"If Guardian Schoenberg called the commanding officer again they could get a message to Dimitri to let him know what's happened!" I explained. "I mean – it will be a big shock, and there's a chance Dimitri might not even believe me, but he told me they wouldn't send Guardians who are parents on missions like these, so maybe they'll bring him back to get it checked out? There must be tests they can do? And even if they can't bring him home, at least he'll know about Junior, and we might be able to talk again? I mean, I'm making all the decisions here, but this is his child, too. He deserves to know and get some say in things…"
I think I'd said all of that in one breath, looking at Alberta pleadingly. She returned my gaze thoughtfully.
"You have a point," she said scratching her chin. "At the very least Belikov deserves to be told. I'll give Guardian Schoenberg a call and see what's possible. Don't get your hopes up – if Belikov's in an operational cell, they might not be able to reach him. But you're right. It's worth a try."
I reached across Alberta's desk and squeezed her hand. I understood protocol needed to be followed, but I trusted her to plead my case to Schoenberg. He'd been so understanding last time, surely when Alberta told him I was pregnant with Dimitri's child he'd do whatever it took to get a message to my Russian God?
I knew I should be heeding Alberta's warning about not getting my hopes up, but I was already imagining being back in Dimitri's arms. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to have sex, shower with him or fall sleep in his arms first. Maybe we'd do all three in that order?! I wonder if he'd notice the changes to my body? My baby bump looked more like one too many slices of pizza, but my breasts had definitely changed, and he'd loved playing with my breasts so much. Hopefully, he'd like that there was a bit more of them to play with, I thought apprehensively.
I had a free period up next, so I thought I'd go to the library and get some books I needed for an assignment. I was sitting at the desk pondering how Dimitri would take the news he was going to be a Daddy when I was pulled into Lissa's mind. She and Christian were having a huge argument.
"So just how often is she in there?" Christian was shouting. "Once a day? Once a week? All the time?! Is she some sort of voyeur who gets off on watching what we do?!"
"It's not like that," Lissa replied crossly. "Most of the time she has no control over it. If I get too upset, it pulls her in."
"So you were upset when we had sex for the first time? Does that mean in some weird way I've slept with Rose?" Christian looked like he wanted to barf. Welcome to my world! I felt the same way, and he hadn't had to cope with seeing me naked and whispering sweet nothings!
"No, of course not. It's when my emotions run high. Any sort of feeling. She usually tells me afterward. I know she has been sucked in a few times when we've been about to… you know… but that usually only happens when she's asleep, and her guard is down. As soon as it occurs, she pulls herself out of my head and distracts herself by going to the gym or for a run. She said she's a lot better at blocking it out now than she was at first."
"Do you mean all those times I've been sneaking back to my dorm in the sunlight and seen Rose running on the track she knew we were having sex?"
"I don't know! Look she trains a lot, so some of it might be coincidence…"
I snorted to myself. Yeah – because anyone doing two training sessions a day, as well as three combat classes wants to get up for a little run at 1 pm to clear their head. Not.
"Well, can't you tell when she's in there? Or force her out?"
"No I can't tell, and I understand it's creepy. I hate it," she said with surprising vehemence. "It's awful thinking I have absolutely no privacy."
I was starting to get mad myself now. As usual, it was all about Lissa's feelings. How about how gross I felt when I was hauled into someone else's sex session when I was trying to sleep? Or an argument when I was sitting in the library trying to work?
"Can she just go in there anytime she wants? Does she get bored and decide to visit you?"
"I don't think so… I don't know, ok?"
"Well find out! I feel completely violated! I want to know just how much your freaky friend is spying on us!"
I pulled myself out of her head then, not wanting to hear any more. After what Christian and his delusional Aunt had done to me, he had no right to feel violated. I gathered my books in a huff, earning myself an irritated glance from the librarian. I was in Lissa's head longer than I thought – I'd have to move it if I wanted to get to my sixth period precalculus class on time. I made it just in time ahead of the bell.
Afternoon classes were infinitely more painful than my morning ones, for the sole reason that they were shared with Moroi. Precalculus, though, was by far the worst because not only did the content suck it was one of two classes I had with Ralf Sarcozy in it. Unlike most Moroi, Ralf was stocky and, well there was no avoiding it, fat. In fact, he barely looked like a Moroi at all. With a large mouth and not much intellect to back it up, Ralf was at the lower end of the Moroi social and genetic gene pool. And unfortunately, he seemed to have some morbid fascination with me.
