy. She and Christian were sitting cuddled up to one another, holding hands and occasionally kissing. Lissa was talking about her favorite topic – Christmas. While Christian wasn't looking quite as enthralled as she was, I could tell he was making an effort to appear excited for her benefit.

"So Christian, when's your Aunt coming?" I asked during a break in their conversation.

"I'm not entirely sure; she just said a few days before Christmas. She's planning to stay a few weeks, though."

"That's cool. What's she like?"

"Why the sudden curiosity, Rosie?" he asked sarcastically. "You've never shown any interest in her before."

"Well, none of your family ever have visited, have they? Besides Lissa said I have to buy her a Christmas present. I thought it would be nice to know a bit about her otherwise it's going to be a soap and talcum powder set," I snapped.

"Christian… be nice," Lissa warned before giving me a look that said she knew I was only doing this for her benefit, and that she appreciated it.

"Well… she's thirty-two, and she lives mostly in the human world. She teaches martial arts classes to humans in Minnesota."

"That's pretty cool," I said, impressed. "Most Moroi don't learn to physically defend themselves, especially royals."

"Yeah well after what happened with my parents, you know…" Christian trailed off. I knew from Lissa he didn't like to discuss that.

"So do you have any other family there? Does she have a husband or a boyfriend?" I asked quickly, not wanting him to dwell on what must be awful memories.

"No. That's one of the reasons she chose Minnesota. None of the Ozeras live anywhere nearby. Like I said, she pretty much lives in the human world. She doesn't even have a Guardian," he explained.

"Oh? I thought all royals got at least one?"

"Not if your brother and sister-in-law willingly became Strigoi," he joked mirthlessly.

"Yeah right… So what's she into? Music? Fashion? Books? Come on – I have to buy her something…" I whined, seeing Lissa's exasperated look.

"Um… She works out a lot, so maybe training things?" he suggested. "You're studying to be a Guardian. Get her something you'd like."

Celeste snorted, joining the conversation for the first time.

"Ozera, trust me on this - no woman, Guardian or not, wants to get training stuff for Christmas." I nodded in agreement.

"Shit. I was going to get her some workout pants," he mumbled to himself. "So what do women want as a gift?" he asked.

"Perfume," Lissa suggested.

"A massage voucher?" Celeste volunteered.

I grabbed my garnet necklace and said, "Jewelry," quietly.

"I've meant to ask – where did you get that necklace from, Rose? I've never seen it before," Lissa questioned, reaching over the back of her seat to look at it.

I glanced at Celeste in panic. I had no idea who I could suggest had given it to me, and Lissa knew I had no money or opportunity to buy something like that for myself.

"I gave it to her," Celeste lied deftly, correctly interpreting my alarmed look. "Some loser I dated gave it to me years ago, and I could never bring myself to wear it without thinking of him. I found it in my gym bag and was going to throw it out, but Rose thought it was pretty so I gave it to her."

I shot Celeste a look of thanks.

"That's kind of you, Guardian Matthews. It's very pretty," Lissa complimented.

"Yeah. I absolutely love it," I said honestly, stroking the pendant with my fingers and remembering the reverent kisses Dimitri had given it during those last few hours together as it was nestled between my breasts. I shivered, and picking up on my unease, Celeste again stepped in.

"So Princess Dragomir, have you got a list of shops you want to visit today? I thought we could split up? Yourself, Rose and I could go with Castile and Ashford to shop, and Lord Ozera could do his shopping with Emil and Perkins?"

"Ugh… do we have to go with the girls?" Eddie groaned, "You'll be looking at dress stores and makeup."

"Yeah – and we'll probably be going to lingerie shops, too," I quipped. "You know, all the places filled with young women!"

Mason nudged Eddie with his elbow. "Yeah – we'll go with the girls," he agreed eagerly.

I smiled to myself, feeling a little sorry for the guys. They got a raw deal. Female Moroi at school might like to look at buff, sexy male Novices – but as a rule, they only dated Moroi guys. And with only a handful of female Novices, it was understandable that two young Dhampir men wouldn't object to a little flirting with human girls where their tall, muscled, well-built physiques would draw them lots of admiring glances.

Lissa fell asleep on Christian's shoulder as I was chatting with Celeste. I mentioned my email from Alberta with the date for my qualifier, and her raised eyebrows told me she already knew who I'd be meeting with.

