"I'm sorry I didn't visit you earlier, but with Valentine's Day…" Lissa trailed off, noticing my somber mood.
It was 8 pm on Wednesday, and I'd been back at the Academy just over thirty hours. I hadn't expected to see Lissa any earlier. By the time I woke up after seeing Janine, as I now mentally called her instead of Mom, Lissa had already been in classes for the day, and after school, she was with Christian for Valentine's Day. Lissa must have had her little chat with Brandon because she and Christian had spent the entire afternoon alone in the Church attic getting it on.
It had been a wonderful afternoon for her. Sparky had pulled out all the stops – there were flowers all over their love bower, he had chocolate and strawberries and had even managed to procure a bottle of Champagne for them to share over dinner. It had been everything Lissa had hoped for, and as a result, she was deliriously happy today.
"It's fine, I mostly slept," I lied, not wanting to make her feel bad. There's no point telling her I'd spent the day bored out of my skull or trying to distract myself from replaying the scene with Janine over and over in my head. "Tell me all about it," I encouraged, trying to sound enthusiastic and not let her know I'd already seen most of it when I'd been pulled into her head. So for the next five minutes, she detailed every aspect of her Valentine's Day, including showing me the glittering emerald necklace Christian had bought her.
"It's beautiful," I admired. "And it suits you," I said with a smile.
"Thanks," she beamed. "I'm so happy and in love! Also, I've come to a decision…" she started hesitantly. "I've been thinking about it for a while, and I've decided to come off my medication. I think I'm in a better place mentally to cope with using my magic again." She looked nervous but resolute.
"Well, just keep an eye on it," I said, not thrilled. With our bond, decisions like these affected both of us, and it would have been nice to be consulted, but with the news I was about to drop on her, I couldn't exactly make a big deal out of it.
"So what's going on with you?" Lissa asked in an attempt to move the conversation on now she'd made her announcement.
I took a huge breath and said, "Actually Lissa, there is something I need to talk to you about, and I'm freaking out about it, so please just let me get it out before you say anything, ok?"
Lissa immediately looked concerned. "Ok," she agreed reluctantly.
"And please don't go off your head…"
She nodded, grasping my hands as she sat on the edge of my hospital bed.
"Ok - so you know how I was taken to the hospital after that training accident? Well, there was a bit more to it than that. The reason they took me to the human hospital is because they don't have the equipment needed here to look after me. Well… Look after us. I was hit in the stomach, Lissa – Dr. Olendzki had to send me to the human hospital to be checked because I'm pregnant."
"You're pregnant?" she whispered in shock.
"Thirteen weeks this Friday," I confirmed. "I'll be twenty-seven weeks when I graduate, so I'm trying to make it through to then without everyone knowing."
She sat and stared at me.
"How long have you known?" she finally whispered.
"I found out after dinner Christmas Day," I said, trying to get a read off her face – but all I could see was shock. "So far only Eddie, Mason, and a few of the staff know. Oh - and I told my mother yesterday, and she disowned me."
"Eddie and Mason know?! Why didn't you tell me?"
"Well at first I was in too much shock, and then you went to the Lazar's ski lodge. By the time you got back, I thought I'd wait until the first trimester was over. There didn't seem like any point upsetting everyone if I miscarried. And I didn't tell Eddie and Mason; they were there when the training accident happened, and what with my barely eating because of the morning sickness Eddie figured it out."
"So who's the father?" she asked tightly, not meeting my gaze.
I closed my eyes. "Dimitri," I whispered.
"Who?" Lissa asked, shaking her head in confusion.
"Dimitri. The baby is Dimitri's."
"If you don't want to tell me then don't," Lissa snapped pulling her hands back from mine. "But there's no need to lie about it!"
"I'm not lying, Lissa. Do you remember that mock qualifier trip Dimitri and I went on before just before he was reallocated? Well, it wasn't a mock qualifier. We went away for a weekend to be together. I'm not sure how it's possible for two Dhampir to make a baby, but he's the only man I've been with, so the baby is his."