"Hey, Hathaway? Why don't you come sit on my lap? I've heard you're always up for a bit of fun, and I'll show you how good a real man can make you feel," he jeered.
I pretended to consider his offer.
"Hmm tempting, Ralf. But where is this real man you were talking about? Surely you weren't talking about yourself?!" I replied looking at him contemptuously.
"I'm man enough for you, babe," he sleazed.
The class was watching on in enjoyment, even the teacher. That's another thing I hated. Where the Guardian and Dhampir staff had been supportive and respectful, the same could not be said of all the Moroi teachers.
"Sorry Ralf, I have a few rules when it comes to men. I won't sleep with a man who can't bench press at least as much as I can, and I won't fuck a guy who'll look more pregnant than I will, even when I'm nine months along," I said, swatting his large belly as I walked past.
A couple of the Moroi tittered at my slap down, and Meredith put up her hand and said, "Hell yeah!" as I gave her a high-five and walked down the aisle and grabbed a seat next to Chelsea. The rest of the class passed without incident, and I was delighted to see I'd scored an A on a test we'd taken the week before. My extra studying was paying off!
I was dreading my next class. Moroi Culture Four. When we'd been brought back to campus, Lissa and I had been assigned three classes together; Animal Behavior and Physiology, Moroi Culture Four and Slavic Art. When Natalie had killed Mr. Nagy, our Slavic Art teacher, they'd pulled the subject, and we'd transferred into different electives. Animal Behavior and Physiology had not been running today, hence my free period after lunch, but now it was time to go to Moroi Culture Four where I'd be seeing Lissa and Christian.
I picked up my bag and walked beside Meredith. Ever observant, Meredith picked up on my disquiet.
"You ok, Rose?"
"Yeah. Just this whole thing with Lissa is upsetting me, you know?"
None of my friends had spoken to me directly about my falling out with Lissa. They knew it involved Tasha telling the whole school I was pregnant, but no one had asked for specifics. "We've been best friends since we were four, but sometimes it astounds me how little she knows me," I said with a sigh.
"It's different for them, Rose," Meredith said in that considered way of hers. "They're raised to only ever think about themselves. Think about our schooling. The first thing I learned to write was…"
"They come first," we intoned at the same time. She was right. Lissa was as much a victim of her upbringing as I was mine.
"I mean it says a lot we're headed to a Moroi Culture class, doesn't it?" she continued. "I can't imagine them ever running a Dhampir Culture class and making Moroi attend, can you?"
I sniggered, trying to imagine what such a course would entail. The guys continually being told it was their duty to train and die protecting Moroi and the girls that they needed to get knocked up and produce more Dhampir as quickly as possible. Tick to that one, I thought rubbing my hand over my barely there baby belly. At least I had the satisfaction of knowing my baby was the offspring of two Dhampir!
"Come on, let's get it over with," I grumbled.
If Christian's looks to me before were filled with loathing, the one he shot me today was worse. I ignored it, Meredith and me joining Eddie, Mason, and Chelsea in our seats at the back of the room. As usual, Mason and Eddie left the place between them free for me. It was a strangely protective gesture, and very sweet. We settled into our class, some boring lecture about political machinations between a Badica and an Ivashkov for ascension in the fifteenth century. I wanted to tune out and think about Dimitri. Or Junior. Hell – I'd prefer to think about just anything else! But I dutifully jotted down what the teacher was saying, even making notes in the margins about general trends in the political landscape at the time which contributed to the outcome – a Tarus taking the throne, starting a century of bad blood between the three families.
It was so faint I barely 'heard' it at first, but as it got louder in my mind, eventually it registered. Rose? Rose?
I looked up from my work in surprise. It was Lissa. She hadn't spoken to me through the bond in ages. Since well before our falling out, I realized. I looked up from my work and across the room to where she was watching me.
Can you take your next class off? I need to talk to you.
She didn't sound friendly exactly, but she wasn't being antagonistic, either. I thought about my next class. I was already well ahead, and my absence was likely to go unnoticed. I nodded once and returned my eyes to my work. I was severely tempted to go digging through her mind and find out what Lissa planned to say to me, but that was an abuse of her privacy, so I left it. I didn't have to ask where to meet. We always talked in her dorm room. Come to think of it; I wasn't sure she even knew where my dorm room was. I took my time packing up my bag in a futile attempt to delay the inevitable.
"You coming to class, Hathaway?" Eddie asked.
"Nope. Gotta go pick something up from the Guidance Counselor," I lied. "I'll see you at dinner after training."
