With One Look

Chapter 10

I have been with the Volturi for a very long time now, at least one hundred and fifty years or thereabouts. As a member of the elite guard, it was decided by Caius (at Aro's orders) that I join my brethren in the throne room during their meeting with other vampires to hear their disputes between two covens over territory rights. When a decision was made over the outcome, the brothers would hand out judgments. It was for only a short period of time during the day, and I agreed.

I wanted to be part of the elite guard; I didn't want to be shown any special treatment. I wanted to do my part regardless of my status as Caius's mate, and Caius wanted me near him more than I had been as of late.

Since agreeing to be more active with the elite guard, I have been going on missions. I had not gone on many, but enough for Caius to begin missing me. I traveled with Demetri, Felix, Jane and her brother Alec. I enjoyed it, not so much the reasons for doing so, but for the traveling, seeing new places, meeting new vampires. Before Caius put a stop to it, long ago, I fed alone. The others alway fed on the innocent, but I only on criminals which left us separated at some point during our travels.

I have fed off humans since the day I was turned. I hated it, but it was the only thing that sustained us as vampires. That is until one day we were all in the throne room when Heidi brought in the humans so we could feed. I usually fed off criminals, as I said before, but for some odd reason today Aro insisted all the elite guards join him to show our allegiance to the Volturi, at least that's what everyone thought. Let me explain what led up to this and what happened shortly after and one of the reasons why it led me to follow Carlisle's diet. Carlisle, whom I still missed very much.

Caius had come to me one day and told me Aro wanted me and the rest of the elite guardsmen to attend one of their feeding sessions. I wasn't going to do it at first, but Caius explained that there were spies in our midst. He said the rest of the elite guard didn't know this, but Aro was going to read them all after we fed, hopefully with my help, and he was bringing them all into feed making them all think the brothers were honoring them for all their good work. Most of the elite guard hunted on their own because they liked the feel of hunting their own prey, so to offer them this would truly be an honor.

I told him this was good, anticipating that I really didn't have to feed off of the innocent humans, thinking Aro was only bringing me along to help him read the other vampires, but Caius said that I had to fed, and if I didn't Aro would think of it as an impertinent act on my part. Caius practically begged for me to do this for him, if you can believe it. So I agreed...for Caius.

I entered the throne room on Caius's arm. We walked up to the dias and Caius took his seat and pulled me into his lap. Aro look over at me with that evil smile of his that told me he was doing something devious and held out his hand for me to take. I took his hand, knowing that he couldn't hear my mind, but I could hear his. I began to hear thoughts of him thanking me for helping out with this. I sighed and with a nod of my head I let his hand drop and cuddled up with Caius as the room began to fill with the elite guard. Once they were all there I left Caius to his duties and joined my fellow guardsmen standing against the wall next to Demetri, our leader.

Soon Heidi entered the room with a large group of sightseers who wanted to see what the inside of this castle looked like, with Heidi as their guide. Once Aro greeted them the screaming began with Aro telling the guard to start feeding with only a nod of his head. Caius looked over at me and he too nodded As I looked into his eyes it was as if he was begging for me to feed. My stomach dropped, but I did tell Caius I would do this for him so I proceeded to walk across the floor and grabbed the first human I saw.

I had grabbed a young woman who couldn't have been more than thirty if she was a day. I drained her quickly and let her fall to the floor. It was then I looked down and saw a little girl who couldn't have been more than seven years of age. She was looking up at me with tears streaming down her cheeks. She was scared out of her mind and I realized the woman I had just fed from must have been her mother. If my cold heart could beat it would have stopped. I turned and looked at Aro, who was looking around the room enjoying what he was seeing, wearing an evil smirk upon his face. I then I turned to face Caius who was watching me, looking sad. I could see how he hated that he had made me do this for he too saw the small child crying and knew what this would do to me. From that day forward I have had a hard time feeding, and to top it all off, there were no spies. Aro only did this to show Caius that he led this coven and he wanted to make Caius see that even he would bend to his will even if it took using me to do so.

From that day forward every time I bit into a human, criminal or not, I saw that little girl staring at me scared and crying. I started putting off hunting for as long as I could until I couldn't stand it any longer, but even feeding off criminals still brought that little girl into my mind.

It had been months since I started this and it was then that I remembered my talk with Carlisle of how he fed from animals. The thought of drinking from animals disgusted me when he mentioned it before, but now I wasn't so sure of my decision not to at least try it.

"You should try it Isabella, it's not as bad as it sounds," Carlisle's words came clearly to my mind.