I could feel anger surging through the bond.
"I've known you a long time, Rose, but this is the most repulsive thing you've ever done! Lying about something like this and naming a man who isn't even here to defend his reputation! Why can't you just admit you were stupid and got yourself in trouble instead of trying to destroy what Guardian Belikov and Tasha have? Plus trying to ruin the relationship I'm building with her! I know you're jealous of me, but that's no reason to spoil my happiness and try to bring me down to your pathetic level! You're so selfish it's unbelievable. I don't think I've ever actually known you, Rose. And I don't think I want to."
I stared at my best friend of almost fourteen years with sadness. After the emotional battering I'd taken over the last week, I couldn't feel angry. In truth, I couldn't feel much of anything.
"I'm sorry you don't believe me, but it's the truth. I'd never lie to you about something as serious as this. I'm very tired now - perhaps you should leave," I suggested in a small voice. I wanted her gone before I started to cry.
"Oh, I'll leave, alright. Just don't expect me to come back. And stay out of my head!" she hissed
Lissa stormed out of the infirmary – probably off to the feeders and then her classes. I could feel her fury through the bond, so I tried to distract myself. First I pulled out one of my texts. I had an Animal Behavior and Physiology test in a week or two, so I was studying for that now while I couldn't focus on my combat training. I was staring at the words in my book, but it was hard to see them through my tears.
So blinking them back I pulled out the baby name book Celeste had bought, staring at the four precious pictures I'd used as a bookmark.
"Oh Junior, I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you are so very loved," I whispered, resting my hand on my stomach.
I decided to go through the book and make a list of girls names I liked. I'd been thinking about it, and I wanted a Russian name but something that Americans would be able to say correctly. I already had a shortlist of boys names, the vast majority of them Russian, but I'd neglected to produce a list for a girl. Either the book I had wasn't particularly comprehensive, or Russian names were weird. I couldn't find anything I liked the sound of, so I closed my eyes and leaned back against the bed head thinking about Dimitri.
Today I was thinking about the many hours we'd spent training together. The way someone so huge could paradoxically also be so graceful. The looks he'd give me that only I could decipher. The joy we'd had in spending hours together watching the sun set as we did laps side by side. I thought about the roughness of his hands, but how they were always so gentle and reverent when he'd touch me. The way his lips would curl in the softest smile and the impossible length of his eyelashes as they rested on his cheeks when he slept.
How could I explain to Junior that their father had been the most dangerous man I knew, yet also the most tender? How he could have whole conversations with me with just one look? How could I hope to paint a picture that made him real to Junior if they never got the chance to meet him?
"You're thinking about him, aren't you?"
It was Alberta's voice, so I opened my eyes.
"How could you tell?"
"You had a smile you only ever give to him," she explained. "So you know your Mom has left? She left a couple of hours after you spoke with her."
"Janine," I corrected. "She's disowned me. She said she doesn't have a daughter, so I guess that means I no longer have a Mom."
"Give her time, Rose – she'll come around."
"Thanks, Alberta, but we both know that isn't true. And it's ok. I wasn't expecting any help from her, but it would have been nice to have her to talk to. I'm feeling very alone right now," I admitted shamefully.
"We're here for you, Rose. Celeste and I. And you have your friends, too. Have you told Lissa yet?"
I looked at her balefully.
"Yeah, she dropped by before class. She's furious with me and doesn't believe me about Dimitri. She called me selfish, said I'm jealous of her and 'trying to bring her down to my pathetic level.' I know she's angry and surprised, but it hurt." I could hear my voice wavering. I was trying to stay strong.
"I'm sorry," Alberta sighed sitting beside me and putting her arm around my shoulders. "It will get better. I promise."
She was right – because at midnight an hour or so after she'd left I smelled the unmistakable scent of pizza. Sitting up in bed, I saw a very welcome sight; Mason with Eddie who was holding a stack of pizza boxes.
"Is that real store bought pizza?" I moaned, mentally contemplating my chances of distracting Mason long enough to fight Eddie for the entire stack of cheesy goodness.