Lissa and Christian left with a group of royal Moroi. I gave her a five-minute head start before I walked through the commons and across to the Moroi dorms. The dorm matron was used to seeing me in and out of there, so barely looked up when I waved and started climbing the stairs two at a time. I got to the top of the stairs and saw Lissa's door was ajar. I was expected. Usually, I'd just enter, but I thought I'd better knock.
"Come in," Lissa said. She was sitting on the side of her bed demurely. She was in full 'princess' mode I noticed, mentally rolling my eyes.
"You called?" I said, keeping my voice impassive.
"Yes," she said, gesturing for me to sit on one of her chairs. "I wanted to speak with you about what happened with Christian earlier. When you repeated something private you'd seen through the bond." She was talking to me like I was a recalcitrant school child.
"What about it?" I asked, looking at her.
"Well he was embarrassed and humiliated," she said in exasperation. "He's paranoid that you're in my head every time we're together!"
"Christian was humiliated that I made a reference to something only you, he and I would know about? How is that humiliating?"
"He's embarrassed because that was a private moment between he and I! He had no idea you were in my head at the time and nor did I!" she hissed.
"Well, it wasn't like I was there by choice," I growled.
"Weren't you?" she challenged, raising her eyebrows.
"Are you freaking kidding me? No one wants to get sucked into that!"
"Then why did you stick around?" she asked almost crying. "That was something special and private between Christian and me – surely you would have known you had no place there?!"
"Believe me – I got out of there as soon as I could," I said with a shudder. "I have no interest in watching, hearing or thinking about that!"
"Then why raise it? Why hurt he and I like that?! What have we done to you?"
"Oh, I don't know, Lissa? Maybe telling the entire campus about my pregnancy?! How's that for starters?!"
"Well if you didn't want anyone to know, maybe you shouldn't have been a slut and got yourself knocked up in the first place!"
"A slut? A slut?! I have slept with one man. A man I loved and who loved me. Unlike some people, I wasn't opening my legs to some guy I could barely tolerate when I was fifteen," I snapped. It was a low blow, especially given I knew with hindsight how much she regretted losing her virginity to Aaron two years ago before we'd left campus.
"For someone who has no interest in my sex life, you seem to have thought an awful lot about it," she retorted furiously.
"Oh my God – do you ever think of anyone but yourself?" I shouted. "If you don't want me to know when you fuck, maybe try not having sex in the middle of the night when I'm asleep and have no choice but being sucked in! Being woken by someone else getting it on is revolting – and I don't appreciate having to go for a run or to the gym in the middle of my sleep just to block the two of you out!"
"What – so you want us to have sex on your timetable?" she snapped.
"No. I want you to think of someone else other than yourself for a change! It's always about you and what you want, and me suffering the consequences! You want to go off your meds, even though you know it's me who gets the worst of the side effects. But you don't bother talking to me about it - you just decide that's how it's going to be. You need to go on the run, and I make it happen, even though it nearly cost me my education and any chance of a future. You trash up Wade's room, yet it's me who's still paying the price for that two years on! You know I'm training six plus hours a day, trying to get back to where I need to be to graduate, plus managing my academic subjects and homework, but you and fire boy can't try and limit your horizontal activities to a waking hour, so more times than I want to think about, I've had to drag myself out for a run in the middle of the freaking day just to block you out!
"You called me selfish, but I can't think of anyone more selfish than you. I'm pregnant now, for fuck's sake, but you just keep using your magic. Christ knows what that could be doing to my baby, but you haven't given that a thought, have you? Like I am scared out of my skull trying to work out how I'm going to support this child and give it the life it deserves, but you've not had a single thought about what I'm going through, have you? Because you don't care! It's all about you! Even before this happened you knew I'd been unhappy for months, but you didn't bother asking what was going on because you knew you might hear something you didn't like, and heaven forbid anyone asks you to give someone else a bit of support for a change!"
"I'm allowed to be happy, you know!" she screamed at me, any pretense at a civilized discussion long forgotten.
"But apparently I'm not," I screamed back. "I don't know why Dimitri and I put you first for so long! You're just not worth it!"
"Dimitri! When are you going to give up on this ludicrous fantasy that you and Guardian Belikov had anything together? You might have had a stupid schoolgirl crush, but you were nothing to him. He's Tasha's! A guy like that wouldn't look twice at a slut like you!"
That's when I slapped her across the face.
"You said you knew nothing about me and you know what? You're right! You have to pay attention to someone else to get to know them," I screamed before storming out of her room. And like an elastic band that has been stretched beyond its capability, I felt my lifetime loyalty to Lissa snap.