I had to at least try. My first time was a bear; he wasn't as tough as I thought he would be and when I sank my teeth into his neck it tasted musky and it almost turned my stomach - or as much as a vampire's stomach could be turned. But I didn't see that little girl's face as I fed and that was totally agreeable to me. It took a while for me to get used to, and even then I went between feeding off humans and animals at different intervals. It left my eyes the same color of blood-red, but with a tint of gold around the edges.

I skipped feeding with the others in the throne room even when Aro ordered us to, leaving a few hours before they fed so as not to be called to dinner so to speak, and nobody, not even Caius, ever said anything about it. Which was fine considering some of the guard chose to hunt their meals a lot of the time, so I felt I was safe for the time being, that was until one day I was called to Aro's office.

I didn't know what he wanted; I only hoped it was something guard related and I wouldn't have to explain my reasons for not joining them to feed in the throne room as he had ordered.

I arrived, and before I could knock on his door he called for me to enter. I walked in and saw him sitting behind his desk.

"Please, Isabella, be seated," he said opening his hand and motioning for me to sit in the seat opposite his desk. I sat and waited for him to begin speaking to tell me why I was there. After a few minutes of ruffling through the papers on his desk he glanced up, looked me in the eyes and smiled and then shifted his eyes back to his desk.

"Isabella," he began. "I've noticed that you've stopped joining us at feeding time even when I've ordered it. Do you not enjoy our company any longer?"

I sighed and looked down at my hands that lay comfortably in my lap. I didn't know how to explain any of what I was feeling, and I didn't want to tell him anything about that little girl, or my other reason for not joining them during feeding so I began with how I felt about wanting to have time to myself, which I desired sincerely.

"It has nothing to do with you or the company you keep, Master. I've just wanted some time to myself. I thought it best to hunt on my own, and at the same time it gives me time to think," I replied. It seemed I didn't have to explain about the little girl because Aro probably didn't see her anyway, but he did guess my other reason as he continued speaking after a short pause.

"Isabella, I understand you needing time to yourself, especially with everything that has come about. I know it has to be hard being in the same room with Caius and his true mate as we feed. I don't blame you for not wanting to be a part of that scene and it is fine that you hunt on you own," he said and then sighed.

(Oh did I leave that part out? Yes, well, this happened after the feeding fiasco, where Aro was trying to show his dominance over Caius using me as the guinea pig, and the order to be in the room when the brothers were trying to settle a dispute over two covens fighting over one's territory.

So yeah, Caius has found his true mate. Something Caius had left out in the beginning when explaining to me that I was his mate. It seems that true mates and a mate are two different things. Let me explain what happened. A mate is more of a companion, where a true mate is our soulmate, a part of ourselves split apart at some point and then when finding one another again rejoined. It's supposed to be very rare, but...

When I was going through my bout of feeding off humans, Caius and I were in the throne room doing our duties as ordered. He was on his throne and I lingered against the wall with my fellow guardsmen, when a group of vampires entered complaining about another group of vampires taking over their territory. One of the women in the approaching group stood off to the side grumbling about something, of what she was complaining about I didn't know, and it really wasn't important to me especially since she was about to take my mate from me. With one look Caius was lost...at least to me, and with Marcus's gift that I absorbed I saw it as well.

Aro saw what had taken place and looked over at Marcus who was staring wide eyed so I guess he saw it as well and also saw what she would become to Caius. Aro was in complete shock at what had happened, and I knew his only thought was that he would lose me and tried to have the woman executed for her insolence to the crown, but Caius jumped to her defense and held the woman to his chest and yelled "You will not hurt my mate" Of course the whole room heard this and that's not saying how the woman clung to Caius as well for all to see. As for me I stood there up against the wall with my fellow elite guardsmen feeling like the idiot I am for believing Caius's lies, or that's what I thought at the time, shunned by the man I thought was my soul mate.

By this time Aro ordered the room to be cleared, all but the group of vampires that stood before him, and as they all were leaving Aro looked over at me where I still stood in shock at what had just happened giving me a look of despair. His eyes traveled to Demetri and he nodded his head towards me giving him a speechless order to help see me out of the room. He grasped my arm and whispered for me to come with him and I moved with him not realizing I was even moving. He helped me to Caius's and my room and stayed with me, neither of us uttering a word the entire time, until later that evening when Caius relieved him.