"It is," Mason confirmed. "Alberta said you needed cheering up, so she sent Emil to drive and pick up five pizzas and then gave us the rest of the afternoon off class to eat them with you."
I was still planning how to tackle Eddie when Mason held up a couple of bottles of soda and a brown paper bag.
"And I dropped by the cafeteria and brought soda and a bag of chocolate doughnuts," he revealed with a grin, eager not to be outdone by Eddie.
"God I love you two," I groaned, already imagining the pizza in my mouth. "Let's go to the lounge area and eat!" We spread out in the small patient lounge and even found a decent enough movie on the TV. Closing the door, we sat and ate pizza, drank soda and then I had some doughnuts. Eventually, I could fit no more in, so I lay back on the sofa and undid the top button on my pants.
"Wow, Rose. Are you showing already?" Eddie asked, looking at my bulging stomach.
"Nah. That's just the pizza!" I laughed but feeling a little wary. It was the first time they'd mentioned my pregnancy.
"So. Pregnant hey? How did that happen?" Mason said awkwardly, blushing a deep red when Eddie and I looked at him and cracked up. It was just what we needed to break the tension.
"Yes, pregnant. Thirteen weeks this Friday. I don't want to talk about the father other than to let you know it wasn't a one-night stand or anything like that. While it wasn't planned, we were very much in love, but for reasons I can't go into he's not currently part of any of this."
Mason didn't look satisfied with that as an explanation.
"So he's left you pregnant to deal with everything on your own? Sounds like a real catch, Rose," he grumbled sarcastically.
"Let it go, Duckie," I warned. "I can't tell you everything, but if I could, you'd understand. Please don't put him down - I'm still in love with him, and it hurts to hear you say things like that."
Eddie silenced Mason with a look before quickly moving on to the latest gossip. Guardian Townsend was apparently refusing to let Blake spar with anyone other than himself during classes and, according to Eddie, Townsend appeared to be taking great pleasure in knocking Blake to the ground every chance he got.
"You should hear him, Rose. Every time Townsend bows or offers his hand to help Blake up after laying him on his ass, he goes on about how this is how an honorable Guardian fights," Eddie snickered. "You can see it's pissing Blake off big time, but he's on his last chance, so he dares not say anything back."
I smiled. While I'd been dreading the prospect of going back to classes, and Advanced Guardian Combat Techniques, in particular, seeing Blake abased in front of the class might make it worthwhile!
"What are the other students saying? About me going to hospital?"
"Not a lot," Eddie reassured. "People have moved on since then. Valentine's Day was a big distraction."
"Good! Hey, how did your date with Chelsea go?"
"Yeah, it was great. She really liked the picnic."
"So are you two together now?" I asked giving him a cheeky look.
"I guess so," Eddie said flushing slightly.
"They're all over each other," Mason confirmed, slapping an embarrassed Eddie on the back. "And she's sitting at our table now." Sitting at the same cafeteria table for meals was the St Vladimir's way of announcing you were a couple. Things must be serious!
"That's great, Eddie. She's nice," I smiled. "You haven't told her about this have you?" I checked, pointing to my stomach.
"No. I haven't said a word," he promised, "to anyone."
"Only because you're too busy using your lips for other things," Mason joked.
The guys were still visiting at the end of classes when Celeste came by.
"Hey, Rose! Castile, Ashford," she greeted. "I'm glad you're here – I was going to come find you two. I've got a meeting later with the combat teachers to work out how to modify Rose's training schedule. She's going to be doing most of her active work with the other Guardians and me, but to try and avoid suspicion you two will be sparring with her from time to time." Celeste grabbed a slice of pizza and between bites outlined the moves the guys had to avoid and generally how things were going to be managed in classes. I felt guilty that this was inconveniencing so many people.
The guys left after a while, promising to visit me again tomorrow, but Celeste stayed to hang out - telling me the latest from Stella's e-mails. She'd learned to take selfies using the camera on the computer, and also send attachments, so much to Celeste's delight, she was getting photos on an almost daily basis. I was flicking through them on her phone when Celeste said she'd better get ready for the meeting with Alberta and the other Guardians.