"If you're still trying to pick up shifts, feel free to come with me on that one," I said, trying to subtly let her know I could use the support. I didn't want to pressure her as she'd already done so much for me, but other than Alberta, Celeste was really the only one I felt I could be myself around at the moment. "I'm not sure where it is other than it's a five-hour drive and then the qualifier will probably take all day. So it will be a double shift including an overnight stay."

"Yeah – I'd love to be the one to take you if there's no one else you've got in mind?" Celeste said, giving me an understanding look.

"Nope. Since you're keen, I'll ask Alberta. I'm a bit nervous… I'd appreciate the company," I admitted. Celeste nodded, grabbing my hand and giving it a light squeeze where no one else could see. She knew had things been different Dimitri would have been the one to take me.

Once Christian was sure Lissa was asleep, he suddenly got a lot friendlier. It turned out he was stuck for ideas for Lissa's Christmas present, too. Eddie and Mason made stupid suggestions from the back seat, while Celeste and I considered the issue. He said he wanted something super romantic, so in the end, we both suggested jewelry.

"Will there even be a jewelry shop at the Mall?" he sighed.

"Yeah – there's like four or five," I commented without thinking.

"How would you know?" Eddie asked curiously. I mentally cursed myself. Eddie was a lot sharper than I gave him credit for.

"Best friend of Lissa," I joked wryly, pointing to myself. "I think she's memorized the store layout of every mall within a five-hour radius. Her mom used to take us shopping quite a bit before the accident."

Eddie accepted that, as did Christian. After that, I sat in silence looking out the window. Heading back to Missoula was hard. There was only one main mall. The one where Dimitri and I had shopped. It was going to hurt like hell going back there without him. But then everything hurt like hell these days.

Eventually, we were approaching the outskirts of Missoula. I looked around, seeing the stadium Dimitri and I had visited for the ice-hockey game. A little closer in, the Country and Western bar. I actually held it together until we were close to the center of town and we passed the motel we'd stayed at. It was on the opposite side of the van to where I was sitting, and I couldn't drag my eyes from it. Knowing if I said anything I'd cry, I just closed my eyes.

I'd got it together by the time we got to the mall, and Lissa wanted to start by finding dresses for the Yule Ball to be held on Christmas Eve, so we were down the other end from where Dimitri and I had shopped. I had no intention of going to the Yule Ball, but Lissa had other ideas. Eddie and Mason were looking bored, so I took the opportunity to give them each their fifty, and we arranged to meet again in an hour. After trying on what seemed like a hundred dresses, Lissa decided on a white fur-trimmed chiffon dress. It looked like nothing on the rack, but on her tall, slim figure, it was stunning. With her pale hair and skin, she looked just like a snow queen. Perfect for a Yule Ball.

Lisa insisted I needed something too, so I complied – letting her buy me a long red dress and matching shoes as an early Christmas present. I really couldn't be bothered with the dance, but once she had her heart set on something it was easier to give in than argue. On the way out of the ladies wear department, I spotted an ice-blue scarf. It had been heavily marked down, so I got it for a steal.

"Who's that for?" Lissa asked curiously.

"I thought for Christian's Aunt?" I said, pleased with my decision. "He said she has the same colorings as him, so it will match her eyes nicely."

"I wish I'd thought of that," Lissa groaned. "I still have no idea what to buy her!"

After we met up with Eddie and Mason, we headed to Victoria's Secret. Lissa had lost her virginity to Aaron before we left the Academy to live in the human world, but now we were back, and things were regularly getting hot and heavy with Christian, she wanted to stock up on some more sexy underwear. I went around the shop choosing pretty sets for her to try on, idly wondering what I might have bought for Dimitri's enjoyment had he still been here. He'd liked my deep red lace bra, but I'd never had the time to find out if it was the color or the lace that he'd been attracted to. I guess buying sexy underwear to thrill my lover was another thing I could cross off the 'list of things to look forward to' list I thought sadly.

Looking out the front of the store I could see Mason and Eddie chatting with a couple of girls. Even if neither of them was into the shopping, it looked as though they were having a good time. I was glad. They were nice guys.