"I'm so sorry Isabella," he said as I brought my distraught face up to greet his. I asked him what was going on. He sighed and sat on the bed next to me and explained the difference between a mate and a true mate. I asked him why he hadn't told me of this before. He replied by saying he didn't think it would happen and how rare it was, that only two in our realm have ever found them, Marcus and Aro. He told me it didn't change how he felt about me, that he still loved me, but...he stopped and lowered his head, and I finished for him. "You love her more." It wasn't a question; it was a fact. I was replaced by the woman with long red hair and the body of a goddess who stood in the throne room. I later learned her name was Athenodora.

For the last few months I had been struggling not only with my diet, but now with staying away out of sight of Caius and his new mate. I had seen them together a few times and it made me feel like my heart was being ripped from my chest. I had thought many times about leaving the Volturi and traveling, not wanting to see the two new lovebirds together. It was killing me. Now I was being called to Aro's office to what I was sure was an appeal to keep me here, and I was right as I sat there listening to his pleas.)

"You know how we feel about our true mates, and how it is unavoidable once we find our other half. It is regrettable that we have to disregard our companions, especially ones we've spent many years with, but it is what it is and nothing can be done about it," he continued. I nodded my head in understanding.

But my dear, I hate seeing you so down all the time. I hope it doesn't sound unfeeling to say, with regard for your mental health, there are other options," he said and then paused once again.

"Options?" I replied. He nodded his head.

"As I said, true mates are sacred to us, but there are those of us that have left a companion behind to be with our true mates. That doesn't mean that they automatically stop loving the ones they've left behind. Some of those true mated couples still spend time with their companions, in secret of course," he said.

I considered this for a minute, thinking this has to be him he's talking about seeing that he and Marcus and now Caius were the only truly mated couples. I knew it wasn't Marcus, for he had lost his true mate and he wasn't of a mind to do anything with any woman. That left me as the only other companion, and I knew it wasn't me, which left him, and immediately I felt sorry for his mate, Sulpicia.

I looked at him with a furrowed brow, just realizing what he was saying. He was suggesting that Caius and I could sneak behind Athenodora's back and have an affair. Did he think so little of me that he thought I could do such a thing? He must have seen my reaction and quickly went in a different direction.

"Of course there are many single males in the castle that would love to spend time with you, Isabella. I've seen many that give you the eye-as they say," he said with a chuckle. "Demetri for one has adored you from afar since you've joined us, but was too afraid of Caius to try his hand at being with you. I don't mean to disrespect you, my dear. I only worry about you and want to see you happy once again. The last thing I want is for you to leave us because my brother has found his true mate."

And there it was … he was worried I'd leave the coven. He couldn't care less about my feelings.

"Master Aro, I am sad to lose the love of a special man such as Caius, but believe me when I say that I am truly happy that he has found his soulmate. I only want what is best for him, and Athenodora is what makes him happy. I would not or never could be with Master Caius again especially since he has found his true mate. I wouldn't disrespect her or him as far as that goes, in such a manner, and as far as Demetri or any other male in the castle I couldn't use them in that manner even if they cared for me. I'd have to care about them a great deal to allow them to enter my bed," I explained respectfully, holding back the scream I really wanted to release at his insolence.

"And as for leaving the coven…I won't lie to you, Master Aro, I have thought about leaving to do some traveling, but I haven't made up my mind about that as of yet. If I do decide to leave you will be the first to know, I can promise you that."

Aro lowered his head and I could see the wheels turning in his head. I have seen how he manipulates some of the vampires in this coven to do his will, and I didn't need to touch him to know what he was thinking. He was trying to figure out a way to keep me here in any way he could.

My gifts have grown being in this coven. With all the gifted vampires that have passed through here, and with me being a sponge, I've picked up many gifts. I knew Aro sometimes thought of me as a liability, someone who could take down the Volturi easily by myself.

He couldn't have me wandering around the world as powerful as I was, and with the way his mind works the first thing he'd think was that I would try to take away his throne; not that I would. Why in the world would I want to rule the vampire world? it was a ludicrous idea. He was insane if he thought I wanted that, but then again who ever said Aro was sane.

"Isabella, please get those thoughts out of your mind. I would hate to see you leave us. You are the best guard I have. If you leave you would leave this coven open to those who wish us harm, surely you wouldn't leave us in such peril?"

"As I said, I will let you know, but I haven't made up my mind yet, Master."

Aro looked at me and paused for a few seconds and then nodded his head.

"Thank you Isabella, please inform me of your decision. I hope you decide to stay. You may go my dear, and think about what I said. I only want what's best for you and what will make you happy."