"Hey?" I asked, a thought coming to me. "How did Alberta get Kirova to agree to modify my timetable rather than just expelling me? The old bat hates me. I thought she would have been itching to get rid of me?"
Celeste looked around carefully, making sure she wouldn't be overheard.
"They had a massive fight about it. I was waiting for Alberta in the corridor, and I could hear them going at it even through two closed doors. In the end, Alberta said if Kirova didn't let you stay then she'd put in for reallocation, and someone else could be Captain of the Guard here."
My mouth dropped open. Alberta threatened to leave St. Vladimir's? For me?
"What did Kirova say? Oh my God – what if she'd taken her up on it?!"
"It would never happen," Celeste reassured me. "No one wants Alberta's job. She took leave for six weeks while you were away with Lissa, and the place just about fell apart. Alberta leaving is Kirova's worst nightmare, and Alberta knows it," Celeste said with a naughty grin. "I'd better get to this meeting. I'm on a shift afterward, but I'll come by tomorrow."
Alone again I laid back on the bed and pondered what Celeste had said. It seems like I owed Alberta even more than I'd realized.
Dr. Olendzki finished examining me, giving me a clean bill of health.
"Take it as easy as you can. I've approved your amended training plan, but please don't deviate from it. If you have any concerns, come and see me. I'd also like to see you once a week to check on you and baby. The weekends tend to be a little quieter, so maybe then?"
"Sure Dr. Olendzki," I agreed, trying not to show her how nervous I was. It was 7 pm on Friday, and I was finally being discharged. I was going to be starting back in classes today. Shouldering my duffel bag, I headed back to my dorm room to get dressed. After a week in hospital rooms, it was nice to be home. I took Dimitri's photos from my bag, carefully pinning them back onto my wall, adding my four pictures of Junior.
I chose my sweats for the morning and hit the shower, careful not to wet my hair. I was standing under the spray psyching myself up for the day. I hadn't spoken to Lissa since Wednesday, and I'd also done my best to block out the bond. She must have been doing likewise because I hadn't felt anything after her initial anger wore off. I'd have to see her today, and I had no clue how she was going to react. I hoped she was ready to talk and listen because I really needed the support of my best friend.
Checking my clock, I had fifteen minutes before I was due to meet Mason at the base of the dorm stairs. He'd offered to walk to breakfast with me, so I wasn't coming in alone. I brushed my hair and put on some waterproof mascara and a natural colored lip-gloss. While I was hoping people wouldn't stare too much, I didn't want to look unwell.
Unable to put it off any longer, I grabbed my gym bag with my clothes for the rest of the day and took the stairs to the ground floor. True to his word Mason was waiting there.
"Don't stress it," he said, correctly interpreting my nerves. "Most people have forgotten about the accident. We'll just go in, eat, and then go to class."
I gave him a wan smile and reached over to squeeze his hand.
"Thanks, Mase. I really appreciate this."
"Come on then – let's do this," he said walking beside me into the packed cafeteria.
The chatter seemed to die down when we entered, but I pretended not to notice. Our usual table was empty other than Chelsea, Eddie and a couple of her friends. Eddie looked up and gave me a small smile, but it was uneasy. Chelsea smiled, too, but there was pity in her gaze. Mason and I were halfway across the room when I heard my name.
"Hey! Hathaway? I know you missed the birds and the bees lesson when you were away with Lissa, but so that you know - two Dhampir can't have kids together. You'll have to find another guy to blame for knocking you up!"
I looked around in complete shock to where Jesse Zeklos sat with a smug expression on his face. He was sitting at a table with a bunch of royal Moroi, all of who were sniggering. All of them except for Christian and Lissa that is. Lissa was looking at me with a challenging look of righteous anger – but even that was nothing compared to the attention I was receiving from the ice-blue eyes beside hers. Because sitting beside Lissa was Tasha Ozera, her gaze proving she was outraged and vengeful.