Lissa left for Canada the next day without saying goodbye. I wasn't sure whether it was because she was angry with me for shouting at her, or whether it was because I wasn't at breakfast. I didn't avoid breakfast intentionally – I was just on my knees with my head hanging over a toilet bowl. It was like my stomach had decided that now my pregnancy had been confirmed, it was going to make sure I was in absolutely no doubt about it. In any case, by the time I'd emerged onto main campus at lunchtime, Lissa, Christian, and Tasha had already left with Brandon and his family.
I'd checked in with Alberta, and as Lissa had promised, the Lazar's chalet was going to be well guarded. As Royals, the family was already well served by Guardians, but since there were so many Moroi away from campus visiting their families, Alberta had managed to send an additional three Academy Guardians to help bolster security.
I was relieved. I understood as a guest herself Lissa hadn't been in a position to extend the invitation to include me. And if I was brutally honest about it, as long as she was well protected I was grateful for the break. My little discovery was never far from my mind, and I needed a little time to try and figure out what the hell I was going to do. Also, Tasha was starting to really irritate me. I just couldn't handle the way she was carrying on about Dimitri.
"Lissa looked upset this morning," Eddie said looking at me shrewdly as he ate his lunch.
"Oh?" I asked, giving nothing away.
"Yeah. Still, I suppose a couple of weeks off campus skiing with Christian will cheer her up," he added.
"Suppose so," I said with feigned disinterest, meanwhile eyeing the food in front of me suspiciously.
I'd read the first few chapters of the pregnancy book and on its advice was trying a bit of dry toast. Being the cafeteria, it was left over from breakfast, so it was cold and not particularly appetizing – but the book had made it clear I needed to eat. Nibbling at it cautiously, I was relieved when I was able to keep it down. In fact, my empty stomach welcomed it. So after finishing the first piece, I returned to get another three. Feeling adventurous I even spread a little butter on the last slice and was thrilled to find that it vastly improved the flavor.
"Why are you eating toast for lunch?" Mason asked, coming to sit beside me.
"Because I missed breakfast," I grumbled.
Mason laughed. He knew better than to stand between me or question me about food at the best of times.
"We're going to go skating after lunch, do you want to come?"
"Sure, why not," I mumbled. I was feeling pretty flat so could probably use some company.
Once we got to the lake, we found it busy. Turns out we weren't the only ones who'd thought to spend the afternoon on the ice. We'd been there for a couple of hours when I saw Celeste appear with a little girl. Stella, I realized. I skated over with Eddie and Mason.
"Hey, Celeste! Is this your sister Stella?" I asked, giving the little girl a friendly smile. "I'm Rose, and this is Eddie and Mason. Your sister has been so excited about you coming to visit!" I said to her.
Stella was a dead ringer for Celeste, but given they were supposed to be sisters that was unremarkable. She was a pretty little thing, and Celeste was clearly delighted to have her here – both of them were grinning from ear to ear.
"Yep, this is Stella. Mom and Dad aren't into skating, but Stella and I love it," she said, gesturing over towards the edge where a Dhampir woman and Moroi man were sitting on one of the benches overlooking the lake. "We do it every Christmas, don't we Stell?"
"Sure do!" Stella laughed, grabbing Celeste's hands and laughing as Celeste spun her around and around on the ice.
"Wanna race? I think that my friend Mason and I can beat you and Celeste," I said to Stella, pointing to where Mason stood beside me. "Eddie? You can be the judge!"
"You're on!" Stella said after a confirmation nod from Celeste.
We all lined up, and on Eddie's mark we took off at breakneck speed around the frozen lake. It was quite some distance, and several groups stopped to watch as Stella, Celeste, Mason and I sped past. Mason was taking the race very seriously, so I skated closer beside him.
"Let the little kid win, Mase…"
"Aww? Do I have to? When will Mason get a chance to have a win?"
He wasn't talking about the skating, and we both knew it, but I didn't know what to say. 'Sorry Mase? I'm actually knocked up with my mentor's kid so you can pretty much rule out ever getting lucky with me…'. Hmm. Maybe not.
"Ha ha, Mason. I don't think you could handle me if you got me," I joked, mucking around and doing a spin.
"I wouldn't count on it," I heard him mumble before he let the subject drop.
Stella and Celeste beat us by a few yards, much to the former's elation. Celeste shot me a thankful grin. We were all wind chapped and getting a little cold, so after a bit more mucking around we headed back to the cafeteria for cookies and warm drinks.
"Let me show you the secret to the best hot chocolate," I said to Stella, putting two sachets into her mug and filling it with water.
"Careful Stella, that will be hot," Celeste cautioned. She sounded like a mother - which I guess is because she was.