After that Celeste wanted to go to a toy store to buy presents for her little sister who would be visiting with her parents after Christmas, and then we met up at the food court with the others. Christian looked satisfied, carrying a bundle of packages. I'd finished my shopping; the scarf for Tasha, pajamas for Christian with 'Baby Let Me Light Your Fire' on the shirt and flames on the matching boxers plus a gorgeous wooden jewelry box for Lissa. I'd also bought Alberta some nice bath gel and a scented candle for Celeste. Lissa was panicking – she'd bought for everyone on her list except Tasha.

"What if I got her some nice earrings?" she suggested. "Are her ears pierced, Christian?"

"Yeah I think so," he murmured, his mouth wrapped around a burrito. Eddie and Mason were similarly occupied, so Celeste suggested we leave the guys to eat while we went to the jewelers to see if we could find anything suitable. The first shop we found was the one Dimitri and I had visited when he'd insisted on buying me something. It was the same shop attendant, too, but she didn't seem to remember me. Lissa asked to see all their earrings with blue stones and ended up paying a small fortune for some sapphire drop earrings that were very pretty.

I sighed in relief. It was 2 pm, and I'd been up since 5.30 pm the day before, so I was looking forward to getting back to the van and the Academy. Lissa and Christian were asleep almost as soon as we got into the van, Eddie and Mason chatted with Celeste and me for the first hour before they, too, drifted off.

Back at the Academy, we said our goodbyes, each heading to our own rooms. I'd been awake for almost twenty-four hours but had hit my second wind so I didn't think sleep would be immediately forthcoming. The whole trip I'd been running on adrenaline, trying to push Dimitri and our trip to Missoula from my mind. It had only been eleven days since we returned, but it felt like months. I fired up my laptop.

Comrade,
I was in Missoula again today. Lissa wanted to do some Christmas shopping, so it ended up being Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Mason and me with Emil, Perkins, and Celeste. I'm so broke it's not funny, but Alberta gave me some money so I could get my Christmas shopping done.

Lissa is worried because Christian's Aunt Tasha is coming to visit the Academy for Christmas and the New Year. She said it's the equivalent of meeting her mother-in-law, so she's stressed about it. She dragged me around the mall for ages choosing Christmas presents and our dresses for the Yule Ball. I honestly don't even want to go, but if I don't, it will make Lissa suspicious. I know I'm going to spend the whole night in the corner wishing you were there. Even though if you were we wouldn't be able to dance together, just knowing you were there would make the night perfect for me.

It was strange at the mall. Were there Christmas decorations up when we were there? And Christmas music? I don't remember them, but we were there in December so there must have been. I think I was so focused on you I didn't notice much else. Lissa bought something at the jewelry store we visited – that first one. The same shop assistant was on, but she didn't remember me.

Everywhere I looked were reminders of you. We passed the bar where we played pool, the motel where we stayed and the stadium we went to the ice-hockey game. And the whole time I just wished you were there - that it was us there together again.

I'm still having trouble sleeping. I keep imagining where you are and what you're doing. I've been sleeping in your sweatshirt, and that helps a little. But I miss you, Comrade. I miss the feel of your body lying against me. I miss the sound of your voice. When I sleep I dream about us being together, and I don't want to wake up because I know when I do you won't be here.

I'm so unhappy all the time, and then I feel bad because what I'm going through is nothing compared to what you must be facing. So I try and be strong for you, but it's hard when I just want you here so badly.

I'm going to try and sleep now. I hope I dream of you.

I love you endlessly,
Roza

Pressing send I closed the computer, getting undressed and putting on Dimitri's shirt. Even though it was approaching the start of the Moroi day, I was going to try and sleep.

I pulled the packet of photos to me, flicking through them one by one. And as always within seconds the tears were flowing. With a sob I reached into the bag I'd taken to Missoula, pulling out the only thing I'd bought myself there besides lunch – poster putty. I spread all the photos out on my table, choosing my favorite ones of Dimitri. Then I lay on my side on my bed, sticking my favorite photo sideways on the wall – so when I lay on my side in bed, I could look straight at my Russian God's handsome face. I stuck other photos surrounding the first until half my wall was covered with photos of Dimitri and me, plus pictures of our time in Missoula.

Then I put my phone onto the music dock, found Dimitri's 'Roza' playlist, and climbed into bed. The first song kicked in, and as I gazed lovingly at Dimitri's face I heard Michael Bolton croon, 'When a Man Loves a Woman.'