Author Note: Okay, some of you are concerned about the rating for this. I rated this story M because that's the highest here on Fanfiction and it covers all the basis of this story that I need it to. For right now, it may seem confusing, but that's the way it needs to be so you don't know all the secrets to my story ;) Thanks for all the dedicated readers and reviews! Enjoy!
A steady stream of salty tears flowed onto the ground as the beautiful, Israeli goddess head hit the ground. Nothing more was said as they heard her painful cries echo through the waiting room and through the hospital walls. Sobs were soon heard from Abby who came running over and dropped to the ground beside Ziva. She wrapped her arms around Ziva's back and tried to help her up a bit. McGee gave Gibbs a frightened look as both of their girls lay on the ground with an uncontrollable river of tears forming on the ground.
Within a few minutes, Ziva didn't have any tears left in her. She felt the courage to fight now. Standing up with the help of Abby, she began to walk towards the Emergency Room. Gibbs reached out quickly and grabbed her arm, pulling her back, "Where do you think you're going?"
"I need to see him!" she violently spat back at Gibbs.
"You can't Ziva. They're not letting any of us see his body," he looked down to the ground. He knew he was going to hit a nerve again.
"I can't see him?!" Ziva yelled out. Nurses turned around from all over staring at the woman who was getting upset again. "I'll be damned if I don't see him." She unhooked herself from Gibbs and made a run for the room where she last saw Tony's body go into.
"MCGEE!" Gibbs called out as he ran after Ziva, grabbing onto her as she fought him. McGee got up quickly and ran behind him. They both stood holding Ziva back as she desperately tried to fight them off. Abby stood crying in the background as she watched her family frantically fall apart.
"I NEED TO SEE HIM!" Ziva was panicking while she fought to get out of Gibbs and McGee's grip. This only made Gibbs grip onto her tighter which was ultimately hurting her in the end.
She finally gave up when her wrists started to hurt from Gibbs hands on her own. Reality was finally setting in again and she realized this wasn't a dream. Tears formed in those brown eyes again as she looked at Gibbs who caught her this time then allowing her to drop on the floor again.
"My best friend's dead…" the waterworks started again. Somehow when she said this, everyone in the room knew he was more than a best friend. She couldn't lie to herself either. Yeah, Anthony Dinozzo was her best friend, but he was also the love of her life. Her "Prince" in shining armor she smiled to herself through the tears. There would be no one to correct her now. The thought of this made her cry more. She wasn't going to make it through this. It was too painful. Gibbs held onto her as she cried into his chest. She backed away a few minutes later, she needed to get out of this place. "I'm sorry, I need to go" she started to walk away.
"Ziver…." Gibbs called out to her as she kept walking, realizing she needed to call a cab because she rode with Tony to the restaurant. "We can't leave you alone like this."
"I'm fine, Gibbs. I've been through this enough" she looked back at him and kept walking.
"Too much," he stuttered under his breath.
McGee got up as Abby followed Ziva to make sure she was leaving okay. They all knew she needed to be alone, that's how she healed. McGee looked up at Gibbs with an expression that Gibbs had never seen on his face before. "What do we do about all of this now, boss?" he questioned while stroking his hand through his hair.
"Two man mission now McGee" Gibbs sternly replied.
"Yeah, but Boss, I'm worried." Mcgee sighed heavily.
"Not any more than I am, McGee." And with that Gibbs walked away and headed towards the Emergency Room, pushing his way through some of the Doctors. No one was going to stop Gibbs because after all, he was Lethro Jethro Gibbs.
Abby watched through the doors of the hospital as Ziva climbed into a cab. She could see Ziva mouth her address to him and shortly after, her face fell into her hands. The worry she felt for Ziva was overwhelming. It didn't matter if people really believed that Ziva was crying for her best friend. Abby knew better than that. She knew the connection Ziva and Tony shared was more than friendship and nothing could ever account for the missing piece of Ziva's heart that now existed and damn, it was a huge part missing. When Ziva had first come to NCIS, she was almost robotic. She was a robot made by her father in order to complete missions and kill for a living. But somewhere along the way, Ziva became one of them and something more. She was the one woman who constantly got under Tony's nerves more than he got under everyone else's. Yet, she was the one woman who gave Tony a run for his money. All of the woman that Abby had seen who came around Tony would twirl their hair around and act all stupid…or they really were stupid. Tony seemed to know what he was doing with them and was always one step ahead of them just to get them into bed. Except for when Ziva came along. She was a step ahead of Tony and he lost his mind around her, considering she was the only one who didn't drop to her knees over his charm. Abby and the team watched over the years as the casual flirting grew to a steamy angst for one another and the sweltering jealousy that came along when each of them started to date someone else. Abby was too busy reminiscing on the past that she didn't hear McGee come up behind her and slowly wrap his arms around her. Her soft sobs were held in until she felt his touch and let them out. The cab that held Ziva inside had already taken off down the road.