"Thank you Master," I said as I stood, bowed my head, and left his office. I knew he would try to find a way to keep me here, but I also knew that there was no way he could if I decided to leave.

A few days had passed and I was in my room getting ready for my day when a knock came to my door. "Come in," I called as the door opened. I knew by his scent who it was, but turned to see just the same.

"Bella," he called as he entered using his pet name for me. I hated to be called Isabella. My friends always called me Bella, but not Caius he only used Bella as a pet name for me, a term of endearment if you will. "May I have a few minutes of your time?" Caius asked as he walked across the room and stood at my side. I knew Aro had sent him to talk me out of leaving. I hadn't had a minute with Caius since he laid eyes on his true mate, well, except for the time he came to me and told me what had happened, but not since.

"Of course Master Caius," I replied. Caius sighed at how I greeted him.

"Bella, you don't have to call me that while we're alone," he explained.

"You are one of our leaders and we are no longer together. It would be disrespectful to not greet you as such," I said sharply, but not meaning to. I guess I was still a little hurt.

"Bella," he said softly as he pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear as he kissed my temple. "I still love you, you know that," he whispered into my ear and softly rubbed my back. I sighed and moved away from him. I crossed the room and sat at my dressing table and began brushing my hair. He walked over to me and moved my hair from my shoulder and began kissing my shoulder which sent shivers down my spine. I closed my eyes trying to get control over my emotions before I spoke.

"Caius," I spoke and shrugged my shoulders causing him to stop what he was doing and look at me through the mirror. "Aro sent you, did he not?" I asked, knowing it was true. He sighed and stood up.

"What makes you think that?" he asked, acting hurt that I had rejected him. I guess I did, but I knew what he was doing.

"Because of the talk I had with Aro a few days ago. I knew he'd come up with something to try and stop me from leaving."

"So you are leaving?" he asked sadly. "Is it because of me, because I've found my true mate?" he asked. I looked at him through the same mirror and shrugged my shoulders. "Love, you know I have no control over such things," he said, irritated. I slammed my brush on the table before me and stood up and glared at him.

"Look, Caius, I understand you had no control over what happened, and although it hurts and probably will for a very long time I'm still happy that you found your soulmate. I only want what's best for you, and Athenodora seems to make you happy, but I don't wish to stay here and watch as the man I love is happy with someone else. I don't appreciate your brother sending you here to convince me to stay. I didn't say I was leaving, only thinking about it, but…" I said leaving all else unsaid with a sigh. Caius sighed as well as he walked up to me and placed his forefinger underneath my chin and raised my head to look me in the eyes.

"But you can't stand to see me with another woman when you still have feelings for me," he said simply. I nodded my head in answer to his question.

"How would you feel if you saw me with another male?" He thought for a few seconds and sighed again.

"I wouldn't like it," he said.

"And I wouldn't blame you. Aro thinks I should find someone else to warm my bed … someone from this coven. I just can't do that to you or to me. I wouldn't feel comfortable, Caius," I said with a shaky voice and if I could cry I would have tears streaming down my cheeks. He nodded as he pulled me to his chest and held me for a few minutes. I soaked up the feel of him by being in my arms, knowing it would probably be for the last time and when he pulled me away and looked me in the eyes, I felt the loss of being parted from him once again.

"I understand my love, if you must go then go. Leave Aro to me. Just leave a contact number with us in case something happens and we need your help. Can you do that for me?" he asked and I nodded my head sadly. "When will you leave?" he asked.

"By the end of the week I guess," I told him, so I guess my mind was made up. I was leaving to be alone once again. It had been so long since I was alone, the only difference now is I would go with knowledge of the vampire world and with my many gifts.

He nodded and leaned down and placed his lips on mine, kissing me passionately. I allowed the kiss only because I knew it was his way of telling me goodbye. I melted into his chest feeling every nerve in my body relax and form to his body. When he pulled away I felt lost, hurt and sad all at the same time.

"I will miss you my love," he softly said as a tearless sob rumbled from deep in my chest. He hugged me once again and whispered into my ear. "I'm so sorry Isabella," he said as he pulled away and hurried from the room leaving me empty inside.

I swallowed hard to keep the tearless sobs away and pulled myself together and began to start my packing. I didn't have much to pack and knew I couldn't take much with me anyway. By the end of the week I walked away from the castle with no good-byes and I never looked back.

A/N: Well, it seems Bella is going through a bad time, more than she dreamed possible...It will be a while before she meets up with Carlisle again, but bear with me, it will happen...Let me know what you think...Thanks for reading, bigg huggs.