Would I be like that? Always looking out for my little person? I supposed I might be. I'd prefer that to being like my own mother. That was an area I hadn't let my mind wander to, yet. What sort of parent I'd make. It wasn't like I'd had any real examples growing up myself. Pushing the thought away to explore at another time, I tuned back into what was going on around me.
We were sitting at a table in the cafeteria along with Celeste's parents, Michelle and John. Both in their mid to late forties, I guess Michelle must have had Celeste when she was quite young. It was interesting to watch how they took a back seat, giving Celeste and Stella the opportunity to interact together as much as possible. I could hear Stella and Celeste talking. Stella wanted to see Celeste spar.
"Please, Celeste? I haven't seen you fight since I was really little. Mom said you got another three molnija, so you must be really good, now. Can I see you fight?"
Celeste's eyes flicked to mine and I gave a little nod.
"Mom?" Celeste looked at her mother Michelle. "Stella wants to see me fight this time. Rose and I practice together a lot, would it be ok if she came to watch us spar?"
Michelle smiled, "Of course, darling. Why don't you stay in guest housing with us tonight and you can take her to your morning training tomorrow? Stella's got a king sized bed – you can share with her. That way you can both head off before your father and I are up."
Ugh! That means I'd have to be up at the setting of the sun! Here's hoping my morning sickness stayed away. The only thing that made the prospect worthwhile was the excited grins on Celeste and Stella's faces. I noticed Celeste's father John didn't look thrilled about the plan. He looked as though he were about to say something, but Michelle silenced him with a loaded look.
"So tomorrow usual time at the gym?" Celeste asked ruefully. I could have suggested an afternoon session, but I had the feeling her mother had used the morning training session as an opportunity for Celeste to have a sleep over with Stella, and given the many kindnesses Celeste had already shown me, there was no way I was going to stand in the way of this opportunity for her.
"Yeah, sure thing," I said with a smile. "If I sleep in ring me to wake me up. I'll sleep with the phone next to me so I'll wake up!" I promised.
"Good luck with that," Mason chuckled. "Hathaway here has been known to sleep through fire drills in the past. And she was snoring in Stan's class the other day!"
"I'm surprised you weren't," I defended quickly. "Stan has the ability to make even an exciting Strigoi confrontation sound dull!"
Eddie laughed, but it was in commiseration. Like me, he'd been allocated a front row seat in Alto's class and he'd also fallen asleep in it more than once!
We chatted for half an hour until it was late afternoon. The hot chocolates finished, the party slowly disbanded. Mason and Eddie were going to play pool with fellow senior Novices Miles and Anthony. They asked me to join them, but I still hadn't forgiven Miles and Anthony for trying to feel me up in the dorm kitchen after the whole Jesse Zeklos thing.
"I'll pass," I said giving Mason a 'why the hell would you invite me to hang out with them' look. "I have washing to do."
It wasn't a complete fabrication. I had stuff I could wash. So I went back to my room and collected my washing hamper. Finding the laundry room deserted I set up my washing in a machine and headed back to my room to read another chapter of the book Celeste had given me. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't freaking me out, but this was happening - whether I was ready for it or not.
We'd made it to the Lazar's chalet, and Rose still hadn't called to apologize. I understood she'd been upset by the news about Guardian Belikov. We all had been. But that was no excuse for shouting at me. But what was worse was the way she'd made something already so horrible so much worse. Tasha hadn't deserved to hear her comments about it being a suicide mission, even if it was true. It had been a cruel thing to say, and I thought a lot less of her for doing that - especially when Tasha had been nothing but kind to her.
"You're thinking about Rose again, aren't you?" Christian asked, looking up from the book he'd been reading.
"How can you tell?" I asked, momentarily lost in his ice blue eyes.
"Because I can feel you tensing up."
And that made me even angrier. Christian and I were meant to be relaxing and enjoying a romantic getaway together. Other than the three hours in the chapel attic before dinner, and Saturday and Sunday afternoons, we never had any real time alone together. Here we were in a beautiful chalet, being spoiled in every way imaginable, and Rose was ruining it without even being here!
Tasha was barely leaving her room. She wasn't saying much, but it's obvious she and Guardian Belikov must have had an understanding. She'd mentioned how she'd been waiting for Christian to graduate first. I didn't say anything about that to Christian. I knew he felt bad enough that Tasha had had to take him on when she was barely an adult herself - it would destroy him if he knew Guardian Belikov and Tasha had been deferring their happiness for years because of him, especially now it looked as though their time together would never come.