Warning. The next part of this chapter is where the M rating starts again. If you aren't comfortable reading it, skip to the next chapter where it will be back to normal because you won't have missed anything except for Ziva dealing with her emotions. & absolutely in no way do I want anyone to do this or be influenced to do this. There is always a better solution, as you will see as the story continues. I'm trying this writing out for my story and my story only. Please do not take this literally and think that it is okay to do… seek help if you need to. I've had friends seek help for the problem and become healthy. Again, this is only a part of the plot line and if you need to skip it you may. Just a test to see if I can write this way
Ziva paid the cab driver and stepped out of the car at her apartment complex. She heard the tires of the car screech away and leave. The rumble of thunder and crack of lightning hovered over her head. Not even bothering to move faster towards the door to get into her complex, Ziva looked around while the rain poured down onto her face. She looked down the parking lot to see a van parked sideways. Two men were inside the car staring at her. Feeling on edge, she stared back at them wondering why the hell they were looking at her. Then it clicked. Perhaps it was because she was standing in the middle of a thunderstorm, soaked and not moving. For all she cared at this point, she could be hit by lightning and wouldn't feel a thing. She'd never feel anything again, anyways. Shaking her head at the two men and deciding to get out of the rain and take a hot bath, she walked into her apartment building and rode the elevator up to her floor. She opened the door to her apartment and flicked on the light switch. Nothing. Damn it! She cursed to herself when she realized the power had gone out. Using her phone as a flashlight, she walked through her apartment and into her kitchen. Ziva grabbed two candles from her cabinet and a lighter. She walked towards her bathroom and set the candles down beside the bathtub. She stripped down her clothes and set them in her bedroom when her phone flashed upon a picture of her and Tony beside her bed. The picture was of them hugging, close together during their Christmas Party this year. She touched the frame and traced her finger over the outline of Tony's face. She was living in her own personal nightmare. The tears started to form again in her large brown eyes the longer she stared at the picture. Losing her father had been enough, even though he put her through hell and back. But this was different. Tony meant so much more than anyone to her. He was the reason she was human… the reason she felt so alive when she had felt like a dead zombie for so many years of her life being nothing more than a controlled, robotic killer. He proved to her that she was alive and the rush she got from being with him, proved that she was. Tony made Ziva real. He made her everything because he was her everything.
The tears once again streamed down her face and this time they stung. They stung for everything her life was worth, which was now nothing. She went back into the bathroom and filled up the bathtub with hot water. She lit the candles next to the tub as she wait for the tub to fill and when it was complete, she slowly sat down inside. The candles flickered to the beat of the thunder and breaking of Ziva's heart. Ziva rested her head back on the tub and closed her eyes. She wanted this moment to be different. She wanted nothing more than for Tony to walk into the bathroom, naked with his shaped figure hovering over her and joining her in the water. He'd wrap his arms around her waist as she'd lean her head back onto his pecs and he'd kiss her cheek while the warm water surrounded them both. But this wasn't the case at all. She was laying in her bathtub, crying in the dark while he lay dead in a hospital morgue. She couldn't deal with this emptiness. Sitting up slowly, she grabbed the razor from next to her. The lightning cracked down and the ground began to rumble. Ziva took the razor, the tears still falling and put it to her wrist. She stared at what she was doing at the moment. She knew it wasn't right. She had enough scars on her from Somalia. Scars that she would never get to show Tony and she'd never feel his light touch caress each one of them. Thunder rumbled once again and she knew lightning would crack again in a few seconds. She took the razor and scraped it across the already jagged skin of her wrist when the lightning struck the ground, covering sound of her scream. Blood dripped down into the water as her hand shook violently from seeing all of the blood. She repeated the cut on her other wrist, setting the razor back down and felt dizziness overtake her head. She felt cuts sting as she placed her hands back in the water and winced at the pain. Nothing could ever take away the pain though of what she felt knowing that she'd never see that Italian, charming man again. The one who saved her in Somalia when all she wanted to do was die. Pretty ironic in this moment, he was the one dead and she still wanted to die. She lay her head back on the tub once again, she was about to pass out. For all she cared, she could drown. She needed to be with him and even if it meant in heaven. That was, unless her previous life before NCIS dragged her to hell.
Mission to take down Parsons causes more heartbreak than intended. Set after the 4 months of hiatus. Major Tiva smut. Rated M for later chapters.