I knew I'd have to speak with Rose once we returned to campus, but for now, I was glad we had this time away from one another. Maybe it's because she'd never been in love herself so didn't understand putting someone else first, but I was sick of her selfishness. It was high time she stopped thinking about herself at every juncture and started thinking about other people for a change.
The place we were staying was dismal. It made a roach-infested hovel sound like a significant step up. But as a base, it suited our needs perfectly. We were in a dilapidated block of units surrounded by prostitutes, drug addicts and other rejects of society who didn't even look at us sideways. There were six of us staying in a two-bedroom unit. We'd rented it for a month, and it had been empty, so we'd furnished it with six single fold out beds, six plastic outdoor chairs, and a second-hand television.
Yaroslav was our cell leader. I knew him from St. Basil's, and he was decent guy. A couple of years older than me, he was quiet but dedicated. While we didn't have an official second, that role had fallen to me – probably because I was the only other native speaker on the team. Eugene was Ukrainian, so he could understand a lot of what was said in Russian, but as soon as he opened his mouth, it was clear he wasn't local. Alan was American, Liam Irish, and Stefano Italian. We could all speak English, but when it came to negotiating or speaking in Russian, Yaroslav and I handled everything.
Our job was simple – we'd been sent into the shadiest area of Novosibirsk to try and find out as much about the Strigoi army as we could. We'd known that they were based outside the city, but not exactly where. So we went out at night to hunt Strigoi in order to inveigle information from them. We'd only found and killed a couple, but from that, we'd been able to determine the Strigoi stronghold was on the northern edge of Novosibirsk.
Based where we were in the seediest part of Novosibirsk, we'd expected to find numerous Strigoi. Squalid areas of human misery attracted Strigoi like flies to honey. The pickings were easy, and for some reason, the nastiest areas of town always had the best nightclubs – so naïve Moroi often found their way here for a walk on the wild side. Sometimes their last. So what was noteworthy was the absence of Strigoi. The two we'd found, so far, were rogues; not part of the army that was being assembled. The first knew nothing at all. Previously Moroi, he'd recently turned by choice, killing during the feeding process. As ignorant Strigoi as he'd likely been Moroi, he was genuinely astounded when it dawned on him that six Dhampir were about to send him to meet his maker.
The second had a little more information. Strigoi a lot longer than the first, the former Guardian was able to tell us the general direction of the Strigoi stronghold - they were based at an historic estate north of the city. He also revealed we weren't the only ones in Novosibirsk hunting Strigoi. Whoever was assembling this army was demanding complete loyalty. As well as turning humans, Dhampir and Moroi to join their cause, they were recruiting heavily from within the existing Strigoi population. Their offer was as simple as it was effective. Join their army or die. Of course, this Strigoi died anyway, but as Liam pulled his stake from its heart, and the red faded from its eyes, for just a moment it smiled and looked at peace.
Now we were away from the main group, my thoughts were turning more and more often to ringing Rose. While we'd each been forbidden to contact anyone, it would be easy enough to slip away and use a public phone. I was aching to hear her voice. At night when I was lying in my flimsy fold out bed I'd close my eyes and imagine her lying beside me, her gorgeous silken locks framing her exquisite face as she rested her head on my chest. We were keeping Vampire hours, hunting at night and sleeping during the day, but sleep was proving elusive for me. I'd lie in bed, waiting for the others to fall asleep before pulling out my precious photos, gazing at them for hours.
The only thing stopping me from calling her, consequences be damned, was knowing it would drag out the inevitable. Now we were here, it was becoming obvious the army was larger than initially understood. What had been reported as several hundred looked as though it might be closer to double that number. Most of the information flowed one way, Yaroslav being told to use a different public phone every dawn to call in his report. However yesterday Saunders had fed back a little, letting Slav know some of the information garnered from the other cells.
Not all of us had yet been deployed. Half were still at the Church. Five cells of six Guardians had been sent out to known Strigoi hotspots around the city, each with the same mission as us. It was concerning that one cell had failed to report in yesterday, and when an investigation was made, their quarters and belongings had been abandoned but there were signs of a struggle. It seemed unlikely that anything other than a Strigoi attack could take down six highly ranked Guardians, so it was impossible not to come to the conclusion that the Strigoi had become aware of our presence. Which led me back to Rose. My darling Roza.
While I yearned for her while I was awake and sleeping, calling her would be selfish knowing my chances of coming home to her were even smaller than I'd thought. All it would do was break her heart again in order to soothe my own. And I couldn't do that to her. I loved her too much to force even more heartache upon her. She'd know by now I'd been deployed. Her friends would know the truth about me leaving and what we meant to one another. I trusted them to surround her with love to support her through this. The best thing I could do was leave her to move on with her life now it was becoming clear I wasn't going to get the chance to be a part of it.